Thirty years ago when my mom was a manager at Shoney’s, I was introduced to kale. It was that nearly plastic-looking leafy thing on the side of my plate, next to my Philly Steak sandwich.
My sister and I would dare each other to eat it. Apparently it was just a garnish to “cleanse the palette” at the end of the meal. Eventually I took a tiny bite of it, only to learn it really didn’t taste like anything.
It was… just there.
Fast forward to April 2013, when I became a vegan. As I found myself converting to the plant-based lifestyle, I looked around me and realized that apparently, I was supposed to love kale.
I would see fellow vegans at Whole Foods wearing t-shirts that read “KALE” in the front, in the likeness of Yale.
For half a second I thought to myself, “Well, I guess I’m supposed to get one of those shirts and join the club.”
But I never did. Because I really, really don’t like kale.
However, I force myself to eat it; ideally once a week.
A couple of days ago, I had lunch at Whole Foods, taking advantage of their “5 for $5” special; where I can get a pound of vegan food, in divisions of 4 ounces.
They had all my favorites: the mushroom salad, the sweet potato and olive salad, and the grilled pineapple salad. For my 4th item, I chose the kale.
It was seasoned nicely and I didn’t mind it, especially because it was paired with cabbage.
Yet still, I only ate it because it’s so full of protein and the roughage is good for digestion.
Perhaps it’s heresy to admit it, but I am a vegan who is not a fan of kale. If you can relate to me on lack of passion for kale, just know you’re not alone.
I always assumed that in order to take it to the next level, up from already being a caffeine-free vegan, I would need to add “gluten-free” to my list of self-imposed rigid restrictions over my life…
Furthermore, I assumed that by completely nixing gluten (wheat) from my diet, I would discover even more health benefits; like how when I became a vegan: my eczema, constant sinus pressure, reoccurring sinusitis, and pet allergies all went away in just a matter of days.
Plus, I had hoped (also like when I became a vegan), I would accidentally lose some weight (since I recently admitted to gaining 7 pounds over the course of the past year when I ate vegan chocolate bars and tater tots with my pregnant wife).
Well, after a month of being gluten-free, I can officially confirm that none of those things came true for me.
I have a feeling you were expecting me to say that going gluten-free totally changed my life, because that definitely seems to be the trendy thing to say these days.
And for the people who say that, I’m confident it’s true for them. I am happy for them that they found what works for them. I give them all my moral support.
But personally speaking, based on my experiment, the gluten-free experience didn’t impress me.
Time after time, I turned down all kinds of magnificent vegan gluten-containing foods. At the Ponce De Leon Whole Foods where we ate several times, they had a tempting vegan pizza bar as well as plenty of other fun vegan yet gluten-filled delights. And I said no, for the sake of my gluten-free experiment. I sacrificed during an inconvenient time!
But in the end, I saw no benefits.
Granted, I lost 2 of the 7 pounds I had gained for the “vegan chocolate bar and tater tot” incident. However, that easily could have been for the fact I don’t eat vegan chocolate bars or tater tots any more.
I am willing to acknowledge though, that gluten-free is a way of life for many people. However, I am not one of those people.
My body processes gluten just fine; no issues at all. But the trade-off is, I can’t process eggs or dairy without major instant health issues.
As for my future with gluten, the experience has taught me this: I prefer corn tortillas over wheat.
So as my wife makes Mexican meals, I will continue to only eat corn tortillas; not wheat. And I truly enjoy spelt and quinoa in her Italian meals, which we have been eating more of here lately.
In the end, I won’t eat as much wheat as before. Going gluten-free opened my eyes to other options. Yet still, gluten is my friend.
I guess there’s more than one way to be a bad vegan. The first that comes to mind is one that “cheats”, by promoting the plant-based life to others, while sneaking in bites of chicken nuggets and dollar menu burgers.
However, I can confidently confirm that I have never intentionally “slipped up”. To my knowledge, I have not consumed any animal products since April 2013, nor any meat since December 2011. I have remained ever faithful to my alternative lifestyle choice.
The second idea that comes to mind when I think of a “bad vegan” is someone who is overzealous and appears to be judgmental of those who do not share their same strict values; eager to convert the rest of the world, especially through offensive images and stories of guilt and animal cruelty.
I admit, that was me for about a month after my conversion. I am still embarrassed by some of the memes I created for my Facebook page back in the summer of 2013.
But I got over my zealot stage, realizing that even if I could legitimately convince the world that eating animal products is unnecessary, it still would never matter.
Because for most people, the information I know and live by is not enough to change their minds or hearts.
I have accepted the reality that people continue to eat animals products because A) they think they need to in order to get enough protein or proper nutrition, B) they fear escaping the social norm, B) it’s more convenient, C) it’s an emotional tradition, and/or D) they simply like it.
After all, I’m a proud Libertarian (who’s not voting for Trump or Clinton). Since embarrassing myself on Facebook 3 summers ago, I have embraced my fundamental Liberation beliefs:
Sit back and watch other people make their own decisions. If they decide what they are doing is not working for them, they will get curious enough to ask someone else who seems to have things figured out.
I was so proud this weekend when a high school friend approached me about how to transition to a vegan lifestyle, as he is tired of digestion issues and being overweight.
He has an open mind about the plant-based life. He doesn’t let his preconceived ideas get in the way of making a positive change in his life. But he doesn’t represent the majority, as I’ve learned and accepted.
With that being said, here’s how I’m like the worst vegan ever:
I openly encourage the free world to eat whatever they want, since I can’t.
When someone brings donuts to work, I make sure everyone knows about it, proclaiming, “Hey, go get a donut or two, because you can. I’m a vegan, so that means someone needs to take my share; otherwise, that donut will just go stale.”
It usually makes the person laugh, followed by them going to get two donuts.
I also try to help people decide what to eat on their lunch break. When I go by other guys’ desks, I’ll suggest, “You know, you could totally go by Wendy’s for lunch and get a big cheesy burger. I can’t since I’m a vegan, but you should!”
And they know I’m not being sarcastic. They know me well enough to realize that if I wasn’t keeping my eczema, acne, headaches, sinus infections, sinus pressure, and pet allergies in complete remission by remaining committed to the vegan lifestyle, I never would have converted.
I would still be the world’s most passionate carnivore!
Perhaps it’s my way of living vicariously through them. I remind them they have the freedom and ability to eat whatever they want, whereas I no longer do.
But by doing so, in sort of a backwards unspoken way, I am reminding them that I am there to help them if they ever get curious about getting healthy.
Gone are the days of trying to convince other people to live the plant-based life with me (except for my own family, that’s a whole different story) .
Instead, I point mainstream society in the other direction; the direction they are already going. They know where to find me if they need me.
I think that sort of makes me the worst vegan ever.
A question I get sometimes is this: “Don’t you miss it? Don’t you wish you could just bite into a juicy steak sometimes?”
My answer is always a quick, “No, not at all.”
I know it’s easy for an outsider to assume that vegans are secretly hungry because they don’t get enough protein.
Granted, I think I am easy proof that I actually get more than enough protein. After having been a vegan for over three years, a vegetarian for 4 and a half years, and kosher (no pork or shellfish- yes, that includes bacon!) for 7 and a half, you can easily see I’m not withering away.
In fact, I’m currently working on shedding the last 5 of the 7 pounds I gained while supporting my wife in her pregnancy cravings. (Organic tater tots and vegan chocolate candy bars do more damage than I previously thought!)
My wife and I have discussed what would happen if she ever ate meat again; as she’s been kosher and a vegetarian as long as I have. I explained that if she ever went back, it could easily tempt me to do the same, which would mean I could have the freedom to eat fast food again.
As I explained to her; it’s not the good, healthy, organic, non-GMO meat that she would cook that I would be so excited about. I could care less about that.
Instead, what I psychologically miss is the glory of fast food.
I miss being able to spend so little money on food that is unnaturally tasty (thanks to the addictive trio of high fat, high sugar, and high sodium).
I miss the convenience of dollar menus and drive-thru’s.
I miss not ever asking myself where my food is coming from, beyond a Sysco delivery truck.
I miss not worrying about the future effect of fast food on my body.
I miss not associating eat red meat with the increased chances of getting diabetes or prostate cancer.
The thought of me ever eating fast food again disgusts her enough to the point where I’m pretty sure she’s won’t ever be tempted to go back. (I used to sneak fast food when she and I first got married 8 years ago.)
Life was easier when I ate fast food. I admit, I miss that.
The place I miss most is Captain D’s. Ah, their greasy, crunchy, fried mystery fish of the sea; made complete with tartar sauce and cocktail sauce. Wash it down with sugary sweet tea… I miss that place more than any burger joint.
But here’s what I don’t miss:
I don’t miss having “untreatable eczema” on my hands, to the point I could barely type on the computer keyboard.
I don’t miss the daily headaches.
I don’t miss the constant sinus pressure, or getting sinus infections every couple of months.
I don’t miss the acne.
I don’t miss being my pants size being size 34; where as I’ve remained size 31 for the 3 years I’ve been a vegan.
So yes, being a strict vegan takes some fun out of life. It’s true.
And I do miss fast food.
But for me, what I psychologically miss isn’t worth more than how I am physically benefiting from doing without the fun stuff.
I explained how we male vegans make up less than 1% of Americans, as most vegans are female.
Therefore, it should be no surprise that there is only one other male vegan blogger featured in Care2’s post this week about saving money as a vegan.
Care2 is “the largest online community empowering people to lead a healthy and green lifestyle” so I take it as a major compliment they found me and asked me to participate in their money-saving post for vegans.
I decided to take a different route, and instead of making my tip about food, I made it about fitness. Here is what I said in the article:
“One smart and easy way I save money as a vegan is that I refuse to pay for gym membership. Granted, I still work out regularly: I mountain bike, I run, I do push-ups while my five year-old son sits on top of my back. I even do pull ups at a nearby playground. Plus, I do a minimum of three 10 minute walks per day while I record my daily YouTube videos.
I believe America has a double standard when it comes to working out: that you must have six pack abs to be ‘healthy.’ That’s asinine. That’s like when a person goes on a diet by eating nothing but salads and drinking diet soda.
Instead, you can have a healthy heart by not only committing to a vegan diet (which causes you to never consume more than 0% of your daily cholesterol allowance) but also by finding practical ways to ‘work out’ for free, like I do. No, I don’t have six pack abs, but my doctor tells me I’m one of the healthiest patients he has for my age.”
I now invite you to check out the entire article, which features the other 9 vegan bloggers as well:
Family Friendly Daddy Blog 