People

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Manspeak, Volume 6: Law

This is my company’s first week in our new office.  In the old office, the men’s restroom consisted of only a “one seater”.  Complete privacy, no worries about anyone using a urinal next to me only three feet away on the other side of an inch thick stall.  Those days are gone.  The men’s restroom of the new office is much nicer than the other one, but contains one stall plus two urinals.

 

Today I half-jokingly told my co-worker Mark that I am planning to make a sign to put up on the outside of the stall door whenever I am in there that would say, “Nick Shell is in here, in case you wanted to know.”  That way I could enjoy my peace without having to hear heckling comments or even just having to deal with the annoying question, “Who’s in there?”  Mark replied, “But if you make that sign then you will be interfering with Man Law.  Pestering the person in the bathroom stall is a requirement if it’s someone you know in there.”

 

It’s hard to imagine I could make it through 5 volumes of Manspeak without mentioning Man Law.  (Here’s a refresher course I found…)

http://manlawguide.wordpress.com/

 

Man Law of course was officially outted and recognized by those Miller Lite beer commercials in 2006.  Laws like “a man shall not walk a dog that is smaller than a football” and “there shall be a minimum waiting period of at least 6 months before a man is permitted to start dating his best friend’s ex”.  These laws are taken from the Book of Man Law, a book that no man has actually ever read or even seen before.  A man is just sort of born knowing it.

 

While a man is hard-wired with his own built-in instruction manual which helps him know his own kind; he is not programmed to understand a woman.  That’s where trial and error comes in.  But at least for himself and his own kind, he does have some direction.

 

At the heart of Man Law is an effort to ultimately prevent any reason for a man to ever have a Misunderstanding with another man.  Which prevents the unspeakable Hurt Feelings and the play-it-cool Apology.  A man doesn’t go around thinking about and talking about his relationships with his other guy friends.  Man Law takes care of that.  It’s set up to keep things simple in male friendships.

 

Man Law not only keeps his fellow male relationships healthy but also helps keep a man from unnecessarily embarrassing himself more than he already does on a weekly basis.  One of the many reasons I can’t stop obsessing over the movie I Love You, Man is because of how right-on it addresses the quirky rules of what it takes to be a socially acceptable man among his male peers. It does this by having a cast full of men who constantly break Man Law.  In fact, it is ironically Andy Samberg’s openly gay character, Robby Klaven, who helps his brother Peter to know what a confident straight man is supposed to act like.

 

One of the best examples of a serial offender of Man Law is Peter’s annoying self-obsessed co-worker Tevin Downey who has highlights in his hair and a fake tan, sends annoying e-mail forwards, and sneaks up behind Peter and tickles him whenever he gets the chance.  He’s the epitome of what used to be called a jerk, but in this decade has evolved into what is now called a Tool or a Douchebag. This kind of guy is not physically threatening, nor is he effeminate.  He is simply completely oblivious to the importance of Man Law.

 

Understandably, Man Law is sometimes misinterpreted as a chauvinistic list of what it takes to be macho.  Not the case.  What’s much worse than being less than manly is being compared to Dane Cook or Spencer Pratt, two “men” I constantly make references to, usually mentioning how men around the world long to punch them in the face.

 

To outsiders, Man Law may seem like a finicky, strenuous system in which a person can become overwhelmed by trying to keep up with all the rules.  It can be, for those born with out the instincts.  Because after all, it is an issue of social survival.  For the men who were unfortunately born with Man Law Deficiency, there is hope:  Watch The Office on Thursday nights.  Pay special attention to Andy Bernard and Michael Scott.  Do the exact opposite of whatever they do.

 

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com

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The Invisible Touch, Yeah (The 2nd Installment)

It takes seeing bad acting to know what good acting is.  Bad acting isn’t simply defined by an actor who conveys no emotion (Ben Stein).  But there is a thin invisible line between a person who is a good actor (Johnny Depp, Tom Cruise, Paul Giamatti) and a person who simply plays the same character in every movie (Will Ferrell, Vince Vaughn, Arnold Schwarzenegger).  Of course there are also the in-betweens (Adam Sandler, Ashton Kutcher, Robin Williams) that only seem to play the same character in all their comedies but in dramas actually become a different person.

 

But ultimately for an actor who has appeared in a string of successful/popular movies, the question of how good of an actor is, is irrelevant.  It doesn’t matter.  Because there is some unseen force that causes people to keep watching that actor’s movies.  It’s not simply professional acting skills that audiences follow, it’s that invaluable quality of “I like this person”.

Friendships don’t grow just because of common interests.  Now that I think about it, I’ve never made a conscience decision to be a person’s friend.  It just happens.  I never have to say anything like, “You’re cool.  Let’s officially become friends.”

 

It starts with a few joking insults through text messages, leads to several Sunday afternoon Mario Kart Wii tournaments, and before I know it I plan a whole Saturday around rowing down the Harpeth River in a canoe with him, trying to forget about the movie Deliverance as we paddle our way through the quiet waters.

 

The “I like this person” quality transcends to romance as well.  There is something extremely ironic about “Singles” events and groups.  For my first year living in Nashville I attended the Singles Sunday School class at my church (around 80 in attendance) plus I went to Kairos (another Singles event every Tuesday night with an average of 1200 people).  It seems with all those single-and-looking people in the same place with the same wishful thinking, it would be easy for people to match up.  But that’s not where I met my wife.  (A mutual friend unintentionally set us up.)

 

And when she and I started dating, I knew right away she was the one.  Aside from all the obvious reasons I’m sure I’ve mentioned before, it was those subconscious connections we had that caused both of us to know right away that the search was over.  The greatest occurrence of “I like this person” that I have ever known.

“We are all a little weird, and life is a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.”  -Chinese fortune cookie

The Invisible Touch, Yeah

The 1st Installment
The 2nd Installment
The 3rd Installment

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The Invisible Touch, Yeah (The 1st Installment)

 

It’s magic and invisible. After months or even years of faithful patronage to a quaint restaurant or hours spent re-watching a favorite movie, the desire just suddenly goes away. Without realization. Without a good motive. All of the sudden it will just occur to me, “Hey, I haven’t watched Napoleon Dynamite in three years…” (Though I loved it so much when it came out that I saw it in the theatre five times and ultimately had the entire script memorized word for word by the third viewing. And for the people in the theatre with me seeing it for the first time, I passionately [and possibly angrily] shouted at them to stay in their seats once the credits started rolling so they wouldn’t miss the hidden “but I still love technology” wedding scene.)

A matter of connection. Personal spark. Invaluable attraction. Somehow that place or thing that once drew me in and gave me a sense of belonging, now never crosses my mind. And it’s typically a case of “it’s not you, it’s me”. I just lose interest.

Sometimes because it gets old. Sometimes because I didn’t feel good the last time I experienced it. Sometimes because I’ve just simply moved on with my life.

 

Exactly four years ago today I started posting my writings online. It all started with the now archaic Myspace. Since August 17, 2005 I have been “thinking out loud on paper”. From the introspective “who am I and what will I do with my life?” themed blogs of single life to social commentary seasoned “abstract thought somehow finds its way into making an actual point that applies to life” articles here on facebook.

And in those four years I have seen many readers come and go. Some who come back after a long absence. And whenever a handful disappears, a new group of readers arrives in their place. Eager to explore some more strategic randomness when it pops up every couple of days. And I know that some are simply entering the glass revolving door only to come back out in a few weeks, while others will stick around for a while.

I witness this concept of “unpredictable sudden loss of interest” from both perspectives. Not only do I become extremely faithful to venues of entertainment and leisure then suddenly stop, but I see readers step into my attic of thoughts for months at a time, then without reason, they disappear.

Journey was definitely right. We are streetlight people.

The Invisible Touch, Yeah

The 1st Installment
The 2nd Installment
The 3rd Installment

 

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People are Often Motivated by the Exception to the Rule, Not the Normal Outcome

 

What sometimes positively motivates people and other times negatively distracts them from reality is a magical device called The Exception to the Rule. A person who is uninspired to quit smoking because their grand maw is 92 years old, who has been smoking since she was 14 and healthier than most 60 year olds. The Exception.

A man who lost 30 lbs in 10 days from doing the Atkins Diet or a married couple who made a profit of $300K their first year of selling real estate after applying what they learned from a DVD. They’re an Infomercial’s dream come true. Helping the rest of us to naively focus on the Exception, overlooking the caption at the bottom of the screen: “Results not typical”. No kidding.

We often look at other people of similar demographics to compare ourselves to. The 30 year-old president of a company. The Exception both inspires and disappoints us. It would be one thing if this was a true illusion. But it’s real. And that is the problem and the motivation.

 

Humans are wired to look for The Exception. That’s something I have learned from writing almost daily for 4 years. If I write 2 pages about how Southerners are not represented positively in movies and TV without it being part of the comic allure or exposure to a strange regional culture, then I have to point out the Exceptions like the movies Reality Bites and Big Fish and the TV shows like King of the Hill and The Andy Griffith Show.

If I don’t, readers become distracted by trying to find the Exception. So I point out the Exception myself in what I write, to show that the general Rule I am introducing does have its Exceptions, but still it is still the Rule.

There will always be the Exception. That’s a Rule with no Exceptions. And if there was an Exception to that Rule, that would be the Exception.

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The Edge of “Me Too” Culture: What Makes People Famous

My sister is my editor. She is the first to read what I write, typically two days before it’s published. If I am working on a piece that I feel may be pushing the envelope/over the top/too forceful, I let her proofread it for me. And most of the time, she tells me to keep it the way it is.

Just last week she labeled one of my drafts as “edgy”. Then later that day as I read a chapter in The Complete Idiot’s Guide to Publishing Magazine Articles on my lunch break, it stressed the importance of each article I write needing to be short, informative, and edgy. There that word is again. Edgy.

 

Thanks to WordPress I am finally able to track the number of daily readers along with knowing which things I write are the most popular posts. So far, it has consistenty been those “edgy” ones that I ran by my sister before posting. People like edgy stuff. It has now been statistically proven.

We live in a world of “me too” culture. “Anything you can do, I can do better” has become “anything you can do, I can do, but it will probably be a crappier version, but still, I can do it too.” Anyone can sing, dance, record music, make a computer app, do a video series on YouTube, and write blogs. The more crowded a venue, the more mediocre and blandized the general talent becomes. That’s why people are drawn to the edge. The edge of what’s normal. The edge of what’s familiar. The salt of the earth.

 

People tend to talk about how crazy life is. (Instantly the intro to Jon and Kate Plus 8 comes to mind, along with Michael Buble’s song “Everything”). Yes, life is crazy. And it’s also pretty mundane. So when people look for entertainment and/or enlightenment, they tend to venture off the main trail to find it.

Michael Jackson, Bruce Springsteen, and Tom Petty would most likely not have won American Idol in their days. But their uniqueness and off-beat perspective found a way to draw people in through their odd lyrics and quirky personas.

It’s pretty obvious in any episode of Howie Mandel’s “Deal or No Deal”. The contestants always have some sort of stupid gimmick. An annoying catch phrase or weird favorite color. It becomes the theme of that episode.

 

From Seinfeld to Super Mario Bros.  Things that are both weird and common attract people.

For me it all goes back to Junior High when I realized the irony of the phrase “everyone is special and unique”. Yes. Yes, they are. But if everyone is special and unique, then they’re all the same. Standing in the in-between of what’s familiar and what is off-beat is often where audiences form.  Nothin’ draws a crowd like a crowd.