Will Ferrell Will Replace Steve Carell on The Office, Sarah Palin Will Run for President in 2012, and Michelle Duggar Will Try to Have Another Baby So The Show Will Have to Be Changed To 20 Kids and Counting

Of course those are only my predictions…

I mean, I could be wrong. But I have been right in the past… twice.  So with my magical predictions, I personally will single-handedly “win the future”.  Here on Scenic Route Snapshots, I have accurately predicted that Jenny Slate would not be fired from Saturday Night Live after she accidently slipped the f-word on her very first skit back in 2009 (making me the first person on the Internet to proclaim it), as well as the fact that Ali Fedotowsky on The Bachelorette would chose Roberto after watching the very first episode in 2010. Now in attempt to be awesome (yet risk all credibility as a writer/fake fortune teller), I will explain why the title of this post has to be true.

1) Will Ferrell will replace Steve Carell on The Office: Everyone knows that Steve Carell is leaving The Office, but for months everyone has been speculating who could fill his shoes.  Will Ferrell will be perfect for the role because he plays a great idiot but in more of a “man beast” sort of way, so as not to generically mimic Steve Carell’s “jerk with a heart” type of fool.  As this article explains, Steve Carell is actually leaving The Office four episodes before the season finale and Will Ferrell will be the “temp” replacement.  But, I’m sure if test audiences and critics like Will as the new boss, they’ll keep him around and he will enjoy a resurgence in his comedy career.  Done.

2) Sarah Palin Will Run for President in 2012: She’s been vague and coy on the issue when asked in public interviews  as to whether or not she seriously plans to run for President, but that’s just because she’s wisely testing the waters.  Was Sarah Palin’s Alaska part of her plan to test half of America’s support?  You betcha.  Her show was a hit and she was able to see that she definitely has a major following. If she wasn’t going to run for President, she would have said so by now.  Done.

3) Michelle Dugger Will Try to Have Another Baby So The Show Will Have to Be Changed To 20 Kids and Counting: On the season premiere last week of 19 Kids and Counting, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar explained that their newest baby, Josie Brooklyn Duggar, has now recovered from her digestive problems.  Now that they’ve seen that Kid #19 is going to be okay, why wouldn’t they go for #20?  At this point, people should not be surprised every time Michelle Duggar gets pregnant again.  That’s the norm for the Duggars.  So until they tell us they physically can’t have anymore children (whether naturally or because one of them chooses to have “the surgery”), we must always assume that another Duggar is on the way.  Done.

Futuristic Fun!…

If, in the future you are reading this and by some strange twist of fate I’m wrong about any of these three situations, call me out on my erroneous predictions by leaving a comment.  I’ll man up to my mistakes.

Advertisements

dad from day one: Jack is Now 13.3 Pounds and 25 Inches Long

Week 10.

Ten weeks ago Jack was born a big healthy baby (8 lbs. 6 oz. and 20.5 inches); and now, ten weeks later, he continues to grow as a big healthy baby.  I don’t mean “big” as in the sumo wrestler sense, but knowing that our friend Paula Zehnder’s 5 month old son weighs 13.5 pounds, it puts things into perspective since Jack is half that age.  I still envision Jack being slightly small for his size as he gets older, since it appears that’s what’s in his genes (the tallest males on both sides of our family are around 5′ 11″, for the most part).  But I wonder in the back of my mind if Jack is a baby version of Will Ferrell.

I just realized today that I haven’t been referring to him as “Baby Jack” as much these days.  As he grows in size, he also obviously grows in maturity.  He knows when someone is smiling at him, because he smiles back.  And though his voice sounds like a cat, Jack has begun exploring his vocal range- especially at 9 AM and 9 PM everyday.  He spoke his first sentence last week: “I want a robot.”  I like to believe he actually meant to say that and that he knew what it meant.

Jack’s eyes are still blue.  My wife looked it up online, and because of her dad having blue eyes, there’s a 12% chance of Jack having blue eyes.  We won’t know for sure until he is around six months old.  Until then, I’ll assume he’s a brown eyed boy.

Jack peed on my foot this morning.

The Good Ole Days: Past, Present, or Future?

At what point does life reach its peak?

Last August I bought Third Eye Blind’s new album, Ursa Minor, on the day it came out. And while I love it tremendously, I realized several years ago that nothing they ever do will top their 1997 debut album with “How’s It Gonna Be”, “Semi-Charmed Life”, “Jumper”, “Graduate”, “Motorcycle Drive By” and “I Want You”. They keep making good music, even if I’m the only one still listening. But they peaked 11 years ago.

Michael Jackson experienced his peak in 1983 with the success of Thriller, personally haunted by the fact that he was never able to commercially or critically top it. And as much as I love Dave Matthews Band, I find it scientifically impossible for them to top their 1996 7x platinum album Crash, featuring the flawless “Crash into Me”.

Not that it’s an awful thing to peak early in a career. Not everyone can go out with a bang like George Burns, or remain relevant after several decades. It happens to plenty of good actors and comedians too: they continue to make movies after people stop really caring. Steve Martin. Jim Carrey. Will Ferrell. Robin Williams. Tim Allen.

A sign of a once-relevant comedian officially being past his peak is when he appears in a family movie in which he gets thrown high into the air, then lands abruptly but suffers no major injuries, then looks up at the camera with this expression that says, “Ugh, that’ll leave a mark…” (I have a visual right now of Steve Martin in Cheaper by the Dozen when he gets catapulted out of the Gymboree.)

Gone are the days of Steve Martin’s classics like The Jerk, Father of the Bride, Roxanne, Parenthood, and the legendary Planes, Trains, and Automobiles (which I refer to in about 23% of my writings). Now we’re stuck with The Pink Panther. I’m sure it makes him millions of dollars, but it doesn’t make anybody laugh.

Steve Martin: surprisingly, not Jewish.

While I don’t have a career in acting or music where I have to keep reinventing myself to please fans in the business of entertainment, I do live a life in which I am sometimes tempted to keep looking to the future for my vindication, contentment, or perfect stage of life. When those thoughts cross my mind I have to remind myself of some corny forward that someone e-mailed me a few months ago that said: These are the good old days.

Whether or not I am living in the peak happiness of my life now or in 30 years, it doesn’t matter. Because I’ve learned it’s not the bad, boring, or annoying memories I keep going back to. It’s the good ones. Those are what I keep close to heart: These are the good old days.

Robin Williams: Also, surprisingly not Jewish either.

“I’d like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve.” -John Mayer (“No Such Thing”)

“And I’ve never been so alive.” -Third Eye Blind (“Motorcycle Drive By”)

Rad Web Clips to Watch on a Lazy Saturday

In a world of so many weird and funny Internet clips begging for our attention on YouTube, one that started circulating in the fall of 2008 has officially become my all-time favorite.  I proclaim it my favorite “Clip of My Lifetime”.

I suspect that I’m not introducing this to anyone for the first time ever, but my intentions are to be a guide and companion as we try to squeeze this orange for all it’s worth. Please enjoy “Jesus is My Friend” by a rockin’ band called Sonseed:

Well first of all, it’s from 1983 so automatically how can it not be awesome? The lead singer, Sal (whose wife is the piano player), is quite a cartoon squirrel. His token head nod after every over-pronounced verse is so charming. And the pouty look on his face as he delivers each Vacation-Bible-School-line just warms my heart. It’s almost like watching a 4 year-old boy in the form of a 24 year-old Italian man. (Though he was actually 30 when this was filmed.)

I’ve seen cases of some of today’s popular actors either getting their start in Christian entertainment (or resorting to it once they realize their career is over). One theory is that Sonseed’s snazzy lead guitar player is the young Paul Giamatti. (In reality, the guitar player’s name is Frank Franco. That is stellar in itself.) And the drummer may very well be Will Ferrell’s first cousin. Hard to know for sure.

Depending on what day I’m asked, the back-up singers may be my favorite part of this short film. Having his next-door neighbors jump in at the last minute was a plan that came together after all. The first lady it shows is the answer to anyone who says “what’s the worst that could happen?” when being set on for a blind date. You just know things are bound to get awkward. I’m sure she’s got a heart of gold, but she really looks like she should be a SNL character. Did I see her as an extra on Napoleon Dynamite?

Next is perhaps her husband. I can see him being a youth minister on a weekend retreat in Kentucky.  I would definitely want to be in his raft on the white water rafting. Mainly just because a red plastic vest would befit him. Back home he probably had a Petra poster hanging up in his office so that the kids in his youth group could relate to him more.

Excuse me, John Schlitt, lead singer of Petra, but you're kinda standing on the state of New Hampshire... so if you don't mind...

Um, excuse me, John Schlitt, lead singer of Petra, but you're kinda standing on the state of New Hampshire... so if you don't mind...

All I’ve got to say about the next lady is that I’m proud of her for being able to drag her husband out of the house. It takes a positive spirit like hers when being the other half of someone who can’t even memorize one line, “Jesus is a friend of mine”- he’s looking down at the lyric sheet the only time it zooms in on his face.

And then there are the actual lyrics to the song. Universally, the favorite line tends to be “God is like a mounty; He always gets his man”. I’m still trying to figure out what exactly a mounty is and how to spell it. I think it’s a word for a Canadian policeman. But of course the cherry on top of this whole nostalgia-fest is “Zap!!!” That defines the whole video.

When I was first introduced to this video I just watched it repeatedly. The day after I saw it the first time, my wife came home to find me watching it in a trance. There’s just so much to take in. I found a website where I was able to download the whole album. I’ve got it on my iPod now but “Jesus Is My Friend” is the only song of its class, like “Hey There Delilah” on The Plain White T’s CD.

I can’t imagine any YouTube clip ever having more character than Sonseed’s. But I do also highly recommend “The Renewed Mind is the Key” which was recorded from some hokey adult-contemporary Christian musical in Branson, Missouri. That’s only if you want to see a long-haired white guy moonwalk across the stage, then put his hand over his mouth as if he just “passed gas” and is embarrassed by it, the way a 58 year-old woman from Georgia wearing a sundress and matching hat would do. He is accompanied by two women wearing Hillary Clinton pant-suits who have learned a sort of snap-dance from someone who got their degree in “Modern Dance” from a community college.

And here’s the whole song…

And finally, a must-see is the dog that was born without his front legs; yet his owner taught him to walk on his hind legs. If anything ever looked fake but is completely real, it’s Faith, the Hind-Leg Walking Dog.