Dear Holly: You Chose a Shopping Spree Over a Birthday Party!

7 years.

Dear Holly,

Mommy and I have always went all out for your birthday parties. However, this year, as we prepared the expenses of planning your 7th birthday party, we came up with a simple proposal for you:

What if we simply gave you cash for half of the expense that a birthday party with your friends would have cost us?

With no hesitation, you agreed to our deal.

So a trip to Walmart and Target, with a handful of 20 dollar bills, was your “birthday party” this year.

And you were so happy!

As you stated to Mommy and I a few months ago:

“Money is my BFF!”

 

 

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Despite All Your Rage, You Are Still Just a Boy in a Cage…

12 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Sunday afternoon, it was beautiful outside. Everyone from our neighborhood was hanging out in the cul-de-sac.

As Mommy and I were catching up with the neighbors across the street from us, who we have barely seen since winter started, a lady walking her dog casually came up and joined the conversation.

Pretty quickly, she asked us, “What’s up with those boys in the cage that I just walked by? Why are they in there?”

I immediately responded, with not an ounce of shame, “Yeah, that’s our son there in the cage. My understanding is that one of the neighbors around here was getting rid of their old dog crate, so they had it sitting out by the front of the street. So now, our son and one of his friends are playing in it.”

She felt a little awkward by my response, but decided to stick around for the fellowship. A few minutes later, she looked back at the cage situation, and announced, “Oh! Now there is a little girl in a pink Jeep who is running into the cage with the boys in it…”

I cut her off by saying, “Yeah, that’s our little girl. Looks like she is seeking revenge on her older brother, and he is taunting her to do it.”

Your sister also was throwing a tennis ball at the cage as hard as she could too.

It was like watching a kitten taunt two bulldogs chained to a tree.

 

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Your Newest Wall Decor

12 years, 2 months.

Dear Jack,

I see that you are now displaying one of the Christmas gifts you received from Aunt Dana and Uncle Andrew… a sign advertising farm fresh eggs.

(It just so happens that we are in an egg shortage, too. Yesterday at the grocery store, I had to buy liquid egg whites instead!)

However, your new wall decor has been translated into the language of a 12 year-old boy.

Chicken eggs?

Nope.

Butt nuggets.

So now, right above where you lay your head to rest, is a hilarious new sign advertising “Farm Fresh Butt Nuggets”.

I’d say this is quite the appropriate gift for you!

Love,

Daddy

Dear Holly: Our New Fireplace Warms You Up… Even When It’s Not On?

6 years, 6 months.

Dear Holly,

This past weekend, our new electric fireplace arrived in the mail. To my surprise, it really added a whole lot to the ambience of our living room.

It simply plugs into the electrical outlet- and has an option to use the heater option, the fireplace display, or both at the same time.

Shortly after we got it set up, we had just the fireplace display on.

You ran up to it, bending towards it so you could heat up your buns.

Within seconds, you announced, “Ah, that heat feels good!”

I decided not to reveal to you that there was actually no heat coming from it. You were already convinced!

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: You Chose Me as Your Theme for “Wacky Day”?

11 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

I’m glad I could help you out this past week, as your school had a “Wacky Day” theme.

As I said goodbye to you that morning, I realized that you were wearing a t-shirt with my face on it.

Back in college, when I spent two summers teaching English in Thailand, I had a friend who had a t-shirt made featuring my face on it. Twenty years later, you ended up with it!

And a few Christmases ago, Aunt Dana and Uncle Andrew gave me some socks they had made… also with my face on it.

So yeah, I guess that made it pretty easy for you to dress up for Wacky Day!

 

Love,

Daddy