The Perfect Haircut for a Guy: A Modern Day James Dean Hairstyle

For a guy to talk about his own hairstyle is equally as taboo as one man telling another man how much he liked watching The Notebook.  But here’s the problem.  There are a lot of guys with awful hairstyles out there.  Combed-back, fluffy domes.  Chicken butt-heads.  Preacher-do’s.  The Weatherman.

But now finally, I’m willing to put my manhood on the line to present a simple, easy, and quick-to-fix hairstyle that most men can pull off.  Even for men with receding hairlines, this works.

I have been a man of many hairstyles in my 28.9 years.  From buzz cut, to faux hawk, to “the Ashton Kutcher”, to “the Sawyer from LOST”.  Maybe it’s because I’m so black-and-white of a person that since I couldn’t find the exact perimeters of a “perfect haircut”, my hairstyle was ever-evolving.  Always roaming, like the Incredible Hulk (TV version).

But it’s been a few months now, and I find myself getting the same haircut every 6 weeks.  That’s a new concept for me.  With easy to follow instructions, and pictures featuring yours truly, in shades (which plays down the “look at me/I’m on Twitter” persona that I try to avoid with a passion) I will help you obtain the perfect haircut you’ve always been looking for.

Getting the Haircut:

If possible, go to a barber.  (It’s not a real barber shop unless it has one of those red and white barber shop poles out front.)  A barber is more likely to do a cleaner job.  And I can’t explain it, but it’s somehow less awkward.  It’s just the classic way to do it.

Tell the barber you want a “2 guard on the sides and back” and “leave it one inch long on top”.  The barber will know automatically to “blend” the differences in length between the sides and the top.

For your sideburns, they should come down to the bottom of your “ear hole”.  Having sideburns (of the appropriate length) is a way of saying “I’ve got an edge, but not an obvious one”.  If your sideburns come down lower than the bottom of your ear lobes, you risk saying, “I wish I was in a rock band.”

The barber may automatically “texturize” your hair.  That means they are slightly making the length on top a little inconsistent to give it a bit of a messy look.  Don’t ask for the barber to texturize your hair.  That shows you know too much.  If the barber doesn’t automatically do it or ask you your preference, don’t worry about it.  It’s not that big of a deal.

On a side note, here’s the deal with shaving your face.  Don’t worry about shaving everyday.  Having a “barely there beard” is expected of the modern American man.  The formula is this:  Shave your face every 5 to 7 days, but shave your neck every 2 to 3 days.

Fixing Your Hair:

After getting out of the shower, carelessly dry your hair with a towel.  Mess it up as your dry it.  Do this until you hair is no longer wet.  I mean it.  You’re not going for “the wet look”.  That’s for douchebags, Italians on reality TV shows, and guys stuck in 1993.

There is only one product on the market that I currently fully recommend.  It’s American Crew (Matte).  Costs around $13.  It’s not sticky and it smells manly.  Like a cedar tree.

Dip your middle or pointer finger in the stuff, only getting enough to match the same size as a nickel.  Rub in the pomade (that American Crew stuff) all throughout your hair.  Make sure you don’t concentrate it into any particular area of your hair.  This should take less than 5 seconds.

Next, using your right hand, run your fingers back across the top of your head, while keeping your fingers close enough together that it causes your hair to stand straight up, but not straight back.

Now, run your hands down the sides of your head and down the back.  You don’t want the side or back to stick straight out, causing your hair to form a diamond shape.  That’s a bad thing.

Almost there.

Reach back to the top of your head, and make sure that it’s not stick straight out.  You don’t want a chicken butt.

Last step.  Barely dip your finger back in the pomade.  Touch up the very front.  This part needs to be going straight up, not straight out.

Success.  You now have modern/classic hair that doesn’t move.  An updated James Dean.  Or a pre faux hawk.

While at first, this process may appear to be time consuming, I easily do it in less than a minute every morning.  You’ll master this thing within a week.

Most importantly, don’t tell anyone I told you this.  Men do not talk about their hairstyles.  I’m only doing this to help you.  Be cool.

Just walk away, like we weren’t even talking.  “Hey, what’s that over there?”  You get the idea.

The Standard


Manspeak Table of Contents 

Volume -1: Boyspeak: http://wp.me/pxqBU-9d
Volume 0: Introduction http://wp.me/pxqBU-8G
Volume 1: Humor http://wp.me/pxqBU-1i
Volume 2: Heroism http://wp.me/pxqBU-1m
Volume 3: Filtration http://wp.me/pxqBU-1p
Volume 4: Stance http://wp.me/pxqBU-1s
Volume 5: Movement http://wp.me/pxqBU-1v
Volume 6: Law http://wp.me/pxqBU-3h
Volume 7: Bromance http://wp.me/pxqBU-3W
Volume 8: Relaxation http://wp.me/pxqBU-6a
Volume 9: Appearance http://wp.me/pxqBU-6f
Volume 10: Exploration http://wp.me/pxqBU-6O
Volume 11: Responsibility http://wp.me/pxqBU-8v
Volume 12: Transparency http://wp.me/pxqBU-8J
Volume 13: Composure http://wp.me/pxqBU-8N
Special Episode: The Bachelor Party http://wp.me/pxqBU-uY
Special Episode: The Perfect Haircut http://wp.me/pxqBU-xN


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Some People Never Change No Matter How Much Time Goes By, Like James Dean, For Example

 

Forever 24 years old.

The legendary James Dean only made three movies and then died at the age of 24. That’s how old most of the cast of Friends was when the show premiered. That’s really young. Yet James Dean lives on forever as a 24-year old young man. We never saw him begin to lose his hair.

Kurt Cobain, Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison (lead singer of The Doors) and Janis Joplin all died at the age of 27. They will always symbolize youthful rock-and-roll. But we never saw them in their 30’s or 40’s. We never saw them make a few flop albums or experiment with doing other kinds of music other than what they were known for. They died in their prime.

In the likeness of Barbie taking on several different personas (Beach Barbie, Nurse Barbie, School Teacher Barbie, etc.) and in the likeness of the many available different versions that Ninja Turtle action figures came in (I had three Leonardo’s: regular, hockey playing, and storage shell), all of us have lived different versions of ourselves throughout life so far- including high school version, college version, post college single version, married version, with-kids version. Then there are all the minor phases in between.

What’s funny to think about is that the people you were around only during that time of your life may only know you as that version of yourself. For better or worse, you’re still that 18-year high school senior, or the “what will I do with my life?” college student, just an enhanced version. But the perception of yourself and perception of the way others see you is often different. To some people, you may be forever frozen as a version of yourself you no longer are.

Manspeak, Volume 9: Appearance

I thought it was just me. But it’s not. After talking to several of my guy friends (and after seeing He’s Just Not That into You with my wife, which chick flick or not, was a good movie,) I realized it wasn’t just me that had a token pair of Bachelor Pants. Every guy in his singlehood has an awful pair of pants that he’s kept for several years, unaware he is committing a crime. They are typically baggy, have cargo pockets, and are outdated.

The thing with Bachelor Pants is that a man is unaware of how horrible these pants are. In fact, men promote each other’s bad fashion tastes by mimicking what their friends wear. A guy doesn’t want to think about what to wear, so the tendency is to go with what’s comfortable and familiar, by default.

The girlfriend will remain silent about the offensive pants during the dating period, all the while she is plotting a plan to eliminate them from her boyfriend’s wardrobe. Traditionally, she will wait until one month after he proposes until he hears the out-of-nowhere newsflash, “You know you’re not bringing those pants into our house once we’re married…”

My contraband was a pair of brown pants I got in 2006 from a Banana Republic outlet. To fit the stereotype, there were quite baggy and had cargo pockets. Those were my Bachelor Pants. My defense was always, “But I got them from Banana Republic- they can’t be that bad…” They earned the name Potato Sack Pants.

So I made them disappear. By that I mean I hid them in a big bin full of winter coats in the storage closet. After being married now for almost 15 months, I decided to nonchalantly bring my Bachelor Pants out of the archives. To my surprise, I wore them around the house for the last two weekends and my wife didn’t say a word about them. Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore: “I’m wearing the Potato Sack Pants. Didn’t you notice how awful they are?”

Regarding Bachelor Pants, the main issue is that a man can no long wear them in public after marriage. It’s a bad representation of his wife’s tastes if she allows him out of the house in them. However, Bachelor Pants are permissible inside the home, as they are the equivalent to the women’s sweatpants. Bachelor Pants = women’s gray sweatpants. Okay, it’s a deal.

Every girl’s crazy ‘bout a sharp dressed man, but left on his own, a man typically makes the wrong decisions when it comes to fashion. And if he actually does know a lot about it, he may find himself in the questionable “is he or isn’t he?” territory like the professional hired dancers on Dancing with the Stars. So what is a guy to do? Listen to a woman.

When I think of a well dressed man, I think of Frank Sinatra and James Dean, with their stylish, never-out-of-style clothing and classic, never-out-of-place hairstyles. I allow myself to believe they took care of themselves. But I’m sure they had women dressing and styling them the whole time.

Believing that haircuts are annoying and expensive, I ended up in an Owen Wilson situation with my hair for the last several months. Then it all just hit me two weeks ago: This is annoying, I need a haircut. My wife’s eyes lit up when I said that out loud, responding, “You should get it buzzed.” I thought about it for two solid minutes in silence, then replied, “Okay, let’s go.”

What’s interesting is that during my recent Italian mobster days with the long hair, several different guy friends literally said this to me out of the blue: “You got cool hair.” But during that time, all females in my life said, “It’s time for a haircut… What does Jill say about it?” Now that my hair is 1/8th of an inch all over my head, universally every female has praised my decision, while most of my guy friends say, “Oh… you got rid of it…” I hear the hint of disappointment in their voices.

Men have a Survival Mode setting. Without the help of a woman, a man’s appearance shows this Survival Mode mindset: “I took a shower, I shaved, I’m dressed, I brushed my teeth, time to go.” He may be wearing pleated black pants with brown shoes and a wrinkled shirt with the right side of the collar folded up funny on one side and his tie may be a little too short… but he is dressed, and that is all that matters to him. He is convinced he looks good.

Bottom line: If it’s mainly fellow dudes that are approving of my sense of style, I am listening to the wrong gender. Because other men enabled and encouraged my ways, it made me confident in my own ability to look presentable and good. But women are the ones born with the sense of good fashion. I have to accept the fact that there is no shame in depending on a woman for this.

I wear the pants in the relationship… but she tells me which ones to wear.

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

incredible_hulk_bill_bixby_image__1_

My appearance with and without the help of a woman.