3 years, 11 months.
Last night I had a dream in which I could see myself rushing through our bedtime routine; which is pretty much what happened in real life last night.
In my subconcious, I guess I felt bad about not living in the moment enough.
Sometimes I wish we lived in some village in Thailand where we owned very little material things and had more quality time as a family.
On my conference call with Kirk Cameron yesterday, he referenced this guilt we have as parents in knowing the paradox of balancing a demanding schedule with quality family time.
So while I’m not being hard on myself, it is a real and legitimate issue than I am forced to think about.
Even today on the drive to school, I rushed us out of the house, rushed us down the Interstate, rushed you into school; only to forget your stuffed animal in car.
I left your school with you crying and was still a few minutes late to work anyway.
For my lunch break, I drove back to your school, just in time to deliver your stuffed animal to you for your nap time.
I know this is a normal feeling, but it’s really on my mind right now.
Granted, we’re in the process of selling our townhouse, moving our stuff into storage, and buying/building a new house.
By default, life is chaotic for us right now.
And your Mommy and I are actually planners! We are extremely aware of doing our best to ensure as much quality time together as possible.
We’re so extreme we don’t even have cable TV or smart phones or pets; and yet still, there’s that instinct for me to rush through our routines.
Maybe somehow this will get better once we move into our new house, I don’t know.
I don’t want to get in the habit of camping out in the future when the reality is, you’re growing up right in front of me.
Also on my call with Kirk Cameron yesterday, he spoke about the importance of not depending too much on our children’s teachers or coaches or even church leaders to raise our kids; that ultimately, if a child has parents who love each other and set the example, that influences a child more than anything.
So while life is not as easy I as I wish it could be, we’ll do the best with what we have and hope you turn out alright anyway.
I’m pretty sure you will.