In a normal version of reality, I would be back in my office today. My wife and I would be paying for our kids to be in day care all day, or we would have left our kids at my parents’ house all week while the daycare was closed.
But now, there’s no need. Because… Daddy’s home!
Not only do my kids get to just hang out here in the aftermath of their Christmas gifts as my wife returned to work today, but I myself don’t have to return to an office and force a smile while I have to answer everyone’s annoying questions about how my Christmas was.
I am also grateful that I didn’t have to negotiate with co-workers, leading up to Christmas, which of us would have to work certain days. Where I worked, it was normal that at least one person from each department would have to consider working certain days either on or immediately following holidays.
Now that I am completely removed from that setting, none of it matters anymore. My schedule is now exclusively based around the two young children; one of whom can pretty much take care of himself.
I am still soaking it all in; to experience the days in between the Christmas holidays and the days before day cares open back, with my kids.
It’s funny because when I first adopted my new role as stay-at-home dad, I don’t suppose I really considered that I would be completely replacing child day care during the holidays as well during the summer. Somehow, that part caught me by surprise a little.
But it’s no big deal. I can take care of my own kids all day long. All week long. All summer long.
It’s easier to take care of two kids than it is to take care of adults, actually.
A few years back, it started becoming more common knowledge that anyone who still used the phrase “Mr. Mom”to refer to a “stay-at-home dad” was revealing they themselves were out of touch with modern times.
I feel that I am the epitome of the modern American dad: I have always been extremely involved in not only my kids’ lives, but extremely active in domestic life. There is no irony in a dad doing the dishes, cleaning the bathrooms, vacuuming the floors, getting the kids ready for school, and taking them to the park on the weekend while his wife is out buying groceries.
In fact, I would argue that a dad who is not that heavily involved in domestic duties would be a dad who doesn’t have a healthy marriage. Yes. That’s how important it is these days.
I have been saying for years now, that in our modern American culture, a man can not be a good husband unless he is a also good father. And by good husband, I mean he is extremely involved as a domestic helpmate, in addition to being faithful and loving to his wife. Good husband and good father in inseparable terms.
But in addition to “Mr. Mom” being an outdated and irrelevant term, I feel the same is happening with “stay-at-home dad” as well. Here’s why:
I am actually working to make money (with my side hustles) alongside also working to save money (by staying home with the kids).
All of my free time is spent generating income for my family.
I don’t binge-watch Netflix. I don’t take naps. I don’t scroll Facebook on my phone.
Instead, whenever I am not responsible for catering to the physical or emotional needs of another member of my family, I am either working as a freelance writer or producing YouTube videos.
(At this point in time, most people still don’t realize how much money YouTubers can make if they do it right… but I have figured out the formula, after years of practice.)
So in addition to it not being ironic to share the domestic duties, I am also spending any free time working from home. And this includes after everyone else has gone to sleep (including my wife) and in the middle of the night when I have to wake up to get our daughter back to sleep.
Does this make me special? I would think not.
I would have to imagine it is quite normal for the modern dad who stays at home with his kids to also have some kind of side hustle going on.
It’s all about having a hobby that makes my family money, not one that costs us money. I submit this is normal.
Since I make supplemental income from this blog and my YouTube channels, it’s this simple:
If I’m not working, I’m not making money.
It technically costs me money to not be working, as every new blog post and every new video I publish increases my SEO and subscribership, and therefore, my income.
Undeniably, it’s important to my identity that I’m providing income for my family in some way, in addition to taking care of the kids; while my wife, who has a master’s degree, is out making the big bucks.
So yeah, “stay-at-home dad” doesn’t quite cut it. Maybe it’s more like “stay-at-home dad who works from home”.
Just binge-watching Netflix all day and letting my daughter enjoy “independent play” with her toys at my feet while I scroll through Facebook on my phone and scarf down whatever the vegan equivalent of Totino’s Pizza Rolls is?
Yeah, that’s totally not what I do all day…
Here’s my reality:
6:07 AM – 6:58 AM
Get woken up by both kids after having likely gotten up in the middle of the night to help my daughter back to sleep who is currently teething. Feed and dress both children, while uploading a new video to one of my 3 current YouTube channels.
7:28
Engage both kids in playing with their toys and/or each other while I unload the dishwasher, or quickly take a shower, or even attempt to feed myself.
8:20
Walk my son across the street to where his school bus picks him up, while holding my daughter who is wrapped up in a blanket.
8:21 – 9:15
Practice Johnny Cash songs for one of my upcoming YouTube channels while my daughter plays with her toys.
9:16
Get interrupted when my daughter walks up to me, places her tiny hand on the neck of my guitar, and says, “No.”
9:17
Spend the next 20 minutes getting her to sleep for her morning nap. Shoot new YouTube videos the entire time she’s asleep.
10:40
Take her back downstairs, start uploading another video to another one of my YouTube channels, and play with my daughter.
11:15
Feed my daughter yogurt and oatmeal, which makes a disastrous mess that I have to clean up. Try to eat Ramen noodles while feeding her.
12:03 PM
While uploading another new video, possibly take her out for a ride to go run a tedious errand like picking up bananas from Publix. Let her ride in the kiddie cart which allows her to believe she’s actually steering.
1:07
Arrive home and feed my daughter again. Attempt to give her another nap. If successful, begin shooting more YouTube videos, or write a blog post like the one you’re reading now.
3:00
Answer the phone as my wife calls to check in, while barely keeping my daughter from curiously pressing the “end” button on my phone the whole time.
3:23
Upload a new video while rolling around on the carpet, gently wrestling with my daughter.
4:08
Go outside to meet my son, who just arrived home from school from his bus.
4:09 – 4:23
Force my son to eat something before his blood sugar level causes him to “misbehave.” Feed my daughter again, while I’m at it.
4:24
Welcome my wife home from work, help her prepare dinner or take the kids upstairs to play while she takes care of dinner.
5:17
Attempt to make it through dinner, while serving as referee for the kids who are never interested in eating food during dinner, while I desperately am.
5:43
Entertain the kids while my wife cleans up from dinner, or vice-versa.
6:41
Head upstairs with both kids and tag-team getting them both ready for bed.
8:17
Now that the kids are both asleep, spend quality time with my wife.
9:15
After my wife has fallen asleep, lead her downstairs to get ready for bed. Upload a longer YouTube video that will upload during the night.
10:37
Fall asleep, assuming I’ll be woken up by my daughter in a few hours.
That’s my day.
Now granted, on Tuesdays and Thursdays my daughter is at preschool from 7:00 AM to 4:00 PM, but on those days, all I do all day long is make YouTube videos, upload them, and write blog posts.
It’s actually less work when my daughter is with me all day.
I’m not simply staying at home with being a dad. I’m constantly working on my side hustles when I’m not taking care of my daughter.
I can honestly say I didn’t have to work this hard when I still worked full-time in an office.
Yet still, I prefer to do this.
I would choose this even if it were a choice, which it wasn’t.
In looking out for me, my kind and thoughtful wife expressed some concern for my social well-being when my entire office was abruptly shutdown back in October. She wondered if I might suffer from culture shock; after I had worked at the same place for over a decade and now I would suddenly be removed from constant adult interaction on a daily basis.
She suggested I might need to find a stay-at-home parents’ group so that I could get out of the house and socialize with people I have some things in common.
Here’s the thing: It’s been two months doing this stay-at-home dad thing, and not once have I ever missed being around other adults all day long. In fact, that’s one of my favorite parts about my new job!
I do not miss being interrupted from doing work to be asked any of the following annoying questions on a daily basis, and then having to respond to them while forcing myself to smile and act nice:
“How was your weekend?”
“Do you have a minute?”
“You’re quiet this morning, is everything okay?”
“What are you eating? That looks good!”
“Got any big plans for this weekend?”
I was just there to get work done. I didn’t need a friend. I wasn’t lonely. I didn’t need to be entertained with conversation or learn about someone’s thoughts about life, before I had my coffee… orafter I had my coffee.
It was important to me and my identity that I was perceived as approachable, helpful, and a good communicator. So I successfully disguised the fact I am not actually an extrovert, but instead, an outgoing introvert.
I’ve heard the difference between introverts and extraverts explained this way:
If an extrovert is someone who feels energized by being around other people all day and but then feels drained when they are alone again, an introvert is someone who feels drained after being around people all day and then has to “recharge” in solitude afterwards.
Yeah, the 2nd description, that’s totally me. I love to interact with other people… just not while I’m being paid to get work done all day!
But now I don’t have to worry about any of that anymore. I no longer have to act like a supervisor who works in an office.
The culture shock that I am actually experiencing is a good one.
Now the only people I see on a daily basis are the members of my own family- and occasionally, some of the nice employees at the Publix just a mile from the house; which is about as far as I travel through the week anymore.
The ultimate irony is that I truly consider myself a people person. In the total of over a decade that my wife and I have been together, she is definitely used to us being out in public, and me making seemingly random yet relevant conversations with complete strangers.
But I think the difference is that in an office, I was forced all day long to be social, which distracted me from the work; which was the reason I was paid to be there.
As a stay-at-home dad though, I no longer have to anticipate that at any second of the day, I might be interrupted from my work by another adult seeking confirmation in their identity or escape from boredom.
My work now is to care for an awesome 7 year-old boy before and after school, and an adorable little girl all day long. And then when she’s asleep, I work on my freelance writing jobs and YouTube videos; which is how I’m financially supporting my family now through a growing amount of supplemental income.
Granted, I’m working from the time I wake up at 6:00 AM until the time I collapse around 10:30 PM; if I’m lucky enough that my daughter doesn’t wake up in the middle of the night.
But I love it. This is great. I was totally able to do the whole “work in an office” thing. I did that for over a decade. Now I have confirmation though:
I was meant to be a stay-at-home dad who works from home as a freelancer. My time has arrived to accept and embrace my new identity.
My wife typically leaves the house for work around 6:00 AM. If I’m lucky, my kids will both sleep in until 7 o’clock. Usually, I’m not lucky.
Usually, one child will wake the other around 6:20, which means I’m taking care of two young children for the next 2 hours, as my 7 year-old son’s bus doesn’t arrive until 8:22.
It’s a solid 30 minutes just to get them dressed and fed, which leaves another hour and a half to let them play, but while trying to keep them from getting themselves into trouble.
Over the past 2 months that I’ve been a stay-at-home dad (who also works from home as a freelance writer and YouTuber), I’ve learned the art of getting household chores done while they are entertaining each other.
For example, I’ve learned I can effortlessly unload the dishwasher while they have their post-breakfast picnic on the living room floor. I am also constantly uploading YouTube videos for my 3 channels, on my laptop which sits on top of my daughter’s plastic school desk.
Their post-breakfast picnic immediately transitions into an intense indoor recess, where the main attraction is for my 7 year-old son to run as fast as he can past my year and a half old daughter while she stands up and cheers as he runs straight toward her, but only grazesthe sleeve of her shirt, without knocking her down.
So far, injuries. I feel pretty good about that.
The next event is for my son to run as fast as he can while my daughter lays down on the blanket, and then he jumps over her and her bowl of cereal, without his feet touching either his sister or her bran flakes.
This activity also amazingly currently holds a 100% injury-free record.
For the 45 minutes in which they are both home after my son gets off the bus and before my wife gets home from work, I typically just take my kids upstairs in the playroom while they casually play with toys and watch me try to beat my high score on Mario Kart Wii.
Hey, it’s better than the before school part of my daddy day care, right?
I’m pretty sure the state of Tennessee would deny me a license to run a day care like this from my home. It’s probably for the best.
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