parenting

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Dear Holly: You’re So Chatty! (And Likely an Enneagram 7, Like Me)

5 years, 7 months.

Dear Holly,

This morning when I woke up at 5:55 AM to go to the gym (which was later than normal for me), you were coming down the stairs.

Normally, I give you a big hug, then you run into the bedroom to talk to Mommy.

But today, you immediately initiated would what become an hour long conversation with me, and would ultimately be the reason why today would be my one day off from the gym this week.

While the majority of your questions for me were light-hearted and hilarious (like, “Daddy, how many bucks will the Tooth Fairy even give me, though?”), I noticed some of them had a darker undertone, alluding to fear and anxiety.

As I’ve begun my certification training this week to become an Enneagram coach, I recognize your behavior, because it’s the same as mine! I think you may be an Enneagram 7 like me.

“Daddy, when I lose a tooth, will it hurt?”

“Daddy, if my toe breaks off, will it grow back?”

“Daddy, how can a skeleton believe in Jesus?” (This makes the 2nd time you’ve asked me this one.)

“Daddy, what can break a board? A person’s hand?”

“Daddy, what can break open a person’s head? Maybe if a house falls on them?”

You are an unbelievably bright, sunny, and optimistic person. You make people laugh and you are constantly moving- and talking!

Ultimately, if you’re like me, this is an attempt to outrun our secret anxieties and fears about how the world actually works.

We’re in this together! I know exactly what it’s like to have a brain that works like yours!

THE ENTHUSIAST
Enneagram Type Seven

The Busy, Variety-Seeking Type:
Spontaneous, Versatile, Acquisitive, and Scattered

Sevens are extroverted, optimistic, versatile, and spontaneous. Playful, high-spirited, and practical, they can also misapply their many talents, becoming over-extended, scattered, and undisciplined. They constantly seek new and exciting experiences, but can become distracted and exhausted by staying on the go. They typically have problems with impatience and impulsiveness. At their Best: they focus their talents on worthwhile goals, becoming appreciative, joyous, and satisfied.

  • Basic Fear: Of being deprived and in pain
  • Basic Desire: To be satisfied and content—to have their needs fulfilled

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: You are One Talented Kid! (And an Enneagram 4)

11 years old.

Dear Jack,

It’s not lost on me that you are incredibly smart, as well as talented. You’re the kind of person who is able to turn any project into gold.

Whether its your dedication to Taekwando, or you running and being voted as the Student Council Representative last year, or your ability to barely study yet still get straight A’s.

Selfishly, I’ll admit. That’s one less thing I have to worry about as a parent- knowing that you are an incredibly productive, and creative, person. I don’t have to motivate you- you’re already motivated!

I understand that there’s balance in everything. That especially right now as you are in your pre-teen years, one of the things I need to help you focus on is managing your emotions.

Fortunately, I enrolled this week to begin my training to become a certified Enneagram coach. Or as I like to call it- a cheaper version of a therapist!

I figure… everybody can use a little bit of therapy. I’m already learning how to be a better parent though what I’ve learned about your personality: An Enneagram 4- The Invidualist.

The Sensitive, Introspective Type:
Expressive, Dramatic, Self-Absorbed, and Temperamental

Fours are self-aware, sensitive, and reserved. They are emotionally honest, creative, and personal, but can also be moody and self-conscious. Withholding themselves from others due to feeling vulnerable and defective, they can also feel disdainful and exempt from ordinary ways of living. They typically have problems with melancholy, self-indulgence, and self-pity. At their Best: inspired and highly creative, they are able to renew themselves and transform their experiences.

  • Basic Fear: That they have no identity or personal significance
  • Basic Desire: To find themselves and their significance (to create an
    identity)

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Maybe I’m Not Ready for You to Be Done with Plastic Toys, After All

10 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

This is my last letter I will write you while you’re still 10 years old. Your 11th birthday is now only a few days away!

I’ve kept it no secret from myself; how it’s not easy watching you grow up so fast, especially as you are now more of a pre-teen than a little boy.

As birthday gifts have been showing up in the mail, and as I’ve watched how you’ve used your gift cards from your birthday party, it surprised me a bit to see you choose… plastic toys.

I was thinking we were past that stage in your life.

Last year it was all about Fortnite. This year, it’s Roblox.

Yeah, I know. You’re just collecting more plastic that you’ll ultimately forget about a year from now.

But as for now, it’s proof that there’s still a little bit more “little boy” still in there.

I need there to be.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: Your Ability to Make Friends Instantly

5 years, 6 months.

Dear Holly,

In my mind, you are a quiet little girl, outside of our home. That’s how I imagine you.

But maybe not…

Because you have this habit of bonding very quickly with other girls your age.

Like this week when we were taking your brother to Taekwondo; as we were opening the door, I heard someone shout out, “Holly!”

She ran over to you and hugged you; then she touched your hair, saying, “Look Holly, we have the same color hair!” And the two of you giggled like besties.

Turns out; she’s in your P.E. class at school.

I remember this happening after your 1st first ballet class, as well. I heard, “Holly! Give me a hug before you go!”

When we got back to the Jeep, I asked where you knew that girl from.

“From dance class. I just met her today, Daddy.”

I have a feeling this will be normal for you: The ability to immediately befriend other little girls your age.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: Your Last Minute Halloween Costume Change

5 years, 6 months.

Dear Holly,

It made perfect sense that you would be a unicorn for Halloween this year; because when you’re a little girl in Kindergarten… of course you would be!

And your costume was perfectly cute on you.

However, the day before Halloween, you were shopping with Mommy, and found a sleep mask to go over your eyes; like your brother uses at night.

That sleep mask evolved into you taking it upon yourself to invent a creative costume for this year:

“Sleeping Bunny”.

So when we went trick-or-treating and people would ask, “And what are you, Sweetie?”

Just about every time you were asked, you had to correct them:

“Sleeping Bunny.”

Not Sleeping Beauty.

They all loved your costume!

Love,

Daddy