This past Saturday while Mommy and your brother were out at a boat race in Nashville, you and I got to spend the day together.
I took you to the farmers’ market, to the mall, and out for coffee; where you got pumpkin spice cake.
Apparently, you and Mommy had worked out some kind of agreement and understanding that you could buy a toy, with a budget of $15, simply because it’s been so long since your birthday, and it’s still a couple months away until Christmas.
When it was all said and done, I let you get a $20 Barbie.
This song serves as proof to me that it was 2 and a half years ago, on April 9, 2022, that I first started becoming aware of my personal Enneagram 6 complex: the constant yet somewhat muted feeling that I don’t matter; the feeling that I am invisible to the world.
During The Covid Lockdown, I was put on furlough for a few months from my employer. So I was in my own house, without a job, with my family; consisting of kids who were not able to go to school.
As an Enneagram 6, it is very important to me that I understand what my role is.
What jump-started me writing this song was when morning when my wife walked by as I was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “It’s so cold in this house.”
My wife is always cold. Keep in mind, she said this in April.
When she said that, it inspired me to write a song about a person who questioned whether life as a ghost would actually feel anymore disconnected from society than an actual living person.
I feel that this song is the epitome of what if feels like to be an Enneagram 6. You can see my 5 wing in the attempt to accept life and death for what they are; unexplainable and unpredictable.
My 7 wing shows in my anxiety about potential restlessness during eternity.
The themes you see in these lyrics will continue throughout so many songs I have written since:
It’s so cold in this house, I can’t feel my bones – There’s people walking around but is this even my home? Did I? Did I? Did I die? Did I? Did I? Did I survive? Who is the ghost, here? Which one of us moved on? Who is the ghost here? Which one of us is in a better place? Can I walk through walls? Can I walk on water? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? What if I get restless while I live forever? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? Most people who have ever lived are now buried in this Earth – The dead know something we don’t – Until we join them, I guess we won’t – I see the dark, I see the light – I see my body from up so high
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
Published on April 8th, 2020, this was the first song I wrote because of The Covid Shutdown.
As an Enneagram 6, I am always preparing for what might go wrong. So you can imagine, it was important for me to mentally process never seeing members of my family again.
Specifically, this song was about me sorting out my feelings about my parents; who live about 3 hours away. Keep in mind, this was written at the beginning of The Covid Shutdown; before most people I knew actually starting getting Covid- and way before there was a vaccine available.
It is obviously the greatest understatement to tell your parents, “I don’t want you to die.”
So instead, I wrote this song about my life alongside them; not knowing what was ahead.
As you read the lyrics, notice the end of the song, where I officially switch over to the “Counterphobic 6” mindset:
If this is my final chance to say the things I haven’t yet – I would choose you every time if I could live a thousand lives – You loved me when I was young before I was who I’ve become – When this is all said and done, all I know is we had a good run – We had a good run – We had a good run, I don’t want to see the ending – We had a good run, I don’t want a new beginning – Hold on, hold on, hold on to me – I can’t let go, no – We had a good run – I’ll see you on other side, whatever Heaven ends up like – I’ll find you somewhere in that crowd, whatever we both look like now – And if we can remember back, back to all the years we had – We’ll pick up where things left off, all I know is we had a good run – We had a good run – I must have been built for the Apocalypse – I don’t feel anxious or too worried about this – I’d rather us all go at the exact same time – Than to be left behind and have to say goodbye
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
A few weeks ago, Mommy rearranged the furniture in our bonus room. We also got a new TV for that room; one that is new enough to have Disney+ on it.
That turned into “Movie Night” on Saturdays; which ultimately meant you and your sister sleep in the bonus room after you either watch a movie, or a few episodes of a Disney show.
However, it become this instead: You play computer games while your sister watches Disney.
To make things more comfortable for yourself, you built what I can only describe as a “hamster nest”.
I took a picture of both your nest and our pet hamster’s.
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