parenting

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Dear Holly: You’re Zero Percent Tomboy, Despite Having a Brother Who Could Easily Turn You into One

1 year, 4 months.

Dear Holly,

As I took some pictures of you and your brother before church on Sunday, I couldn’t help but notice the obvious visible contrast as the two of you stood next to one another:

You are all girl and your brother is all boy. I have one of each.

And I didn’t have to teach either of you to be that way, either.

Over the past couple of months, you have demonstrated how you always just instantly know what to do when Mommy presents you with a new pair of shoes or a new shoes.

You instinctively know how to walk across the room with a pretty smile on your face, assuming that the whole world is watching you.

Meanwhile, your brother is typically up to something to counteract your graceful moves; whether it’s trying to slap your leg with a sticky stretchy hand he got from the treasure box at school, or simply serving as an off-beat commentator in the beauty pageant you’re pretending to be in, as he speaks in an exaggerated Southern accent:

“Ah, how sweet! Look at little precious baby girl! I think she just pooped in her pants… isn’t that so precious?! She’s a little tin man. She’s just made out of metal. So precious!”

Sure, you may develop a natural interest in Pokemon cards, as your brother has already told me he’ll give you some of his cards once you get a little older.

And sure, you’re used to him wrestling with you and playing a little too rough with you, on a daily basis.

Yet still, you are one girly girl. You just have no chance of ever being a tomboy.

I’m sure it doesn’t help, the way I treat you…

The way you just cling onto me as I carry you around the house, constantly confirming what a sweet little girl you are.

Yeah, I guess you just don’t stand a chance at being anything other than a Daddy’s Girl.

At least, that’s what I hope!

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your 1st Soccer Game as a 1st Grader

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

Now that the summer has come to an end, so have violin lessons. And you decided you wanted to go straight into playing soccer now that the school year has begun.  It helps that you and your best friend Duncan, from your Kindergarten class last year, were able to get on the same soccer team.

So this past Saturday, our family drove out to the YMCA field in Spring Hill and watched you place your first game. It was amazing to see the difference, compared to when you played soccer 2 years ago in Pre-K.

You actually chase and kick the ball now! Wow!

And not just you, but all the other kids actually play the game too. Two years ago, it wasn’t this way at all. Back then, it was just a bunch of almost 5 year-olds standing on the field, looking at the feet in the grass.

But now, there’s actually something for your parents to watch you and your teammates do!

You actually gave Mommy and me a reason to keep yelling, “Go Jack! Kick it!” I felt like a legitimate soccer dad.

This was your sister Holly’s first time getting to see a soccer game. Since her skin is so fair, and since there was no shade, Mommy had me stand up and block the sun, casting a shadow on Holly as she watched the game from Mommy’s chair.

I definitely saw a little bit of irony in that; as if I were a big guy, which I am not. Oh well, the plan worked anyway. By the end of the game, your sister wasn’t quite as pink she would have been otherwise.

We enjoyed watching you play your first soccer game as a 1st grader.

Plus, I love the fact you’re getting to not only burn off all that energy you have on Saturday mornings, but also you’re getting to use your brain.

The game is pretty simple, though; for a bunch of 1st graders. Really, the main thing is just knowing which way to kick the ball. That’s all you really have to worry about right now.

Love,

Daddy

 

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We are Taking a Luxurious 2017 Toyota Sienna “Swagger Wagon” for Our Family’s Fall Road Trip to Boone, North Carolina

Ah, the life of a daddy blogger… to have a brand new decked-out vehicle delivered to me whenever our family goes on a road trip. It’s pretty awesome, actually. I love getting to share the stories that present themselves, as my wife and I (ambitiously) travel across the South with a now 1st grader and a 16 month-old.

This makes the first year our family will not be travelling to California. Instead, 2017 is a year of smaller road trips for us.

Back in May, we traveled to Destin, Florida in the 2017 Toyota Prius.

Then in July, we took a fun little trip to Louisville, Kentucky (and saw dinosaurs) in the 2017 Toyota 4Runner.

Our next upcoming event will be our fall road trip to Boone, North Carolina. We will be sharing a cabin with two of my wife’s siblings and their families. It’s going to be a long drive there and back, but we’ve got the right vehicle for it.

The 2017 Toyota Sienna “Swagger Wagon” that was delivered to me feels like a luxurious spacecraft. Our whole family is psyched!

My wife is excited because of how spacious the cabin is and how the captain’s chairs, in the 2nd row where she’ll be sitting next to our young daughter, are full recliners.

Our son is thrilled because he will be able to watch DVDs during the trip, as he loves taking up the 3rd row for himself.

I’m confident our little girl is going to love the Sienna on account of being able to be so close and accessible to her Mommy sitting next to her.

And as for me?

I like knowing that as the captain of our voyage, as I listen to Jimmy Buffet’s Radio Margaritaville on Channel 24 on SiriusXM up in the front row, my family is going to be comfortable and entertained in the middle and back rows.

Could a 36 year-old husband and father be more excited about taking his family on a 6 hour road trip to a cabin in North Carolina, in a 2017 Toyota Sienna “Swagger Wagon”?

I submit that he can not.

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The “No Such Thing as a Crazy Baby Name” Theory

People are giving their babies weird names these days. We all know this. It is an epidemic.

Openly, we don’t acknowledge it. But privately, among friends, we talk about it.

It’s a release for us. It’s confirms that we are not the crazy ones.

Right now, you’re probably already thinking of 2 or 3 weird names you know that other people have recently named their kids.

But here’s the thing. We just have to be okay with it.

Because that peculiar baby name is an expression of that parent’s identity and their perception of their own creativity.

And sure enough, you could have this same conversation with someone who named their kid something obscure like, Cheezeburger Rex, and that parent would instantly agree with you that other parents name their kids stupid names.

That parent of Cheezeburger Rex (which let’s assume is a girl’s name just to make this scenario more believable for a crazy name) would predictably say something like this:

“I know, right!? I know this one mom who named her son Spikey Purple. I feel so sorry for that kid!”

So maybe, in theory, the rest of us “normal parents” should assume that we are the ones who named our kids strange names?

I call this the “No Such Thing as a Crazy Baby Name” theory.

It’s inspired by one time when a guy told me, “There’s no such thing as a stupid tattoo.”

I could easily argue that it might not be the best decision to get a Chester the Cheetah neck tattoo. But if that guy embraced the tattoo as part of his identity, making it a way to express himself; to him, it’s not a stupid tattoo. Instead, he’s proud of it.

Similarly, it’s this way with baby names too.

So the next time I hear a parent proudly tell me that their newborn son’s name is “Dracula Titus” or their daughter’s name is “Intelligence Martin”, I know how I’m going to respond:

“That is the perfect name! It’s so creative, too. But that makes sense, because you’ve always been such a creative person. Well congratulations! (He/she) is so adorable!”

By doing so, I am able to give that parent confirmation that they chose a name that accurately reflects their own identity as the parent.

Their identity; not mine, not yours.

And, for better or for worse, the identity of their child, as well.

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Why My Next Car Will Have a Metallica Sticker on the Back Window, Not a Christian Fish Symbol

Whenever I eventually do trade in my 2004 Honda Element for a newer SUV with a 3rd row seat, I have already decided I will not be putting a “nice dad” sticker on my back window: No stick figure family, no logo from my kid’s school, not even a Christian fish symbol.

It’s Nashville. I’m a commuter from a bedroom community. I typically spend a minimum of about 2 hours a day, navigating through chaos from the congested back roads to the often stand-still Interstate.

Being perceived by other drivers as a “nice guy” is not what I’m interested in when I’m on I-65 or Columbia Pike. Otherwise, I’d be in danger of also being perceived as a hypocrite in other drivers’ eyes when I am either driving too fast or too slow for their liking.

Other drivers’ personal perception of my driving ultimately serves a reflection of the legitimacy of whatever sticker is on my car.

Yeah, I know that sounds obtuse and illogical. But it’s true…

If a non-Christian driver perceives that I selfishly pulled out in front of him, then sees a Christian emblem on my car, that driver is placed in a position where he can theorize: “There’s another one of those self-centered, hypocritical Christians! Why would I ever want to be like them?”

Instead, I’d rather be known as the guy who other drivers don’t have high expectations for. The easiest way I can think to accomplish this is to simply have one black sticker on my back windshield:

Metallica.

That way, when I have to hurry and pass another car real quick on the Interstate in order to reach the exit lane in time because of how congested all 4 lanes are, I’m not a jerk. Instead, I’m simply what they expect from a guy who listens to the legendary heavy metal band Metallica: I’m assertive, intimidating, and unpredictable.

However, when I do something courteous, like when another driver is trapped trying to make awkward turn and I let them in (which is something I do several times per day), and then I eventually catch up to them when that one single lane transitions to a double, and I’m now in the other lane and they can see the back of my vehicle…

Now, I’ve suddenly become the Good Samaritan. Why?

Because, hey, the Metallica guy was nice to me!

I’d rather be perceived as a nice Metallica fan rather than a “hypocrite” with a Christian fish symbol on my car. I

My ironic theory is that it’s easier for those fellow commuters to see the grace and kindness of a Christian when there is no Christian label, as I’ve learned that people naturally have higher expectations of Christians; meaning it’s also easier to be disappointed by Christians.

No one is disappointed by a guy who listens to Metallica. But as a commuter, I say the Metallica guy has got a better chance of being seen as a saint, compared to a guy with a Christian fish symbol on his car.