With great power comes great responsibility.
I have accepted the fact that I am a “movie guy”. Sure, everyone loves movies. Just like everyone loves music, and food, and oxygen. But some people are so intuitive (extremely picky) when it comes to movies, that casual movie watchers learn to go to these “movie guys” to ask about how good a certain movie is that just came out.
I have literally heard this sentence more times than I can remember in recent years: “Hey, you’re a big movie guy. What did you think of (names a movie)?”
Of course I am always happy to help out a friend or family member in choosing how to spend 90 minutes of their time. But part of being a Movie Guy is knowing which movies not to watch in the first place.
Basic “Do Not Watch” Criteria:
1) The movie is rated G or PG but is not a cartoon.
2) The word “heartwarming” has been used to describe this movie. Or the word “movie” is part of the title of the movie.
3) Stars of the movie include, but are not limited to, any Country Music star, Dane Cook, Jessica Simpson, or Larry the Cable Guy.
4) In the trailer for the movie, the last scene shows a muscular man with an angry and serious look on his face, walking away from a building or car that blows up, while the man just keeps walking towards the camera, unaffected and unconcerned.
5) Simply by watching the trailer for the movie, you fully understand the plot and possibly the resolution.
However, there is the other side of the token:
Basic “Do Watch” Criteria:
1) The movie is rated “PG-13” or “R”.
2) The words “clever”, “groundbreaking”, and “genre defying”, have been used to describe this movie.
3) Stars of the movie include, but are not limited to, Paul Giamatti, Tom Hanks, Johnny Depp, or any Jewish comedian (besides Gilbert Gottfried or Pauly Shore).
4) In the trailer of the movie, the words “Rolling Stone”, “4 stars”, “brilliant”, and “Peter Traverse” are all flashed on the screen.
5) After watching the trailer for the movie which includes a song clip by Genesis, Electric Light Orchestra, Simon and Garfunkel, Tom Petty, or Pete Yorn, you don’t fully understand what the movie is about, but are still intrigued.
Of course, no basic formula can absolutely predict whether a movie will be good, or even more importantly, whether or not I will like the movie. Because who cares what Siskel and Roper say. The question is, how worth my time was the movie? Time I’ll never get back.
I know I was supposed to like it, but The Blind Side just really didn’t do it for me. The previews showed everything that happened in the movie. It didn’t make me feel all warm inside. The movie was predictable, familiar, and too long. The kid annoyed me. And both the acting (except for Sandra Bullock) and the writing came across to me like a straight-to-DVD Christian movie. Sorry, rest of the world, The Blind Side wasn’t for me.
It would be an overwhelming, intimidating, and daunting task to officially conjure up which movies are truly my top 10 favorite movies of all time. And most likely, only a few of them would match most other peoples’ favorites. But just off the top of my head, just because I’m curious, I’m surprisingly going to give it a shot…
#1) I Love You, Man
#2) Trains, Planes, and Automobiles
#3) Garden State
#5) Vanilla Sky
#6) Fight Club
#7) 500 Days of Summer
#8) Forrest Gump
#10) Rocky 3
Yes, it’s true. In the likeness of how a connoisseur often is with wine, I am a movie snob. For what it’s worth, I can help others by giving them my self-proclaimed professional opinion about any movie I’ve seen. But what if I’ve never seen the movie before?
Then, chances are, it’s probably not worth my time to watch it. Or it hasn’t arrived yet from Netflix.