Christmas

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5 Reasons This Dad Despises New Year’s Resolutions

December 3, 2011 at 10:28 pm , by 

One year.

Today I’m assuming the role of a motivational speaker. So imagine yourself at some big pretentious conference out in Seattle, having just enjoyed a ham sandwich boxed lunch (it was included in the price).

I’m not so sure why I approved pork for lunch when I myself am kosher, but let’s move past that little glitch in our mutually shared daydream.

Equipped with laser pointer in hand and appropriately slicked back hair, I run up on stage while Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believing” blares on the Peavey speakers, after some other guy you’ve never heard of has just introduced me to the audience to make me seem more important and famous than I am.

Here are the notes I would be speaking from, regarding the topic, Five Reasons This Dad Despises New Year’s Resolutions:

1. New Year’s Resolutions promote procrastination. If it’s really that important to you, you would make your life change today, right now; whether it’s to start exercising and eating right, to stop smoking or cursing, or to start going to church. If this proposed life change were so darn important, it wouldn’t be able to wait until January.

2. They’re simply ineffective. I have never met anyone in my entire life who has ever made a big life change because of a New Year’s Resolution. They are a quirky American tradition that hold no traditionally proven outcome.

3. They direct your focus on conforming along with the world’s agenda, not your own. Why decide to make a major change based on a calendar date that someone else chose for you? After all, this is a personal issue; so treat it like one.

4. They set you up for failure. Given the horrible track record of New Year’s Resolutions, along with the likelihood that you’ve already attempted this feat before in previous years, why reinforce the idea that this life change of yours really is too hard, based on failed attempts before. In other words, change the date from January 1st to today.

5. New Year’s Resolutions have simply become a joke. Throughout the next couple of weeks as you hear coworkers and friends ask each other, “So what’s on your list of resolutions for 2012?” notice the underlying tone that seems to say: It’s not like it matters anyway. And we secretly know this.

As a dad, it’s crucial for me to be the example. I’m obsessed with keeping my word and following through with my decisions. I want my son to always know that despite my long list of imperfections and downfalls, when I said I was going to do something (or not do it) that my actions would immediately and permanently speak louder than words.

Image (top): 2012 Goals via Shutterstock.

Unexpected Bonus!

Maybe your intended New Year’s Resolution was going to be to get your kids to read more. In that case, you can win a free book right now called Mary’s Son: A Tale of Christmas. The book, which is the winner of three Mom’s Choice awards, is a modern-day story in which a mysterious old man named Nicholas shares the true meaning of Christmas with two young people.

 

3 Comments Posted on People, Spirituality, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Jack’s First White Christmas

Week 6.

During my first summer teaching English in Thailand, I took a week-long vacation to the magical island of Koh Samui, as referenced in the movie Meet the Parents (“Jack speak-a Thai?”).  While there, I went to a highly promoted (via hand-painted street banners) Muay Thai boxing tournament.  Inside the dimly lit warehouse-style building on the outskirts of legitimate commerce, I felt like I was part of the movie Bloodsport staring Jean Claude Van Damme.  Afterwards, as a souvenir, I cut down one of the street banners advertising the event and hung it up in my college dorm at Liberty University the next Fall.  Everyone who saw it laughed at the poor English translation: “Super and Real Fight”.  I mean, it was a real fight, and I would say it was super as well, but for the fight to be super and real in the same adjective phrase just sounds funny.  And that is why I couldn’t title this entry as “Jack’s First and White Christmas”.

In preparing our move from Nashville, TN to Fort Payne, AL (which is located between Birmingham, Chattanooga, and Atlanta), my wife (who is from Sacramento, CA) had asked me if it ever snowed in Alabama.  Though the words “snow” and “Alabama” seem like they don’t go together at all, though do. Just like a lot of people don’t realize that Alabama actually borders the Gulf of Mexico and has several beaches, like Gulf Shores.  I told my wife to expect it to snow a few inches, up to three times a year.  And sure enough, as we woke up around 6 AM Christmas morning to feed and change Jack, we looked out the window to see large snowflakes falling steadily.

A couple of hours later, we drove 0.7 miles to my parents’ house to spend the day with them and my sister and her husband.  Turns out, the snow didn’t stop falling and the temperature remained low.  So the seven of us ending up staying the weekend together, being that the roads were iced over.  One of the gifts my parents bought for Jack was a really cool wagon; ideally for when he gets older. However, when we started getting ready for bed on Christmas night and we were deciding where Jack should sleep, since we hadn’t packed his travel crib, I said, “Well, what about his wagon?” Not many people can say that their first Christmas was a white Christmas and that on top of that, that they slept in a wagon.  But I guess it’s not all that strange, being that we were celebrating a holiday where a baby boy slept in a manger.  We didn’t have a manger for Jack, but we did have a wagon.

Jack is swinging Christmas morning before we left for my parents' house.

We got snowed in.

Jack's presents from his parents.

Jack's presents from the family.

The Four Generations of Shells: Baby Jack is the only Shell boy to carry on the family name.

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How to Purposely Prepare to Not Feel Miserable during the Holidays

While it is indeed important, I’m not talking about truly remembering the real meaning of Christmas – I’m just talking about avoiding a headache, along with possible mild depression and constipation.

Thanksgiving Day wasn’t that long ago, so there’s a good chance you have fresh memories of sitting around the house all weekend, eating too much food, and ultimately feeling miserable.  That was my story for so many years.  Until last year when I decided I didn’t want to feel that way anymore during my days off from work.  So today I share with you two easy tips so that you may truly enjoy my holidays with friends and family.

Bring a case of bottled water and fresh salad to the meal.  Part of the reason it’s so common to feel yuckified during the holidays is because it’s way too easy to become dehydrated (there is such an easy access to both soda and alcohol at these holiday meal gatherings both of which dehydrate the body).  Also, holiday meals are very similar to a Chinese buffet in that they mainly consist of carbs and sodium.  Not only is it too easy to eat too much, but it’s too easy to also eat virtually nothing nutritious in the process.  When the freshest vegetable dish available is green bean casserole, you’re bound to feel down.  Drink plenty of water and make sure there are fresh vegetables available, if it means that you are responsible for bringing it.

Get out of the house and out into the cold. As much time as you will spend watching the 1983 classic A Christmas Story on TBS repeatedly and playing Wii with your nephews and nieces, there’s a good chance that your idea of “getting out” simply means going shopping for good deals or running to the convenience store to buy more milk.  You need real exercise and fresh air during the holidays.  So in addition to bringing the salad and bottled water, your responsibility is to stand up and say, “I’m going for walk outside- who’s with me?”  (Don’t forget your coat, of course.)  You’ll be the hero.  And you’ll be surprised at what interesting conversations can arise from a (30 minute minimum) walk in the cold: Certain conversations just can’t be born while lying in a coma-like state on the couch.

I guarantee you will have a better holiday experience if you try abiding by these two tips.  Cabin fever can be prevented.  And you can be the Holiday Armadillo that changes things in your household.  No matter what you believe the winter holidays are actually about, the importance of giving to others is ultimately attached to your religious or cultural traditions.  So give to the needy.  Care for the orphans and widows.  Love the unloved.  And lastly, give the gift of “not feeling miserable” to others.

 

 

 

 

 

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dad from day one: Lumber Jack and the Great Christmas Tree Farm

Week 4.

I never had a real Christmas tree growing up-  my family always had a nice plastic one. But my wife always had a real tree; so this year, we decided to started a new tradition in our Shell household: Go to the Christmas tree farm and get a real tree, Charlie Brown.  So we drove 13 miles (two cities away) to a place called Shiloh and pulled into the gravel parking lot of “Down on the Farm”.

Right away we were met by the owner who welcomed us then said, “Just those few trees you see right there is all we’ve got left.”  I explained to him that we were just there to get a “Charlie Brown Christmas tree” for our new son.  The man gave me a handsaw and told me to drive my Element down the dirt road behind his farm and cut down the tree we wanted.  Before beginning our brief journey to find the perfect Christmas tree for a baby, I asked the man how much the tree would cost us.  He replied, “If it’s for that little baby boy you got there, it won’t cost you a thing.”

So thanks to Baby Jack and the friendly man at the Christmas tree farm, the new tradition has begun for Jack’s first Christmas: Not a tradition of having a full size tree each tree, but instead we decided to always have a small tree.  It’s just more fun.  We’ll leave the full size Christmas tree up the rest of the family.  It’s a great Christmas, Baby Jack.

2 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

dad from day one: Jack’s Sock Monkey Nap Station

Week 2.

Right before our finale Lamaze class a few weeks ago, my wife and I stopped by Walgreens to kill some time since we had arrived a little too early.  While walking through the pet aisle, a sock monkey pet bed caught my eye.  Immediately it occurred to me that this could potentially make the perfect nap station for a baby.  But it was too soon- our baby hadn’t even been born yet and I had to know that it wasn’t a crazy idea first.  He’s here now though.

And sure enough, the time of day that Baby Jack sleeps the hardest starts about an hour before I get home from work, during dinner, and at least an hour afterwards.  So while my wife and I eat dinner and catch up, we have been wrapping him up in a blanket and placing him safely on the couch while he was dreams about puppies.  After seeing that this was a new routine, my thoughts returned to the sock monkey pet bed (or “baby nap station”).  Therefore, I knew what Jack’s Christmas gift from me would be.

I wondered what my wife would think when I came home last Monday night with a sock monkey pet bed in my hands.  But when I explained why I had paid 13 bucks for a pet bed though we don’t have any pets, her immediate response was, “Well, let’s try it out.”  Needless to say, Baby Jack loves his sock monkey nap station.  While we do put him in it during dinner, it also is great because it is virtually weightless so we can easily carry him around the house while he’s asleep- anytime of day.

So my question is…why hasn’t someone thought of this sooner?  If only I could make millions off this idea- but the product already exists.  So I’ll have to settle for being the guy who started the trend of using a pet bed as a portable nap station for their baby.  Though it is pretty clearly documented here that I invented the “portable baby nap station”- so when I see an infomercial for it in a few months, I’ll be calling that toll free number to get my cut of the profits.   I can sleep well knowing that much.