This weekend I was supposed to take you to go watch the new Power Rangers movie, but you were satisfied with watching Trolls from Redbox. So instead, our family made the most of the wonderful spring weather in our cul-de-sac.
It all started when Mommy decided to push you and your sister in the double stroller, while I skateboarded alongside you all. But that didn’t last long…
Because you soon realized you didn’t want me to be able to move faster than you. There’s too much competition running through your veins to be okay with me going faster than you, in any capacity.
This quickly evolved into a series of official races.
You sprinting versus me pushing your sister in the stroller while I skateboarded.
There were some close ones, but you beat us every time. You are truly a fast runner.
And I was legitimately trying to win! I’m not the kind of dad who lets his son win. I suppose that only adds to your competitive spirit. You have to earn a win with me.
Then Mommy wanted to see if she could run faster than you. She’s fast, but not fast enough for you. So it stands, you are the official champion of the “skateboard and stroller vs. sprinters” race in our cul-de-sac.
For anyone happening to drive through our neighborhood this weekend, just casually looking for houses on the market, I’m sure they were in for a surprise when they saw a family conducting a series of wacky races! It had to be such a strange, yet fun-looking event.
But hey, it’s our cul-de-sac. Our neighbors are used to our antics by now.
Though we’re often on the go, when we are home, we’re bound to be doing something that’s not quite so normal.
By the way, let our “skateboard and stroller vs. sprinters” race serves as proof that you undeniably having really cool parents!
Welcome to the deep, mysterious, likely un-relatable, rarely revealed cavern of the emotionally intelligent male mind.
Back in 2010, when my wife was pregnant with our son, my blog was featured in American Baby magazine; which eventually led to me becoming the official daddy blogger of their sister magazine, Parents; from May 2011 to June 2014.
In the initial write-up in American Baby, they pitched my blog to their readers with this invitation: “Wondering what your hubby’s really thinking?…”
At the time, I remember reading that and thinking, “Yeah, but I’m not that kind of guy. That’s not me. I don’t keep things to myself. My thoughts are no mystery to anyone…”
That was in 2010, before I actually had kids. Plus, I had only been married about 2 years at that point.
One of the great advantages of being married now for 8 and a half years and having 2 kids is that, by default, I have gained emotional intelligence. I grew up on in the inside. I got toughened up.
I became the husband and father I needed to be. The sensitive, and therefore “offendable”, guy I was before wasn’t enough to get the job done.
Essentially, to the outside world, I transcended from “optimistic nice person who everybody likes” to “hopeful yet realistic personable man who doesn’t necessarily measure up to everyone’s expectations anymore.”
Nostalgically put, I evolved from Luke Skywalker into Han Solo.
It was a necessary transformation for me. Perhaps one of the major milestones of this journey was when I published a blog post (and accompanying video) inviting the free world to attempt to offend me.
I had discovered that the only person who has power and authority over my emotions is me. In other words, no one in this entire world can “offend” me or “hurt my feelings” if I don’t first give them permission.
So I simply stopped giving anyone permission to offend me. And up came the walls…
I now live in a reality where I am unoffendable. Since making this conscious decision, the quality of my life has undeniably…
Improved.
Things in life just don’t bother me as much. Life is smoother now.
I am now in control of my emotions instead of them controlling me. For example, I have no shame in admitting I allow myself to cry every time I watch Disney Pixar’s Inside Out. I am in touch with, and in control of, my emotions to the point where the cartoonish yet realistic presentation of a parent’s love for their child gets to me.
Needless to say, on the other hand, other people’s Facebook comments claim no effect on my day.
I have simplified my life so that I can enjoy and appreciate it that much more.
Granted, there’s a perceived downside to the lifestyle of male emotional intelligence.
I’ve got those walls up now. I’m more detached from the popular distractions of the world- and I know this.
But this, for me, is safe- and it’s efficient; less complicated.
In other words, I’ve become that guy I couldn’t relate to back in 2010:
I keep a lot of things to myself. Most of my thoughts are now a mystery to everyone.
I’ve adopted a Libertarian approach to the opinions and lifestyles of other people. What they do doesn’t bother me and I don’t bother them. I don’t try to change them. I don’t need to change them.
Because now, I am truly confident in myself and my beliefs, despite being completely aware of my unending faults.
This is not a classic case of bottling up my emotions, only to erupt later on. To me, that would be weak.
Instead, it’s a matter of consciously deciding not to let people or things bother me anymore.
In turn, I have noticed that I am that much more focused on my own family and close friends, in real life. Not on Facebook.
The 2010 version of me simply wouldn’t function in my life today in 2017. I have evolved out of necessity.
I now see life for the tragicomedy it is. Life is both sad and funny. It’s both inspiring and depressing.
By evolving to my emotionally intelligent state, I have made it possible to recognize when to express my emotions, accordingly.
Ultimately, I choose joy. I choose hope.
My hope today is that others can relate to my transformation.
You are no longer dealing with the young and naïve Luke Skywalker.
There is no dispute. No one is even looking into it. Instead, the entire world simply unanimously accepts and agrees that I, Nick Shell, am the manliest vegan on the Internet.
What makes me such a manly vegan?…
First off, I am emotionally intelligent regarding my vegan lifestyle. Because I am fully secure in my beliefs, I have zero desire to try to convince others to become vegans. In fact, I would rather other people didn’t become vegans, especially not other men, because it keeps me more unique in my identity. (Approximately less than 0.5% of the American population are male vegans).
Second, I am a committed husband (been in love with the same woman for 10 years now; 8 and a half of which we’ve been married) and an involved father (hence, the daddy blog).
Plus, I am healthy and active. I am not a slave to my body; my body is a slave to me. I get plenty of protein (from vegetables, fruit, beans, grains, nuts, and seeds) and I am always on the move:
I run and I go mountain biking regularly, plus I go hiking and exploring with my son.
Next, I am a decisive leader and a good communicator. I don’t fear change, I embrace it. I always have a few back-up plans.
I am undeniably confident, yet aware of my weaknesses, which I am always working to improve.
Granted, I am very aware of my skills and talents, making sure I utilize them as part of my identity.
Most people have a hard time thinking of just one other male vegan they know. Even if they can think of a male vegan other than me, then the question becomes: Is he manly?
That question quickly evolves: But is he manlier than Nick Shell?
So far, history shows that the answer has always been… no.
As a blogger and YouTuber, I figured I might as well make it official in this announcement today:
I experience guilt over you. I don’t get to spend enough time with you.
However, it’s not an issue of choice. It’s not that I could be spending time with you but am choosing not to.
Instead, it’s that in order to make a living for our family, Mommy and I both have to work. That’s nothing unique. That’s a normal problem.
But it presents a lifestyle in which despite living in a wonderful neighborhood and you being able to attend one of the best schools in the Nashville area, Mommy and I have to spend so much of our time commuting- and therefore, you spend time at “before care” in addition to being at Kindergarten most of the day.
During the week, my time is so limited with you. Every morning, I get you ready for school and drop you off.Every night we eat dinner together and then I get you ready for bed. All time combined, that’s barely an hour.
So really, it’s mainly just the weekends where I get to spend time with you. Granted, we’re having to buy groceries, clean the house, run errands, and go to church.
Not to mention, I’m constantly taking care of your baby sister when we’re all together.
I’m not able to pay you the attention I want. You don’t demand it. But I’m not able to give you what I want.
That’s why I treasure our quality time together. That’s why I make the most of it.
I experience guilt over this. I don’t know what else I can do though.
This is simply what I know as being a modern-day American parent who works full time and lives in a commuter’s community.
I wish could be with you more. You’re worth so much more than I can give you.
Once we got back from our Thanksgiving trip to Nonna and Papa’s in Alabama, as we were walking through the front door of our house, I put my arm around your shoulder and said, “You did so good on the trip. I am really proud of you.”
As I was saying those words, it’s like it hit me all at once: You were so independent. You didn’t really need me for much the whole time. I didn’t have to worry about you.
Though I was in the same house as you, and often the same room, you and I were interacting with other family members instead of each other; compared to the norm.
So you and I didn’t really have much quality time together, though we did with other members of the family who we don’t see as often.
We did the right thing. After all, the holidays is for catching up with people you don’t see as often.
Yet, I suppose I still somehow experienced some guilt over it. Because as we settled back in after Thanksgiving, I realized how much of my time is required by your sister Holly.
For me to be a good husband and good parent, I have to be holding a baby most of the time we are all together at the house. While I am proud to take care of your sister, I recognize that the days of you and I just being able to hang out anytime are sort of on hold for right now.
Before your sister was born, we could just easily run upstairs and watch a stupid movie together or go outside for a hike.
But these days, my mobility is greatly restricted by me taking care of your sister while Mommy concentrates on the majority of the housework; like cooking and laundry.
I miss our time together. Things will eventually get back closer to how they were before. But honestly, I think it will be another 5 months or so, when your sister turns a year old.
You’re such a good kid. I don’t want to miss out on truly living every minute I can with you.
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