birthday party

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Dear Jack: The Giant Slingshot at Your Cousin’s 6th Birthday Party

6 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

Last weekend, our family traveled to Fort Payne, Alabama; which is 2 hours and 40 minutes away. It would be a slightly longer drive, but we make no pit stops since Mommy and I refuse to stop along the way once both you and your sister are asleep.

It was your cousin Calla’s 6th birthday party… and it was a big one!

Your Uncle Andrew and Aunt Dana got a huge “jumpy house” for the backyard. I’ve never seen one that big for a private birthday party. It even had a slide!

But at least for you, the main attraction was the humongous slingshot that Papa and Uncle Andrew had built to launch water balloons.

Apparently, the object was to land the water balloon into the small plastic wading pool on the other side of the yard.

However, you were the only boy at the party. So it only makes sense that it didn’t take too long for a new goal to present itself…

You decided to make yourself a human target for the launching.

That’s right: Who can hit Jack with a water balloon, using this giant slingshot?

It was that event that made it obvious you were the only boy there at the party. Granted, you had no issues feeling out of place. I’m not sure that you even noticed you were the only boy.

But once you made yourself the human target on there for the giant slingshot, it was almost the equivalent of someone bringing a puppy to the party.

It was sort of like having a Labrador retriever running around the party. As if someone should have said, “Hey, why is that dog running around here?!”

My guess is, those little girls didn’t mind the opportunity to try to blast a boy their own age with a water balloon, with the help of a giant sling shot.

Yeah, it’s so obvious you’re a boy.

Love,

Daddy

4 Comments Posted on fatherhood, funny, parenting, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: That Time You Secretly Decided to Be a Nerf Sniper at Zeke’s Birthday Party

6 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Saturday afternoon, our family attended your classmate’s 6th birthday party at his family’s house. Mommy and I held Holly, while we sat on the covered back porch, along with the other parents.

Pretty early on into the party, Zeke’s dad brought out the Nerf mini dart guns for all the kids to run around in the back yard and shoot each other, while all the adults casually watched the chaos.

After a few minutes of the 6 year-old version of the Hunger Games taking place, I looked up from holding your sister’s hand as she walked along the patio furniture, and saw you quietly standing there on the outside of the guard rail, appearing to take aim.

I was right.

Because then, I saw you pull the trigger, hitting one of your friends in the chest as he ran across the yard. He had no idea he had been hit by the Nerf Sniper.

Then I muttered to you, “Jack, are you standing up there and shooting them without them knowing what you’re doing?”

You smiled so sneakily and shook your head, yes.

Obviously, I was proud of you. After all, it was a free-for-all. There were no rules. No one said you had to stay down in the line of fire and get shot like everyone else.

Good for you, assuming the role of the sniper.

Your idea of fun wasn’t running around, laughing with your friends. Instead, your idea of fun was winning. This was not a game at a birthday party. This was war.

By the time the others figured out what you were doing, it was time to go inside for pizza and cake.

I imagine a few years from now when your friends start having laser tag birthday parties, you’re definitely going to have an advantage.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your Proposed Aliens-Themed Birthday Party/The Butt Club

5 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack: Your Proposed “Aliens and Butts” Birthday Party Idea

Dear Jack,

This is your first week of being in Kindergarten all day long. I can tell you love it and that you’re having a good time making new friends.

Based on conversations I’ve been hearing you have with Mommy, apparently you and your new friends have been having meetings on the playground as part of what you call “The Butt Club” where you all “talk about butts.”

I appreciate this concept. It’s like an underground movement where Kindergartner boys can meet secretly to freely discuss the greatness of “butts”; a topic that is taboo in the classroom.

It would be my speculation that “having gas” would be a popular topic of discussion, as you and your friends of The Butt Club talk about butts.

On Tuesday when I came home from work, I handed you a surprise I picked up from the treasure box at the dentist office: a bendable alien toy.

You were so excited when you turned him around and saw that he had a visible butt!

This toy alien gave you much joy, and entertainment, for the rest of the evening; eventually, a clever and original idea was born:

You asked Mommy about having an alien-themed birthday party for when you turn 6 in November. Unsurprisingly, you were quick to also mention the inclusion of “butts” as part of the theme, as well.

We’ve still got 3 months to figure out how to accomplish this theme for your birthday party. Last year, we didn’t have an official party for you, since we took a trip to Florida to celebrate instead.

But with a newborn sister, and a week-long trip to San Diego for Uncle Jake’s wedding at the end of September, another trip in November is unlikely.

So maybe an alien-themed is possible… I’m just not so sure about the butts.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

5 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

Dear Jack,

This past Sunday during your last (assumed) weekend as an only child, I took you to your friend Kendyl’s 5th birthday party on the other side of town. It was a time of several “firsts” for you…

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

It was the first time you had a friend from school who had their birthday party in their yard at their house, instead of an official party place like Chuck E. Cheese.

Therefore, it was the first time you got to play in a “bouncy house” in a friend’s yard at a birthday party. (It should be no surprise that I helped add even more thrill by serving as the “monster” who chased any kids who tried to escape from the bouncy house.)

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You also got to try cotton candy for the first time; as they had a machine there that made it there on the spot. You liked the cotton candy, but you also seemed confused by it.

Another first for you at Kendyl’s party was chocolate coins. You really thought they were cool. Since it was hot outside, you decided to only eat one there at the party, then take the rest home; where they are currently chilling out in our refrigerator.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

And perhaps the biggest first was the piñata. You’ve known about them for years now, having seen them on your favorite shows. But finally you got to experience it yourself.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You were 2nd in line; behind the birthday girl of course.

Her mom did a wonderful job putting the party together. No one was in a hurry to leave. We would have stayed longer had we not needed to get home to check on Mommy.

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

You had a blast. This was the kind of birthday party you see on TV shows and movies. It was a special fun time for your last weekend as an only child… unless Holly is born next week instead.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Cotton Candy, Chocolate Coins, and a Piñata

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Dear Jack: You Wanted Donuts and Vegan Blueberry Muffins for Your Birthday Party at Your Pre-K

4 years, 11 months. 

Dear Holly or Logan: We’ll Know in 13 Days Whether You’re a Girl or Boy

Dear Jack.

Your 5th birthday is on Monday, but we decided to go ahead and have your “school birthday party” today before the weekend kicks in. Normally we would take cupcakes for you and your friends to enjoy to celebrate your birthday, but this year, you had a different specific request…

Donuts and vegan blueberry muffins.

So yesterday I hopped in the 2015 Lexus GX 460 that we are driving this week and drove to Whole Foods, which is just a 5 minute drive from where I work.

Dear Jack: You Wanted Donuts and Vegan Blueberry Muffins for Your Birthday Party at Your Pre-K

I was able to get your chocolate-covered sprinkle donuts and the vegan blueberry muffins right there at the same spot. I brought home 4 donuts and 6 muffins. Mommy and I were discussing how we would get your teacher to cut them in half; and that even then, that would be a lot of food for 5 year-olds.

You then proclaimed to me, “Tell my teacher to save a whole donut for me because I want the whole thing, not just half.”

Here lately, you’ve been saying other things like that which have really cracked me up.

Dear Jack: You Wanted Donuts and Vegan Blueberry Muffins for Your Birthday Party at Your Pre-K

We drove past a place that sells those glorious wooden playgrounds. They had one that was a pirate ship. It cost $1600.

You declared, “If I had that pirate ship playground at our house, I would never watch anything on the Kindle, because I could play on the playground.”

I told Mommy, “Maybe we should get Jack that playground. He would never, ever watch anything on the Kindle again. All he would ever do would be to play on his pirate ship playground…”

You intervened, “But sometimes, I would.”

I think I actually had you convinced we would have bought you that $1600 playground if you had agreed to never watch the Kindle again. I thought it was hilarious how you attempted to make a bargain with Mommy and me.

Funny stuff.

Okay, so imagine this: The next time I write you a letter, you’ll be 5 years old!

Love,

Daddy