Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

5 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

Dear Jack,

Last weekend, our family traveled to my hometown of Fort Payne, Alabama so that we could attend the visitation and funeral for my Grandma; Delores “Lola” Gonzales Metallo.

Our family most recently visited her just a few of months ago in July, which made the 2nd time she was able to meet Holly.

Then the following month, while you were staying at Nonna and Papa’s house for a week of “summer camp,” you visited Grandma again.

I’m so glad you got to have that one last special visit with her. Nonna sent me this picture of the two of you, which she took with her phone:

“Special visit with Grandma. A sweet bond between a 5 1/2 yr old Great Grandson with his 81 yr old Great-Grandmother. Grandma had an old movie playing on her TV and Jack loved it. Grandma was soooo happy. She loved hearing about Jack but especially the movies he was getting to go see.”

But as of last Thursday morning, at age 81, she passed on to Heaven. No more pain or suffering for her.

One of the first things that came to mind when I heard this was the children’s Bible I read to you each night before you go to bed.

Grandma gave it to me as a Christmas gift in 1988, nearly 30 years ago. In the front of it, she wrote, “With all my love!”

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

Grandma was known for her love of dogs, her ability to perfectly iron a shirt, her obsession with possible upcoming bad weather, and her fascination with anything Biblical.

She undeniably had a great effect on me developing my faith in Jesus. I think it’s so cool that I get to teach you from the same Bible she gave me.

During the visitation the day before her funeral, I really enjoyed hearing the stories from people who I didn’t know well, but who knew stories about her that I never knew.

It was much more a time of celebration than it was a time of mourning. She lived a long, full life. She got to meet all 4 of her great-grandchildren before she passed, of which your the first.

I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for her influence on my life. She was there every birthday, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, and every time our family got together; each year of my entire life.

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

She meant a lot to me, obviously. And I know for a fact that she really loved you a lot.

We will see her again, though. This is not goodbye.

Love,

Daddy

My Theory Proved True on My “You Can’t Insult Me” Challenge, So I Launched an Anti-Bullying Video Series: Bully Backup

My Theory Proved True on My “You Can’t Insult Me” Challenge, So I Launched an Anti-Bullying Video Series: Bully Backup

Two weeks ago, I released a new video on my YouTube channel which invited the free world to attempt to offend or insult me. I had theorized that since I don’t give other people authority over my emotions, it would be scientifically impossible to hurt my feelings.

Not only did I predict correctly, as indeed no one successfully emotionally attacked me, but hardly anyone even tried.

I did have one Internet troll ridiculously attempt to plant doubts in my mind that my wife might leave me for a younger guy, while implying that I was probably seeing other women (or men) on the side anyway.

But clearly, the comment instantly translated into comedy for me. So yeah… officially not offended.

So that got me thinking. Why is it that no one can offend me? Is it simply because I’m wired this way?

The answer is no. I wasn’t always this way. I became this way over the course of my life, as I made myself more and more familiar with what emotional intelligence is all about:

Emotional intelligence (EI) or emotional quotient (EQ) is the capacity of individuals to recognize their own, and other people’s emotions, to discriminate between different feelings and label them appropriately, and to use emotional information to guide thinking and behavior.

Five years ago, or even two years ago, it was possible to attack my emotions. Not anymore; not after I simply recognized that I could be 100% in control of my emotions, instead of handing the keys over to people.

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After receiving the clever suggestion from a friend to consider doing a video series on anti-bullying, I figured I would give it a shot.

I feel that what sets apart the theme of my anti-bullying series is that I am attempting to help the viewer focus on psychologically preventing the issues. So far, I have created over 10 videos, currently viewable on my YouTube Channel:

It’s Impossible to Offend Me

Being Offended Vs. Constant Mindset of Forgiveness

The “You Can’t Insult Me” Challenge

Psychologically Outsmarting Bullies

Find Your Allies

People Care about You

Do You Respect Those Who Insult You?

Are You a Victim or Victor?

I Know How You Feel

The Proximity Effect

You Too Can Choose Not to Be Offended

In my anti-bullying series, I challenge my viewers in many ways, in hopes they can ultimately outsmart potential bullies through strategy. To summarize it…

Realize that perceived bullies can’t force you to be offended; you have to allow them first. You have to respect their opinion for it to matter to you.

Be ready to openly acknowledge others’ perceived flaws in you, so that when they “attack”, you’re able to beat them to the punchline, surprising them with your lack of emotional response.

Find and create a network of people from the friendliest people from as many different cliques as you can; who will be there to socialize with and support you wherever you are.

I hope my series helps people. If nothing else, I hope I can remind you today that you too can choose to not be offended.

It is my passion to help the world realize the importance of choosing to live like victors, not victims; which is ultimately what emotional intelligence is all about.

Victors versus Victims

Victor: compliments others

Victim: criticizes others

Victor: embraces change

Victim: fears change

Victor: forgives others

Victim: holds grudges

Victor: always learning

Victim: thinks they know everything

Victor: accepts responsibility for their failures

Victim: blames others for their failures

Victor: has a sense of gratitude

Victim: has a sense of entitlement

Victor: sets goals and develops plans

Victim: never sets goals

I Try to Make a Point Everyday Not to Die

I Try to Make a Point Everyday Not to Die

I don’t mean to sound morbid, but I’m sort of obsessed with not dying.

In the trailer for the upcoming Star Trek Beyond movie, there is an interesting conversation:

Mr. Spock proclaims, “The fear of death is illogical.”

Captain Kirk replies, “The fear of death is what keeps us alive.”

Both men make brilliant points; and together, they present a perfect paradox:

The fear of death is illogical and yet it keeps us alive.

Now at age 35, happily married with a wife and 2 kids, a “real house”, and a solid career, my life is clearly settled.

I’m no longer trying to figure my life out like I was back in 2001 when John Mayer’s “Why Georgia” was such a relatable song; as he ponders his “quarter-life crisis” proclaiming, “I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life… Am I living it right?”

It’s inevitable that at some point, I am going to die, so it’s truly illogical to allow myself to believe otherwise.

I assume that for the human race, that mystery of not knowing for sure what happens the moment we die only adds to the fear of dying. I don’t fear death itself, though.

The moment I die, I’ll immediately know for sure whether my life of faith in Jesus as the Son of God was the right call.

If I was wrong about Christianity, I guess the worst that could happen is I’ll learn that ultimately I was simply part of some elaborate Matrix scheme inside somebody else’s head.

My fear isn’t of death itself or what happens after I die; it’s about missing out on my future in this life. My actual main motivation for not dying is simple and predictable:

There are 3 people are greatly depend on me for the rest are their lives.

Granted, I have a life insurance policy in place to pay off the house if anything happens to me. But beyond finances, I am motivated by the desire to finish out this storyline that has been set in place.

What started as a romantic comedy back on October 5, 2006 when I met my wife, has now evolved into a family sitcom.

I see the world through the eyes of a writer. So I, as the protagonist, can’t let myself die. I can’t just disappear right when the story is really getting good.

So what exactly do I do each day in an effort not to die?

Well, before I answer that, I quickly accept the fact that if the Lord decides to take me at any point, He can and He will, as Job told God:

“A person’s days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.”

So I get it that I could randomly have a brain aneurysm and that would be the end of it.

But I instead focus on what I can control, not what I can’t.

For example, I refuse to talk on the phone while I’m driving. I always wear my seat belt.

Plus, I know that as an American man, I’m much more likely to die from preventable health issues than anything else.

Unless I’m really proactive on my end, as a stereotypical male, I am especially in the running to die of a heart attack, diabetes, stomach cancer, or prostate issues.

Therefore, I run. I mountain bike. I take walks throughout the day.

I obviously don’t smoke.

And while it’s not a popular decision or lifestyle, especially as a masculine American man, I have committed to my vegan (and therefore vegetarian and kosher) lifestyle for years now.

Yeah, I get it. I could totally be setting myself up to be the Mr. Play-It-Safe who Alanis Morrisette speaks about in her classic song, “Ironic.”

It’s not that I’m not trying to overwrite God’s predetermined number of days for me. Instead, I am trying to outsmart the more subtle and predictable ways that as a man, I might die too young.

Therefore, I try to make a point everyday not to die.

I can only do much. But I can do some.

Dear Holly: You are a “Fearfully Made” Gift from God

1 week.

Dear Holly: You are a “Fearfully Made” Gift from God

Dear Holly,

When you were born just a week and a half ago and I got to hold you for the first time, one of the immediate thoughts in my mind was this: How could anyone hold a perfect, innocent newborn and not sense God?

I know you were “fearfully and wonderfully made” by God. You are not simply the aftermath of a cosmic explosion billions of years ago.

I know God wove you in Mommy’s womb. You are more than just science.

You were created, beyond just your parents.

To be “fearfully made” means that we respectfully recognize God’s achievement and creativity in your existence.

As your parents, we could never simply say, “This is our child. We brought her into this world.”  It will always be much more complex than that, because God knew you before He ever wove you in the womb.

We recognize that children are a heritage from the Lord. You being here in this world is so much more epic than a Mommy and a Daddy deciding to have a baby.

Now, imagine this. You were born into a family where this all information will be intertwined into our family’s lifestyle and culture.

Dear Holly: You are a “Fearfully Made” Gift from God

Knowing that this same God who knew you before Mommy and I ever did, it’s only logical that our family is to serve Him through our lives, something we can’t do without loving our neighbors as ourselves.

And how can we love our neighbors, or even ourselves, if we can’t love our own family?

What that means to me as your Daddy is that I’ve got a particular responsibility to teach you to love. Of course, there is no better way to teach you to love than to demonstrate love to you and in front of you, along with Mommy and your brother.

Struggle will always be present in life, but it’s a matter of how we choose to deal with it as it comes. We as a family can make a daily choice to be more than conquerors, though God’s love.

So I will lead our family to choose to be victors, instead of victims. We will make a choice to do what is often unnatural to the human experience, in attempt to love each other and to love God.

Here’s a little cheat sheet I crafted to remind me:

Victors versus Victims

Victor: compliments others

Victim: criticizes others

Victor: embraces change

Victim: fears change

Victor: forgives others

Victim: holds grudges

Victor: always learning

Victim: thinks they know everything

Victor: accepts responsibility for their failures

Victim: blames others for their failures

Victor: has a sense of gratitude

Victim: has a sense of entitlement

Victor: sets goals and develops plans

Victim: never sets goals

We will be conscious of these things. We will be conscious of our responsibility to love and serve the God who fearfully and wonderfully made us.

This is the family you were born into…

We are a family where we will choose for love to be patient and kind, where it does not envy or boast, where it is not proud or rude or self-seeking or easily angered.

We will choose a love that keeps no record of wrongs. We will choose a love that not to delight in evil.

We will choose a love that always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres.

Because if we choose this kind of love, we will choose a love that never fails.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Holly: You are a “Fearfully Made” Gift from God

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

5 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

Dear Jack,

This past Sunday during your last (assumed) weekend as an only child, I took you to your friend Kendyl’s 5th birthday party on the other side of town. It was a time of several “firsts” for you…

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

It was the first time you had a friend from school who had their birthday party in their yard at their house, instead of an official party place like Chuck E. Cheese.

Therefore, it was the first time you got to play in a “bouncy house” in a friend’s yard at a birthday party. (It should be no surprise that I helped add even more thrill by serving as the “monster” who chased any kids who tried to escape from the bouncy house.)

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You also got to try cotton candy for the first time; as they had a machine there that made it there on the spot. You liked the cotton candy, but you also seemed confused by it.

Another first for you at Kendyl’s party was chocolate coins. You really thought they were cool. Since it was hot outside, you decided to only eat one there at the party, then take the rest home; where they are currently chilling out in our refrigerator.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

And perhaps the biggest first was the piñata. You’ve known about them for years now, having seen them on your favorite shows. But finally you got to experience it yourself.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You were 2nd in line; behind the birthday girl of course.

Her mom did a wonderful job putting the party together. No one was in a hurry to leave. We would have stayed longer had we not needed to get home to check on Mommy.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You had a blast. This was the kind of birthday party you see on TV shows and movies. It was a special fun time for your last weekend as an only child… unless Holly is born next week instead.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata