the meaning of life

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I’m in Hurry and Don’t Know Why

Being born in 1981 in the town of Fort Payne, Alabama meant that my childhood and teenage years took place where the legendary country band Alabama was always part of the backdrop.

Some of my earliest memories in life include me regularly performing a concert to the four walls of my parents’ bedroom as I stood up on their bed using it as my stage, while the vinyl record of Alabama’s 1984 album Roll On played on the stereo.

But the Alabama song that has stuck with me my entire life was actually one that came out when I was eleven years old in 1992: “I’m in a Hurry (And Don’t Know Why)”.

It’s one of those songs that is easy to assume is light and fun because of its upbeat tempo. Instead, it’s actually a pretty deep song that involves a person addressing the paradoxes of their own human existence. It feels inspired by the book of Ecclesiastes in the Bible.

Out of nowhere in the Alabama band’s song catalog is this realization that life is crowded with meaningless distractions:

All I really gotta do is live and dieBut I’m in a hurry and don’t know why

And now, more than 30 years after the song was released, this concept is even more relevant. At this point in my life, my focus has been narrowed to simply enjoy the life I have right here in front of me.

I think there is something almost unsettling, at least for me, to realize:

“Oh, I don’t have to try as hard as I used to, for life to be enjoyable: simply, as is.”

For the past couple of years now, I have been much more aware of so many of the meaningless distractions that I can just swipe left to. So many things we are taught to fear… we don’t have any control over anyway. So many things we’re taught to love… they only cause us to self-destruct. Our peace of mind has a price that is paid through our attention… if we let it.

For so many years, life was on “hard mode”. But now I’m in my mid 40s and I have genuinely earned plenty of “experience points”, meaning that I’ve overcome enough challenges to be confident and secure; despite the chaos that life seems to constantly present to us.

I could pray for God to help me understand what my purpose is, but it seems pretty apparent, as if He would say…

“Just enjoy the life you have in front of you. Right here, right now. This is it.”

And if that is what He would tell me, then I wonder if ironically, that’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do:

To stop running. To stop racing. To just relax and appreciate the view.

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Look No Further

 

I can’t think of anything I want. I can’t think of anything I need. I can’t think of what would make my life complete that I don’t have already here in front of me. And I look no further.

That is the point I have reached in life. To be fair, it’s more than a simply accurate assessment of my life, that I suddenly have an awareness of. Just as important, it is an acknowledgement of an arrival to a destination; decades into a journey.

The first four decades of my life were mainly punctuated by questions marks:

“What will it be like when I’m not a kid anymore? Where will I go to college? What should I major in? Where should I move after college? What will my actual career be? Who will I marry? How do I be a good husband? How do I be a good father? What is the meaning of life, anyway?”

But now, my life is punctuated with periods. I don’t really have any questions anymore. And the questions I do have about life… well, no human can honestly know the answer to.

I am not famous. I am not a millionaire. Yet I have more than so many famous millionaires do. If for no other reason, simply because I am not under the belief I that I need to finish the sentence:

“I’ll be happy when…”

Instead, I recognize that if I can’t be happy in the present, I can never truly be happy in the future.

It makes me think of a movie that my wife and I watch at least once every year: This is 40.

Paul Rudd’s wife’s character sets up the premise of the movie as she explains to him:

“The happiest period in people’s lives is from age 40 to 60… So this is it. We’re in it right now. We have everything we need right now to be completely happy. We’re gonna blink and be 90. So let’s just choose to be happy.”

I also am thinking of Jewish comedian Marc Maron as he explains his understanding of Christianity, in his HBO special, From Bleak to Dark:

“Everything will be amazing… when you’re dead.”

I can appreciate his perspective. Perhaps there is too much emphasis on all of our problems going away when either A) Jesus saves us from all of our annoying problems by showing up in the Rapture, or B) we ideally die in our sleep and get to live in the eternal bliss of Heaven.

While I have definitely placed in my faith in the Christian hope that there is a much better life after this one, I have also challenged my belief system by asking myself the question:

“But what if this is all there is?”

In the event that I just die and that’s it… no further consciousness nor accountability, no memories of this life nor connection to the people I knew in it… I would certainly consider that to be a confusing, cosmic tragedy- that life was nothing more grandiose.

But if that were indeed the case, the question becomes this:

“What about my life would change right now, as I am still alive? What would I do differently?”

My answer: Nothing.

As sad of a thought it would be to never see my loved ones again, the greater sorrow would be to live this gift of a human life on Earth while not making the most of every moment and not appreciating what I do have with the people I share it with.

I think of how my daughter has a microwavable baby doll that she places in our bed to keep safe while she is away at school during the day: “Daddy, Gracie is basically a real baby.” I love it.

I think of how my wife and I set up a reservation for Valentine’s Day last week at a fancy restaurant with an amazing view off the side of Lookout Mountain… but then it was so foggy we were not able to even see anything anyway. I love it.

I think of how this past Sunday I walked into the living room to see my son wearing a monkey jumpsuit while throwing his sister onto a giant beanbag. I love it.

I think of how every morning before work and school, I see my wife and daughter having “coffee time” before the day begins. I love it.

But what I can’t think of…

I can’t think of what would make my life complete that I don’t have already here in front of me.

And I look no further.

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Give Life Meaning and Create Beautiful Experiences

Exactly 10 years ago, we took a family photo to document the short window of time of the calendar year when several members of our family are the exact same age. A decade ago, my wife and I were 33, my sister and her husband were 30, and our only children at time were 3 years old.

Now in October 2024, we actually have a new pair of members to add to the collection. It just so happened that my wife and I had our second child born during the same year span as my sister and her husband.

So the updated version of the picture has now become this:

My wife and I are 43, my sister and her husband are 40, our oldest children are 13 years old, and our youngest children are 8 years old.

Granted, that will change next month with some upcoming birthdays. But for the next few weeks, we have 4 pairs of matching ages.

I just so happened to have recently stumbled upon the original 2014 picture documenting the occurrence. Realizing it was time for a “decade later” photo update, while my wife and I hosted a “Spaghetti and S’mores” dinner at our house this weekend, I made sure to do our photo updates before we earned the right to eat our delicious dinner.

During dinner, I made a toast (pun intended: “s’mores”) to our collective family of ten. I brought up the fact that just a year ago, we were still curiously toying with idea of packing up our lives in Tennessee and moving to Alabama. But in the course of a year, we found the perfect home in Alabama to suit our needs, we sold our Tennessee home, we renovated our Alabama home, our kids started going to a new school, and we as a family of four have settled into our new lives here in general.

Simply put: I am happy and I know it.

I have everything I want and need right here. And on top of that, I have the self-awareness to recognize that I am happy; lacking nothing. So I had to just say it out loud in front of my family.

That has become even more important to me as I have gotten older: If you are thinking something positive that involves another person, even at the risk of appearing dramatic or awkward, just say the thing anyway.

I suppose it goes along with the family motto my wife and I created after we moved to Alabama this year:

“Give Life Meaning and Create Beautiful Experiences”.

This phrase was born in the aftermath of me realizing more and more each year:

Most things in life that we tend to dwell on or believe are important are actually just meaningless and/or uncontrollable distractions, keeping us from focusing on the few things that actually matter.

Here during the 2nd half of the roller coaster of my expected lifespan, I came to the conclusion that I have now “deleted” most of the “apps” that used to take up space in my brain:

The outcomes of political elections, the outcomes of sports events, the news, the weather, conspiracy theories, bingeable series on streaming platforms, giving other people the ability to “offend, disrespect, or insult” me, the need to prove to myself that I am a “good person” by being overly critical of myself, the need for my personal opinion to matter to other people, the need to be “right” about anything, the need to prove another person to be “wrong” about anything, the certainty of death and the uncertainty of the afterlife… and many more familiar classics!

What’s left at this point? What “apps” are still taking up space in my brain? This is something I have spent quite a bit of time thinking about this year.

The answer:

Cultivating a home where love is obvious. Making a conscious effort to positively influence the lives of people I encounter throughout each day. Showing up, doing the work, and looking for ways to improve. Choosing to serve and trust God, since He knows what He’s doing. And just chill.

For me at least, I think that’s all that actually matters in life anymore.

 

Leave a comment Posted on Enneagram, poetry, songwriter, songwriting, Storytelling, Uncategorized

“Who is the Ghost, Here?” – Song 14 – Enneagram 6 Songwriter – Analyzing Lyrics – Themes of Belonging and Security

This song serves as proof to me that it was 2 and a half years ago, on April 9, 2022, that I first started becoming aware of my personal Enneagram 6 complex: the constant yet somewhat muted feeling that I don’t matter; the feeling that I am invisible to the world.

During The Covid Lockdown, I was put on furlough for a few months from my employer. So I was in my own house, without a job, with my family; consisting of kids who were not able to go to school.

As an Enneagram 6, it is very important to me that I understand what my role is.

What jump-started me writing this song was when morning when my wife walked by as I was sitting at the kitchen table and she said, “It’s so cold in this house.”

My wife is always cold. Keep in mind, she said this in April.

When she said that, it inspired me to write a song about a person who questioned whether life as a ghost would actually feel anymore disconnected from society than an actual living person.

I feel that this song is the epitome of what if feels like to be an Enneagram 6. You can see my 5 wing in the attempt to accept life and death for what they are; unexplainable and unpredictable.

My 7 wing shows in my anxiety about potential restlessness during eternity.

The themes you see in these lyrics will continue throughout so many songs I have written since:

It’s so cold in this house, I can’t feel my bones – There’s people walking around but is this even my home? Did I? Did I? Did I die? Did I? Did I? Did I survive? Who is the ghost, here? Which one of us moved on? Who is the ghost here? Which one of us is in a better place? Can I walk through walls? Can I walk on water? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? What if I get restless while I live forever? Can I rest in peace? Can I rest? Most people who have ever lived are now buried in this Earth – The dead know something we don’t – Until we join them, I guess we won’t – I see the dark, I see the light – I see my body from up so high

So looking back on this song I wrote over 2 years ago, can you see how I am a loyalist and a skeptic? Can you see my longing for security and confirmation of my own existence; which shows my true Enneagram is actually a 6?

Feel free to leave a comment. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

And now you can listen to the song, below, if you wish:

 

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I Travelled Through Time And Space To Get To You

May 13, 2014 at 8:29 pm , by

3 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

People are fascinated by the concept of time travel. I can understand why.

Only God is not limited by time or space.

However, we as human beings are stuck in the 70 year lifespan we are assigned. No such thing as a re-do for even just one day.

We can at least learn from our mistakes, but we can’t go back in time to change our past in order to ultimately change our future.

Still though, I think I keep secretly hoping that one day I can. It’s stupid to think that, I know.

I could have been a much more knowledgeable, helpful husband and father and son and brother and friend if only I knew then what I know now.

Not being able to time-travel puts us in an annoying situation where we have to make things right, ourselves- as people allow us, after the fact.

Saturday, Mommy picked up Frozen (more on that in the next letter) for you from Redbox and a movie called, About Time, for her and me.

When I saw the cover with Rachel McAdams, I assumed it was just another version of The Notebook.

I was wrong. It was more of a barely R-rated version of Marley And Me, without the dog, but with a plot line involving time travel.

It features the close relationship between a father and his adult son, as they both are able to time-travel to events in their own life in order to relive them for the better.

They eventually begin reliving each day, right after it happens, in an effort to catch all the subtleties they missed the first time.

There are those missed opportunities to smile at someone, to make someone laugh, or to just simply appreciate the otherwise uninteresting parts of life with the people they encounter.

The son begins realizing he no longer needs to go back and relive each day, as he sharpens his ability to truly appreciate those “lesser” moments. He begins enhancing the lives of his family, and strangers, in the process.

But I guess I don’t have to time-travel to learn that same lesson.

Actually, I feel that watching the movie twice over the weekend has actually helped changed my thinking for the better.

The movie points out that we are all travelling through time each day and it’s up to us how we manage that time the first and final time through it.

It just so happens, you and I are travelling through time together. You’re stuck with me, kid.

I loved that the theme song of the movie, which is featured throughout, is “The Luckiest” by Ben Folds. That was the song that Mommy and I had for “our song” at our wedding nearly 6 years ago.

“The Luckiest” points out how much it matters that two people are born in the same span in the history of the world so that they can know each other and be close.

Had I been born a hundred years ago and Mommy was born in 1981, as she truly was, then you wouldn’t exist. The three of us wouldn’t exist as a family.

But I believe we were meant to be together in this life in which we travel through time together.

This movie, About Time, helped remind me just how special and important  it is to be alive during the time I am… with the people I am here with.

 

Love,

Daddy