Health

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This is 36: Can I Just Eat My Garlic & Pepper Ramen Noodles in Peace?!

After we put our kids to bed last night, as my wife and I were finishing up doing the the dishes, we were discussing how apparently impossible it is just to eat lunch in peace while at work. Seriously, it’s difficult!

Though we work in offices about 20 miles apart from each other each day, my wife and I live by the same daily habits when he comes to our eating routines: We typically just eat snacks during the work day: I make a smoothie each morning, then have oatmeal during lunch. My wife takes cut up fruit and veggies and hummus.

Then after work, we come home and have a good, solid, healthy meal each night for dinner. That’s what our norm is.

So when we occasionally have a “fun day” and take Ramen Noodles to work, it freaks people out. They can’t handle it. Chaos always follows:

“What’cha eatin’ there? Ramen noodles?”

“Mmmm…. something smells good. Let me take a look in your bowl…”

“Oh, what’s that smell? It’s so strong. It smells like onions or something. Ugh…”

“You can eat Ramen noodles? I don’t know vegans could eat pasta!”

“I thought you ate healthy food. What are you doin’ eatin’ that?”

I think the solution is that I need to acquire some kind of secret military grade invisibility cloak.

That might be the only way to get people who are so easily entertained by the sight of another human being eating Ramen noodles to keep just walking by.

I’ve already lost my ability to listen to CDs in my car each day on my 2 hour round trip commute. I feel like I don’t ask for much at this point.

Ramen noodles. In solitude.

Don’t take this away from me. I need this.

No commentary. No questions. No fascination.

Just let me eat my Ramen noodles in peace.

This is 36.

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Dear Holly: Your 1 Year Check Up Results from the Doctor- 60th Percentile for Height, 16th for Weight

1 year.

Dear Holly,

For the first two years of his life, your brother was a very husky boy.

Obviously, he grew out of his “baby body suit” around the age of 3, and now the word “husky” could no longer be used to describe him.

But as for you, you’ve just always been a light little girl. Even when Mommy was pregnant with you, there was some concern from the nurses that you wouldn’t weigh enough. It all worked out, though, since you were born weighing 7 pounds, 5 ounces.

Last week Mommy took you to your 1 year check-up at the doctor’s office. You are currently in the 60th percentile for height and the 16th percentile for weight.

As I look at you in these pictures, I see a little China doll. Well actually, with your complexion, you’re more like a Norwegian doll.

This past weekend while we were at a birthday party for one of your brother’s classmates, I took a couple of pictures of you playing. In one of them, you have this look on your face that seems to imply, “Whew… I didn’t know being so cute all day long would be so exhausting!”

I see you as delicate; yet strong, curious, and determined.

You look just as cute with an actual girls’ doll as you do with one of your brother’s Pickachu stuffed animals.

Mommy and I are now transitioning you that much more off of formula and onto cow’s milk and solid foods.

Oh, and we’ve got you wearing shoes now. You’ve been a barefoot baby up until this point.

After all, you’re learning to walk. You’re on the move. You need to have cute little girly shoes for that.

Also, Mommy and I are starting to see your two top teeth come in. You love munching on Cheerios.

I am watching you transition from baby to little girl.

And I love it.

Love,

Daddy

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This is 36: I Got the “I’m Not a Soccer Dad” Haircut

I should start by acknowledging that I honestly never expected to still have this much hair by the time I was age 36. Subconsciously, since high school, I had just always assumed that by the time I was in my mid 30s and was married and had 2 kids, I would be lucky to still even have a decent island of real estate up there.

Because that’s just what happens to men. I suppose I’ve just always simply viewed men’s hair loss as a common trait of masculinity.

Like Bruce Willis in Die Hard. Like Bald Bull on Mike Tyson’s Punch Out. Like Mr. Clean.

There’s no shame in it. In fact, it’s weird to me that some men, like Ronald Reagan and Tony Danza and Anthony Bourdain, never lost their hair.

What is normal is for a man to lose his hair, not keep it.

And even now, it’s only a matter of time; a question of how many years until I lose so much hair that I do the cool thing and just shave my head for the rest of my life. I am so prepared for this!

Yet strangely, I still have hair. For now.

For me, the danger of being a married, 36 year-old father of 2 who still has hair, is that I could fall in danger of being labelled as a “soccer dad.”

While I’m sure to many, the term soccer dad is a term of endearment and not a negative one, for me, it’s a concept I’m resisting.

Like wearing khaki pants with New Balance running shoes. No thanks.

I fully embrace and celebrate my age of 36. But for me, I don’t want to get stuck in a certain year of my life. I believe in continually reinventing myself. That’s psychologically important to who I am as a person.

And that’s why I decided to make 2017 the year of the “I’m Not a Soccer Dad” Hairstyle.

It’s basically a longer version of a crew cut, as it’s longer in the front (2 inches) than it is in the back. What makes this hairstyle particularly edgy and trendy, is the “disconnected” part on the side:

Where my hair is parted, there is no fade from the 2 inch length on top to the #4 guard (and #2) on the sides and back, which comes up pretty high.

No one is going to call me a soccer dad looking like this.

As Bruce Springsteen once said, “I’m a cool rockin’ daddy in the U.S.A.”

This is 36.

9 Comments Posted on fatherhood, Health, parenting, Storytelling, Uncategorized, vegan

Been a Vegan 4 Years Now and Nobody’s Impressed (How American Masculinity is Associated with Eating Red Meat and Pork)

No one will read this blog post. It will not show up at the top of anyone’s Facebook feed, like the way pictures of my adorable 11 month-old daughter do. Because ultimately, this blog is irrelevant to most people.

My dedication to the plant-based life is unanimously met with the sound of crickets chirping; especially since I have zero desire to try to convince anyone else they should become a vegan.

To go 4 years without eating any meat, eggs, or dairy products is nearly un-American, not to mention, un-masculine.

Our American culture subconsciously associates masculinity with eating meat: In particular, red meat and pork.

So for a man to deny himself of that form of protein… it isn’t considered noble, by most. Instead, it is met with confusion, at best.

To be exact, I haven’t consumed pork (which includes hot dogs, BBQ, and bacon) or shellfish (shrimp, scallops, lobster) since Thanksgiving 2008; over 8 years now. Nor have I eaten any meat (including fish) since December 2011.

I didn’t go vegan all at once; I accidentally stumbled into it after realizing my eczema (dyshidrosis), constant sinus pressure and sinus infections, and pet allergies disappeared once I cut out all animal products.

A couple of months ago I declared myself as the manliest vegan on the Internet. Granted, it was a tongue-in-cheek proclamation. Yet still, no one denied it.

Because really, A) no cares about the lifestyles of vegans except for vegans themselves and B) there are so few masculine vegans on the Internet to care enough to rebuttal my claim.

But in the rare event anyone is actually reading this, take a look at me.

It is very obvious I am not lacking protein. It is very obvious I look healthy.

And that’s with me consuming no meat, eggs, or dairy for 4 years now.

I have no health issues, nor do I require any medications or supplements.

My protein and “good fats” intake (which contains 0% of my daily cholesterol) comes from vegetables, fruits, grains, beans, nuts, and seeds.

As for Vitamin B12, that is derived from the mushrooms, seaweed, and Kombucha I regularly consume.

Plus, my daughter is turning 1 year old this month. So obviously, my plant-based lifestyle didn’t interfere with my ability to father children.

I am an image of a healthy man. I just happen to not consume any animal products.

Yet our society continues to believe that eating red meat and pork is masculine. Our society continues to question whether vegans get enough protein.

Well, at least you know about one exception to the rule now.

But then again, no one will actually read this.

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Dear Holly: Our Walk in the Park at Aspen Grove

10 months.

Dear Holly,

Last Saturday was such a beautiful day so we made good use of it. We met up with our friends Mohamad and Lena, and their daughter Hanna who is just a month older than you. We stopped for lunch at Noodles & Co., the same vegan-vegetarian-kosher friendly place that your brother Jack and I dined at after we saw Rogue One back in January at the Green Hills Mall in Nashville.

We all took a moment to appreciate Hanna’s awesome new shirt that her parents found for her in downtown Nashville. Jack said, “Daddy, I keep thinking that’s really her arms and legs. It looks like she’s really playing the guitar!”

After lunch, I suggested we drive right across the other side of I-65 and take a walk in Aspen Grove Park; which is right behind my office, where I take my mountain bike, skateboard, or just go running during my lunch breaks.

Fortunately, we took our double stroller to push you and Jack. However, he let you have it all to yourself since he wanted to check out the creek that followed the trail.

For me, there’s nothing like being able to take a leisurely stroll through the park on a nice day. There’s a reason the saying goes, “Well, it’s no walk in the park…” when referencing a tough situation.

That’s because a walk in the park is a standard measurement of happiness and inner peace. It’s a universally enjoyed occurrence.

And hey, if you can share that experience with people you care about… even better.

I watched the wind blow through your blonde hair, as you took the whole experience in. Ultimately, you were ready for a nap. But you just couldn’t bring yourself to the point of falling asleep.

You saved that for two minutes into the car ride home.

Love,

Daddy