parenting

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The “No Such Thing as a Crazy Baby Name” Theory

People are giving their babies weird names these days. We all know this. It is an epidemic.

Openly, we don’t acknowledge it. But privately, among friends, we talk about it.

It’s a release for us. It’s confirms that we are not the crazy ones.

Right now, you’re probably already thinking of 2 or 3 weird names you know that other people have recently named their kids.

But here’s the thing. We just have to be okay with it.

Because that peculiar baby name is an expression of that parent’s identity and their perception of their own creativity.

And sure enough, you could have this same conversation with someone who named their kid something obscure like, Cheezeburger Rex, and that parent would instantly agree with you that other parents name their kids stupid names.

That parent of Cheezeburger Rex (which let’s assume is a girl’s name just to make this scenario more believable for a crazy name) would predictably say something like this:

“I know, right!? I know this one mom who named her son Spikey Purple. I feel so sorry for that kid!”

So maybe, in theory, the rest of us “normal parents” should assume that we are the ones who named our kids strange names?

I call this the “No Such Thing as a Crazy Baby Name” theory.

It’s inspired by one time when a guy told me, “There’s no such thing as a stupid tattoo.”

I could easily argue that it might not be the best decision to get a Chester the Cheetah neck tattoo. But if that guy embraced the tattoo as part of his identity, making it a way to express himself; to him, it’s not a stupid tattoo. Instead, he’s proud of it.

Similarly, it’s this way with baby names too.

So the next time I hear a parent proudly tell me that their newborn son’s name is “Dracula Titus” or their daughter’s name is “Intelligence Martin”, I know how I’m going to respond:

“That is the perfect name! It’s so creative, too. But that makes sense, because you’ve always been such a creative person. Well congratulations! (He/she) is so adorable!”

By doing so, I am able to give that parent confirmation that they chose a name that accurately reflects their own identity as the parent.

Their identity; not mine, not yours.

And, for better or for worse, the identity of their child, as well.

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Why My Next Car Will Have a Metallica Sticker on the Back Window, Not a Christian Fish Symbol

Whenever I eventually do trade in my 2004 Honda Element for a newer SUV with a 3rd row seat, I have already decided I will not be putting a “nice dad” sticker on my back window: No stick figure family, no logo from my kid’s school, not even a Christian fish symbol.

It’s Nashville. I’m a commuter from a bedroom community. I typically spend a minimum of about 2 hours a day, navigating through chaos from the congested back roads to the often stand-still Interstate.

Being perceived by other drivers as a “nice guy” is not what I’m interested in when I’m on I-65 or Columbia Pike. Otherwise, I’d be in danger of also being perceived as a hypocrite in other drivers’ eyes when I am either driving too fast or too slow for their liking.

Other drivers’ personal perception of my driving ultimately serves a reflection of the legitimacy of whatever sticker is on my car.

Yeah, I know that sounds obtuse and illogical. But it’s true…

If a non-Christian driver perceives that I selfishly pulled out in front of him, then sees a Christian emblem on my car, that driver is placed in a position where he can theorize: “There’s another one of those self-centered, hypocritical Christians! Why would I ever want to be like them?”

Instead, I’d rather be known as the guy who other drivers don’t have high expectations for. The easiest way I can think to accomplish this is to simply have one black sticker on my back windshield:

Metallica.

That way, when I have to hurry and pass another car real quick on the Interstate in order to reach the exit lane in time because of how congested all 4 lanes are, I’m not a jerk. Instead, I’m simply what they expect from a guy who listens to the legendary heavy metal band Metallica: I’m assertive, intimidating, and unpredictable.

However, when I do something courteous, like when another driver is trapped trying to make awkward turn and I let them in (which is something I do several times per day), and then I eventually catch up to them when that one single lane transitions to a double, and I’m now in the other lane and they can see the back of my vehicle…

Now, I’ve suddenly become the Good Samaritan. Why?

Because, hey, the Metallica guy was nice to me!

I’d rather be perceived as a nice Metallica fan rather than a “hypocrite” with a Christian fish symbol on my car. I

My ironic theory is that it’s easier for those fellow commuters to see the grace and kindness of a Christian when there is no Christian label, as I’ve learned that people naturally have higher expectations of Christians; meaning it’s also easier to be disappointed by Christians.

No one is disappointed by a guy who listens to Metallica. But as a commuter, I say the Metallica guy has got a better chance of being seen as a saint, compared to a guy with a Christian fish symbol on his car.

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Playground Safety Checklist (By Guest Blogger, Ken Allen)

Most parents will tell you that raising kids is very different today than it was when they were growing up. In many ways, that’s true. Consider how kids spend their free time:

Children today have so much of their time outside of school occupied by structured activities that parents need a separate datebook just to keep up with their kids’ daily schedules.

Even though a lot of aspects about raising kids have changed, a lot of parts are just as parents remember them. One of those aspects is the importance of the playground. Even with competition from video games and streaming video, the playground remains one place kids are sure to congregate.

That’s a good thing, too, because playgrounds offer children the opportunity to get some much-needed exercise as well as kick-start other areas of their intellectual and social development.

Although playgrounds remain as popular with kids today as they did in generations past, playgrounds themselves have changed somewhat over the years, particularly when it comes to safety. Whereas playgrounds of the past featured concrete or asphalt underneath many of them, today’s versions are far more likely to feature soft wood chips or recycled rubber to cushion falls. Metal slides have given way to plastic ones that don’t heat up to dangerous levels under the sun. Swing sets often include special swings that will safely hold toddlers without allowing them to slip off the seat. However, just because playgrounds have become safer over the years doesn’t mean parents don’t have to worry about playground safety at all.

Teaching kids how to use playgrounds safely and inspecting equipment to look for potential hazards are responsibilities parents should take seriously, even as playgrounds become safer, in general. In doing so, parents can help ensure that their kids gain the full benefit of everything playgrounds offer them. Consult the following checklist the next time you take your kids to the playground, and you can make sure they’ll have a fun day with their friends, just the way you did when you were a kid.

“Playground Safety Checklist courtesy of Merrillville Personal Injury Lawyer Keneth J. Allen Law Group”

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Dear Holly: Wearing Mommy’s Shoes, but Not in an Ironic Way

1 year, 4 months.

Dear Holly,

As I was working on the dishes in the kitchen, I heard Mommy calling me over from the bathtub in our bathroom, “Nick, come quick! And can you bring your camera?”

I entered our bathroom to find you stepping out of our walk-in closet, with a serious look on your face, as you carefully took each step while wearing a pair of Mommy’s shoes.

To be clear, you weren’t doing this to try to be funny in an ironic way. No; instead, you had simply taken it upon yourself to be like Mommy. Why shouldn’t you be able to wear Mommy’s shoes and walk around just like she does?

It never crossed your mind that her shoes are a much larger size than yours are. Nor did it matter.

You just kept strutting back and forth across the bathroom floor, while your family watched in amazement.

Yes, I have to say, it was quite impressive seeing you move in those shoes!

I don’t remember you falling, even once. Nor did you smile or laugh, even once.

Please know that Mommy, your brother Jack, and I were all laughing the entire time. You were unfazed.

Shoes are a big deal to you. It’s actually part of our daily routine that you walk to the shoe closet in the living room each morning and tap on the door, then you do a signature grunt which translates as, “Daddy, aren’t you going to open the door? I have to put my shoes on.”

Without fail, you always attempt to put the shoes on yourself, first. You sincerely struggle to figure out why they won’t just magically slip on, as you place them upside down on the soles of your feet.

Yeah, you love shoes. Who cares if they’re really Mommy’s? You’ve now proven that won’t hold you back.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: You Lost Your 2nd Tooth by Eating a Croissant?!

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

Saturday morning your breakfast mostly consisted of your favorite croissants from Kroger. I was on the carpet, playing with Holly, when you proclaimed from the kitchen table, “Hey, I think this croissant is going to make me lose my tooth.”

Obviously, I immediately thought that was a strange statement. However, I did recall brushing your teeth earlier that week and you pointing out that your other bottom middle tooth was getting pretty loose.

To my surprise, when I walked over to the kitchen table and took a close look at your tooth, it was undeniable. I explained to Mommy, “Yeah, actually… it’s sticking out like a drawbridge.”

From there, I was assigned to helping you try to pull the tooth. Mommy wet a paper towel for me and I brought it over to you. “Don’t pull it too hard, Daddy…” you warned.

I assured you all I would do was just barely tug at it.

And that’s all I did. I pulled no harder I would pull a Kleenex from the box.

But the tooth immediately popped out with just that easy, tame, and thoughtless little tug.

“What?! It’s already out!” I yelled over to Mommy, who was holding your sister at the kitchen counter.

So that’s how it happened. I can truly say that was the easiest tooth that I have ever seen pulled.

A croissant! Not an apple. Not anything crunchy.

But instead, one of the softest textured foods a person can eat; maybe only second to cotton candy.

That tooth must have been really loose before you ever ate that croissant… obviously. But still, there wasn’t an ongoing conversation about your tooth being loose, like there was for your first tooth you lost back in April.

Still such a strange surprise.

Oh well, at least you also made a quick 3 bucks off the deal too.

Love,

Daddy