father

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The Amount You Mature After You Turn 30

babycollage

This week I turned 34 and a half. I’m now just 6 months away from turning 35, which will officially toss me out of that targeted demographic which has traditionally been the coveted marketing demographic: age 18-34.

I’m also only 6 months away from the birth of my 2nd child; who I think is a girl.

Turning a year older is not something I fear or hide. I celebrate getting older. That’s mainly because I’m so grateful for the amount of maturity, emotional intelligence, and life experience I gain each year I’m alive.

I definitely don’t wish I was 30 again, or 27, or 25, or 23… I’m perfectly happy and proud to be 34 and a half.

And research shows the same thing; that the age people report being the happiest is 34.

By now, I’m married, I have kid(s), I’m out of debt, I have money in the bank, I “own” a home, and I’m stable in my career.

Additionally, I have (hopefully) already made my dumbest mistakes and learned my hardest lessons in life.

If I simply apply what I’ve already learned from life so far, I should be alright. In theory, I should be on auto-pilot, from here on out, to some degree.

I feel that while I’ll constantly be learning something new every day, my “life’s biggest learning curve” is complete. In other words, now I know what to do, it’s just a matter of testing that knowledge and experience for the rest of my life to see what else I can make of it.

When I turned 30, I knew I was hitting a major milestone. But in hindsight, I now realize that the reason it was a major milestone for me is because I have learned some of life’s biggest and most crucial lessons since then, during these past 4 and a half years.

The Amount You Mature After You Turn 30

My son was born just a few months before I turned 30. Obviously, raising him has taught me a whole lot about life.

Plus, I made some wrong financial and career decisions around that time as well; which ultimately led my wife and I to become the strict Dave Ramsey followers we now are.

Not to mention, I was hired as Parents.com’s official daddy blogger right after I turned 30, which ultimately meant for 3 years, I had to do a blog post daily; being encouraged to be controversial by my editors.

Therefore, I can see in retrospect that I sporadically said plenty of immature and/or now embarrassing things in my blog posts during that time in attempts to “better engage my audience.” I learned a lot from that experience and I’m completely grateful for those 3 years.

On top of all that, I’ve learned the hard way what not to post on Facebook, since turning 30.

But now, I’ve lived through all that.

And I’ve been married for over 7 years now. It would be an understatement to say that marriage, in addition to raising a child, has made me a more mature, less selfish, better balanced human being.

The first day of the rest of my life began the day I turned 30. I can only imagine how much more enlightened I will feel and be by the time I turn 40.

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Dear Jack: Your 1st Day of Pre-K at Rainbow Child Care Center

4 years, 9 months.

pk1

Dear Jack,

Last week while our family was on vacation in California, your preschool Rainbow Child Care Center opened its new Pre-K classroom.

So this Tuesday was your first day of Pre-K. I put together this little 90 second video from that morning as I dropped you off.

As you can see from the video, we have a 2015 Toyota Avalon this week which I am reviewing, so I decided to include it in the video. After all, the fancy car ride there was a big part of your 1st day of Pre-K.

pk2

I mentioned a few weeks ago that I don’t feel that you’re growing up way too fast. Instead, I feel you’re growing up at the right speed.

It makes sense it my head that you’re nearly 5 years old and are just a year away from staring Kindergarten. And I think you feel the same way. You seem proud to be big boy.

Speaking of your new Pre-K classroom, here’s the video you and I made together a few weeks about it:

When we came back from California this week and checked the mail, you had received your prize money from winning 2nd place in the Williamson County Fair Lego Competition.

Dear Jack: You Won 2nd Place in the County Lego Competition!

Mommy took you to go spend your $20 earnings. You purchased a $15 toy: the Hot Wheels Snap Rides Truck and Trailer.

It’s something you’ve been talking about for weeks. You love getting to build your own vehicles.

pk4

This whole time I thought you would end up spending your prize money on more Legos, but it also makes sense that you’d buy cars you can build as well.

As we get settled back in from vacation this week, I’ll be working on several more videos and pictures from California.

We had a lot of fun! I can’t wait to share!

Love,

Daddy

pk3

5 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, parenting, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: A Dad’s Letter To His Son On His 4th Birthday

4 years old!

Dear Jack,

Dear Jack: A Dad’s Letter To His Son On His 4th Birthday

Two years ago, on your 2nd birthday, I started a tradition of writing you a letter on each of your birthdays; which started me writing to letters every week.

A year I wrote to you on your 3rd birthday, right as you were making that unofficial transition out of “toddlerhood.”

And now a year later, here you are, a year into boyhood. There is no doubt you definitely a real boy; not a toddler, not a baby.

Dear Jack: A Dad’s Letter To His Son On His 4th Birthday

Those funny “onion head” pictures on packages saying that toys are not suitable for ages 0-3 are a thing of the past.

You can now easily handle smart parts without it being a problem; as demonstrated in your amazing Lego creations.

This evolution of my son is present in the wallet cards I get from your school each time they have picture day.

I see a chubby blonde-haired baby who turned into a brown-haired boy.

These are the new “good ole days.”

I can honestly say I’m just as happy as you are to see you open your presents. These are the days of Legos, Transformers, Ninja Turtles, and Captain America. (Sounds a lot like my own childhood!)

Gone are the days of changing dirty diapers and cleaning bottles. Gone are the days of you stuttering and speaking in pigeon-English.

Dear Jack: A Dad’s Letter To His Son On His 4th Birthday

The fact that we’re building this new house (and hopefully moving in it in January) only compliments your coming of age to boyhood, as well as our family’s coming of age to a family with a real boy.

I am so excited to teach you to learn how to ride a bicycle in the cul-de-sac we will live in. And can’t for the day we get to “go camping” in our backyard; even though I convinced you’ll ask to go back inside after about an hour.

Things are good and about to get even better.

Happy 4th Birthday, Son. I love you with all that I have.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your Friend Lucy Says I’m A Nice Daddy

3 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack: Your Friend Lucy Says I’m A Nice Daddy

Dear Jack,

Last Thursday as I was picking you up from KinderCare and walking you to our car, your friend Lucy saw us walking by and proclaimed to her own Daddy, “That’s Jack’s Daddy. He’s a nice Daddy!”

I had really never considered my reputation among the 3 year-olds of your school.

Maybe I really am a “nice Daddy.”

Hey, I’ll take a compliment anytime I can; even from a 3 year-old.

When I walk in each day to pick you up from school, your friends always begin talking to me; like they’re supposed to or something. It’s been that way for months, actually…

Your friend Avery always tells me, “My Mommy picks me up today.”

Jaedyn always describes what she’s drawing and shows it to me.

Ethan immediately hugs my leg, like I’m his actually Daddy.

And when I see you, you always run to me and I lift you up to the air like you’re a rocket.

So looking back, I guess you and I do make a scene each day when I pick you up.

Ultimately, I guess that makes me a “nice Daddy.”

(Coincidently, I happened to meet Lucy’s Mommy, Autumn, this week for the first time; I took some pictures of you and Lucy playing together.)

I can honestly say I’ve never considered my reputation as a “nice Daddy” among your peers. I guess I’ve just always subconsciously assumed that their dads act the same way when they pick them up each day.

And that’s still what I assume. I assume all your friends’ fathers treat them the same way as I treat you.

How could they not?

Being a good father (and husband) are the roles in life I take the most seriously.

My understanding is that fatherhood is the one of the main forms of identity and self-realization for the modern American man.

Doesn’t every man think the same way as I do? The dads I know all do, at least.

My guy friends are all “nice Daddies.”

In fact, I bet a lot of them are actually nicer than I am.

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The Intertwining Role of Father and Husband

June 8, 2011 at 9:17 pm , by 

Six months.

baby crib

I had a sneaking suspicion that a realization was setting in: that at least in my mind, I can’t be a good father without being just as good of a husband as well. The more I processed it, the more I believed it: The role of father and husband are completely intertwined and inseparable.  However, I didn’t just want to take my own word for it.  It’s times like these when I ask the world of Facebook and Twitter.

Something I have learned/taught myself from blogging since August 2005 is the importance of being my own devil’s advocate; addressing any potential arguments by simply answering them before a reader ever has the opportunity to bring them up. Therefore, I knew not to ask the question: “Can a man be a good father without being a good husband?”. Because I personally know men who are wonderful fathers despite being divorced, separated or widowed.

So I cleverly asked my social networking friends, “Can a married man be a good father without being a good husband?”. I received convincing answers from both sides, but ultimately I realized the way I asked the question wasn’t clever enough. Because some of the people who answered “yes” made the point that many moms and dads are stuck in unhappy marriages, mainly staying together for the kids. And while that is sad to hear, I know it’s true.

The DadabaseIn the journey of confirming my perception of the intertwining roles of a father and husband, I learned a better question to ask: “Can a happily married man be a good father without being a good husband?” My own personal answer to that question is “no.”  And if a man could actually be happily married while being a good father and a sub-par husband, most likely he would be taking advantage of his wife somehow, like by not doing his fare share of the household duties.  The man would be living in an ignorant bliss while his wife would be living in a world of “unappreciation.”  So while the man would be happily married, the woman would not.

After all my failed attempts at trying to ask a particular question, the best version is actually, “Can a happily married man in a mutually happy marriage be a good father without being a good husband?”.

Of course I get it that a man can be a better father than he is a husband, but I believe a good father would also be highly concerned with improving his husbandly skills.  I just can’t separate a good father from a good husband, in my mind, at least.

Most importantly I realized that the question isn’t one that can be answered by anyone else anyway. It can only be answered by me, a happily married man who is part of a marriage in which neither party will settle for mediocre.  My wife and I decided from the very beginning that we would end up being one of those old couples who still held hands; who still deliberately go on dates no matter what distractions in life come along.

daddy

Last weekend my wife and I were at Earth Fare, an organic grocery store, having a coffee date.  The woman making our coffees randomly asked us how long we had been married.  Up until that point, she didn’t know anything about us other than what she had observed by watching us wait for our coffee and learning our appreciation for the delicious cookie samples we partook of at the counter.  “This July will be three years,” we answered.

“You act just like newlyweds!” she replied.

For me, a man who is obsessed with being a good father and a good husband in a mutually happymarriage, that’s one of the best compliments I can receive.

baby in crib