I Try to Make a Point Everyday Not to Die

I Try to Make a Point Everyday Not to Die

I don’t mean to sound morbid, but I’m sort of obsessed with not dying.

In the trailer for the upcoming Star Trek Beyond movie, there is an interesting conversation:

Mr. Spock proclaims, “The fear of death is illogical.”

Captain Kirk replies, “The fear of death is what keeps us alive.”

Both men make brilliant points; and together, they present a perfect paradox:

The fear of death is illogical and yet it keeps us alive.

Now at age 35, happily married with a wife and 2 kids, a “real house”, and a solid career, my life is clearly settled.

I’m no longer trying to figure my life out like I was back in 2001 when John Mayer’s “Why Georgia” was such a relatable song; as he ponders his “quarter-life crisis” proclaiming, “I wonder sometimes about the outcome of a still verdictless life… Am I living it right?”

It’s inevitable that at some point, I am going to die, so it’s truly illogical to allow myself to believe otherwise.

I assume that for the human race, that mystery of not knowing for sure what happens the moment we die only adds to the fear of dying. I don’t fear death itself, though.

The moment I die, I’ll immediately know for sure whether my life of faith in Jesus as the Son of God was the right call.

If I was wrong about Christianity, I guess the worst that could happen is I’ll learn that ultimately I was simply part of some elaborate Matrix scheme inside somebody else’s head.

My fear isn’t of death itself or what happens after I die; it’s about missing out on my future in this life. My actual main motivation for not dying is simple and predictable:

There are 3 people are greatly depend on me for the rest are their lives.

Granted, I have a life insurance policy in place to pay off the house if anything happens to me. But beyond finances, I am motivated by the desire to finish out this storyline that has been set in place.

What started as a romantic comedy back on October 5, 2006 when I met my wife, has now evolved into a family sitcom.

I see the world through the eyes of a writer. So I, as the protagonist, can’t let myself die. I can’t just disappear right when the story is really getting good.

So what exactly do I do each day in an effort not to die?

Well, before I answer that, I quickly accept the fact that if the Lord decides to take me at any point, He can and He will, as Job told God:

“A person’s days are determined; You have decreed the number of his months and have set limits he cannot exceed.”

So I get it that I could randomly have a brain aneurysm and that would be the end of it.

But I instead focus on what I can control, not what I can’t.

For example, I refuse to talk on the phone while I’m driving. I always wear my seat belt.

Plus, I know that as an American man, I’m much more likely to die from preventable health issues than anything else.

Unless I’m really proactive on my end, as a stereotypical male, I am especially in the running to die of a heart attack, diabetes, stomach cancer, or prostate issues.

Therefore, I run. I mountain bike. I take walks throughout the day.

I obviously don’t smoke.

And while it’s not a popular decision or lifestyle, especially as a masculine American man, I have committed to my vegan (and therefore vegetarian and kosher) lifestyle for years now.

Yeah, I get it. I could totally be setting myself up to be the Mr. Play-It-Safe who Alanis Morrisette speaks about in her classic song, “Ironic.”

It’s not that I’m not trying to overwrite God’s predetermined number of days for me. Instead, I am trying to outsmart the more subtle and predictable ways that as a man, I might die too young.

Therefore, I try to make a point everyday not to die.

I can only do much. But I can do some.

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

We survived! Yay for us! With Baby Holly turning 6 weeks old as of yesterday, my wife and I have apparently made it through what I hear is the toughest part of the postpartum days: the first 6 weeks.

That first month or so is when you as the parent must figure out the details on what works best for your baby regarding sleeping schedules, formulas, and diapers. It’s a culture shock as a parent, even after already having one child. I knew it would be challenging going into it.

However, I must have kept my expectations lower than I needed to because, honestly, it hasn’t been that bad!

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Despite us managing our newborn’s infant acid reflux, for the post part, things have been fairly predictable. There have really been just 10 simple steps to caring for our newborn during the first 6 weeks:

1)      Feed her an ounce, burp her. Repeat until each ounce is gone.

2)      Change her diaper.

3)      Play with her by talking to her and helping her do exercises.

4)      Take a cute picture of her.

5)      While you teach yourself newborn photography, by the default of taking so many pictures, Instagram your work to show it off to friends and family.

6)      Change her diaper.

7)      Wrap her up in a blanket and rock her to sleep with the pacifier in her mouth,

then place her in the crib.

8)      Change her diaper, now that she finally fell asleep but wet herself again.

9)      Rock her back to sleep and place her in the crib again.

10)  Repeat two and a half hours later when she wakes up again.

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Those are my 10 simple steps. This has been my life for the past 6 weeks.

Granted, these 10 steps have been my wife’s reality more than mine, since she’s on maternity leave, but I still work during the day. A lot of the time my main responsibility is to take care of our 5 and a half year-old son Jack while my wife Jill takes care of the baby.

This past weekend I celebrated the end of those first 6 weeks by shaving off my postpartum beard, as well as getting a hair trim. As you can see though, I was unable to overcome the temptation of shaving (and Instagramming) in stages.

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

And if my eyes look bloodshot and cross-eyed, and I look like I need some ginseng because of lack of sleep, it’s probably true.

As for Baby Holly, she doesn’t have that problem so much…

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Fare thee well.

Postpartum: My 10 Steps of Caring for a Newborn during the First 6 Weeks

Why I’m Fine (and Possibly Proud?) to Have Gray in My Beard

Having turned 35 years-old back in April, I needed to briefly confront an internal issue by asking myself a question: Will I eventually start dying my gray hairs as I get older?

I immediately thought of the 2001 Tom Cruise movie, Vanilla Sky, where his chWhy I’m Fine (and Possibly Proud?) to Have Gray in My Beardaracter is seen plucking a few gray hairs while standing in front of the bathroom mirror, on his 35th birthday. Similarly, I pluck a couple gray hairs each week and therefore easily maintain my dark brown hair.

But a month ago, when my daughter was born, I accidentally and by default ended up growing what I call a postpartum beard; out of lack of time or inspiration to shave in the midst of caring for an infant.

It became clear that I now contain more gray hairs in my beard than I am willing to count. Back in my late 20s, those same hairs had turned red, and then blonde… now they are undeniably gray.

The longer my postpartum beard has grown, the less I care about those gray hairs that stick straight out. So then I asked myself, “Why don’t I care?”

Here’s my answer:

Gray hair is seen as a trait that makes a man appear to be “distinguished”. I am now at a point in my life where I see distinguished as a positive trait.

That’s because I feel like I’ve earned it. The gray in my beard holds a story. It indicates that I have life experience and maturity that I never did have up until now.

At age 35, I am settled. I am comfortable and confident in my lifestyle.

I have been married for nearly 8 years. Together, my wife and I have gotten out of debt and built our savings. We’ve raised a 5 and a half year old-son and now have a 1 month-old daughter. As if I needed to explain that raising children makes you a different person…

At my office, I now have many people who look to me for answers and wisdom. And I instantly have the answers. Naturally, the newer 25 year-old office workers call me sir when they meet me; they recognize my confidence and life experience simply how I carry myself; which is what I will self-identify as calm-assertive.

I like this. I like being 35. It sure beats 20 or 25 or 30.

Back when I had no gray hairs, I didn’t have that confidence, nor or the emotional intelligence I now have. So I won’t complain about gray hairs.

With that being said, after I press “publish” on this blog post, I’m going directly downstairs to shave off this beard; not because I am internally inspired to do so, but because my wife wants me to.

But even without my gray hairs after this, my wisdom will still show in the fact I cared more about making my wife happy they continuing to grow a novelty beard.

This is 35.

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

From your hundreds of Facebook friends, plus your dozens of coworkers and your handful of close friends and your immediate family, chances are… I’m the only vegan you know.

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

More specifically, even if you do actually happen to know another vegan, they probably are female; since 79% of vegans are women.

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

Therefore, by default, I am the most masculine vegan you know. I’ll talk more about that in a minute…

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

With about 2.5% of the American population being vegan, and only 21% of that group being male, it’s very clear that when it comes to my vegan lifestyle, I am in the minority.

To make myself even more of a rarity, unlike most vegans, I am not non-religious nor politically liberal. (I’m a Christian who is a Libertarian- which means I don’t endorse the Democratic nor the Republican Party, nor do I believe in forcing my religious beliefs on others.)

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

I am a very rare demographic. You likely don’t know any other vegan males in your social circle who are also both religious and non-political.

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, but Probably By Default

And somewhere in the midst of all these labels, I’m by default, still masculine. I promote healthy masculinity; in fact, it’s one of the themes of my blog: celebrating masculinity as a dad. Of course, I recognize that the definition of masculinity varies based on who you ask.

I’m the Most Masculine (and Rarest) Vegan You Know, By Default

No, I don’t hunt or fish; nor do I care about sports. Plus, I’m useless when it comes to home repairs…

But I do love exploring the forest with my son, taking him to monster truck events, testing out new cars, and mountain biking- to name a few of my rugged hobbies.

I’ve noticed how our society has collectively accepted the idea that eating meat (especially beef and bacon) is masculine. So imagine what a strange bird I am, being masculine, yet denying any reliance on pork (including bacon) or shellfish for the past 7 and a half years, nor meat for the past 4 and a half years, nor eggs and dairy for the past 3 years.

But my own definition of masculinity has more to do with my role in society; more importantly, within my family of four. I see true masculinity as a set of paradoxes that I’ve collected.

I will close by sharing my concept of masculinity, which aligns with the traits I aim for daily, as a husband and father; all of which are rooted in emotional intelligence. This is my creed of masculinity. In my imperfect human state, I strive for and meditate on these attributes:

Strong, yet loving. Disciplined, yet merciful. Leading, yet serving. Assertive, yet empathetic. Adventurous, yet grounded. Dangerous, yet protective. Hard-working, yet laid-back. Structured, yet creative. Committed, yet free. Confident, yet humble.

Veganism

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Newborn.

Dear Holly,

Mommy made a deal with me that if she could give birth to you without getting an epidural, she could go on a “new wardrobe shopping spree” with the money we’d save; her epidural with your brother Jack apparently cost us $1000.

Well, Mommy gets her shopping spree because she chose nitrous oxide (laughing gas) instead of an epidural! Not that she’ll actually spend a thousand dollars- probably just a couple hundred. Either way, she earned it!

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Last weekend began with our family having a pretty good idea that you would be born, since your due date had already passed.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Friday night for dinner we went out with Grandma at a place near our house called Homestead Manor, which is a very old mansion that has somewhat recently been converted to a fancy restaurant.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Then on Saturday morning, I took your brother Jack to the Franklin Main Street Festival. It was so packed that we actually had to take a trolley in and out of the place, which I think was Jack’s favorite part of the whole thing.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

That evening we went with Mommy and Grandma to Arrington Vineyards, taking a picnic dinner from Whole Foods there.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

That was Jack’s last Saturday as an only child, because the next morning, Mommy went into labor and gave birth to you Sunday night:

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

After laboring since 6:00 AM on Sunday, we finally left for the hospital at 4:20 PM and were at Vanderbilt by 5:00 PM.

When we arrived there, the doctor warned Mommy that the window of time was small for her decide whether or not she’d get the epidural. Mommy decided to delay, choosing to spend some time in “the Lexus of laboring tubs”.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

That seemed to progress things rapidly. The doctor told us that Mommy was already so far along by that point, that the epidural might take effect too late.

So Mommy took the laughing gas, which according to the doctor, “It doesn’t numb the pain at all, it just makes you not care as much about what’s going on.”

At 8:08 PM, right at 3 hours after we arrived at the hospital, you were born.

Everyone in that room was so impressed with what Mommy did; myself obviously included.

Nonna and Papa had brought Jack down to the hospital Sunday night once I texted them the word “born” from my phone, using my left hand; since my right hand has busy holding Mommy’s.

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural

We were required to stay at the hospital for 24 hours after you were born. Since all the doctors kept quickly confirming that you were perfectly healthy, we made it clear we wished to leave the hospital the moment they would allow us to.

Therefore, you and Mommy and I all got to leave for home after just 25 hours after you were born; and just 28 hours from the time we first arrived there.

Mommy had a very efficient birth!

Back at the house, Grandma had made dinner for all of us the following night. At one point, your brother Jack asked for more water. Immediately, Mommy jumped up and got it for him.

Papa commented, “Look at her! She just had a baby with no epidural and she’s already up and moving?!”

That’s because your Mommy is amazing.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Holly: Mommy Gave Birth to You with No Epidural