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The Monetary Value of a Parent

September 18, 2011 at 12:09 pm , by 

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Jack William Meets Evan Carlos

August 11, 2011 at 11:11 pm , by 

Eight months.

Though Jack has been attending day care for a couple of weeks now, I still have been wondering what it would be like when he would be exposed to another little boy about his age and size, in a different environment.  I had these preconceived  ideas that it might be difficult for them to get along, fighting over toys.  I envisioned myself cringing, just waiting for the moment when one of them would smack the other in the forehead with a wooden block or a Matchbox car.

I guess I forgot that infant boys don’t have that much testosterone, yet. Fortunately, Jack’s first encounter with a buddy wasn’t at all as I bleakly imagined it.  While in Sacramento last week, we visited Jill’s childhood friend, Paula; she and her husband had their first child just a few months before Jack was born.

It was funny to observe Jack and Evan (Paula’s son) playing next to each other from the same toy box. Several times they reached for the same toy, then they would both simultaneously back off from it, as if to say, “No, it’s cool.  You go ahead. You saw it first.”

If only we lived in a world with “baby subtitles,” where we adults could translate what our children are saying to us and each other.

For most of the visit, I imagined  in my head what their conversations were like as they were playmates:

“So, you’re Evan? Yeah, my mom has talked a lot about you.  Actually, I’ve seen a lot of your pictures on Facebook.  There’s this one where you’re wearing one of those taxi cab driver hats.  My mom got me one of those but I kept taking it off because I can’t stand having stuff on my head.  It makes me itch.”

“Yep, I’ve heard of you too.  I wonder why our moms are laughing at us right now.  I’m hungry.  Let’s eat.  Wahhhhh!!! Waahhhh! Ehhhhh…”.

“Okay, sounds good.  Bluhhh!!!  Mehm-mehm-mehm-mehm…”.

Being that Jill and Paula grew up together and remain friends despite the long distance and that they still see each other at least once a year when we fly out to California in the summer, I think it’s safe to say that Jack and Evan will grow up knowing each other too.  Even if that means just one actual play date a year and in the meantime their Mommies pointing to a Facebook picture, saying, “Look, here’s your buddy.”

Jack has made his first friend.

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dad from day one: My Big Secret is that Parents.com has Chosen Me as Their Official Daddy Blogger- Now Introducing “The Dadabase”

Six months.

The picture above was cropped for my new header.

One of my favorite movies of all time is the so-relevant-to-real-life Marley and Me– which is based on the autobiographical book of the same name. The author and main character is John Grogan, a newspaper columnist who captures his everyday life in stories in his column.  The first time I saw Marley and Me, I remember thinking, “That would be so cool to have such a widely read column.” Around the same time, in 2009, my wife bought me two “how to become a writer” books for my birthday.  I had the inspiration and the guidance, I just didn’t have the right story topic yet.

A year later, my wife and I found out we were going to have a baby.  The idea came to me to become the only dad in history to document my fatherly thoughts and perspective every single week on a blog, starting with the beginning of the pregnancy.  So on April 13, 2010, I wrote my first “dad from day one” entry.  And today, technically, I write my last.

From this picture I sent in to the Parents.com staff, they designed my new logo.

Here’s why: Parents.com, the website for Parents magazine (first published in 1926), has decided to pick up my daddy blog series; starting today, right now, at the conclusion of this post with a link.  “Dad from day one” is being rebooted into something much bigger, yet it will still be faithful to its roots.  (And I’ll still be writing my “nonparenting” posts here on NickShell.com).  I decided to go with a new name for my daddy blog that I felt will be most appropriate, since I’m the only daddy blogger for Parents.com’s new featured blogs.

I needed some help coming up with the perfect name, though.  So I recruited the help of my facebook friends, and Diana Jung Taub had the idea to play off of the word “data.”  I added the word “base,” then my wife gave me the official article “the.”

I liked the idea of Jack’s hand holding on to my finger, a symbol of fatherly strength.

The Dadabase will pick up right where “dad from day one” is leaving off.  But whereas “dad from day one” has been a weekly series (I wrote at least one post each week for it), The Dadabase will basically be a daily series.  I am contracted to write a minimum of 4 posts per week and can write a maximum of 25 each month.  If I write the maximum, which predictably is what I am planning to do, that’s around 5.5 posts per week.

With Parents magazine’s already existing paid circulation of 2 million people and a total readership of 15 million people, my daddy blog is about to hit an instant growth spurt- a pretty big one.  I’m good at keeping secrets (I’ve known about this since March as I’ve been in a nearly daily contact with the editors up in New York City) but I’m so happy to finally share the news with you, my faithful readers.

My little blog is growing up, just like my little boy, who this whole thing is about in the first place.

Okay, welp… it’s time to shut down the lights in this little place and move all my stuff to that high rise apartment in the sky.  I’m movin’ on up- and I’m taking you with me.

Enter:  The Dadabase.

(Click on the the underlined phrase above this sentence to be transported there, it’s the link…)

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dad from day one: Jack is Now Six Months Old, Officially Has Blue Eyes and Weighs 19.2 Pounds

Week 26 (6 months).

Despite the cliche, “they grow up so fast,” I will admit that these past six months have been the quickest six months of my life.  And yes, Jack has definitely sprouted up very quickly.  Six months ago my wife and I held a baby in our arms, with zero personal experience.  Now, we have no longer have a newborn, but instead an infant.  An infant who can eat ground up fruits, veggies, and grains- not just formula.  Who is attempting to crawl.  Who is outgrowing his original car seat.

And I’ve been waiting until Jack turned six months old to officially say what has been pretty obvious for a while now: Jack has blue eyes.  I know there was a possibility that his eyes could get darker up until this point.  I never thought that it was even possible for my wife and I to have a blue eyed child.  It’s pretty funny, actually.

Not only has Jack changed in so many big ways since November 16th, 2011.  But I have as well.  You can’t be a parent and not become a different person in the process.  Even in just six month’s time.  Especially in the first six month’s time.

Am I writing this morning about Jack or myself?  Equally both, at best.  At age 29, when we found out we were going to have a baby, I had reached a point in my life where I evidently stopped growing and maturing as a person.  And since he was born, I’ve made up for any lost time as far as personal development.

I’ve undergone so many changes in the last six months that the best and perfect comparison would be to Desmond on Lost, who traveled in and out of time, disoriented of where and “when” he was.  I do feel spaced out, in the most literal way that the phrase “spaced out” can be used.  I’m trying to remember what it means to “be myself,” when becoming a father obviously changes that version of “myself” who I completely understood and had figured out.

Of course, these “who am I?” sort of thoughts aren’t red flags for some kind of personal crisis.  Instead, this is just me pointing out that I (and I assume other first time parents, too) undergo so many changes in their life at once that they have to take time to deliberately and specifically figure out who this new person is that they’ve become.  Not a bad version of who they are; just the different version that is required of them in becoming a parent.

By no means does a person stop growing up just because they turn 30.  Instead, some of the greatest maturity is happening at that age, for me.  And at six months old, I think it’s safe to say that Jack is experiencing some of the same thoughts in his own little baby brain.  The question is whether or not he’s more spaced out than I am.

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dad from day one: Insert Foot in Mouth

Week 25 (5 months).

If you are a regular reader of my “daddy blog”, then you know my writing style well enough to expect this to be a post about Jack being able to literally put his foot in his mouth- and by the end I will make mention that as he gets older he will metaphorically put his foot in his mouth by not knowing when to stop talking- as often is the case with guys.  So surely I will need to throw in a reference to John Mayer’s song, “My Stupid Mouth.”  But that would be too predictable.  So no metaphors this time around- this entry is simply about my son discovering his toes and sucking on them.  No “big picture” ideas today.

Jack has discovered his feet.  I don’t know if he realizes they are his feet, though. Like the way a dog chases its tail, providing hilarious entertainment for spectators, so is Jack’s love/hate relationship with his feet.  I’m assuming that he thinks his toes are little grub worms, and forgetting that the only “solid food” he is eating right now is crushed up oatmeal and bananas, not grub worms, he decides to attack his toes when they are not looking.  And might I add, he gets ’em every time!

His slobber is noticeably thick this days, so each time he bites his toes with his toothless gums, the end result somehow reminds me of every alien sci-fi movie I’ve never seen, yet still recognize the image for.  But aside from the humor of watching Jack sneak up and attack his toes, and aside from the grossness of it, is the surprising element of it: A baby, with the body proportions of the Michelin Man, is limber enough to easily stick  his foot to his mouth anytime he wants.

I completely admit that in the middle of typing that last sentence, I had to stick my foot to my mouth to see if I could do it too.  I can.  But not as effortless as Jack.

Bonus: Last week I was interviewed and quoted in a Mother’s Day article by Megan Mattes, on Parents.com.  Click here to see it.