Dear Jack: The Elf on the Shelf is Your Newest Stuffed Animal

5 years, 1 month.

Dear Jack: The Elf on the Shelf is Your Newest Stuffed Animal

Dear Jack,

A year ago, Mommy bought a slightly smaller version of the Elf on the Shelf, on clearance after Christmas.

She unboxed it this past weekend and…. the next day he suddenly appeared in a different place.

That was the last time the Elf on the Shelf demonstrated his magic, because since then, you have been carrying him around with you everywhere: to school, to dinner, to bed…

In other words, you saw the Elf on the Shelf as an opportunity to adopt another stuffed animal.

This weekend when Nonna is in town, I’m going to have you and her count exactly how many stuffed animals you have now. I won’t be surprised if that number is very close to 100.

In fact, let me put in my official estimate. How about 83? I could be way under, but I think you have at least 83 stuffed animals.

As people have been seeing you in public, walking around with who you have named “Elfie,” some of them have looked at us in a state of surprise, as if it was taboo to carry about an Elf on the Shelf.

I’ve recently learned that legend says if you touch the elf, he loses his magic.

That theory checks out, as he hasn’t disappeared since the day you started carrying him around.

Granted, Mommy told me that this slightly smaller version is specifically designed to be held, as she read on the packaging.

However, people don’t know that when they see you holding him. Your friends at school and church were so shocked.

It makes no difference to you. He’s another stuffed animal and you managed to once again outsmart the system.

You let the rest of the world play their reindeer games with the Elf on the Shelf. Meanwhile, you just got away with a new toy before Christmas.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Snakey Goes To Church/Proposal To Get A Pet Vulture

4 years, 4 months.

Dear Jack: Snakey Goes To Church/Proposal To Get A Pet Vulture

Dear Jack,

I would like to believe that at our church, everyone is welcome. That definitely was the case last Sunday when you brought Snakey to church.

You kept him in a blue bag you had received from having your 4th birthday party at Bricks 4 Kidz. Mommy carried you… and you carried Snakey.

I caught several people cracking smiles as they saw you in the hall with Snakey. It’s just not what most people were expecting at 8:00 AM on Sunday morning.

Dear Jack: Snakey Goes To Church/Proposal To Get A Pet Vulture

Everyone was pleasantly surprised to see your new reptile friend, as snakes typically don’t make an appearance at our church.

What made it great was how proud you were to introduce Snakey to everyone as we made our way through our shopping mall-sized church.

Dear Jack: Snakey Goes To Church/Proposal To Get A Pet Vulture

Of course, Snakey had to stay up on the shelf during the School School lesson, during which you made a craft about a camel passing through the eye of a needle.

As much as you love Snakey, you told Mommy in the car ride home from church that you wouldn’t want a real snake for a pet.

However, you offered up a reasonable alternative…

Dear Jack: Snakey Goes To Church/Proposal To Get A Pet Vulture

“Mommy, I could get a pet vulture. But we would have to let him out of the house during the day so he could fly around to find his own food.”

Ultimately, the only concern with keeping a vulture for a pet is apparently feeding it. But you also stated you wouldn’t want to keep your pet vulture in your room.

This might be a bit problematic if we are to consider getting you a pet vulture.

I think Snakey is a better pet though. You already explained to us that Snakey is a vegetarian snake. That makes him a lot easier to feed and a lot less trouble than a vulture you have to let out every day.

Love,

Daddy