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Dear Jack: Your Sister is Horrible at Doing Mazes

7 years, 3 months.

Dear Jack,

Last weekend we spend the morning with some friends for breakfast at First Watch. Fortunately, it was early enough in the day that you nor your sister had any kind of behavioral issues. Instead, the two of you were quite occupied, largely in part due to the kids’s activity sheet and the pack of crayons our waitress gave you.

During most of the wait for our food to arrive, I didn’t hear a word out of you. That’s because you were completely focused on completing all the activities in front of you.

After you completed the whole thing, you then turned to your sister to help show here what to do. She grabbed a crayon and immediately got to work on the corn maze; in which the goal is to draw a line from one end of the maze to the other.

Your sister was so happy to be at work, the way her older brother had been. A few minutes passed and then sort of turned to you for your approval.

What she received from you was this sincere statement:

“Holly, that’s horrible. You didn’t come anywhere close to getting through the maze!”

Being not even 2 years-old yet, she appeared to be completely unfazed by your overly direct criticism.

I laughed out loud.

She was just happy and oblivious that there was some sort of bigger concept, beyond just dragging a red crayon across some lines, as well as a picture of a mutant cob of corn and completely conscious fried egg.

Ultimately, the activity sheets perfectly served their purpose. You and your sister were able to behave in a restaurant, while being intellectually challenged at your own individual levels.

Give it a few years though, and I think your sister will be able to improve your maze skills.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: You’re Really Starting to Look, and Act, Like a Little Girl

1 year, 10 months.

Dear Holly,

There are certain weeks that I especially notice how much more you look like a little girl and less of a baby who happens to be a girl.

This has been on of those particular weeks.

Now your blonde hair is beginning to quickly turn brown. It’s also finally getting a bit longer, and when we put a bow in your hair, it reveals your pretty little face.

You’re now less than 2 months away from turning 2 years-old.

Now, you walk.

You’re beginning to talk.

And this past weekend, you even decided to use the potty instead of use your diaper.

One of the reasons I write these letters to you every week is to help prevent living the cliche about kids growing up too fast.

By examining pictures of you each week and documenting my perception of what you life was like that week, it helps me to put into perspective the little things I might otherwise be overlooking.

Clearly, the theme of this week is this: Holly is really starting to look, and act like, a little girl.

I feel especially close to you in that since October, I have been working from home. So you and I spend a lot of time together. I get to see what you’re like during the day time when you used to be at school all day.

You and I have built a special bond. I understand that part of it is that you’re learning to communicate more anyway.

But still, I’m grateful that in the midst of my branch closing where I used to work, I am able to enjoy spending my hours now taking care of you; while getting work done while you’re asleep.

I know that I will always cherish this phase of our lives, where we got to spend more time together than perhaps the average father and daughter would.

Love,

Daddy

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Been a Vegan 5 Years as of Today, Still Haven’t Died from Lack of Protein, But Became 6 Pounds Overweight Instead.

Truly I am a walking contradiction. Why I am not withering away and gasping for my breath? How did I actually end up gaining weight and becoming 6 pounds overweight, as a vegan?

Yet it’s true, as of today, I’ve been a vegan for 5 years now. And as of a month ago, I am no longer overweight; thanks to my strict dedication to consuming less empty calories as well as less protein (like chia seeds and almonds), as a vegan.

I would say the main thing I’ve learned about living my life as a vegan for the 5 past years is that despite it clearing up my dyshidrotic eczema, constant sinusitis, and pet allergies, people remain unimpressed. When people hear that, they immediately react the same way every time:

“Oh, wow. I could never become a vegan.”

But that’s the thing. I’m a Libertarian. I don’t care if other people become vegans like I am. I don’t care what other people eat. In fact, I encourage other people to go out and eat the burgers I’m not eating to fill that void in the universe..

I’ll admit it would be nice getting some recognition for finding a personal, non-medical cure for dyshidrotic eczema, constant sinusitis, and pet allergies… but I recognize that all that really matters is I’ve helped myself; even if I can’t help others because they continue to believe they can’t get enough protein without consuming animal products.

It’s funny too that people also immediately assume it would be too difficult to switch over to the vegan diet. Yet again, I became overweight as a vegan. That’s proof that the market has been forced to cater to now 6% of the American population who is now vegan.

You want vegan ice cream? Vegan cake? Vegan burgers?

They’ve got it all!

And I ate it all. And had to make some changes in other to lose the weight I gained from eating it all.

So this is my life. Even if I wanted to return to eating animal products, my health issues would return.

I was destined to be a manly vegan. I am comfortable with my fate.

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I Guess We Need to Talk About the Fact I Shaved My Head, Right? 3 Reasons I Chose the Bald Look.

For nearly two years of my life, for continuity purposes, it was important that I maintained the same look as my doppelganger on the soup package, for my journey on The Lifetime Network’s This Time Next Year; which just aired last week. But now that the episode has aired, I was ready to move on; yet it’s impossible for a guy who is known for having hair to abruptly shave it all off with a zero guard and not be met with this response:

“Wait, what?! What did you do? You can still grow hair right? Why did you shave it all off?”

Therefore, I figured I owed it to the entire world to explain my specific reasons why I would choose the life of a bald man; for now, at least.

1) I was ready to experience a dynamic character transition, like Thor in the new Ragnarok movie.

I’ve never been the kind of guy who could keep the same hairstyle. Ever since college, I’ve had this habit of buzzing off my hair, then having it sort of short for a while, then shaggy for about 2 weeks, then my wife would make me get it cut… to which I would return to the buzzing it all off again.

So perhaps it’s understandable that psychologically, I have been more than ready for quite a while to return to my “bald by choice” status. After modeling my look after another person for nearly 2 years, I was ready to look like “myself” instead.

2) I wanted to prove to myself that having hair was not a confidence crutch.

A secret that many men keep, but most don’t admit, is that they fear, at any age, they will go bald; and therefore, will believe the misconception they are less valuable as men. This is so much of an epidemic, that in my most popular YouTube channel, I serve as a mentor in reminding younger men (who are showing signs of balding) that they are judged by society for other reasons (like being confident, being skilled, being helpful, etc.) but that hair is simply a distraction from their true identity.

I have preached that message so much that I felt it was important that I myself proved that my hair was not a source of my confidence. So I did. And I was right. I don’t need hair to be confident.

3) I knew it would be a smart move in making more revenue as a YouTuber.

My YouTube channel for this blog (Family Friendly Daddy Blog) did not get the newly required 1,000 subscribers before February 20th that it needed to continue to be monetized. Therefore, I needed a way to make up the money I’m losing now. So I figured I could make up the difference on other channel (Nick Shell), the one dedicated to mentoring younger, balding men.

Fortunately, my gamble paid off. My subscribership to that channel is now soaring, now that I’m bald by choice, which hopefully will lead to more revenue maid from that channel.

But really, my decision to shave off my hair was this simple: I wanted to. I felt like it.

So I did.

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What It Was Like Meeting My Doppelganger on “Dudes From Different Latitudes” of Lifetime’s “This Time Next Year”

I am completely satisfied and proud of the way my episode turned out. That was my 7 minutes of fame, and I’m grateful for every minute of it.

However, so much of the footage was cut. For example, the main thing you didn’t get to see was when I actually met my doppelganger Steve for the first time.

He and I were both driven separately to this Mexican café somewhere right outside of Hollywood. When we met, we immediately hugged, then my first words to him were, “Man, you’re a good looking guy!

Naturally, he instantly returned the same compliment.

We exchanged gifts soon after: I brought him a Nashville t-shirt and he brought me a Canadian t-shirt; as he lives north of Seattle, in Canada.

Then with Steve’s phone, we took some selfies, including one of us making the “Campbell’s Soup” face.

Steve and I were able to spend the whole day together from that point forward, including just waiting around the dressing room, as other guests on the show would stop by and ask us, “What was your guys’ goal?”

Our simple and strange response: “To find each other.”

To which they would ask, “Oh, you two are brothers?”

Then another simple and strange response from us: “No, he was on a package of soup.”

I liked Steve so much that it really is a shame he and I truly are “dudes from different latitudes.” I am convinced he would be a friend I would hang out with a lot.

And this is funny too: In the weeks leading up to the show airing, he was “liking” my Facebook posts about the show, though no one realized who he was at that point.

One of the famous questions people have asked me about him was whether I thought we actually looked alike.

He says I look more like his brother than his own brother looks like him. Meanwhile, I say that I look more like his picture on the package of soup than he does.

For what it’s worth, one of my cousins took a picture of Steve on the TV screen when the show aired and posted to Facebook. Turns out, Facebook’s facial recognition software immediately detected that Steve was me.

So apparently, we can at least fool a computer.

I thought it was cool how on the first part of my segment, I told Cat Deeley, “He may even be 6′ 3”.

My prophecy came true: Steve is 6 foot 3 inches tall, in noticeable contrast to me being 5 foot 9, as we walked through those This Time Next Year doors on stage.

Steve really is an awesome guy. I told him if he’s ever in Nashville, he’s got a place to stay. To which he immediately made the same offer if I’m ever in British Columbia.

All because of a package of soup.