fatherhood

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Dear Jack: You Were Literally Smashing Pumpkins

7 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

One of my favorite bands in junior high and high school was Smashing Pumpkins. In fact, their 1993 album Siamese Dream remains one of my favorites of all time.

But all that was lost on you when you asked last Saturday, “Daddy, will you go outside with me so I can go smash the pumpkins?”

The light rain definitely didn’t stop you.

You began by taking your miniature hammer that you got with one of your crafts from Home Depot and started smashing the first rotting jack o’lantern left over from Halloween.

The task proved to be more difficult than either of us thought:

Your hammer basically just bounced off the pumpkin, for the most part.

Then you had another fun idea, “Daddy, can I roll the other pumpkin down the hill and see what happens?

What surprised us both is that after a few rolls, that pumpkin split in half.

It’s official:

The hill was mightier than the hammer.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: You are Clearly Fearless and Daring

2 and a half years old.

Dear Holly,

I’m pretty sure I’ll never have to convince you to try new things. As you have been watching your brother speed down the cul-de-sac, you have correctly assumed that you could successfully do the same, on your little school bus.

As you can see in the video above, you amazingly are able to not only use your legs to scoot your way up the hill, but you also confidently use your legs as brakes to slow down.

While I admit I feel that this seems dangerous, I also don’t want to stop you from having fun outside; knowing that you have yet to get hurt doing it.

I think it’s so cool that you loving scooting up and down on your little bus!

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: This Was Definitely Your Biggest Halloween Ever!

7 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

It was supposed to start raining around dinner time on Halloween. I really hated that for you; that it would be nearly impossible to visit many houses on the one day each year we attempt to visit every neighbor in our neighborhood with their front porch light on.

Amazingly though, it was perfect weather outside; for any day of the year, actually.

It was about 66 degrees and the wind was barely blowing.

Not to mention, more neighbors were giving out candy this year, compared to the previous Halloweens we’ve lived in our neighborhood.

We literally visited every single house with the light on.

And when we got back to our own house, there was no room left in your bucket, even for another pack of Skittles.

Maybe your dinosaur costume scared them into giving you a little more candy this time?

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Teaching Your Sister to Say “Bad Words”, But Not in Context

7 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack,

I’ve recently discovered that when Mommy and I aren’t closely paying attention, like while we are doing the dishes, you discreetly teach your sister “bad words”, as if it’s your obligation as her older brother.

“Holly… butt cheek.”

She will then repeat it and confirm she knows it’s a new word she shouldn’t say:

“Butt cheek.”

Then she grins with gratitude.

However, she doesn’t quite understand the context of most of the Disney-approved bad words you have been teaching her.

That’s why it’s not out of the ordinary for her to casually say, “I want a cheese stick… butt cheek.”

I’m sure in time, though, you’ll be able to teach her how to say these inappropriate phrases a little more appropriately.

 

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: You are Trying So Hard to Have Legitimate Conversations But…

2 and a half years old.

Dear Holly,

Last Sunday while you were playing with your brother’s toys in his bedroom while Mommy sorted out his closet, you took it upon yourself to create a story line.

You swung your purse over your shoulder then grabbed your brother’s poop emoji stuffed animal, then enthusiastically yet routinely announced, “Hey Poop, want to go to church?… Yeah?… Okay, let’s go!”

From there, you pretended to load up Poop in the car for the ride to church.

And yesterday as I was driving you to school, I said, “Look Holly! Those men are putting a new roof on that house!”

Seeing the apparent fun of being able to walk on top of a house, you proclaimed, “I want to walk on the roof for my Christmas.”

In your mind, these scenarios are completely realistic.

That’s good enough for me.

Love,

Daddy