I’ve now been a stay-at-home dad for 2 and a half months. It’s safe to say it’s taken me this long to figure out the logistics of how to take a shower each morning, while occupying my young daughter somehow during the process.
It also took this long for my daughter herself to become accustomed to the routine of me taking a shower while she entertains herself.
We’re finally at the point where she and I mutually recognize that my shower is part of our daily routine, and I can see now that she finds comfort in that predictable routine.
Here’s how it works:
First, I make sure she has a snack that won’t make too much of a mess. The easy go-to is a small cup full of pretzels. My German-Dutch daughter loves pretzels for breakfast!
So once I’m in the shower, she spends the first half of it munching on her snack while she patiently faces me; seeing me through a small opening in the shower curtain. That way she knows I’m right there.
I’ll throw her a line every once in a while: “Hi Baby, I see you. Daddy’s in the shower but I can still see you…”
By the time she’s done with her pretzels, she takes it upon herself to find Mommy’s make up bag in the drawer. So far, my daughter has yet to utterly destroy anything, or at least noticeably apply any lipstick.
Once I’m almost ready to get out of the shower, I announce that to her, “Okay Baby, Daddy needs his towel. Can you help Daddy?”
She then prides herself in the responsibility of handing me my towel; then I dry off behind the closed shower curtain, before making my way to my awesome Captain America sweater or whatever my wardrobe will be that day.
Every couple of years, the theme changes and you’re suddenly into a new toy; one that will further challenge your current state of mind. I enjoy seeing shift that occurs every couple of years. I have grown to expect it now.
For example, when you were 2 years-old, everything was Hot Wheels. When you were 3, it was Thomas the Train. At age 4 and 5, you couldn’t get enough stuffed animals.
But at age 6 and now 7, your obsession has been Pokemon. You even told me you still believe there’s a chance that Pokemon are actually real. You are serious about Pokemon!
It’s becoming difficult for me to understand how you can even trade cards anymore with your friends, as I would have to imagine you already have two of every card ever made!
Apparently though, that was still not the case, even after Christmas, when multiple friends and family members gave you gift cards; which are mostly being spent on more Pokemon cards.
Even our next door neighbors surprised us with a gift package on our front door, which included a pack of Pokemon cards!
To really top things off, my Uncle Al brought you a shoe box full of vintage Pokemon cards from 20 years ago. They came with some baseball cards he ordered off of the internet.
Not to mention, Nonna ordered you a big bag full of Pokemon figurines, as well.
What else could you possibly need?
Uncle Andrew and Aunt Dana figured you could use a few new books:
Farting Pokemon Coloring Book and I Need a New Butt!
Yeah, those are just right for what you and your friends at school talk about when you’re not talking about Pokemon.
I just can’t imagine though, a year from now, how you could still be in to Pokemon cards. How will there be any left?
It is my job to remind you what Christmas 2017 was like, since you likely won’t remember. For one, you were quite proud of the Peppa the Pig sneakers Nonna got for you.
Since Christmas, you have insisted on wearing them inside our home; even for your naps in your crib. As I wrap you up in your blanket before I lay you down, I have to wrap the blanket around your shoes. But this is what you want.
You also took a liking to the nursery rhyme, Ring Around the Rosie. Much of your fascination for the song and dance is that now you are beginning to repeat certain words, you like to say, “ashes, ashes” while holding hands with anyone who will sing with you; as you know that is the key phrase that allows you to immediately stumble to the ground and laugh.
Therefore, you have a habit of inserting “ashes, ashes” pretty much right after the opening line, “Ring around the rosie…”
Since coming back from Nonna and Papa’s during those 5 days for Christmas break, I have helping you play with all your new toys.
It’s not uncommon for you to suddenly smile at me, stand up, reach out for my hands, and then wait for me, as if to say, “Daddy, aren’t you going to start singing the song?”
The moment I do, you’re ready for your favorite part… ashes, ashes.
I should point out that you’re not simply just falling down in a carefully calculated, casual way.
No, instead, you act like you just slipped on a sheet of ice and then tumble and roll on your side, and lay still for a moment; as if you’re waiting for someone to say, “Oh no, Holly fell down! Holly, are you okay?”
But there you are, smiling up at your audience, so far not realizing that no one else ever takes the fall in Ring Around the Rosie as seriously as you do.
Her story addresses the fact that Millennials live in a version of the world in which so many parents feel the need to compete with one another. This creates an environment in which those who are not “competing” often feel judged by those who are.
In our own video responding to the story, I explained that the real issue with parents who feel the need to compete with others in their parenting style and skills is this:
They are insecure in their identity not only as individuals, but as parents.
It goes back to junior high when I learned this from my mom; that the kids who were most likely to tease others were simply revealing that they were actually more insecure than the kids they were making fun of.
And now as adults, this same concept continues:
The most insecure parents have the biggest need to project an image of themselves as the “better” parents. And sure, social media helps encourage the competition.
“Mirror, mirror, on my Facebook wall, who’s the fairest parent of them all?”
People tend to seek confirmation when they communicate in social media. They are often seeking approval from their peers to confirm that they are cool, they are funny, they are beautiful, they are relevant, and/or they are good parents.
But what if you simply don’t that need confirmation and therefore, you have no reason to compete?
Insecure parents compete with other another, while slightly clueless yet confident parents ignore the competition all together.
In our video, my wife and I explain that none of us parents truly know what we’re doing. We can’t.
I explain that if you are competing with other parents, you are automatically losing that competition. The only way to “win” is not to play at all.
Instead, all we can do is the best we know how and hope it works out in the end. But as we “practice” parenting, the last thing we should worry about is some silly ongoing competition on the best way to parent.
I explain that while all of us are clueless to some degree, we can still show we are secure in our own identity as individuals and as parents by simply accepting that our own parenting methods are no better than others’, and therefore, we have no reason to seek confirmation or approval in a competition, or to judge other parents for making different decisions than us.
For example, my wife and I do not spank our children. We discipline them, but we have never physically struck them. That’s the culture in our household.
However, that doesn’t mean we have any interest in judging parents who do spank their children. After all, my wife and I are in the minority in this.
Similarly, we have no desire to judge other parents for what they let their children eat. Yes, I am a vegan and my wife and children are vegetarians. But that doesn’t mean we believe everyone should do as we do. We simply don’t care.
Let other people live their own lives. As for us, we’ll live our own. It’s that simple.
When you are focused on doing what is right for your own family, how can you have time to worry about whether other parents are doing it better or worse than you?
My wife and I definitely do not have it all figured out. We never will. We automatically disqualify ourselves from the competition.
We can literally see your school from our back yard, that’s our close we are to it. Granted, we live inside of a neighborhood, which is inside another neighborhood, which is inside a neighborhood. Therefore, it actually takes longer to drive you to school than it does to walk you there.
So when weather permits, and on the days you don’t have a particular Pokemon card trade set up with a friend on the bus, I have been walking you to school.
It’s just about a 5 minute walk, as we don’t necessarily have to walk along roads or sidewalks to get there.
I enjoy walking you to school. Not only it is a fun way to spend some time together in a new way, but it also forces us both to get some fresh air and exercise in the cold winter months.
Getting to walk you to school was never an option for me before I started working from home. But now, as your sister is at her school on Tuesdays and Thursdays, that gives us two times each week we are able to walk to your school.
While I definitely wouldn’t have chosen for my entire branch at work to be shut down two months ago, therefore forcing me to rely on our family saving money on daycare for you and your sister full-time, I can’t deny that there are many little advantages of not driving 45 minutes to an office every morning.
You and I get more quality time together now. I never thought I’d be able to walk my son to school. I just always assumed as a dad, that would never be one of my roles.
But fortunately, I was wrong about that. I am very grateful that I could be wrong.
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