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Dear Jack: The Ever-Hilarious and Glorious Choco Chimps

6 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack: The Ever-Hilarious and Glorious Choco Chimps

Dear Jack,

As a family, we rarely go grocery shopping together. Typically, Mommy goes to Kroger while I stay home with you and your sister Holly. But last Sunday after church, it was just easier to get the shopping out of the way, so we decided to turn it into a family affair.

At one point, I had turned the corner to pick up a few Kombucha drinks. When I came back, I heard Mommy saying to you, “You’ll have to ask Daddy when he gets back…”

You looked up and saw me. Holding the brown box of chocolate corn puffs, which featured a joyous chimpanzee on the cover, you asked me with a cautious yet hopeful tone:

“Daddy, can I have Choco Chimps?”

Seriously, how could I say no? A 6 year-old boy with big blue eyes had just asked me such a ridiculous sounding question, with such a straight face.

(Just add the phrase Choco Chimps to anything you say and I’m probably going to laugh.)

The only problem was, I couldn’t stop laughing. For the rest of the time I was in the store, I kept finding myself in fits of literally LOL-ing about the absurd thought of a chimpanzee who authentically loved chocolate cereal so much that it had to be named after him.

And then the thought that my own sweet son wanted to eat that chimpanzee’s famous cereal…

Though I’m sure you wanted to get aggravated with me for cracking up over the concept of Choco Chimps, you let it go since I obviously said yes.

This morning before you started getting ready for school, you asked, “Daddy, will you pour me some Choco Chimps?”

Amazingly, I didn’t laugh, but instead simply made you aware: “Yes, but just know, this is all that’s left in the box.”

You clearly loved Choco Chimps this week as, indicated by the empty box I placed in recycling.

As you enjoyed the last of your enchanted cereal, I was packing everything in the car. When I returned a few minutes later, the bathroom door was shut, as I heard you whispering to your sister. I opened to the door to see you holding your her; both of your seemingly surprised I found you so quickly.

Holly clearly enjoyed the impromptu game of hide-and-seek with you.

It was time to brush your teeth, so I sat your sister down near our feet; as she typically likes to crawl through them like a cat. However, she quietly (and suspiciously) just sat there on the carpet, right outside the open bathroom door.

After I finished brushing your teeth and had sent you over to the front door to put on your socks, I kneeled down to Holly, to find out why she was being atypically non-curious.

I saw that her fist was closed, as she tried not to make it obvious she had a glorious treasure inside. Then with my thumb, I pried openher fingers, to discover…

A Choco Chimp!

Looks like little sister managed to convey the message, even without words:

“Brother, can I have a Choco Chimp?”

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: The “What 3 Sounds Can You Make?” Misunderstanding

6 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack: The “What 3 Sounds Can You Make?” Misunderstanding

Dear Jack,

Holly and I were quiet, just minding our own business. You presented Mommy with what appeared to be an engaging, impromptu game, when she heard you ask the question, “Mommy, what three sounds can you make?”

She answered nearly immediately: “I can make a lot of sounds.”

You insisted, “But Mommy, what three sounds can you make?”

Slightly confused, she answered you.

“Ding… dong… ppfffttt.”

You were not pleased nor impressed with her answer. So you repeated the question, “No, Mommy! What three sounds can you make?!”

She followed up with three more noises that didn’t quench your thirst for knowledge either:

“Beep… bop… boing.”

You were getting noticeably upset at this point; frustrated that Mommy was apparently not making the sounds you wanted to hear.

Was it some kind of impossible guessing game? How could Mommy possibly know which three sounds were the right answer?

Or maybe there was some kind of inside joke that Holly nor I were aware of? Maybe Mommy makes three sounds that are funny, and you wanted to hear them again, because no one else was as good at making those sounds?

Things were starting to get tense. So at that point, I asked you to stop playing the game, as I just wanted peace.

“Mommy, U makes three sounds, I can’t remember what they are!”

Then she and I finally realized what you were getting at.

“Oh! You’re asking me which three sounds the letter U can make?” she responded.

What we thought was a playful guessing game was instead you practicing your phonics, outside of school… by choice!

Mommy was able to tell you the three different sounds the letter U makes; like in the words put, truck, and prune.

At last, you were relieved.

You were just a 6 year-old boy trying to privately sort out how the confusing English language works, and your parents weren’t much help.

So next time you appear to engage us in a guessing game, I’ll assume it has something to do with phonics.

Love,

Daddy

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FACT: I Am the Manliest Vegan on the Internet

There is no dispute. No one is even looking into it. Instead, the entire world simply unanimously accepts and agrees that I, Nick Shell, am the manliest vegan on the Internet.

What makes me such a manly vegan?…

First off, I am emotionally intelligent regarding my vegan lifestyle. Because I am fully secure in my beliefs, I have zero desire to try to convince others to become vegans. In fact, I would rather other people didn’t become vegans, especially not other men, because it keeps me more unique in my identity. (Approximately less than 0.5% of the American population are male vegans).

Second, I am a committed husband (been in love with the same woman for 10 years now; 8 and a half of which we’ve been married) and an involved father (hence, the daddy blog).

Plus, I am healthy and active. I am not a slave to my body; my body is a slave to me. I get plenty of protein (from vegetables, fruit, beans, grains, nuts, and seeds) and I am always on the move:

I run and I go mountain biking regularly, plus I go hiking and exploring with my son.

Next, I am a decisive leader and a good communicator. I don’t fear change, I embrace it. I always have a few back-up plans.

I am undeniably confident, yet aware of my weaknesses, which I am always working to improve.

Granted, I am very aware of my skills and talents, making sure I utilize them as part of my identity.

Most people have a hard time thinking of just one other male vegan they know. Even if they can think of a male vegan other than me, then the question becomes: Is he manly?

That question quickly evolves: But is he manlier than Nick Shell?

So far, history shows that the answer has always been… no.

As a blogger and YouTuber, I figured I might as well make it official in this announcement today:

I am the manliest vegan on the Internet.

FACT: I Am the Manliest Vegan on the Internet

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Dear Jack: You Bought a Poop Emoji Hat… and You’re Very Proud of It!

6 years.

Dear Jack: You Bought a Poop Emoji Hat… and You’re Very Proud of It!

Dear Jack,

For your birthday, you had been planning to spend some of your $100 shopping spree money at Opry Mills Mall on a poop emoji stuffed animal you saw at a candy store; of all places. But once we arrived, the poop emoji doll was gone. You ended up buying a holiday-themed big-eyed animal instead.

But I figured it was just a matter of time before you would find a poop emoji to purchase…

This past weekend as we were waiting at the crosswalk to reach the Bridgestone Arena where the circus was taking place, a street vendor selling “the same stuff as inside” happened to also randomly have a poop emoji hat, in the likeness of a stuffed animal.

Mommy suggested you wait until after the circus was over before you decided how to spend your remaining $11 from your birthday money; to make sure there wasn’t anything you’d want more once you got inside to the circus.

Dear Jack: You Bought a Poop Emoji Hat… and You’re Very Proud of It!

I could tell for the last 20 minutes of the circus that you were distracted: You just wanted to get back to the street vendor to buy that poop emoji hat; assuming there was still one left.

The nice vendor man smiled and said, “That’ll be $15.”

We thought it was only $10 because earlier we had heard him name the prices of the light-up toys.

He saw that you had 11 one-dollar bills as you looked down into you vinyl skateboard-themed wallet.

“Oh, you’re using your own money? I’ll give it to you for $11 then.”

Needless to say, Poopy (as you’ve named it) has been a main character in your world since last Saturday. Poopy goes with you everywhere in the car and sleeps with you in the bed each night.

Dear Jack: You Bought a Poop Emoji Hat… and You’re Very Proud of It!

Not to mention, Poopy has made an appearance in your artwork at school. Not only did you do a profile picture of Poopy, but you also drew one of your classmates- with Poopy instead of the girl’s actual head.

Dear Jack: You Bought a Poop Emoji Hat… and You’re Very Proud of It!

She apparently liked your work. I’m almost surprised you didn’t tell me that other friends at school requested you to draw them with Poopy heads as well!

Love,

Daddy

 

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Dear Jack: Your Proposed Aliens-Themed Birthday Party/The Butt Club

5 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack: Your Proposed “Aliens and Butts” Birthday Party Idea

Dear Jack,

This is your first week of being in Kindergarten all day long. I can tell you love it and that you’re having a good time making new friends.

Based on conversations I’ve been hearing you have with Mommy, apparently you and your new friends have been having meetings on the playground as part of what you call “The Butt Club” where you all “talk about butts.”

I appreciate this concept. It’s like an underground movement where Kindergartner boys can meet secretly to freely discuss the greatness of “butts”; a topic that is taboo in the classroom.

It would be my speculation that “having gas” would be a popular topic of discussion, as you and your friends of The Butt Club talk about butts.

On Tuesday when I came home from work, I handed you a surprise I picked up from the treasure box at the dentist office: a bendable alien toy.

You were so excited when you turned him around and saw that he had a visible butt!

This toy alien gave you much joy, and entertainment, for the rest of the evening; eventually, a clever and original idea was born:

You asked Mommy about having an alien-themed birthday party for when you turn 6 in November. Unsurprisingly, you were quick to also mention the inclusion of “butts” as part of the theme, as well.

We’ve still got 3 months to figure out how to accomplish this theme for your birthday party. Last year, we didn’t have an official party for you, since we took a trip to Florida to celebrate instead.

But with a newborn sister, and a week-long trip to San Diego for Uncle Jake’s wedding at the end of September, another trip in November is unlikely.

So maybe an alien-themed is possible… I’m just not so sure about the butts.

Love,

Daddy