Together with Dr. Ramon Presson, I spent nearly the past two years of my life researching and writing what I believe is the most digestible and entertaining Enneagram book on the market right now.
I go through each of the nine Enneagram types, sharing my interactions with men in my own life who are that number. From there, I include examples from my own life how I myself exhibit behaviors of that particular Enneagram number.
Since I happen to be an Enneagram 9, I am like the collection of all the other types rolled into one; the chameleon of the group.
So my book is part biography, part autobiography, and part self-help.
Fortunately, Dr. Ramon Presson not only guided me through the entire process of getting my first book published, but he also contributed to a handful of chapters as well… which helps me look smarter and more credible, by default!
What would really help me out right now is if you would be willing to leave a review on Amazon. That helps create buzz for my book and will make it more visible to the masses.
Earlier this morning, I invented a concept that I feel is so relevant, it must be should shared with the free world immediately. However, I predict it will be either widely ignored or passionately panned by critics.
It’s this simple: In order to be in charge of your own life, and therefore your own success, you have to be in conscious control of 5 main aspects: Your emotions, your food, your money, your time, and your creativity.
If you don’t learn to directly take control of these things, they will take control of you instead.
I submit to you that each of these 5 parts of your life is undeniably intertwined. I theorize that if you’re not good at managing your diet, there’s a higher likelihood you’re not good at managing your finances. If you’re not good at managing your time, you’re not good at managing your money. And so on…
Let me continue to bring my theory to life by focusing on each of my 5 Steps to Simple Self-Help:
Emotion:
I’ve realized that one of the greatest advantages (and superpowers!) I have in my life is that I utilize a valuable secret about how the world works: That I myself get to decide who controls my own emotions. However, most people live their lives the opposite way. Instead, they live as constant potential “victims” of someone insulting or offending them. Most people think, “But I’m a good person.” So when another “good person” offends them, it’s an attack on their “good” identity. I have learned that, like choosing to forgive, being emotionally affected by other people is always a choice; though it’s often not an easy one.
Money:
My wife and I have survived some intense and trying financial times. In the first half of our nearly decade of being married so far, my wife and I made some poor decisions in our naivety. In addition to already being in tens of thousands of dollars in debt due to college loans and our wedding, we then chose to move back to my home state, without landing jobs first! Needless to say, recovering from that experience made us grow up real quick. We are now faithful followers of Dave Ramsey, having been debt-free for the 2nd half of our nearly decade of marriage, and we are continuing to grow our savings; despite me losing my job 100 days ago.
Food:
We all know that America is one of the wealthiest and most obese nations in the world. America produces enough food from plants to feed the rest of the world, yet the majority of that food is used to feed the animals that Americans eat. Our culture teaches, “You need to make sure you’re getting enough protein.” The irony is, most Americans are either overweight or obese. I submit that in reality, we are getting too much protein, along with too much fat, too much cholesterol, too much oil, and too much sugar. But to be faithfully determined to eat more whole fruits, vegetables, and grains, and less processed foods and animal products, well; that would require more discipline, education, and open-mindedness. Most people will say they have a busy schedule and there’s just not enough time for that.
Time:
It’s true, our stress levels are high and we have less time in our schedules. But ultimately, we still determine how we spend what little free and unassigned time we have. I submit we naturally place a higher value on casual entertainment (Facebook, Netflix, watching sports) for our free time, than we do on using that time to create. It’s easier to consume than to create, so that’s what most people end up doing in their free time. Just like when a budget for your income, it’s just as important to budget your time; not spend it carelessly.
Creativity:
I have learned that without focusing on being creative, we tend to to consume. That goes for ideas to solutions as well. Without using our brain muscles to find a new solution or method, we tend to continue doing what doesn’t work for us. It’s easy and natural to blame the establishment or other people when there is a problem. Instead, imagine the power and respect you gain when you make an effort to find a better way and just start doing it. And then surprise… it actually works! I guess that’s what this system of mine is all about.
As we consider all 5 of these, the initial reaction is to think, “Well that’s the problem, Nick. If only other people weren’t so rude, and if meat didn’t taste better than broccoli, and if I just made more money, and if I had more time in my day, and if I was wired to be creative like you are, then everything would be easier.”
No.
I submit that it would not.
My system teaches that it’s a conscious decision to take control of your life, regarding your emotions, your diet, your finances, your time, and your creativity.
I think my system makes life easier.
But I also think most people won’t be able to get past the first thing on the list. Most people would rather give other people control over their own emotions. It’s identity protective cognition to remain as the victim instead of choosing to be victorious. I say as long as you continue to think that way, it will inevitably affect how your control the other 4 entries on my list.
I am hereby inviting you to accept your potential superpower. It’s your call. It depends on no one else but you.
I assume this article will either be ignored and hated by the general public. I completely understand why. But in the rare event anyone agrees, I’d appreciate you letting me know; not because I need the confirmation, but because it will show other readers that I’m not as crazy as I sound!
Help yourself to telling the world how inadequate you are. Evidently, it’s good for you.
When I see a person make a habit of letting all their friends and acquaintances know (in general terms) how unpopular, unappreciated, and unloved they are, I look at it as a subconscious method of helping themselves feel popular, appreciated, and loved because they are unable to feel those ways otherwise.
Facebook is currently the most fertile ground for this to take place. Like people using their status as a way to tell everyone how “Yet again, another date gone wrong. I guess I’ll just be single forever…” (I’m assuming the guy or girl they went on the date with is a facebook friend and will pretty much immediately read the comment.)
And “Tell me this. How could someone actually say that to another human being?” (This vague sort of comment opens the door for people to ask, “Hey, what happened?” and “What did someone say to you?” and “Who’s doing this to you?”)
Both of those status updates of course are soon followed by 13 comments. And jackpot, the plan worked.
While I’m generally an upbeat and positive person, I definitely get into ruts just like everybody else. And I don’t fake being happy when I do. If someone asks me how I’m doing, I tell them the truth. But what keeps me from broadcasting my gloom to others, publicly?
I learned the hard way a few years ago (2005) on Myspace and I hated the way it made me feel: I admitted in a “blog” that I was feeling “depressed by all the winter weather”. It didn’t take long for Myspace friends to come “rescue” me by leaving positive comments. So even though it was just an off-hand thing I wrote, I realized it could be perceived as “help me feel good about myself”. Like I was fishing for compliments.
Not that I wasn’t grateful that those people cared enough about me to show their concern. It just felt weird and unnatural for me.
In public, I have to feel like (and know) I’m helping myself get out of the funk. I do ask for help, advice, and encouragement- but I do it all in private.
So now when I write, I am always reluctant to present a personal problem without finishing the post by providing the solution or how I will help myself get through it. And most likely, to get that solution, behind the scenes I’ve already asked for advice from a trusted friend or family member.
I don’t assume that the way I deal with feelings of inadequacy (privately) is the superior way- it’s just the best way for me. All I can assume is that people who publicly deny themselves are doing what’s best for them, and that’s why they continue to do it.
On a different token, however, self-depreciation has made Conan O’Brien’s career. In every monologue, he makes fun of his pasty, lanky, 6’ 4” body and his own off-beat style of humor. His confidence is shown in his ability poke fun of himself. But when this comes from a place of confidence, a person can totally put themselves down and have it work for them.
So self-depreciation and self-denial definitely work for certain kinds of people. Those who gain their confidence from a public array of encouragement and those who already have confidence yet ironically bring attention to the very things about themselves that others may find cause for low self-esteem.
I’ve learned something about disappointments that has recently helped me to deal with them a whole let better: It’s not so much about the fact that I’m not getting my way. It’s more about the fact I had already set my mind on one thing and now am getting something else instead.
Let’s assume we’re not childish. Let’s assume that we don’t let our day become ruined because they were all out of Hazelnut syrup at Starbucks and we had to settle for vanilla, which when it comes down to it, we like just as much.
The problem is the change itself in the plans. It’s not my way that got compromised, it’s my plan. My plan got compromised.
Looking at it this way has helped me realize the problem isn’t necessarily the fact I’ve been duped or got the short end of the stick. The problem is that I’m being forced to recognize a part of life I keep forgetting:
I have direction over my life, but I don’t have complete control.
Control is a perceived thing, not an actual one. I can never have complete control over my own life. And that is one of the most relieving yet at the same time stressful things about being alive.
“The plans of the heart belong to man, but the answer of the tongue is from the Lord.” -Proverbs 16:1
It’s Open Mic Night for motivational speakers. I’m up…
Mission statements are lame. So dumb. Glorified BS. They don’t motivate me whatsoever. I remember in 8th grade our middle school bought a big banner with our new official mission statement on it and posted it near the main office. To mock the concept, I memorized it and quoted it as fast as I could like that Micro Machines guy from the ‘80’s, every day as I walked to lunch with Mrs. Ray’s English class.
Ultimately what every mission statement boils down to is this: “I will do my best to please The Man, therefore The Establishment and The System, and by successfully doing so, ultimately, I will please Society.”
Not that there’s anything wrong with that. That’s just how life works. Simple American reality. It’s that mindset that helps a random group of people find a focus that will keep them unified and motivated.
I don’t need a lofty mission statement. Just tell me the rules. Tell me the expectations. Give me a chance to learn the culture. Then once I fit in, I can focus on utilizing my actual talents and skills in order to show my worth in that society, in addition to getting the job done. That makes me an individual, despite having to confirm to the norm.
The Man is good. Thank God for the man. He gives me the opportunity to make money without having to depend on starting my own business and having to keep up with all that overheard and stress. Until I can find a way to make a good living off of this website or end up writing a successful book, I depend on The Man.
I like The Man. But I am not The Man.
The Establishment and The System are great too. They are the structure to my means of earning a living. If The Establishment or The System only allows me to wear jeans on Friday but not Monday through Thursday, then I will go along with that silly Simon Says game. Individuality has its place, but rocking the boat outside of a moral issue isn’t cool.
And Society. The good with the bad. Enough capable people these days are choosing not to reach their full potential, which provides an opportunity for an average guy like to me step in and become qualified for a role in society that I wouldn’t normally be eligible for.
Which gives me new experience. Which earns me new skills.
And for those in society who are the overachievers, well, they become my role models. I watch every move they make so I become like them. So, yeah, society is a good thing too.
I should become a motivational speaker and take my “No BS Mission Statement” idea to the road. Power point presentations. Laser pointers. Wearing a suit jacket with jeans on the last day of the conference. I can see it now… (Looks up, turning head towards Stage Left with glazed over eyes, hands clasped together up to chest, while a harp-like sound effect begins.)
“Try to picture the man to always have an open hand and see him as a giving tree. See him as matter, matter of fact he’s not a beast. No, not the devil either. Always a good dead doer. And it’s laughter that we’re making after all.”
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