August 4, 2011 at 1:27 am , by Nick Shell
1) Be forced to watch a 24 hour marathon of MTV’s 16 and Pregnant, sending out a Tweet every 15 minutes praising the show, though I despise it more than the awful movie Something Borrowed; which is the worst movie I’ve ever seen- and that’s saying a lot because I’ve seen When in Rome.
2) Shave “racing stripes” into my hair until they grow out and when people ask me why I have resorted to a hairstyle trend that was briefly popular in 1988, I could only respond by saying “Cut… it… out!”, along with doing the accomanying hand motions, made famous by the character Joey Gladstone on Full House.
3) Walk barefoot on broken glass like Bruce Willis did in the first Die Hard movie.
When taking an infant on a plane, you must provide proof that your child is less than two years old. I know this now because we did not. (Dave Stanley, if you are reading this, I’m going to need you to email Jack’s birth certificate to me so we can leave Sacramento on Sunday…). The lady was nice and let us board the plane anyway. Thank God.
I’ve never seen my son pee so much, in a reasonable amount of time since his diaper was last changed, that I look down and see a puddle at my feet while standing in line to buy a snack before boarding the plane. And I didn’t even care that I didn’t have time to wash my moistened hand before boarding the plane.
A guy who looked just like “Comic Book Guy” from The Simpsons brought his Shih Tzu dog on the plane, hogging up the front row of seats; when my wife and I tried to sit in the remaining two seats next to him, he responded sarcastically with, “Uh, sure, I guess it wouldn’t be a bad idea for both a dog and a baby to sit in the same row.” It wasn’t worth it; we ended up settling for having to sit in the middle of the plane; my wife was in front of me and I was in the row behind.
The flight involved Jack sleeping as long as either my wife or I held him while standing up in the aisle. My arms are still sore from that.
Of course, Jack won’t remember any of this along with how much he didn’t enjoy the flight. But at least he can read about it in a few years.
Ah man, there for a minute I actually forgot… We still have do this whole thing again when we fly back to Nashville. Shazbot!