Storytelling

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It’s All Going to the Same Place Anyway

I feel that while growing up, between all the church suppers and family reunions, I ate a least one “covered dish” meal a week. Sometimes I would get lucky, and there would be the red plastic plates with the food section dividers, being able to put my chicken fingers in the largest portion of the plate, then green bean casserole and my peanut butter pie in the other two divisions. Other times I wasn’t as fortunate, ending up with a plain white  Styrofoam plate with no dividers: my deviled eggs would slide into my cold macaroni and cheese, which adjoined to my mashed potatoes. I couldn’t stand for the different foods on my plate to touch each other.

What made it worse is the response when people would find out about my issue with my foods mixing. I had to hear this: “Why do you care if they touch? It’s all going to the same place anyway…”

Don’t make me angry. You wouldn’t like me when I’m angry.

That is one of the dumbest statements I have heard throughout my life: “It’s all going to the same place anyway.” My answer: Yes, but my tongue isn’t in my stomach, genius.

I need to be able to enjoy each individual taste. Unless it’s already supposed to consist of different foods within itself like soup or pizza or a sandwich, let the food speak for itself. Not with the added flavor of an unsuitable mate. For anyone to whom it truly doesn’t matter because “it’s all going to the same place anyway”, then I will gladly serve them their next meal, right after it’s been ground up into milkshake form in a blender.

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People are Often Motivated by the Exception to the Rule, Not the Normal Outcome

 

What sometimes positively motivates people and other times negatively distracts them from reality is a magical device called The Exception to the Rule. A person who is uninspired to quit smoking because their grand maw is 92 years old, who has been smoking since she was 14 and healthier than most 60 year olds. The Exception.

A man who lost 30 lbs in 10 days from doing the Atkins Diet or a married couple who made a profit of $300K their first year of selling real estate after applying what they learned from a DVD. They’re an Infomercial’s dream come true. Helping the rest of us to naively focus on the Exception, overlooking the caption at the bottom of the screen: “Results not typical”. No kidding.

We often look at other people of similar demographics to compare ourselves to. The 30 year-old president of a company. The Exception both inspires and disappoints us. It would be one thing if this was a true illusion. But it’s real. And that is the problem and the motivation.

 

Humans are wired to look for The Exception. That’s something I have learned from writing almost daily for 4 years. If I write 2 pages about how Southerners are not represented positively in movies and TV without it being part of the comic allure or exposure to a strange regional culture, then I have to point out the Exceptions like the movies Reality Bites and Big Fish and the TV shows like King of the Hill and The Andy Griffith Show.

If I don’t, readers become distracted by trying to find the Exception. So I point out the Exception myself in what I write, to show that the general Rule I am introducing does have its Exceptions, but still it is still the Rule.

There will always be the Exception. That’s a Rule with no Exceptions. And if there was an Exception to that Rule, that would be the Exception.

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The Edge of “Me Too” Culture: What Makes People Famous

My sister is my editor. She is the first to read what I write, typically two days before it’s published. If I am working on a piece that I feel may be pushing the envelope/over the top/too forceful, I let her proofread it for me. And most of the time, she tells me to keep it the way it is.

Just last week she labeled one of my drafts as “edgy”. Then later that day as I read a chapter in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Publishing Magazine Articles on my lunch break, it stressed the importance of each article I write needing to be short, informative, and edgy. There that word is again. Edgy.

 

Thanks to WordPress I am finally able to track the number of daily readers along with knowing which things I write are the most popular posts. So far, it has consistenty been those “edgy” ones that I ran by my sister before posting. People like edgy stuff. It has now been statistically proven.

We live in a world of “me too” culture. “Anything you can do, I can do better” has become “anything you can do, I can do, but it will probably be a crappier version, but still, I can do it too.” Anyone can sing, dance, record music, make a computer app, do a video series on YouTube, and write blogs. The more crowded a venue, the more mediocre and blandized the general talent becomes. That’s why people are drawn to the edge. The edge of what’s normal. The edge of what’s familiar. The salt of the earth.

 

People tend to talk about how crazy life is. (Instantly the intro to Jon and Kate Plus 8 comes to mind, along with Michael Buble’s song “Everything”). Yes, life is crazy. And it’s also pretty mundane. So when people look for entertainment and/or enlightenment, they tend to venture off the main trail to find it.

Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Petty would most likely not have won American Idol in their days. But their uniqueness and off-beat perspective found a way to draw people in through their odd lyrics and quirky personas.

It’s pretty obvious in any episode of Howie Mandel’s “Deal or No Deal”. The contestants always have some sort of stupid gimmick. An annoying catch phrase or weird favorite color. It becomes the theme of that episode.

 

From Seinfeld to Super Mario Bros.  Things that are both weird and common attract people.

For me it all goes back to Junior High when I realized the irony of the phrase “everyone is special and unique”. Yes. Yes, they are. But if everyone is special and unique, then they’re all the same. Standing in the in-between of what’s familiar and what is off-beat is often where audiences form.  Nothin’ draws a crowd like a crowd.

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Christianity and Beer

Would Jesus drink beer?  Maybe the question is, did He?

Ironically, in the way that many Christians view alcohol consumption to be okay when in moderation, I feel the same way about other beverages- ones that contain no alcohol. A typical can of soda (or tall glass of sweet tea) consists of about 3 to 4 tablespoons of sugar, not to mention the caffeine. Would I normally eat 3 to 4 tablespoons of sugar in one sitting? No way, that’s disgusting and totally unhealthy. Sugar is at the very top of the food pyramid and should be used sparingly. But that’s what soda is. And it’s so common. No “sin associations” either.

But it is extremely difficult for my conscience to deal with the thought that if the body is a temple, how consuming that much sugar all in the name of a common beverage is justifiable, especially compared to a single serving of beer or wine. Last night I drank two glasses of Dr. Pepper with some friends. And today I actually am a little ashamed that I did it.

 

And that is the power of taboo and its attached guilt. I feel bad about drinking soda, while someone else may feel halfway guilty about drinking some wine at a wedding. One person may be offended by me drinking a 12 ounce bottle of Blue Moon beer, but I may be offended by seeing someone drinking a liter sized bottle of Mountain Dew.

Both can be abused. Beer can cause drunkenness and alcoholism when handled irresponsibly (causing harm to self and others, possible to strangers). Drunkenness is an immediate warning that too much has been consumed. Sugary drinks do not cause drunkenness (but can also cause harm to self and others, through second hand poor dieting habits). Since no drunkenness is involved with sugary drinks, they have no immediate way to warn a person of the unhealthy dangers they can do to the human body when consumed too regularly.

I believe laws for drunk driving should be much stricter than they are. I disapprove of drunk driving as much as I loathe careless drivers and drivers that eat and/or text while driving. As much as I loathe murderers and perverts of every kind. Ultimately beer is one of those things like sex and money- wonderful, yet so easily can by used to corrupt, when mishandled.

 

Diet sodas, I don’t trust ’em. After learning that my parents pour a little bit of Sweet’n Low onto ant beds in their yard, which within a few days kills off the whole colony, I figure artificial sweeteners are left better off as a pesticide. The tiny ants’ bodies can’t handle the unnatural ingredients in the artificial sweeteners. Maybe my 5’ 9”, 170 pound body can, but it’s just not a drug I am willing to experiment with.

Juice that is actually 100% natural (no added sugars or dyes) is bearable, but also has a high content of sugar. So if I do drink 8 ounce servings of juice, I realize that I have to consider the sugar content just as I would a normal beverage.  That is equal to a few tablespoons of sugar.  But if the fruit is eaten in its whole form, the fiber of the fruit itself absorbs the sugar so that it does not count as our actual sugar intake for the day.

So for me, I’m not left with many drink choices or dinner. I do drink a minimum on 3 liters of water throughout the day. But in addition to water with my evening meal, I often have a bottle of good beer (not anything cheap that can be easily found in a can, not anything with the word “lite” in its name, not anything that is advertised through funny commercials during the Super Bowl).

 

I can enjoy the simple formula of the drink that has been enjoyed since Biblical times (it was brought to America by the Christian Pilgrims who landed at Plymouth Rock). Water, barley, yeast, and hops (from the small family of flowering plants called Cannabaceae, in which cannabis is also a member). Beer contains no fat or cholesterol. Studies show then when consumed regularly in repsonsible amounts, beer can help the body fight against stroke, heart attacks, breast cancer and Alzheimer’s, to name a few benefits. When it’s consumed responsibly, it’s healthy and good. When it’s abused, it’s unhealthy and dangerous. Too much of anything usually isn’t a good thing anyway.

So did Jesus drink beer?  It’s obvious He drank wine.  Beer has been around since at least 9,000 B.C.  and was discovered/invented in Egypt, so I’m sure He had easy access.  Since it wasn’t taboo for His culture to responsibly drink alcohol, I would actually be surprised if Jesus didn’t drink beer.  But again, wine has a high alcohol content than beer anyway.  Choose your irony.

 

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Stage Presence: Act II

 

Despite the countless number of plays I’ve acted in and have watched, there are certain quirky elements of the theatre that I will never be able to get over.  The main distraction for me is when a person portrays a character that is obviously nowhere near their own age.  Not in the way that 47 year-old male musicians do here in Nashville, wearing tight ripped jeans with a trendy $62 t-shirt and having long highlighted hair, thinking they might actually be fooling someone into believing they are 24 instead.

 

But when a 21-year old puts baby powder in his hair to play Grandpa or a couple of 14 year old girls are supposed to be preschoolers just because they’re wearing pajamas and giggle a lot, I just can’t get over it.  Though I try so hard.

 

Gray hair must be earned.  The wisdom and life experience it represents clumsily clashes with the oily smooth skin of a young college student.

 

And the true innocence of a 4 year-old just can’t be captured by a teenager who much more clearly understands the difference between right and wrong.

 

It’s as phony and unbecoming as when the actor portraying a character in the sequel of a movie or later season of a TV show is different than the original one.  I know I’m supposed to go along with it, truly believing in the art of theatre, so that the character is the one I’m seeing, not the actor.  But with me, it’s just not the case.

 

From April O’Neil in the Ninja Turtle movies, to the original pale skinned Ben (Ross’s son) on Friends to the later tan one (who was played by the twins now known as the stars of The Suite Life of Zack and Cody), to Rocky’s son in pretty much every movie, to Harriet Winslow on Family Matters in the later seasons as people stopped watching the show.  All imposters.  Am I supposed to be so gullible that I truly don’t notice that Michael Keeton turned into Val Kilmer in between 1992 and 1995 in the Batman movies?

 

Actors take us into a story that happens right in front of us.  They help us escape.  They help us see reflections of our own lives.  But no matter how good they are, two things an actor can not truly believably do are A) portray a much younger or older character (20 years either way) and B) portray a character that another actor already branded in our minds from the same recent movie or TV franchise.  There is a thin line between acting and pretending and those are two ways to cross that line.

 

“My life is like a sequel to a movie where the actor’s names have changed.”  -John Mayer (“83”)