In a normal version of reality, I would be back in my office today. My wife and I would be paying for our kids to be in day care all day, or we would have left our kids at my parents’ house all week while the daycare was closed.
But now, there’s no need. Because… Daddy’s home!
Not only do my kids get to just hang out here in the aftermath of their Christmas gifts as my wife returned to work today, but I myself don’t have to return to an office and force a smile while I have to answer everyone’s annoying questions about how my Christmas was.
I am also grateful that I didn’t have to negotiate with co-workers, leading up to Christmas, which of us would have to work certain days. Where I worked, it was normal that at least one person from each department would have to consider working certain days either on or immediately following holidays.
Now that I am completely removed from that setting, none of it matters anymore. My schedule is now exclusively based around the two young children; one of whom can pretty much take care of himself.
I am still soaking it all in; to experience the days in between the Christmas holidays and the days before day cares open back, with my kids.
It’s funny because when I first adopted my new role as stay-at-home dad, I don’t suppose I really considered that I would be completely replacing child day care during the holidays as well during the summer. Somehow, that part caught me by surprise a little.
But it’s no big deal. I can take care of my own kids all day long. All week long. All summer long.
It’s easier to take care of two kids than it is to take care of adults, actually.
Last Saturday afternoon our family went to go visit Santa. You were so excited as we got ready to leave the house. You didn’t get understand what was happening, you just knew it was going to be exciting.
When we first arrived, you and your brother wrote down your wish list to give to Santa. Mommy helped you out, as she and both know you really love dolls, owls, and books.
When Santa showed up, I may have suggested it was Papa, so that you weren’t afraid of such a colorful and boisterous stranger walking through the door.
However, when it was time for you sit in Santa’s lap and talk about what was on your wish list, you become aware that this indeed was not Papa!
You tried to escape, but I had to snap a few pictures first, so we could always remember this visit. When you brother walked up, you calmed down, but only from terrified to highly skeptical.
I must say, this all went much better than I anticipated for you. I completely understand your reluctance to just suddenly be cool with some larger-than-life character who isn’t part of your immediate family.
In fact, it’s a good thing you were so skeptical.
As you get older, you’ll find Santa to be a more intriguing and magical kind of guy. I’m sure in just a few years, you will be very eager to visit Santa and tell him all about what’s on your list.
If nothing else, you were there alongside your brother as he truly was fascinated by Santa. It was almost more like our family participating in this event for him, and the rest of us were just along for the adventure.
One day though, I’m sure you’ll be as excited as he was about visiting Santa.
Just binge-watching Netflix all day and letting my daughter enjoy “independent play” with her toys at my feet while I scroll through Facebook on my phone and scarf down whatever the vegan equivalent of Totino’s Pizza Rolls is?
Yeah, that’s totally not what I do all day…
Here’s my reality:
6:07 AM – 6:58 AM
Get woken up by both kids after having likely gotten up in the middle of the night to help my daughter back to sleep who is currently teething. Feed and dress both children, while uploading a new video to one of my 3 current YouTube channels.
7:28
Engage both kids in playing with their toys and/or each other while I unload the dishwasher, or quickly take a shower, or even attempt to feed myself.
8:20
Walk my son across the street to where his school bus picks him up, while holding my daughter who is wrapped up in a blanket.
8:21 – 9:15
Practice Johnny Cash songs for one of my upcoming YouTube channels while my daughter plays with her toys.
9:16
Get interrupted when my daughter walks up to me, places her tiny hand on the neck of my guitar, and says, “No.”
9:17
Spend the next 20 minutes getting her to sleep for her morning nap. Shoot new YouTube videos the entire time she’s asleep.
10:40
Take her back downstairs, start uploading another video to another one of my YouTube channels, and play with my daughter.
11:15
Feed my daughter yogurt and oatmeal, which makes a disastrous mess that I have to clean up. Try to eat Ramen noodles while feeding her.
12:03 PM
While uploading another new video, possibly take her out for a ride to go run a tedious errand like picking up bananas from Publix. Let her ride in the kiddie cart which allows her to believe she’s actually steering.
1:07
Arrive home and feed my daughter again. Attempt to give her another nap. If successful, begin shooting more YouTube videos, or write a blog post like the one you’re reading now.
3:00
Answer the phone as my wife calls to check in, while barely keeping my daughter from curiously pressing the “end” button on my phone the whole time.
3:23
Upload a new video while rolling around on the carpet, gently wrestling with my daughter.
4:08
Go outside to meet my son, who just arrived home from school from his bus.
4:09 – 4:23
Force my son to eat something before his blood sugar level causes him to “misbehave.” Feed my daughter again, while I’m at it.
4:24
Welcome my wife home from work, help her prepare dinner or take the kids upstairs to play while she takes care of dinner.
5:17
Attempt to make it through dinner, while serving as referee for the kids who are never interested in eating food during dinner, while I desperately am.
5:43
Entertain the kids while my wife cleans up from dinner, or vice-versa.
6:41
Head upstairs with both kids and tag-team getting them both ready for bed.
8:17
Now that the kids are both asleep, spend quality time with my wife.
9:15
After my wife has fallen asleep, lead her downstairs to get ready for bed. Upload a longer YouTube video that will upload during the night.
10:37
Fall asleep, assuming I’ll be woken up by my daughter in a few hours.
That’s my day.
Now granted, on Tuesdays and Thursdays my daughter is at preschool from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM, but on those days, all I do all day long is make YouTube videos, upload them, and write blog posts.
It’s actually less work when my daughter is with me all day.
I’m not simply staying at home with being a dad. I’m constantly working on my side hustles when I’m not taking care of my daughter.
I can honestly say I didn’t have to work this hard when I still worked full-time in an office.
Yet still, I prefer to do this.
I would choose this even if it were a choice, which it wasn’t.
It’s crazy to think it’s been a whole year since I got my black Chuck Taylors for Christmas. Despite them only costing 40 bucks, I refrained from wearing them in 2017. I didn’t want to break them in and get them scuffed up, as if there were some epic event coming up in which I would need them in spotless condition; like my national TV debut or something…
Especially now that I’ve been at stay-at-home dad, for exactly 2 months as of today, it’s not like I really even get out of the house much anymore in situations where anyone would be need to be impressed by the sight of me.
But this past weekend, I decided to finally wear my unnecessarily sanctified Chuck Taylors that I got from my wife last year for Christmas.
It just so happens that Santa happened to be visiting this part of Tennessee, at a health store in Columbia, of all places. Sounds about right for a vegetarian/vegan family like mine to see Santa there, right?
Since the day was going so well and we were already having such great quality family time together, we decided to go out for dinner, at the same place we tried for the first time just the week before:
We originally found the place when my son wanted to go on a “hike” on the giant hill next to the place. On our way back down the hill, he noticed a giant inflatable dragon through one of the windows. Being the biggest Pokemon fan I know, it’s the kind of thing that captured his attention.
When we got home, he immediately asked, “Mommy, can we go to the Viking pizza place with the big dragon?
That’s successful marketing right there: Place giant dragon on the restaurant floor. Have 7 year-old boy notice it. Have the boy’s whole family show up.
But once we arrived, my wife and I realized this was no gimmick. This was real pizza, cooked right there in the middle of the restaurant in a really expensive wood-fired oven.
And of course, because the folks at Viking Pizza Co. are paying attention to the fact that 6% of Americans are now vegan, I was easily able to order Daiya cheese on my veggie pizza. (They also have gluten-free crust, for those who prefer it.)
They were even courteous and proactive enough to bring over raw dough for my kids (and wife) to play with, which was a lifesaver, as it easily occupied my hungry son’s attention while our pizzas were carefully crafted; unlike a fast-food chain pizza joint.
The owners, Brandon and Kelly Jones, are so cool, down-to-earth, and proud that they have been able to bring a delicious, high quality, family friendly, restaurant experience in a town that is riddled with predictable and insulting-to-the-intelligence chain restaurants.
There’s a certain rewarding feeling you get when you take your family to a place like this. You know you are voting with your dollars what you want in your town. Just a few weeks ago, much of Spring Hill was emotionally affected by the iconic silo been torn down, so that a fried chicken chain-restaurant could go up.
So it’s yet another reason to want to support Viking Pizza Co. It’s like rebelling against the mainstream. There’s something quite viking about the concept…
Similarly, my wife and I are also huge fans of Legacy Coffee Company, which up until a few weeks ago, was a pick-up truck pulling a trailer. Now, they’ve set up shop inside of Viking Pizza Co.
We love supporting local! And it helps when local is awesome, like with Viking and Legacy.
So at last, I’ve broke in my black Chuck Taylors. I feel good about it. I just had to wait for the right deserving event.
In looking out for me, my kind and thoughtful wife expressed some concern for my social well-being when my entire office was abruptly shutdown back in October. She wondered if I might suffer from culture shock; after I had worked at the same place for over a decade and now I would suddenly be removed from constant adult interaction on a daily basis.
She suggested I might need to find a stay-at-home parents’ group so that I could get out of the house and socialize with people I have some things in common.
Here’s the thing: It’s been two months doing this stay-at-home dad thing, and not once have I ever missed being around other adults all day long. In fact, that’s one of my favorite parts about my new job!
I do not miss being interrupted from doing work to be asked any of the following annoying questions on a daily basis, and then having to respond to them while forcing myself to smile and act nice:
“How was your weekend?”
“Do you have a minute?”
“You’re quiet this morning, is everything okay?”
“What are you eating? That looks good!”
“Got any big plans for this weekend?”
I was just there to get work done. I didn’t need a friend. I wasn’t lonely. I didn’t need to be entertained with conversation or learn about someone’s thoughts about life, before I had my coffee… orafter I had my coffee.
It was important to me and my identity that I was perceived as approachable, helpful, and a good communicator. So I successfully disguised the fact I am not actually an extrovert, but instead, an outgoing introvert.
I’ve heard the difference between introverts and extraverts explained this way:
If an extrovert is someone who feels energized by being around other people all day and but then feels drained when they are alone again, an introvert is someone who feels drained after being around people all day and then has to “recharge” in solitude afterwards.
Yeah, the 2nd description, that’s totally me. I love to interact with other people… just not while I’m being paid to get work done all day!
But now I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore. I no longer have to act like a supervisor who works in an office.
The culture shock that I am actually experiencing is a good one.
Now the only people I see on a daily basis are the members of my own family- and occasionally, some of the nice employees at the Publix just a mile from the house; which is about as far as I travel through the week anymore.
The ultimate irony is that I truly consider myself a people person. In the total of over a decade that my wife and I have been together, she is definitely used to us being out in public, and me making seemingly random yet relevant conversations with complete strangers.
But I think the difference is that in an office, I was forced all day long to be social, which distracted me from the work; which was the reason I was paid to be there.
As a stay-at-home dad though, I no longer have to anticipate that at any second of the day, I might be interrupted from my work by another adult seeking confirmation in their identity or escape from boredom.
My work now is to care for an awesome 7 year-old boy before and after school, and an adorable little girl all day long. And then when she’s asleep, I work on my freelance writing jobs and YouTube videos; which is how I’m financially supporting my family now through a growing amount of supplemental income.
Granted, I’m working from the time I wake up at 6:00 AM until the time I collapse around 10:30 PM; if I’m lucky enough that my daughter doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night.
But I love it. This is great. I was totally able to do the whole “work in an office” thing. I did that for over a decade. Now I have confirmation though:
I was meant to be a stay-at-home dad who works from home as a freelancer. My time has arrived to accept and embrace my new identity.
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