Month: August 2016

Leave a comment Posted on funny, Health, Uncategorized, vegan

Vegan Confession: I Have Nightmares I Eat Meat

Vegan Confession: I Have Nightmares that I Eat Meat

I realize that for 97% of the population, a dream about eating meat would not be deemed as a nightmare. But for me, it is every time. I have these kinds of dreams about once every couple of months, at least.

It’s funny how that’s how my brain subconsciously creates a “bad” dream. But imagine if you were me:

No pork or shellfish (kosher) since November 2008, no meat at all since December 2011, no animal products at all (including eggs, cheese, milk, or any dairy) since April 2013.

Imagine that’s your life. Then consider what it was like last night for me to dream this:

I was on my way to see a movie with my son. But in a hurry and in need of a quick meal, I stopped by McDonald’s and bought a Double Quarter Pounder with Cheese.

Sure, it tasted great. But immediately, I was racked with guilt, knowing that eating this cheeseburger not only disqualified me from being a vegan and a vegetarian after all these years, but also from being kosher; since a kosher-abiding person cannot consume dairy product along the meat in the same meal.

Then, in the dream, I began trying to figure out how I would explain this to my wife. Before she or I even became vegetarians, she was never okay with me going to McDonald’s.

As expected, it wasn’t too long before the undigested meat began racing through my digestive track. Oh yes- you guessed it- a race to the restroom…

And I’m sure that’s exactly what would happen if I did suddenly did eat meat and cheese.

The most interesting part of this nightmare was that I began questioning whether it may just be a dream. So I began saying out loud, “Wake up… this probably isn’t real!”

I guess it worked. I woke up. But I’ve been having flashbacks all day long.

So if you eat meat, be glad you don’t have to deal with these kinds of nightmares.

Below is the video version of this blog post, where I go into a mysterious tunnel…

5 Comments Posted on food reviews, Health, Uncategorized, vegan

Vegan Confession: I Went Gluten-Free for a Month and This Happened…

I always assumed that in order to take it to the next level, up from already being a caffeine-free vegan, I would need to add “gluten-free” to my list of self-imposed rigid restrictions over my life…

Gluten-Free Vegan Road Trip to Atlanta, Georgia in a 2016 Toyota Highlander Limited

Furthermore, I assumed that by completely nixing gluten (wheat) from my diet, I would discover even more health benefits; like how when I became a vegan: my eczema, constant sinus pressure, reoccurring sinusitis, and pet allergies all went away in just a matter of days.

Plus, I had hoped (also like when I became a vegan), I would accidentally lose some weight (since I recently admitted to gaining 7 pounds over the course of the past year when I ate vegan chocolate bars and tater tots with my pregnant wife).

Well, after a month of being gluten-free, I can officially confirm that none of those things came true for me.

I have a feeling you were expecting me to say that going gluten-free totally changed my life, because that definitely seems to be the trendy thing to say these days.

And for the people who say that, I’m confident it’s true for them. I am happy for them that they found what works for them. I give them all my moral support.

But personally speaking, based on my experiment, the gluten-free experience didn’t impress me.

For a whole month, I was fully committed. I think back to last month in Atlanta, while our family was on our first road trip since having the baby.

Time after time, I turned down all kinds of magnificent vegan gluten-containing foods. At the Ponce De Leon Whole Foods where we ate several times, they had a tempting vegan pizza bar as well as plenty of other fun vegan yet gluten-filled delights. And I said no, for the sake of my gluten-free experiment. I sacrificed during an inconvenient time!

But in the end, I saw no benefits.

Granted, I lost 2 of the 7 pounds I had gained for the “vegan chocolate bar and tater tot” incident. However, that easily could have been for the fact I don’t eat vegan chocolate bars or tater tots any more.

Gluten-Free Vegan Road Trip to Atlanta, Georgia in a 2016 Toyota Highlander Limited

I am willing to acknowledge though, that gluten-free is a way of life for many people. However, I am not one of those people.

My body processes gluten just fine; no issues at all. But the trade-off is, I can’t process eggs or dairy without major instant health issues.

As for my future with gluten, the experience has taught me this: I prefer corn tortillas over wheat.

So as my wife makes Mexican meals, I will continue to only eat corn tortillas; not wheat. And I truly enjoy spelt and quinoa in her Italian meals, which we have been eating more of here lately.

In the end, I won’t eat as much wheat as before. Going gluten-free opened my eyes to other options. Yet still, gluten is my friend.

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What If Political Bumper Stickers Were Actually Effective in Instantly Converting Those Who See Them?

What If Political Bumper Stickers were Actually Effective in Converting Those Who See Them?

I think the concept of opinionated bumper stickers is hilarious.

Granted, I’m not talking about the ones that are supposed to be hilarious like, “I may be driving slow, but at least I’m in front of you.” That’s intended to be funny, and it is.

Instead, I’m referring to the ones that are meant to apparently convert people’s beliefs and ideology.

The best example of this ridiculous notion is when I see political bumper stickers; which as a commuter in Nashville, is a constant occurrence.

Just imagine: A politically neutral person is at the red light, behind an old Ford pick-up truck with a “Trump for President 2016: Make America Great Again” bumper sticker.

In that moment, a revelation comes over him, as he says to himself, “Yeah, that’s what we need… I can’t believe I never thought about it before. We need Trump to run this country!”

Five minutes later, after having converted from “politically neutral” to “Trump supporter”, this same man is now behind a Nissan Versa. He sees the bumper sticker: Hillary Clinton 2016: I’m With Her.

It’s now as if the man’s whole world has just been rocked. How could he have ever thought Trump was a good idea? Clearly, Hillary Clinton is the way to go.

What a sigh of relief. And yet what an embarrassment that he was ever swayed by that Trump bumper sticker. Fortunately, the Hillary Clinton bumper sticker has now overridden the influence of the one before it.

You can imagine how this story goes on. At each new red light on the commuter’s drive home, he is exposed to a different car with a different political bumper sticker; alternating between Trump and Clinton.

By the time the man finally arrives home, he ultimately choses the candidate he most recently saw the bumper sticker for; whoever that happened to randomly be.

All is well now. He’s made up his mind…

Until the commute back to work in the morning.

Leave a comment Posted on food reviews, Health, Storytelling, Uncategorized, vegan

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

This is my secret…

Being a vegan keeps my addiction of overeating in check. I can’t trust myself with eating animal products. And I shouldn’t.

I’ve overeaten my entire life. Before and since becoming a vegan.

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

As a kid, I got away with it because I had a high metabolism. As a 4th grader, I remember how I would get the Double Whopper combo meal and finish it all.  I would eat at buffets, consuming more food that most adults; and I know this because adults would tell me.

In my mind, if I wasn’t overeating, I wasn’t really eating.

As a teen and young adult, I would be the guy who would eat the most pizza or the most fried chicken at gatherings.

My metabolism finally caught up with me full swing by the time I got married, at age 27. That’s when my health problems came in full swing, as well. Even though my metabolism slowed down, my desire to overeat never did.

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

As you know by now, committing to the vegan lifestyle over 3 years ago has eliminated and kept my former health issues in remission; including eczema (dyshidrosis), constant sinusitis, pet allergies, and sinus pressure.

I’ve realized that one of the many benefits of being a vegan is that, for the most part, I can pretty much each as much as I want of the food I am able to eat.

Now granted, eating oily tater tots and sugary vegan chocolate bars did cause me to gain 7 pounds in the past year while I was “sympathy eating” with my pregnant wife.

But when I stick with my normal regimen of veggies, fruit, grains, beans, nuts, and seeds, I’ve learned that I can get away with “overeating”. Ultimately, I just don’t have to worry about counting calories or portion control.

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

The reason for this is because by sticking with those 6 food groups, I am eating food solely for nutrition, including my daily allowance of protein and good fats; yet with 0% of my daily allowance of cholesterol.

I overeat simply because it’s fun. I openly admit this.

I’m not overeating because of some traumatic event in my life, nor because I feel incomplete in some way. I just simply like eating more food that I need to.

It’s fun.

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

If I ever went back to eating meat, eggs, and dairy, I would go so far the other way with it. I know it. I would be visiting the Wendy’s drive-thru on a daily basis.

Eating food is something I can’t be trusted with. I have no control when it comes to food.

Therefore, I keep myself safe behind the electric fence of veganism.

I am not addicted to alcohol. I have never used drugs.

But when it comes to food, I rely on the strict limitations of veganism in order to keep myself from getting out of control… because I am an addict of overeating.

Vegan Confession: I am Addicted to Overeating

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Parental Guide Summary of Suicide Squad (Rated PG-13)

No, I didn’t take my 5 year-old son to see this one…

Parental Guide Summary of Suicide Squad (Rated PG-13)

But I was indeed one of the first people to have seen Suicide Squad, because for some reason here in Tennessee, it opened at 9:00 PM the night before the movie was supposed to premiere.

What’s funny is that throughout the entire movie, I thought the movie was rated R. I thought that’s what I saw on the movie poster.

So when I got home, I told my wife, “That was the tamest R-rated movie I’ve seen. There was hardly any profanity, no sex or nudity, no blood or graphic violence… just a lot of guns!”

And really, that should serve as my parental guide summary of this PG-13 rated movie, for any parents out there of teens, who are trying to figure out if this movie is too much for their kid to see.

Well, I can’t answer that for you. But what I can do is briefly break down this movie into segments and let you decide. So here it goes…

Profanity:

I heard one use of the word g** d*** and 2 non-sexual uses of p*ssy, but no f-words. Other than that, I’m sure they were some uses of more minor words. But I was really surprised at how little curse words there were for such a dark-themed movie.

Sex/Nudity:

All that comes to mind is how a couple of the female characters are provocatively dressed, as his common in super hero movies, like Wonder Woman in Batman V. Superman. There were no implied sex scenes or nudity in Suicide Squad.

Violence:

There are so many guns in this movie you might think it was sponsored by the NRA. With that being said, there is virtually no blood or gore in this movie… just a whole lot of shooting guns!

Drugs/Alcohol:

The members have the Suicide Squad (as well as the “good guys”) are shown drinking alcohol throughout the movie, but never is drunkenness implied. I recall no use of drugs.

Dark Themes:

While obviously this cast of felons have violent backgrounds including murder, the darkest theme in Suicide Squad is the plot device of demon possession. It sort of reminded me of the original 1984 Ghostbusters in that regard.

Parental Guide Summary of Suicide Squad (Rated PG-13)

So there are the bullet points. I feel this movie is on the same level as Batman V. Superman, in regards to “family friendliness”.

Over all, despite the dark theme, there is little profanity, no sex or outright nudity, and no graphic violence. But you have a problem with guns, then I think this might be the most offensive thing about Suicide Squad, for you.

Thanks for reading my review!

And here’s my video version below: