family vacation

Leave a comment Posted on fatherhood, funny, marriage, Nostalgia, parenting, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Status Symbol Unlocked: Enjoying Family Vacations

New status symbol now unlocked: I have reached the point in my life where I look forward to, and truly enjoy, family vacations.

Last summer when we travelled to Oregon, I thought it might have just been a fluke. But no, as a 43 year-old husband married to a 43 year-old wife, along with our 14 year-old son and 8 year-old daughter, we are collectively in a place where family vacations are fun, relaxing, and meaningful.

This past week while we were on family vacation, I was intensely aware of the fact that “these are the good old days”…

As I took each photo of my family in real time, it was not lost on me that I already have everything I want and need right here in front of me. That this is what happily ever after looks like.

I am not looking to the future for things to finally “get better”. No, we have now arrived at our destination.

The entire vacation itself has become the “highlight reel”, as opposed to me finding the best exceptional moments in a week-long series of trigger points for my blood pressure to rise and then for me to emotionally shut down.

No more whining in the backseat. No more fighting over which child “gets to sit next to Mommy” at the restaurant. No more annoying drawn-out bath time or bedtime routines.

No more diapers. No more sippy cups. No more strollers. No more car seats. No more naps.

I have graduated from all of that.

Um… so this is great.

Monday morning, I drove a little over 5 hours to the Gulf Coast, while the kids slept in the backseat and as my wife read us the book, The Let Them Theory.

Then we stayed in a condo right there on the water, but not on one of those overcrowded beaches where loud drunk people would ruin the ambience. Even when we did leave for coffee or lunch, we never needed to drive more than a few miles away.

No traffic. No paying to park. No silly “Lightning Lane” passes.

By the 2nd day of our trip, I told my wife, “This is something beyond a family vacation. This is a family retreat.”

It was very noticeable that each of the 4 of us were truly at ease and connected with one another. No distractions. No obligations. Nothing to be but ourselves.

And I think for me specifically, I needed to see what this looks like.

For years now, I have studied, researched, and even published a book on Enneagram. I am fascinated to learn who everyone is underneath how they behave on the outside.

I love being able to understand how to relate better with all people in my life, but especially my own family.

It is a gift for me to be able see my wife and my kids, as well as myself, for who we fundamentally and individually are. I think that’s a lot of the reason why our Spring Break vacation felt like a family retreat. It’s not just about the kids being less needy and more mature.

Instead, it’s because nearly a year into our move from Tennessee and essentially “rebooting” our lives in a slower pace in Alabama, the fog has cleared. I think all of us are able to see each other in a new light.

My 2 Wing 3 wife and daughter are ambitious, selfless, and sociable.

My 5 Wing 4 son is curious, creative, and reserved.

And much to my surprise, yet no one else’s, I am actually 8 Wing 7: pragmatic, assertive, and charismatic.

So as far as status symbols go, I don’t need a fancy car or a big mansion or expensive clothes. Just let me live a life where I can actually enjoy vacations with my family.

That’s enough for me.

Leave a comment Posted on fatherhood, parenting, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: Your Favorite Vacation Ever

13 years, 8 months.

Dear Jack,

Turns out, I was right regarding how you would feel about experiencing the Pacific West coast for the first time.

Our first morning there, I took you out on Nye Beach. You were surprised by the chilly, choppy water; which was in obvious contrast to the beaches you have known in Florida.

Like me, you were mesmerized by the dreamy, never-ending ocean; further shrouded in mystery by the dense fog.

You enjoyed discovering the new marine life you have never been exposed to.

The “quicksand” also provided a bit of entertainment for you as well.

As we left Nye Beach that first full day in Nye Beach, you told me, “Daddy, this is the best beach I have ever been to.”

A few days later, as our family had just finished our giant dune buggy tour, you announced, “This is the best vacation we have ever been on!”

I’m so glad you feel about way. I agree.

 

Love,

Daddy

Leave a comment Posted on Enneagram, fatherhood, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Our Enneagram 3W4 Family Vacation to Oregon: A Unique Experience Achieved!

Over the past few years, I have come to the conclusion that the definition of the word “fun” can drastically change, depending on who you ask.

For me, I simply ask a few questions to qualify whether I will perceive the event as fun… or pure agony:

“Do I have to pay to park? Will I need to wait in a line or make a reservation to get in? Will I be surrounded by crowds of people who I can’t have meaningful conversations with?”

If the answer is yes to any of those questions, I will certainly be miserable.

I’m somewhat surprised I haven’t yet ordered the t-shirt from Amazon that says, “This is my ‘I don’t want to be here’ shirt”, for such occasions.

Clearly, I don’t belong on a cruise ship or in the downtown of big cities or at theme parks. It’s not that I am anti-social. In fact, I have recently come to the conclusion that I am actually the most extraverted person in the room, most of the time. (My Myers-Briggs is ENFJ. The “E” stands for extraverted.)

I need to be connecting with people in meaningful ways, in order to have fun. It has been my experience and observation over the years that paying to park, standing in lines, and being in the middle of loud crowds are all the antithesis to this.

This past week, I reached a milestone in my life: For the first time ever as a family, we went on a vacation that all four of us equally loved.

Why? Well, sure- it helps that the kids are older and more mature now.

But it is primarily because our trip to the Oregon coast fulfilled all of our needs as individuals-  and as a family.

Yes, I am going to make this about Enneagram. (As you know, I have a book coming out about it, so surely you will understand my fascination of seeing social dynamics through that lens.)

In our family of four, we have no one with an Enneagram 7; not even as a wing. It is actually the only number that goes completely unrepresented in our family’s lineup. Interestingly, 7s are the official “fun” number of Enneagram: the life of the party.

Enneagram 7 is also the epitome of FOMO: the fear of missing out.

I (jokingly?) imagine most Enneagram 7s would probably not be happy unless they were at a very “exciting” place where they do have to pay to park, wait in lines, and be surrounded by plenty of sights and sounds in a large crowd. Because to them, those things generate the concept of excitement: Nothing draws a crowd like a crowd…

As for me, I have JOMO: the joy of missing out.

I truly get a thrill out of avoiding all the things that most people seem to get all excited by. I instead seek the unique experiences that are off the beaten path; the ones that are much less marketable.

Based on our recent successful vacation to Oregon, I can see how my wife and kids are actually wired in a similar way, regarding what constitutes as a “fun” family vacation.

I am Enneagram 9 Wing 8: I am constantly seeking to manage the energy equilibrium of harmony (9), which I tend to find by overcoming challenges (8).

My wife is Enneagram 3 Wing 4: She is constantly seeking a sense of achievement (3), which she tends to find by planning unique and authentic experiences (4). (In her own words: “I like to be surrounded by beautiful things.”)

Our son is Enneagram 5 Wing 4: He is constantly seeking to gather knowledge (5), which he tends to find by immersing himself in unique and overlooked experiences (4).

Our daughter is Enneagram 2 Wing 3: She is constantly seeking ways to help and give to others (2), which she tends to find by chasing a sense of achievement (3).

Whereas there is no “fun” Enneagram 7 in our family, there are two numbers that show up twice:

My wife shares a 3 (The Achiever) with our daughter and a 4 with our son (The Individualist).

What that means is that a common theme in our family is to achieve and to be unique.

Funny thing is, when I graduated high school 25 years ago in 1999, I “achieved” (Enneagram 3) the Who’s Who award for “One and Only” (Enneagram 4); as voted by my classmates.

Yet I am the only member of my family without either an Enneagram 3 or 4 as my main number or wing.

However, “achieving” and “being unique” perfectly translate into my Enneagram 9 Wing 8 desire to manage the energy equilibrium of harmony (achieving), which I tend to find by overcoming challenges (finding ways to be unique).

During our weeklong family vacation in Oregon, we went on a giant dune buggy tour, we hiked to explore various natural wonders on the Pacific Coast, and we relaxed in the clean mountain air while detached from the distractions of the rest of the world.

So yeah, no Disney cruise ships for us.

Leave a comment Posted on fatherhood, Nostalgia, parenting, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: This is My Favorite Picture of You This Week, Throwing a Sea Cucumber Back into the Ocean

8 years.

Dear Jack,

For me, this picture of you perfectly captures who you are now, at age 8.

It was our first morning out on the beach last week in Destin to celebrate your birthday. The beach was covered in sea cucumbers, most of them appearing to still be alive, but barely.

I suggested that you throw as many as you could back into the sea.

Fortunately, you had your trusty shovel with you, which served as the perfecting launching pad.

While I’m not sure how many lives you saved that morning, I do know that the ones you threw back definitely stood a better chance of survival, had you not come along to rescue them.

I think it’s really cool how in this picture, not only is the landscape beautiful in a way not typically associated with Florida, but how you can see the sea cucumber flying through the air as the immediate result of your throw, still in motion.

This is a memory that I will always associate with your 8th birthday.

Love,

Daddy

1 Comment Posted on fatherhood, parenting, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: In 3 Weeks’ Time, You Watched All 50 Episode of Disney’s Bunk’d for the 1st Time

7 years, 8 months.

Dear Jack,

We began our recent two week-long family vacation in northern California by staying a few nights in a cabin in Truckee, which is just a 25 minute drive from Lake Tahoe. Whenever we travel, you discreetly take advantage of the fact that I tend to let you get away with binge watching The Disney Channel.

It was then and there you were introduced to a summer camp-themed kids’ show called Bunk’d.

By the 5th episode, you had already memorized all the words to the opening theme song and were singing along.

When I was kid, the summer camp-themed show for kids to watch was Salute Your Shorts or even Hey Dude. But for your generation, it’s definitely Bunk’d.

I think the fact we were staying up in the mountains of California only reinforced the concept of the show. We even ended up going out on pedal boat on Lake Tahoe, thanks to your insisting on it.

Could that notion have been inspired by the adventures you had been seeing on Bunk’d? I submit that it was.

By the time we got back to Grandma’s house where we stayed for most of our 2 weeks, you were able to continue watching your new favorite show each day on her TV.

Meanwhile, back at our home in Tennessee where we only have the free channels that came bundled with our Internet, you discovered that Bunk’d is on Netflix!

Needless to say, you spent all of your designated screen time on finishing every episode you didn’t already see in California. Apparently, you watched 50 episodes of Bunk’d in about 3 weeks’ time.

But never fear, it just so happened that the newest season of Bunk’d, Season 3, recently premiered. So give it until Christmas vacation, and I’m pretty sure you’ll be able to watch the entire new season before you even get a chance to open the presents.

Love,

Daddy