I wrote a song a couple of months ago called “These are the Good Ole Days.”
It is a reminder to myself that despite all the craziness in this world that we are living in right now, I have a true blessing with you as my daughter.
I know that years from now, I am going to bitterly miss living in the time I live in now, because I get to be around you everyday.
This 4 year-old version of you especially speaks to me.
You are in some ways the cure I need; the offset to my existential crisis that I have been working through for a couple of years now.
Your sweetness reaches me in a way that I need in my life right now.
It was meant to be that the 4 year-old version of you and the 39 year-old version of me would exist at the exact same time; right when we needed each other the most.
With Mommy and I both working from home this summer, and you being stuck here with us, we’re doing what we can to be able to get you out of the house and have some fun whenever we can.
I have made a routine of taking you out to parks on Saturday mornings before it gets too hot. We go on hikes, play in creeks, and sometimes you get to get some exercise on playgrounds that aren’t closed.
This week has been particularly special, because Mommy signed you up for Archery Camp! You love coming home each afternoon and telling me about all the fun you’ve had getting to shoot arrows at different types of targets.
I won’t be surprised if archery becomes an ongoing interest for you!
Every previous summer of your life, I felt a bit guilty that you had to spend 5 days a week at a summer enrichment program, as opposed to hanging out at the house like I did during my summers as a kid.
Now, thanks to Covid Culture, your only option is to hang out at the house with Mommy and me; as we spend all day working from home.
It’s almost like trading one parental guilt for another.
I feel bad that I can’t spend quality time with you during the day, even though you are right there in the next room.
But we are making it work.
You are especially good at keeping me posted on your newest self-assigned Lego project; as our living room is currently an ocean of Lego blocks.
This week has been unexpectedly emotional for me. You’ve been away on vacation in Florida with Nonna and Papa, as well as Aunt Dana and Uncle Andrew, and your cousins.
I didn’t expect to miss you so much. After all, you’re like 9 year and a half years old now. You’re not a little boy anymore.
And that’s exactly why it hit me so hard…
While I couldn’t possibly be prouder of the boy you’ve become, I’ve been coming to terms with the fact that those days of you being a little boy are gone.
For the past 4 days, I have been journaling my thoughts and feelings through a song I have been writing; so that I myself can better understand what I am going through right now.
Today, I was finally able to record the song; one of the few times I was able to do so without crying.
And when I say crying, I mean bawling.
It helped when your Aunt Dana told me today that you are currently taking a break from swimming in the ocean to watch WWE Wrestling.
You don’t treat your stuffed animals like they are real anymore, but you still believe WWE Wrestling is real. I can settle for that. You’re not fully grown up yet.
I love you, Jack.
That boy’s been growing up, that boy’s been growing up on me
He shouldn’t be enough, he shouldn’t be old enough
It doesn’t seem, it doesn’t seem
Those Hot Wheels have all raced away
Like the friends of Thomas the Train
And now I’m missing that boy who went with them
He’s growing up
Those stuffed animals all used to be real
But they’re starting to all disappear
And now my baby boy, first born bundle of joy, is growing up on me
That boy’s a part of me, that boy’s a part of me
My son is growing up
Holding on to memories, never letting go of these
My son is growing up
It takes so much for me to ever cry these days
So it’s funny how these words are drenched in tears
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