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Breaking News: “Manliest Vegan on the Internet” Rides Skateboard to Target for Carrot Juice; Refuses to See Himself as a Hero

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon in Spring Hill, Tennessee when Nick Shell, 36, drove his family in a 2017 Toyota 4Runner to the local “weigh and pay” frozen yogurt shop, Sweet Cece’s; after his wife suggested it would be fun.

Joined by his parents who were visiting for the weekend, he carried in his 1 year-old daughter as his 6 and a half year-old son ran ahead. As the Shell family walked to the back of the shop, deciding which flavor they each were in the mood for, Nick noticed that unlike any other time he had ever been to Sweet Cece’s, the dairy-free option was temporarily unavailable.

He kept this information to himself, though his wife soon took notice, asking him, “Oh no, are they out of the watermelon sorbet for you?”

Allowing his entire family to get their own frozen treats, he waited until after everyone was settled in at the table before he whispered to his wife, “I’ll be right back. I’ll just go pick up something at Super Target across the street.”

He pulled open the hatch door of the 4Runner, where he had been keeping his skateboard for just an event such as this. Within minutes, he found himself at the Super Target entrance.

His family, back at Sweet Cece’s, were not even halfway through their treats, when he returned with a bottle of Bolthouse Farms 100% carrot juice in hand.

“My name in Greek means victorious. I find a way to be victorious in everything I do. I will not allow myself to be a victim. So when I saw that Sweet Cece’s was temporarily out of my vegan option, it did not affect me emotionally. Instead, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to use my skateboard and catch up on some Vitamin A from carrot juice. Some might even refer to me as a hero, but I refuse to see myself that way. I’m just a regular guy who did what any decent manly vegan would do in that instance,” Shell strangely explained.

After clarifying to him that no one was referring to him as a hero, Nick Shell then continued to speak about the incident, but I had to sort of tune him out. He kept referring to himself as “the manliest vegan on the Internet,” even though in the same breath, he admitted no one has ever questioned him on that title.

If you see him in public, it’s best you just smile and nod, while slowly walking away, backwards.

Otherwise, he may offer to let you take a selfie with him for your Instagram account, as he pressures you into tagging it:

#themanliestveganontheinternet

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Our Long Awaited Yet Random Drive to Henry Horton State Park on July 4th

Ever since we moved into to our new house in Spring Hill two and a half years ago, our family has always been curious about that sign on 840, advertising Henry Horton State Park; which is about 30 miles away from where we live.

The plan had sort of always been, that when we had an extra day off as a family where we had no agenda, or when we had a vehicle from one of our trips, we would finally check out Henry Horton State Park.

Well, this past week, the time had finally come.

Fresh off our Louisville trip, we still had the 2017 Toyota 4Runner. So it was simple:

This past Tuesday morning, on July 4th, our family loaded up in the “Storm Trooper” and made our long awaited yet random drive to Henry Horton State Park.

Since I had driven the entire Louisville trip myself, I wanted to give my wife a chance to drive the 4Runner. I didn’t even have to ask her if she wanted to drive. I just looked up, and she was already in the driver’s seat after I had loaded up the double stroller.

So with our son in the 3rd row seat directly behind me, and our daughter right next to me in the 2nd row seat, we began our journey.

Our daughter Holly was desperately in need of a nap, but she had a case of the munchies. So as we made our way to the legendary (in our minds, at least) state park, I facilitated her in being able to eat her cheddar goldfish.

As one would imagine, by the time we arrived at Henry Horton State Park, our little girl was finally fast asleep. So my wife volunteered to stay in the luxurious cabin of the 4Runner and through the windshield, watched the boys audition for American Ninja Warrior on the extreme playground.

My son really enjoyed the challenge of pulling himself across the obstacle course with a little help from me.

After he got good and sweaty, we hopped back in the 4Runner, as he held his Hot Wheels version of a 1985 Toyota 4Runner; which he’s had since he was two.

Clutching that older, miniature version of the vehicle that my wife drove us home in, he too fell asleep.

Of course, we would have little stop at the fireworks tent before we were back home for the day.

I will admit. There was nothing groundbreaking about our trip to Henry Horton State Park.

No cool caves. No amazing trails. No big waterfalls.

But for us as a family, it was a mystery finally solved, and a great way to spend the 4th of July together.

And that’s all that mattered.

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Dear Holly: Your 1st Visit to the Louisville Zoo

1 year, 1 month.

Dear Holly,

As part of our 9th wedding anniversary celebration, Mommy and I took you and your brother to Louisville, Kentucky in the outstanding 2017 Toyota 4Runner.

While this made your brother’s 3rd time to this zoo, it was your first time to experience it.

The highlight this time ended up being when we got to see the bear taking a fun swim. It was like he was just showing off; like a cartoon bear! The exhibit was built around a 2 story tall tank.

We started out seeing the bear from the bottom floor of the tank. As you can see, you and Mommy marveled at the sight!

Your brother asked, “What if this tank burst open and we had to swim with the bear?”

After a few minutes of taking it all in, we went upstairs and saw the swimming bear from a higher perspective. It was almost like he was smiling at us as he swam!

Being that your current animal obsession is birds, you obviously loved pointed each one out to me, whether it was an owl or a parrot.

When it came time to see the gorillas, I’m not sure you were convinced it was even an animal! After all, you’re used to me sometimes dressing up in my Chewbacca pajama onesie as a joke.

So yeah, you may not have been impressed by the gorilla for that reason, but at least your brother was.

Speaking of the gorillas, perhaps one of my personal favorites parts of our visit to the Louisville Zoo was when we all individually got our pictures taken in front of the “How do you measure up to a full-grown gorilla?”

Your picture is hilarious, as you’ve obviously so small and cute compared to the outline of a gorilla! Meanwhile, I was the best match to the gorilla- which I guess is a good thing?

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: What I Learned from Father’s Day 2017

6 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

Father’s Day morning was quite special, as my very first gift was getting to sleep in, thanks to Mommy. I didn’t wake up until 9:30. It was glorious!

We then made our way to the living room, where I was bombarded with goodies from you and your sister. I now have a Captain America dad shirt. (He’s my favorite super hero.) Plus Mommy got me some vegan treats too.

And of course I was especially delighted to see crafts from you and your sister. You made me a special “shrinky dink” keychain, featuring a drawing you made of your and me; where you’ve again drawn us the same size. I’m so happy because I was a little jealous when Mommy got one for Mother’s Day last month…

Your sister made me a glittery “World’s Best Dad” award, based on the shape of her hand.

I took special care to read through all the questionnaire answers you gave,

as they reveal how you perceive having me as your Daddy:

My dad’s hair is black. (That’s darker than I realized!)

He’s as tall as a boy. (Are you saying I’m short?)

He weighs about 60 pounds. (Last time I checked, I was closer to 160. Guess I recently lost 100 pounds!)

My dad looks handsome when he wears hair gel. (I think you gave this answer because I fix your hair and mine at the same time.)

My dad always says “no.” (Hey, just trying to balance out how nice Mommy is to you. Though on the next page, you said, “My dad is my superhero because he is nice.”)

He’s not very good at cooking. Once Daddy was cooking before I was born and Mommy didn’t like it. (Very true- and very good memory!)

My dad’s favorite song is Metallica. (Yes, just Metallica. I’ll always think of you when I think of them because I really got into them back in January when I stayed overnight without you in the hospital, of all things!)

My dad’s favorite place to go is Whole Foods. (True, I’m there nearly every day, picking up groceries on my mountain bike during my lunch break.)

He always forgets… I don’t think he forgets anything. (True, unless it relates to where some obscure kitchen utensil goes in the drawer. In that case, I need Mommy to draw me a diagram with directions and instructions!)

He really likes to hike. (Yes! And I love the creative way you drew us hiking together, with our backs turned. That’s cool.)

My dad’s job is truck driving. (Actually, I’m the manager of the retention department for a trucking company- but that’s a mouthful!)

He likes to wear plaid shirts. (Right on, good eye!)

He reminds me of a bozo. (If you’re saying I’m funny, I’ll take the compliment!)

I love my dad because he plays Hungry Sharks with me. (Not only did I spent countless hours of our Christmas vacation earning you extra points on that game, it also was a game we took turns playing while you were in the hospital.)

Father’s Day really was special. It actually reminded me of a birthday or something.

I very much enjoyed celebrating fatherhood with you and your sister, and gaining your personal perspective.

Love,

Daddy

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Is The Pfunky Griddle in Nashville a Vegan Friendly Restaurant?

Hi, I’m Nick Shell, the manliest vegan on the Internet. (No other male vegan has ever disputed this!) And yes, I can confirm that a vegan can indeed dine at The Pfunky Griddle. Because I recently did…

A few weeks ago, my family had a great time at the Nashville Zoo. But first, we had a splendid breakfast at The Pfunky Griddle, which is only 4 miles away.

I admit, I had my doubts whether or not I would just be assisting my wife and kids in preparing their meal, yet myself not having anything to eat.

So before I left the house, I had some coffee and made myself my famous “Manly Vegan Smoothie”, which consists of a banana, a cup of blueberries, a cup of unsweetened almond milk, a tablespoon of peanut butter, a tablespoon of chia seeds, and a tablespoon of unsweetened cocoa powder.

That way, I had a solid base of vegan protein and fat already in my system in case things didn’t work out for me at The Pfunky Griddle.

My main role in being there was ultimately indeed to prepare and serve my family their pancakes. They are vegetarians, so they can have eggs and dairy, which I can not.

That is the reason I specifically didn’t order the pancakes. Instead, I had the hash browns and the veggie sausage.

I assume that you know the whole premise of The Pfunky Griddle is that you make your own breakfast, thanks to a griddle which is built into every table.

Now, was my meal perfectly vegan? No.

It could have been, but I knowingly let two things slide:

I assume the veggie sausage contained egg whites. While I would never choose to eat egg whites, I will overlook it if there is a trace of it in the food, as I did with the veggie burger last month at Mellow Mushroom.

But I refuse to eat egg yolks, which contain the cholesterol.

I am a vegan because it allows me to consume 0% of my daily cholesterol; not for animal rights’ reasons alone.

Also, the spray for the griddle contains butter as an ingredient, though it’s so little that it still registers as 0% cholesterol on the nutritional label. (This spray is not necessary to even use, but it definitely makes the food easier to cook.)

We had fun as a family and we will definitely be going back. As is the norm with my vegan lifestyle, I made it work and I refused to be a stick in the mud.

Because not only am I the manliest vegan on the Internet, I’m also the coolest vegan anyone has ever met in the history of the world!