Good morning. You are officially 5 years old today!
I’m so glad you are. The older you get, the closer our relationship grows.
The way I look at it is sort of like a good road trip. You have to appreciate the journey as much as the destination. As you and I both grow older and mature together as individual human beings, we also are able to know each other better as well.
Just today you were asking me about the first time you spoke “real words” to me and I understood them; and you understood me back.
You’re old enough now to where years have actually passed since those days of helping you learn to talk; back when many of your first words I taught you were vehicles we saw on the way to and from daycare each day.
“Jeep!”
“Mustang!”
“Dump truck!”
The older you get, the more I am able to appreciate our relationship and our time together.
Five years ago I was clueless on how to be a parent. I had to figure it all out together with Mommy.
These days, the guessing games and the related frustrations are gone. I know you now.
Granted, you’ve got a baby brother or sister on the way in April. This is your final birthday as an “only child”. And as for me, I’ll be thrown back into the mode of changing diapers and preparing bottles.
Imagine how much you will change, for the better, when you are Mommy and Daddy’s much needed helper!
I remember how surprised I was back when you were a newborn, having parents who are both of Italian heritage (and Mexican on my side), ended up with blonde hair and blue eyes.
And I also remember several people said your hair would get darker and your eyes would change color.
But you’re 5 now, and your eyes are still blue and you pretty much still kind of have blonde hair. You’ve made it this far still looking this way!
It still amazes me.
Happy 5th Birthday, Jack. I’ve got plenty more letters to write you and we’ve got plenty more growing up to do together.
This morning as my wife and I were getting ready for work, we were talking about the concept of how parents can influence their kids, even without trying to.
For example, no matter how much you praise your child on their abilities, talents, and looks, they can be just as influenced by the way you, the parent, see yourself.
As Bekah on The Wally Show explained yesterday morning, a mother who picks herself apart in front of the mirror will often, by default, teach her daughter to do the same; no matter how much the mother compliments the daughter.
We learn so much from our parents.
Today is my dad’s 59th birthday. So naturally, having just had this conversation, I’ve been thinking all day about the ways my dad made me who I am; whether he meant to or not.
I easily thought of 5 ways:
1) Diet:
The first story that comes to mind was back in the late 80s one time when my dad stopped to get gas for his Ford Ranchero.
I asked him if I could get a candy bar inside the gas station. He reluctantly said yes, but went on to explain how unhealthy candy bars were, because of “all that sugar”. He told me how little boys my age needed to be eating healthier foods.
That made me curious. I then asked him when the last time he had eaten he candy bar. He replied, “Years… I probably was a boy. But I shouldn’t have, because those things aren’t healthy.”
Similarly, I can also specifically remember, around the same time, we were watching 20/20 on TV and there was a special about how kids were having heart attacks because of their diets.
My dad warned me if I didn’t start eating healthier foods, I could end up like those kids on TV who had heart attacks.
In our house, we never had white bread; only wheat. I felt deprived.
Granted, those elementary school years passed, then my teens, then my college years, and I ate horribly the whole time; whenever it was up to me. I didn’t heed his advice.
But by the time I reached my late 20s, I started seeing my processed food diet catch up with me…
Now, look at me. I am the strictest vegan anyone personally knows. If it weren’t for my dad, though, I wouldn’t currently be the healthy man I am.
If it weren’t for my dad, these days I would be a highly medicated guy: I would take something daily for severe allergy and sinus issues; and I would still constantly be suffering eczema, paying for prescription medicine to attempt to alleviate it, but not cure it.
That all went away when I became a vegan 2 and a half years ago; not to mention I’ve effortlessly remained in the perfect weight range for my height and weight since then.
I am confident that my dad’s “you better stop eating candy cars or you’re going to be a kid who has a heart attack” comments greatly influenced me for the good; even if I couldn’t appreciate it at the time.
It was ingrained in me from my dad that it’s important to prevent cancer and disease; not simply focus on the cure.
Here’s a webisode that he and I made with my son; which hints on the fact we don’t trust microwaves:
2) Being active:
Plus, my dad was always physically active. During my entire childhood, he participated in martial arts; he was a black belt. Back in 1992, he even won 1st place in the sparring competition, for his division in northern Alabama.
(As for me in modern day, I regularly run and go mountain biking; plus I take at least two 10 minute walks outside during my breaks.)
Quite regularly, I when I was a kid, I would go with my dad to his Tuesday night practices and workouts. I knew that he would let me get a cheeseburger at Hardee’s on the way home if I went with him.
Here’s another webisode that my dad and I made with my son; which features my dad in one of his classic karate uniforms:
3) Letting me make my own decisions
And perhaps that’s another way he influenced me: He let me make my own decisions, even sometimes when he knew there was a better way.
I’m not sure I’ll be as hands off with my own son. I don’t know that I can be as Libertarian with my son as my dad was with me.
But had my dad not been so laissez-faire with me (a policy or attitude of letting things take their own course, without interfering), there’s a good chance I would rebelled and acted out as a kid, teenager, and even a young adult.
So twenty years ago, during the reign of grunge, I had the long hair and the baggy jeans; and my dad never once revealed he was concerned about it.
Of course, my dad also taught me, by default, to be calm-assertive.
These qualities are only the tip of the iceberg. In all this, it was not only his words, but more importantly, his actions that inspired me how to live my life.
4) Faith
Going deeper, I grew up with my dad reading me stories from the Bible for my bedtime stories, teaching my Sunday School classes at our church, and leading the youth group at church.
Therefore, I do my best to lead my own family in the teachings of Christianity; not out of tradition, but as a way of life- serving others, not judging them.
I seriously doubt my blog would be called Family Friendly Daddy Blog if it weren’t for him. He never cussed, so neither do I. Curse words never seemed necessary in order to communicate something worth saying.
5) Politics
And when it comes to politics, I see that I have become my dad as well:
“Vote for the lesser of the two evils; whether that happens to be a Democrat or a Republican.” I remember he told me that a couple elections ago and it’s stuck with me.
A mindset like that requires an individual to use critical thinking beyond what they are taught by either the left wing or the right wing.
After all, they are both wings of the same bird.
Ultimately, he taught me to question the norm. And I do. That is a huge part of who I am.
It’s even one of the main reasons my wife started dating me, as she has told me before, “You always seem so confident in what you believe, even if it not what most other people believe.”
So really, the way I see it, it’s undeniable that my dad greatly influenced who I am. Today he turns 59 years old. Despite whatever gift card my wife and I mailed him for his birthday, these words today are my gift to him more than anything else.
Last October, our family started a new family tradition. For about two months of each year, our family has matching ages.
Mommy and I were born within a year of each other, as were your Aunt Dana and Uncle Andrew, as were your brother Jack and your cousin Calla; and now, most recently, as will be you and your cousin Darla.
So the tradition is that during that 2 months of each calendar year, we take a picture together in Alabama where everyone else lives, to recognize this.
As you can see, your Aunt Dana is 8 months pregnant with your cousin Darla. Mommy is 14 weeks pregnant with you right now; nearly 3 months pregnant.
The next time we’re all planning on being together is Thanksgiving weekend, which is about 2 weeks after your brother Jack’s 5th birthday.
But as for right now, Mommy and I are 34 years old, your Aunt Dana and Uncle Andrew are 31, your brother Jack and cousin Calla are 4, and you and your cousin Darla are still in the womb; which I labelled as “0” years old.
Your Aunt Dana is due with your cousin Darla on Thanksgiving Day. There’s a very good chance your cousin will have just been born by the time we arrive there for the holiday.
But at the same time, there’s even a chance we may not even meet Darla at all during Thanksgiving weekend; that is, if she is born a week past her due date, like your brother Jack was.
This week Mommy officially bought maternity clothes to accompany her body changing, as you grow inside the womb.
Hopefully, some of her nausea will cease as we enter the 2nd trimester.
As for you, you are having a party in there; rocking the boat for Mommy inside.
Without any hesitation, I could and would give my life for you.
However, I believe there is nothing heroic or surprising about that statement whatsoever.
Instead, it’s simply common knowledge, I would assume; that a father would simply in a moment either risk his life or give his life if he saw his child in serious danger. Cue a relevant song:
The reason I recently gave this thought is because recently when we took our mini vacation to Pensacola, we walked out to the end of the long fishing pier at Casino Beach. Mommy and I took turns holding you up to the guard rail to let you see over into the water.
(We were all surprised to the see the man next to us catch a small shark; which he ultimately was required to throw back into the ocean.)
As we left the pier and walked back to the beach, you asked me this:
“Daddy, what would happen if another child’s daddy or mommy was holding them and they pretended like they were going to throw their child into the water, but then they really did, but they didn’t mean to?”
I was amazed at such a deep, hypothetical question from a 4 and a half year-old little boy.
My answer was this:
“They would do whatever it takes to get their child back. If it were you that fell in, I would immediately jump in after you.”
Granted, I’m not sure I would survive the hit of impact of the water (that pier is pretty high off of the water), or that the water would absolutely be deep enough to save my fall.
Either way, I would follow you, even to death. Cue another relevant song:
This reminds me of a scene on one of my favorite shows, Lost; during the final season one of the main characters gets trapped in a submarine, after a bomb explodes, causing water to rush in.
Spoiler alert! Even though Lost ended almost exactly 5 years ago:
Her legs are pinned down from the explosion, leaving her upper half out of the water, as her husband desperately tried to bend the steel bars in order to free her.
After several attempts, he realizes it’s impossible. Though he himself was free and could escape instead of drowning, he chooses to stay with his wife; dying with her in the flood.
It was one of the most touching moment in Lost for me.
But ultimately, it wasn’t heroic. You undoubtedly would die for the people you love the most; without hesitation.
So yes, it’s a dark thought to think about you falling in the water or that we would not spend many more decades together here on Earth.
I just want you to know- I can’t imagine living the rest of my life with you or Mommy. If I felt I was about to lose either of you, I would instantly throw my life in front whatever it was to try to prevent anything bad from happening to you two.
Not because I’m some great guy, but simply because you and Mommy are my life. What would life be without you?
Leading up to our recent mini road trip to Pensacola, you announced to me, “Daddy, when we go to the beach, we need to dig in the sand because maybe there is a buried treasure chest… and dinosaur bones too!”
So thanks to a quick trip to Dollar Tree and Party Central, I was able to obtain the treasure chest (a lunch box), plastic coins and jewelry, and some dinosaur bone puzzles; all for less than 10 bucks.
Mommy packed them up in our beach bag, and from there I loaded them up on the back of the 2015 Toyota Sienna we drove for the trip.
When we arrived at Casino Beach during one of our trips there, you and Mommy immediately began playing in the sand. I snuck over, just about 50 feet away from you, and dug 2 holes: one for the treasure chest and one for the dinosaur bones.
Right as I finished, you ran over to me in excitement. I explained to you that I thought I had just found a good place where someone might have buried some treasure.
Of course, from there, the magic began…
Here’s my video I made, capturing the whole event:
You were mesmerized by your finding for the rest of the weekend; proudly wearing your jewelry in the van and during lunch at the restaurant.
I could actually see this becoming a new tradition for us each time we go to the beach. I’m even imagining you getting old enough to figure out that it’s really just me hiding the treasures but where I would simply hide gifts that you want anyway.
And it’s all because in your own 4 and a half year-old creativity, your faith led you to believe that there truly would be hidden treasure there at the beach with Mommy and me.
Yes, the hidden treasure is definitely there if you’re looking for it.
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