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When As Parents, You Decide to Keep Driving for 2 More Hours After Your Kid Makes a Poopy Diaper in the Back Seat

We were an hour into a 3 hour trek back to our home in Tennessee when my wife and I noticed the smell: Our 2 year-old daughter, who had finally just fallen asleep after desperately needing to, had also just “dropped a load” in her diaper.

My wife and I barely had a verbal discussion about our immediate, yet difficult, decision:

We were not going to pull over the car and wake her up to change her diaper. Instead, we were going to drive 2 more hours while having to experience a permeating barnyard odor.

In life, it’s important to choose your battles.

And as somewhat seasoned parents, as we also have a 7 year-old son who also had to be trapped in the car with us, we decided the battle of losing time on our trip back home and having to deal with getting an extremely tired little girl back to sleep just wasn’t worth it.

For two hours, we only breathed through our mouths; yet still our eyes watered.

It wasn’t worth even attempting conversation. Normally, my wife and I would appreciate being able to have a normal conversation without being interrupted by our kids.

Yeah, not worth it this time.

It was just about powering through.

We tried rolling the windows down a little bit, but then we were in danger of the noise waking our daughter up.

To make it up to our son who was sitting next to his sister, we bargained with him: If you don’t complain about the smell, you can keep playing DinoCraft on the Kindle.

Since he is accustomed to not being able to play his game for more than an hour each day, he took the deal.

We survived. We made it home. It was brutal.

But we are family. We do what it takes to move forward together.

Poopy diapers and all.

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Dear Holly: Why I Think You Will Be 5 Feet 6.5 Inches Tall When You are an Adult

2 years.

Dear Holly,

Now that you turned two years old this week, I was finally able to officially discover your predicted adult height, by doubling the number of inches of your current height as a 2 year-old: 33.3 inches tall.

I predict you will be about 5 feet, 6 and a half inches tall when you are fully grown.

Not only did I measure you, with your brother’s help, but I also took you to the doctor for your 2 year-old check-up and her measurements showed the same results.

While to many people it sounds impossible that an adult’s height is double what it was when on their 2nd birthday, it has proved true for both me and your Aunt Dana; as Nonna knew about this back in the early 1980s when we turned two years old.

Proportionally, a 2 year-old human is half of their future adult height. A 2 year-old boy who is 3 feet tall will become a man who will be 6 foot tall.

How many inches long a baby is at their birth is irrelevant. What matters longtime is the child’s height on their 2nd birthday.

I was meant to be 5′ 9″. It was no surprise to Nonna when I stopped growing, at 69 inches tall, in 9th grade.

When your brother turned two years old, I measured his height. Doubled, it means he will be 5′ 8″ when he stops growing.

And that makes sense, that he would be about the same height as me; in a family where even the tallest men max out around 5′ 11″; on both my side and Mommy’s side of the family.

With Mommy being 5′ 6″, though, and with you having girl cousins on her side that are actually taller than I am or their own father, I sense that females can end up being relatively tall.

Perhaps this isn’t the kind of thing that most parents give much thought to, but I do; just like I’m really into DNA test results, knowing where our ancestors came from and therefore where we came from.

Okay, so it’s official: You’re going to be about 5 feet, 6.5 inches tall. Or at least we’ll find out in about 16 years!

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: A Father’s Letter to His Daughter on Her 2nd Birthday

2 years old!

Dear Holly,

Today our family celebrates your 2nd birthday. We are so proud to have you in our lives; not just Mommy and me feel that way, but of course, your brother too!

I suppose nothing quite makes it official like being able to upgrade to your “big girl bed”. As the parent with the super power of being able to get you to sleep each night, I admit that selfishly, I just wanted you to keep sleeping in your crib.

The thought of your routine being interrupted by taking off the side panel of your crib sort of terrified me! Because I knew it meant you could get out of bed on your own…

But all it took has about 45 minutes of practice for the both of us.

I learned that you needed a couple minutes of me holding you, with your head on my shoulder as I patted and rubbed your back; then doing the same thing after I tucked you in.

The thought of sleeping in a new bed seemed less scary to you after you fell asleep in it for the first time- and the same goes for me, too!

I’m no longer intimidated by the thought of having to teach you again how to fall asleep on your own.

It really helped that Mommy picked out some special new “big girl” bedding for your new bed. You are so proud to sleep in your “new” bed!

So now, when we go to California this summer, it will hopefully be an easier transition for you to fall asleep wherever you are; as opposed to depending on a certain crib.

While I’m uncertain how long I’ll be able to remain a stay-at-home dad, I want to say that I am so grateful for these past 6 months that I’ve had with you.

I know that years from now, you won’t remember it specifically; but I will.

It is a gift to me from you that I have been able to be around my precious little girl so much.

I love you Holly!

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: You Chose “Poop” as Your Theme for Dress Up Day at School… and Totally Got Away with It!

7 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

Last Friday your class unlocked a special day at school due to your collective good behavior. Your whole class got to participate in “Dress Up Day”, meaning you could have worn pajamas or a hat, or something a little out of the ordinary like that.

As I got you ready for the bus last Friday morning, I saw that on your own, you decided to adopt the theme of “poop” for your special day with your friends.

You pulled out your poop emoji hat from your closet, the one you bought from a street vendor; as a souvenir at the Monster Jam truck show in Nashville last year.

Then you found the “pooping moose” key chain I got you as a souvenir several years ago when GM flew me up to Detroit.

It was clear: You saw “Dress Up Day” as the perfect subtle opportunity to promote poop awareness at school.

Just like the week before when you took it upon yourself to craft a real cobra head necklace to wear to school, you had used your own creativity once again; and never needed to ask Mommy or me what you should wear for this special event.

As I hugged you goodbye right before you hopped on the bus, I thought to myself, “Is there a chance he’s going to be sent home for wearing this to school? Or best case scenario, will he have to take off the hat and necklace as soon as his teacher sees what he’s wearing?”

Fortunately, that was not the case at all.

When you got home that day from school, one of my first questions for you was, “So what did your teacher think of what you wore for Dress Up Day?”

You smiled and announced to me, “She told me she liked it.”

Okay, then. Well, that’s that.

You went to school wearing a poop emoji hat and a pooping moose necklace and it was no big deal.

Good for you. You’re a creative kid!

Love,

Daddy

 

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Dear Holly: I Think You’re Going to Be My Little Wild Child

1 year, 11 months.

Dear Holly,

I am convincing myself that you will not go through The Terrible Two’s. Your brother didn’t. So I want to believe the same can be true for you.

With that being said, your personality is noticeably different than your brother’s was at this age.

For example, it nearly takes Mommy and me both to physically get you dressed in the mornings now, as you’ve made it abundantly clear you believe wearing clothes is a waste of time. You recently crafted a new trick where you ask to go potty, simply so you can get undressed and then run around the house:

“Potty? Potty? Potty?”

And like I mentioned last week, during Spring Break at Nonna and Papa’s house, you found a way to climb out of the crib, twice; as a protest to taking your daily afternoon nap. And then when Nonna asked you how you got out of the crib by yourself, you just simply replied, “I climb.”

Your brother has never been shy, but you show a certain fearlessness at such a young age that he didn’t show. There was at least a reluctance he’s shown. As for you, not so much.

And I’m sure it has something to do with the fact that Mommy and I are raising you differently than your brother, by default; since we were first time parents with him.

Raising you, we as the parents are a bit more fearless, as we have an idea of how things generally work now in the world of parenting.

I suppose it doesn’t help that since becoming a stay-at-home dad 6 months ago, you’ve had extra exposure to my exclusive masculine parenting style; alongside having an older brother who I often have to remind to not play so rough with you.

So while I’m confident you’ll never be a tom girl, I am quickly getting the feeling you’re going to be a feisty little girl who knows what she wants; while still charming me with your adorable little smile.

But hey, I’m up for the challenge.

Love,

Daddy