Dear Holly: “All I Care About is Peace and Quiet…”

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Holly,

This past weekend, Mommy and I had our annual “Night Out in Nashville/Get Our Taxes Done the Next Day at H&R Block” event, while Nonna and Papa drove up from Alabama to stay home with you and your brother.

Mommy and I went to go see Adam Sandler perform at the Bridgesone Arena. It was one of the best days I have ever spent with Mommy in the fifteen years we have been together. I am so grateful that we were able to go do that.

Nonna always does a great job of proactively sending Mommy and me photos of what’s going on while we’re away.

My favorite picture of you was of you with the “Daddy puppet” you made at church last Father’s Day.

The caption read, “All I care about is peace and quiet.”

Of course, that was you doing your impression of me.

I feel honored that you represented me so well!

It has been no secret in our family, that since becoming a certified Enneagram coach back in November 2021, I have been on an ongoing adventure of self-discovery, as well as helping us learn more about each other.

Something I pray every morning is, “Help our family to find ways to show each other love, in the ways that we invididually need it.”

You have overhead me talk about it enough, that you know that I am an Enneagram 6; and that specifically, I constantly crave a sense of social security- which for me, is presented in the form of the people around me having fun in a calm and collaborative way.

This past week, you and your brother also brought more insight to me that I had never realized on my own:

“Mommy gets mad when her work is stressful. But you never get mad at work; no matter how crazy things get. Instead, you get mad when people around you are upset and not happy.”

This is 100% accurate. Being an Enneagram 6, I am the problem-solver, the trouble-shooter, and the stabilizer.

Work only stresses me out when there’s not enough problems for me to solve, because I am wired to provide solutions and calmness to the everyday chaos I am presented with. I truly enjoy what I do for a living.

However, it’s when I’m not working that I am most likely to get stressed out; as I am the one in our family who is constantly trying to make everyone feel happy and connected with each other.

I learn so much from you about myself! Thank you, Holly.

Love,

Daddy

2022 in Review: The Lyrics to the 12 Songs I Wrote This Year

Over the course of this year, I wrote a total of 12 songs that I published on my YouTube channel. Not only is this the ideal number of songs, in my mind, for a complete album, but it also serves as a good representation of the year itself for me.

The lyrics I write for my songs are extremely important. I am always interested in realizing what I discover about myself, through the process of extracting each new song inside of me.

So I figured it would be an interesting idea to look back on the 12 songs I have written in 2022, so that we can see what my most recent year of self-discovery has taught me.

I didn’t record any songs during the first half of 2022, as I was diving deep into understanding my true Enneagram type. Once I finally figured out I am a Counterphobic 6 Wing 7, the song material easily presented itself.

In case you’re not familiar with the Enneagram personality types, I am a Type 6; which is focused on finding security through other people and by facing my fears. I invite you to search for these themes here in my songs.

Below are the lyrics to all 12 songs (the chorus is in bold font) along with the video of me performing each song:

1- “I Was Here”

I remember walking in the woods when I was young – I saw a tree, I took out a knife, and there I carved these words: “I was here” – I was here – Now I am a grown man, that was a lifetime time ago – But I’m still looking for a way to say that same phrase: “I was here” – I was here – I always need to feel something like I’m here with you now – Not gonna live like I’m lost when I know that I’m found – I am more than aware: “Life is short, make it count” – I’ll leave my mark on this word before I get out – So I can feel like I was here – So I can feel like I was here – I could have been born any year in any other place – I could have spoken a different language, completely difference face – But I am here, I am here – We so could have easily have never known each other – If I had a different father or a different mother – But I am here, I am here – I don’t need to take up much space – No, this won’t take too long – What I’ve learned in 41 years: “Be brief, be brilliant, be gone”

2 – “Ship’s Goin’ Down”

Ship’s goin’ down, I’m sinking with it – I’ll be underwater in under a minute – And I see no signs of a rescue – Make no mistake, I was more than committed – Had a chance to escape – And when I could, I didn’t – But I still don’t feel like a dumb fool – Ship’s goin’ down, I’m sinking with it – Ship’s goin’ down, I’m sinking with it – Waves crashed up over the deck but I showed no signs of fear – While everyone else was a wreck, my anxiety cleared – Warning signs were there all along but I didn’t mind being wrong – If anyone could overcome the sea, I knew it had to be me

3 – “The Overthinker”

I am the overthinker – A skeptic and a believer – Sometimes, an in-betweener – I am the overthinker – Hold on, let me analyze this – I am the reluctant leader – A loyalist and a people reader – Sometimes, a future seer – I am the overthinker – I am the stability seeker – Calm in a storm, a life lesson teacher – Sometimes, I just sit in the bleachers – I am the overthinker

4 – “An Honest Worship Song?”

Some days I feel like I’d make a good Doubting Thomas or the prophet Jonah – And I could relate when I’d hear the prodigal son had an older brother – Is this proof of my fear in God because I think I might actually be terrified? Is this proof I’m a chosen one because I can’t deny I’ve always felt this hope inside? Makes me wonder: Is something wrong, do I not belong? Makes me wonder: Would God want an honest worship song? I don’t raise my arms up – I keep my hands in my pockets – Why don’t I display stage presence yet I pray alone in my closet? Would God really want an honest worship song? Some days I feel like I’d make a better agnostic than I would a Christian – Got so many questions I feel like I can’t ask about my own religion – Is this proof of my pride just because I want to find all of these answers? Is this proof of my faith just because I care about what I think matters? Some days I’d make for a typical black sheep of the flock – The fact that I ask all this could mean I’m jaded but I am not lost

5 – “What If We Could See Beyond These Labels?”

You can wave your rainbow flag, identify the way you like – Adopt children Roe Vs. Wade could not reach – Or you can wave your Confederate flag, try to justify your Southern pride – Though to many it’s perceived as hateful and obscene – You don’t even know what I believe – My views are irrelevant the way I see it – Either way, it’s just the same to me: What if we could see beyond these labels? What if we would simply love our neighbors? What if we prayed for our enemies and we agreed to disagree? You can live as an atheist or bow to Allah to be blessed – Or think you’ll be reincarnated as a willow tree – You can trust in politics, red or blue, just see what sticks – Or worship overpaid athletes on a team

6 – “Matter”

The world never knew that I ever got here – Not a face in this crowd would notice if I disappeared – No need for me to look to the stars – To notice how small we really are – Why does it bother me that the world doesn’t need my help to turn around? Why does it bother me the universe without me in it wouldn’t be any worse? I’m here to give life meaning – I feel alive when you need me – I need to matter to you – I’m invisible to billions – But I don’t question my existence – If I matter to you – I’d be relieved to learn the Earth is flat – I’d be slightly more relevant in terms like that – But gravity’s got this hold on me – So I’m hanging on upside down, reluctantly – Am I more than just matter? Am I more than just matter? Am I more than just matter? Do I matter to you?

7 – “Sunflower”

There is comfort in the routine – There’s excitement in the unseen – I am your anchor, you are my wings – I am your rock, you are my sunflower – You are my sunflower – And the rain begins to fall, been awake for too long – Too much time to think about my life, so many ways it could go wrong – And the sky begins to clear, been asleep until now – Too many things to do while we are here, time is always running out

8 – “Room Full of Eyes on You”

You’ve got a room full of eyes on you right now – And you still haven’t figured it out – Room full of eyes on you right now – You stole the the show – No, there isn’t a doubt – I’m the great detective here by your side – It’s no surprise to Sherlock here when I find – You’ve got a room full of eyes on you right now – I’m never not watching people, can’t mind my own business – I’m so good at pointing out the person of interest – It’s obvious that character is you, the crowd agrees – I’ve got a front row seat to the irony – You’re unaware they all think you’re someone they have seen – In some Americana magazine – I suppose that’s the way this trade off works – If you could see how exceptional you truly look – Could your smile still be so innocent? I suppose that to look like you on the outside – The inside can’t afford to be tangled in pride-  Because you’ve got a heart that’s so genuine

9 – “It’s Time to Start Another War!”

It’s time to start another war! Like the ones we did before – Who’s next on our hit list? Who’s calling who the terrorist? It’s time to start another war! We’ll need a motive we can all root for – Maybe out in Asia or the Middle East – Say we fight for freedom – We fight for peace – What we need is another Vietnam Nam – We don’t have to win if we just keeping running long – Let history repeat Afghanistan – For twenty years we occupied that land – Forgot we were still there – What we need is another foreign face – A different religion, a darker race – Post traumatic stress disorder in the making – Why help the world when instead we could be invading? We’re running a business here – Never forget – Never forget – Never forget – Never forget – We’re the good guys – The Lord’s on our side – We’re the heroes – We’re the heroes you should fear

10 – “Wi-Fi in My Coffin”

Book me a U-Haul to pull behind the hearse – I need my essentials when I’m buried in the dirt – Don’t forget my selfie stick for my podcast and Instagram – Got to get my followers the updates wherever I am – Give me Wi-Fi in my coffin – When I die, I still ain’t stoppin’ – I want a fancy casket: bells and whistles and gold – Then bury my money with me below – So much for FOMO, I don’t know what I’d do – If I were detached from all the action I’m plugged into – Make sure my funeral gets five star reviews – Include a salad bar and karaoke too – Maybe get some board games and even a water slide – I’m thinking a bounce house and of course we can’t forget pony rides – I just don’t like the feeling of being so weighed down – Got to keep things moving, that’s what I’m all about, you know – I’ve got places to go, I’ve got people to see – Don’t try to drag me down, man – Just keep this party flowing free

11- “End Up Somewhere Good”

I told ya I loved ya – Ya moved to Australia – That was a strange reaction – I told ya I’d still be waiting in Tennessee when you returned to me – It was a little bit crazy but I wouldn’t change things, not one bit – I never thought about how funny that was – That’s the story of what happened when we fell in love – The younger version of us knew what they were doing back then – We’re here together now because of what they did – We’re a little bit crazy but I wouldn’t change things, not one bit – Let’s run away, let’s run away – We’ll end up somewhere good – Let’s find a place, let’s find a place – We’ll end up somewhere good – End up somewhere good – Well I guess it worked out ’cause here I am now – Singin’ a song and it don’t sound sad – So I guess I’m gonna keep ya – Gonna keep ya around – Singin’ a song and it don’t sound bad – We’re a little bit crazy but I wouldn’t change things, not one bit – Look at what we did when we were just kids – Barely knew each other so we got married – Love was enough, only took a few months – Barely knew each other so we got married – We’re a little bit crazy but I wouldn’t change things, not one bit

12 – “Shadow Self”

I was kind to the world but not to myself – Like somehow I deserved less – Classic Stockholm Syndrome, both the captor and the victim – I’ve allowed myself to be released – My shadow self has been redeemed – Inside of me is inner peace – Can I finally feel complete? Like Saturn and its seven rings – It’s weird to hear your own voice – Is that the way I really sound to everyone else? It’s strange to see your own face – Is that the way I really look to everyone else? I used to be a scared little boy pretending not to be afraid – Convinced myself I was brave – My counterphobic tactic saved me for the past three decades – Fooled myself more than anyone – This is me saying how I feel at the end of another year – In my mind the smoke has cleared – The fear is disappearing

Thanks for taking the time to understand my view of the world! I would love to hear from you. Feel free to leave a comment!

“If I Didn’t Have a Girl to Impress” – Song 15 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

 

Scattered throughout the dozens of original songs I’ve released on my YouTube channel, you will find my version of a “love song” every once in a while.

I’ve noticed that with other male Enneagram 6 songwriters like Bruce Springsteen (“Secret Garden”) and Tom Petty (“Here Comes My Girl”), when they write a “love song”, it comes out sounding more like a song about overcoming obstacles to “earn” that love. Ultimately, it’s the concept that the man is alone and lost until he finally finds the girl.

Throughout my versions of love songs, this is often the case with me as well. The “romance” is much more subtle than in a pop song.

Some interesting trivia about this song is that it was intended to be a duet that my wife and I were to perform together. I give her half the credit for writing it with me.

However, she felt that song sounded too sad for her likings. It therefore became a solo song instead of a duet:

If I didn’t have a girl to impress, I’d be living in a van down by the river – I’d be lost and lonely if nothing else – I’d always know there was something missing – If I didn’t have a hold of your hand – I’d be out at sea, turned around and stranded – I’d be lost and lonely if nothing else – I’d always know there was something missing – So tell me what’s the point in even living – You can’t write a story when there’s no beginning – And tell me who I am if it’s not you next to me – I’d always know there was something missing and it’s you next to me – If I didn’t ask you to marry me, you’d always be the one who got away – You never stopped being out of my league – I still feel the need to impress you everyday – If I didn’t take a chance on your love – I would have went and gone and messed the whole thing up – You never let go of my hand – Now here we are, look at all we have

So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:

 

“These are the Good Ole Days” – Song 9 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

My 9th song is one of several that could easily pass as a song written by an Enneagram 4, at first glance.

It feels sad. It is yearning for the past. It is a very entimental song, written from a realist perspective; where I am clearly plugged in to the full scope of my emotions.

But I would say it is a glimpse at the healthy part of my Enneagram 7 wing; where I am able to accept the randomness of life for what it is. I would say that there is a certain balance I showcase in the lyrics:

My life is half way over – My life has never been more in focus – No time machine to take us all back – What’s happened is stuck in the past – These are the good ole days – We’re still living in them – I won’t always be here – You won’t always be here – So shake a hand, shake a leg, soon we’ll all be dead – Don’t want to die, so I’ll try to live while I’m alive – This is it – These are the good ole days – You learn to take the good with the bad things – Life is both a comedy and a tragedy – No way to fast-forward or rewind -Just try to catch up if you get behind

So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see my Enneagram 7 wing? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:

 

“I Feel Like You Want Me to Care” – Song 8 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

My 8th song is a clear example of what Counterphobic 6 looks like. Keep in mind, I published this song on January 26, 2020; still a couple of years before I even started studying Enneagram to have a clue why I would be inspired to write a song like this, which was ultimately a reflection of what I was specifically going through at the time.

This was still at the start of my own Great Awakening, where I had begun to realize I had been giving too much control over my emotions to other people; that it is always my choice to be offended or insulted by what another person says.

“I Feel Like You Want Me to Care” is my official declaration about this realization; a concept which I have continued to build on in the past few years since writing this song.

I should also point out the Enneagram 6s often struggle with believing in themselves. By me overcoming this habit of letting other people offend me or insult me, it was a major step in my learning to depend on my inner self; even if it was by being “counterphobic”:

I feel like you want me to care – I would, but there ain’t nothin’ there – I’m not offended or disrespected – I don’t expect to be treated better – Not triggered, go figure – I’m not a victim but I might be a villain – You determine where I fall on the spectrum – I don’t have a dog in the fight – I’m an accidental catcher in the rye – Your information doesn’t affect my life – I don’t have any skin in the game – My emotions and time are my own domain – I refuse to give my peace of mind away

So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see the Enneagram 6? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish: