This past Saturday while Mommy and your brother were out at a boat race in Nashville, you and I got to spend the day together.
I took you to the farmers’ market, to the mall, and out for coffee; where you got pumpkin spice cake.
Apparently, you and Mommy had worked out some kind of agreement and understanding that you could buy a toy, with a budget of $15, simply because it’s been so long since your birthday, and it’s still a couple months away until Christmas.
When it was all said and done, I let you get a $20 Barbie.
This song serves as proof to me that it was 2 and a half years ago, on April 9, 2022, that I first started becoming aware of my personal Enneagram 6 complex: the constant yet somewhat muted feeling that I don’t matter; the feeling that I am invisible to the world.
During The Covid Lockdown, I was put on furlough for a few months from my employer. So I was in my own house, without a job, with my family; consisting of kids who were not able to go to school.
As an Enneagram 6, it is very important to me that I understand what my role is.
What jump-started me writing this song was when morning when my wife walked by as I was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “It’s so cold in this house.”
My wife is always cold. Keep in mind, she said this in April.
When she said that, it inspired me to write a song about a person who questioned whether life as a ghost would actually feel anymore disconnected from society than an actual living person.
I feel that this song is the epitome of what if feels like to be an Enneagram 6. You can see my 5 wing in the attempt to accept life and death for what they are; unexplainable and unpredictable.
My 7 wing shows in my anxiety about potential restlessness during eternity.
The themes you see in these lyrics will continue throughout so many songs I have written since:
It’s so cold in this house, I can’t feel my bones – There’s people walking around but is this even my home? Did I? Did I? Did I die? Did I? Did I? Did I survive? Who is the ghost, here? Which one of us moved on? Who is the ghost here? Which one of us is in a better place? Can I walk through walls? Can I walk on water? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? What if I get restless while I live forever? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? Most people who have ever lived are now buried in this Earth – The dead know something we don’t – Until we join them, I guess we won’t – I see the dark, I see the light – I see my body from up so high
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
Published on April 8th, 2020, this was the first song I wrote because of The Covid Shutdown.
As an Enneagram 6, I am always preparing for what might go wrong. So you can imagine, it was important for me to mentally process never seeing members of my family again.
Specifically, this song was about me sorting out my feelings about my parents; who live about 3 hours away. Keep in mind, this was written at the beginning of The Covid Shutdown; before most people I knew actually starting getting Covid- and way before there was a vaccine available.
It is obviously the greatest understatement to tell your parents, “I don’t want you to die.”
So instead, I wrote this song about my life alongside them; not knowing what was ahead.
As you read the lyrics, notice the end of the song, where I officially switch over to the “Counterphobic 6” mindset:
If this is my final chance to say the things I haven’t yet – I would choose you every time if I could live a thousand lives – You loved me when I was young before I was who I’ve become – When this is all said and done, all I know is we had a good run – We had a good run – We had a good run, I don’t want to see the ending – We had a good run, I don’t want a new beginning – Hold on, hold on, hold on to me – I can’t let go, no – We had a good run – I’ll see you on other side, whatever Heaven ends up like – I’ll find you somewhere in that crowd, whatever we both look like now – And if we can remember back, back to all the years we had – We’ll pick up where things left off, all I know is we had a good run – We had a good run – I must have been built for the Apocalypse – I don’t feel anxious or too worried about this – I’d rather us all go at the exact same time – Than to be left behind and have to say goodbye
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
My 12th song, released on March 30, 2020, was likely written being guided by my less dominant 5 Wing. When writing this song, my idea was to approach the most popular ideas of what people think happens when we die; from a rational and non-dramatic perspective.
(I remember when I wrote the melody to this song, it appeared in my head while I was pumping gas at the gas station. I took out my phone and recorded the melody right there.)
It truly is fascinating to me that no one alive on Earth right now can truly know what happens when we die, but instead, we all have some sort of faith-based belief… which basically falls into one of the categories that I present in the lyrics:
If the atheists are right about what happens when we die – The screen will fade to black and that is that – No memories or consciousness will continue to exist – No confirmation of whose views were right – That is if the atheists are right about what will happen when we die – If the Jews are right about what happens when we die – Nothing really seems to come to mind – If there’s a life beyond the grave it is not for us to say – All that matters happens in this life – That is if the Jews are right about what will happen when we die – If the Muslims are right about what happens when we die – It’s punishment or it’s paradise – So do your best to be good enough, more positive than negative – Then just hope it all measures up – That is if the Muslims are right about when will happen when we die – If the Christians are right about what happens when we die – Jesus is the way, the truth, the life – So love your neighbor as yourself and trust that God will do the rest – You choose the path to heaven or hell – That is if the Christians are right about what will happen when we die – So tell me what will happen when we die?
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
My 11th song, “Shotgun”, was the first released during The Covid Lockdown; on March 20th, 2020. Perhaps I started becoming more inspired to write about my relationship with my wife during this time. In fact, I pitched this song to her, as a duet. But she decided she wanted me to do this one alone.
“Shotgun” is a song I wrote to point out the near absurdity in betting the rest of your life on spending it with another person… for better and for worse.
I chose the term “shotgun” in connection of the phrase “shotgun wedding”. Even though my wife and I didn’t have a rushed wedding, in the grand scheme of things, it can still seem that way to some degree:
Know a person for a year or so, and then you take one “shot” on them by choosing to commit your life to them; hoping the other person is as committed as you are, no matter what lies ahead.
As an Enneagram 6, I am wired to crave and to provide stability and security. These lyrics show a glimpse into the way I arguably “overthink” every situation:
“I’ve got my finger on the trigger, but just one bullet in the chamber – For better or for worse, forever – Until death do we part – Staring down the barrel of a shotgun against my shoulder – Praying that I’m solid in my aim – I can’t afford to miss it, either it is or isn’t – Neither of us will ever be the same – Best case scenario, we both grow old until one of us dies and leaves the other all alone – Happily ever after, celebrations and disasters – Sweet and sour, I ain’t going nowhere – Anti-climatic, existential crisis, comic, tragic – Why are we still here? I don’t have all the answers but I’ve made my peace with God – I’m taking you with me into the great beyond – Hallelujah”
So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?
Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!
And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:
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