I had never considered, until this past weekend, how dramatically different your life would be if you had an older sister, instead of an older brother; an one who is significantly older: Jack is nearly 5 and half years older than you.
When he is a senior in high school, you’ll be in 8th grade. Not only is he a different gender, but he’ll also always be in a different stage of childhood.
And I really like it that way.
I like how he naturally takes care of you, even if I’m understandably a little nervous…
Saturday morning as Jack was getting excited about me taking him to go see Kong: Skull Island, he chose to take on the persona of King Kong.
He built a mountain out of his stuffed animals and our living room sofa.
You were just watching in curiosity, from the kitchen floor as you meticulously dissected a patch of tissue paper.
“Grrrr! Roowwwrrr! Woohrrr!” Jack beat his chest as he gave you a scary look as he tossed debris at you, including a sock and a small stuffed animal.
You weren’t too impressed, but you were paying attention.
Then on Sunday evening, as Mommy was preparing dinner, Jack decided to give you free wrestling lessons.
There shouldn’t have been a big smile on your face the whole time, but there definitely was. You loved it!
I think one of the many advantages of having a much older brother is that, by default, you have no fear.
Not only are you used to the likes of a Kindergartner who pretends to be an angry roaring ape, and who wrestles you on the carpet, but you instinctively know that he’s also quick to protect you with that same strength.
Yeah, things would be much different if you had an older sister instead.
The only thing Mommy and I are used to you spending your own money on is stuffed animals. You’ve got a bedroom full of them; literally hundreds now.
So you can imagine how surprised I was when you decided to spend your last $6 on a coloring activity kit.
And then the following weekend, after Mommy revealed there was still a $25 Target card left over from your birthday, you spent it on two packs of Pokemon cards.
I think it’s so cool that you’re at the stage now where you and your friends take your Pokemon cards to school and trade them. You are serious about stuff.
When we got home from Target, you immediately set out all your new cards, along with the ones you already had in your collection.
Very carefully, you began placing the cards into their holders. You spent a solid hour doing this.
Never once did you smile, nor did you talk. But you were in your glory.
Meanwhile, your sister was being quiet and sneaky.
She had discovered both her diaper bag and Mommy’s purse there on the floor. Holly took it upon herself to unpack them both.
Applying Mommy’s Chap Stick wasn’t as easy as she thought. She didn’t realize the cap had to come off first. Yet still, Holly felt like a big girl at least trying to put it on.
Mommy and I have noticed that the chaos is becoming a little more organized these days.
Sometimes the two of you can entertain yourselves, other times you can entertain each other.
Either way, it’s freeing up your parents to be able to get more housework done, while you do.
This past Sunday, we even had enough time to lounge on the couch as a family, just playing and talking. Mommy smiled in amazement, “Man, we never get to do this as a family.”
Things are getting a little bit more relaxed and balanced now. The chaos is a little bit more organized these days.
Welcome to the deep, mysterious, likely un-relatable, rarely revealed cavern of the emotionally intelligent male mind.
Back in 2010, when my wife was pregnant with our son, my blog was featured in American Baby magazine; which eventually led to me becoming the official daddy blogger of their sister magazine, Parents; from May 2011 to June 2014.
In the initial write-up in American Baby, they pitched my blog to their readers with this invitation: “Wondering what your hubby’s really thinking?…”
At the time, I remember reading that and thinking, “Yeah, but I’m not that kind of guy. That’s not me. I don’t keep things to myself. My thoughts are no mystery to anyone…”
That was in 2010, before I actually had kids. Plus, I had only been married about 2 years at that point.
One of the great advantages of being married now for 8 and a half years and having 2 kids is that, by default, I have gained emotional intelligence. I grew up on in the inside. I got toughened up.
I became the husband and father I needed to be. The sensitive, and therefore “offendable”, guy I was before wasn’t enough to get the job done.
Essentially, to the outside world, I transcended from “optimistic nice person who everybody likes” to “hopeful yet realistic personable man who doesn’t necessarily measure up to everyone’s expectations anymore.”
Nostalgically put, I evolved from Luke Skywalker into Han Solo.
It was a necessary transformation for me. Perhaps one of the major milestones of this journey was when I published a blog post (and accompanying video) inviting the free world to attempt to offend me.
I had discovered that the only person who has power and authority over my emotions is me. In other words, no one in this entire world can “offend” me or “hurt my feelings” if I don’t first give them permission.
So I simply stopped giving anyone permission to offend me. And up came the walls…
I now live in a reality where I am unoffendable. Since making this conscious decision, the quality of my life has undeniably…
Improved.
Things in life just don’t bother me as much. Life is smoother now.
I am now in control of my emotions instead of them controlling me. For example, I have no shame in admitting I allow myself to cry every time I watch Disney Pixar’s Inside Out. I am in touch with, and in control of, my emotions to the point where the cartoonish yet realistic presentation of a parent’s love for their child gets to me.
Needless to say, on the other hand, other people’s Facebook comments claim no effect on my day.
I have simplified my life so that I can enjoy and appreciate it that much more.
Granted, there’s a perceived downside to the lifestyle of male emotional intelligence.
I’ve got those walls up now. I’m more detached from the popular distractions of the world- and I know this.
But this, for me, is safe- and it’s efficient; less complicated.
In other words, I’ve become that guy I couldn’t relate to back in 2010:
I keep a lot of things to myself. Most of my thoughts are now a mystery to everyone.
I’ve adopted a Libertarian approach to the opinions and lifestyles of other people. What they do doesn’t bother me and I don’t bother them. I don’t try to change them. I don’t need to change them.
Because now, I am truly confident in myself and my beliefs, despite being completely aware of my unending faults.
This is not a classic case of bottling up my emotions, only to erupt later on. To me, that would be weak.
Instead, it’s a matter of consciously deciding not to let people or things bother me anymore.
In turn, I have noticed that I am that much more focused on my own family and close friends, in real life. Not on Facebook.
The 2010 version of me simply wouldn’t function in my life today in 2017. I have evolved out of necessity.
I now see life for the tragicomedy it is. Life is both sad and funny. It’s both inspiring and depressing.
By evolving to my emotionally intelligent state, I have made it possible to recognize when to express my emotions, accordingly.
Ultimately, I choose joy. I choose hope.
My hope today is that others can relate to my transformation.
You are no longer dealing with the young and naïve Luke Skywalker.
Like me, you may never really dedicate yourself to team sports. Sure, you may play soccer a year here and there, but really I predict your extracurricular activities will be in the field of art; as was the case for me.
I come home from work each day to see such masterpieces, which are just casual drawings from school. But they are full of thought, detail, and character.
This painting of a sheep impressed Mommy and me so much we have decided to keep it aside so that you can enter it into the Williamson County Fair.
And this amazing painting of a fish is proudly hanging on our fridge.
You particularly delight in drawing dinosaurs. It’s so impressive the way you can just draw these different types just from memory, in addition to being able to immediately tell me the correct names of each one.
But I must say, my favorite recent drawing of yours features two personified dinosaurs. On that fateful Saturday morning at the kitchen table, you asked me, “Daddy, which kind of hat should this T-Rex wear?”
I effortlessly suggested a cowboy hat, which you immediately agreed to.
You then decided that the country T-Rex should be wearing overalls and holding an American flag. I love how you automatically knew how to make that connection from just a cowboy hat.
Next came another T-Rex. In contrast, you drew him wearing a pair of shorts, a baseball cap and a waving a Digimon flag.
There are two ways of interpreting this piece of art.
Either the two dinosaurs are about to engage in a duel, using their flags as symbolic weapons…
Or, they have decided to become friends, despite their cultural differences. And that likely is the case, as you created speech bubbles for each of them, so they could say “hello” to each other.
You finished off the drawing by turning those speech bubbles into smaller versions of the dinosaurs, which wore hats just like the actual dinosaurs wore.
Last Saturday was such a beautiful day so we made good use of it. We met up with our friends Mohamad and Lena, and their daughter Hanna who is just a month older than you. We stopped for lunch at Noodles & Co., the same vegan-vegetarian-kosher friendly place that your brother Jack and I dined at after we saw Rogue One back in January at the Green Hills Mall in Nashville.
We all took a moment to appreciate Hanna’s awesome new shirt that her parents found for her in downtown Nashville. Jack said, “Daddy, I keep thinking that’s really her arms and legs. It looks like she’s really playing the guitar!”
After lunch, I suggested we drive right across the other side of I-65 and take a walk in Aspen Grove Park; which is right behind my office, where I take my mountain bike, skateboard, or just go running during my lunch breaks.
Fortunately, we took our double stroller to push you and Jack. However, he let you have it all to yourself since he wanted to check out the creek that followed the trail.
For me, there’s nothing like being able to take a leisurely stroll through the park on a nice day. There’s a reason the saying goes, “Well, it’s no walk in the park…” when referencing a tough situation.
That’s because a walk in the park is a standard measurement of happiness and inner peace. It’s a universally enjoyed occurrence.
And hey, if you can share that experience with people you care about… even better.
I watched the wind blow through your blonde hair, as you took the whole experience in. Ultimately, you were ready for a nap. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to the point of falling asleep.
You saved that for two minutes into the car ride home.
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