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4 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, People, Uncategorized

Facebook Friendship: Let’s Not and Say We Did

 

I hear you knockin’ but you can’t come in. 

For months now, there have been “friend suggestions” on my facebook homepage that I refuse to deny or accept.  I just keep them there in purgatory.  And the fact that they haven’t requested to be my friend yet either means that the feeling is mutual: Despite growing up together, we don’t have a desire to reconnect as adults.

The problem with high school is that we were all immature back then.  Sure we did foolish things we would be embarrassed if today if anyone remembered.  But even worse than the embarrassing things we remember which we hope no one else does, are the hurtful things we did or said to others that we ourselves don’t remember doing.

I realize that people from junior high or high school who may have spoken stinging words to me back in the 90’s or even that were just overall snotty or hateful, have grown up now, just like I have.  They get the benefit of the doubt from me that they are now changed people, just like I am.

But I can’t say the same for those I may have offended unaware.  For all I know, there are some people in their late 20’s who remember me as a jerk from when I was a teenager.  And to them, I’m still a jerk, despite the fact they haven’t been around me or talked to me in over 10 years.  There’s no way for me to know how each individual classmate remembers me.

Unless they accept the fact that there’s a decent chance I’ve matured since then, I will always be that thorn.  There will always be a negative storm cloud associated with my name.

Here’s the thing with offending people: Unless you truly are a jerk, you’re not doing it intentionally. 

And the people who tend to be the most sensitive about getting their feelings hurt are often the people most likely to hold in their hurt and let it fester into bitterness.  And the ones who remember me in less than favorable terms would be the last to tell me.

Instead, they would just turn the other way.  And not make an effort to reconnect.

It’s ironic that we can use prejudice from a person’s behavior in 1998 to determine that they are still the same way in 2010.  Because let’s hope, at least, we’re not the same people we were back then.

But sometimes it’s just better not to open that door at all.  Sometimes it’s not a matter of hard feelings, necessarily, or not forgiving a person.  Sometimes it’s just best to not to rekindle a relationship and let our best basic instincts guide us to click “ignore”.

For the life of me I cannot remember
What made us think that we were wise and we’d never compromise
For the life of me I cannot believe we’d ever die for these sins
We were merely freshmen

 -“The Freshmen” by The Verve Pipe

4 Comments Posted on Nostalgia, Uncategorized

Why Eighties Movies are So Hard to Remake

 

And what happened to the genre of romantic comedies…

Back in October I was stuck at home for a few days with severe sinus and allergy problems, streaming Netflix instantly on my laptop all day. I decided to take a break with an ‘80’s movie that I had nothing but fond memories of since my family rented it on VHS when I was in the 3rd grade.  A movie that the general American population still only refers to with a smile and a goofy laugh: Weekend at Bernie’s.

I made it through 38 minutes before shutting it off.  That movie is so boring.  Not funny.  Too unbelievable.  It took them 33 minutes to kill Bernie, and by the time they finally did, I stopped caring.

As I thought more about it, ‘80’s movies aren’t easy to successfully remake because those cheesy, far-fetched, imagination-dependent ideas just don’t fly now that Aerosol hairspray isn’t clogging our brain anymore.  The Eighties were the only ten years that we would buy those concepts.

Like Tom Hanks in Splash (1984).  He falls in love with a mermaid.

Or Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf (1985).  He is a high school basketball star who happens to have inherited “the werewolf gene”.

Or Andrew McCarthy in Mannequin (1987).  He falls in love with a mannequin that comes to life at the mall he works at.

Or Tom Hanks in Big (1988).  He transforms from a boy to a man and falls in love with a grown woman. And just the record, it remains one of my all time favorite movies.

There was this reoccurring mix of fantasy and romance.  Often with drab dialogue.  But completely overshadowed by its towering gimmick of a plot.

These days, we’re too cool for silly ideas like that.  Since Terminator 2 impressed us with believable CGI (computer generated imagery) in 1991, then Jurassic Park in 1993, we’ve been straying from fantasy and romance, and focusing more on sci-fi with some romance.  Leading us to the days of Avatar and Transformers.  And most obviously, the soon-to-end TV series LOST.

And that’s why if today, if they Steven Spielberg remade Gremlins, it would be a hit.  Or Ghostbusters 3, if they ever actually end up making the movie.  Because that’s something the Eighties gave us that worked: horror and comedy along with sci-fi.  They are currently remaking Child’s Play.  And of course, the Nightmare on Elm Street remake comes out this Friday.

We adopted sci-fi horror comedies and sci-fi romance from the Eighties, but what haven’t translated over are romantic comedies and romantic dramas.  Yes, romantic comedies and dramas still exist.  A new one is released into theatres every week.

But overall, they’ve earned a lousy reputation.  Romantic comedies have become “chick flicks”, typically meaning they’re too predictable and cliché for a man to enjoy.  The “girl goes shopping and tries on ten different dresses for her girlfriends during a musical montage” scene.  Too familiar.

The Eighties pulled off romantic comedies.  They knew how to make them work for both men and women: Can’t Buy Me Love, The Princess Bride, Roxanne, When Harry Met Sally, Overboard.

But there’s only so much Sandra Bullock and Hugh Grant a man can stand watching.  So what happened because of it?  Judd Apatow and his friends made the genre of bromantic comedies more popular than romantic comedies.  And not just films that feature Seth Rogan.  The Hangover and I Love You Man had nothing to do with Apatow.

I’m all for seeing a good romantic comedy.  Truly.  I like the good ones, unashamedly.  But it’s been a long time since one has been made.

It’s simply unnatural for the romantic genre to be catered towards women- because romance is about a man and a woman.  Because Katherine Heigl and a remote controlled dildo device don’t make a great team (reference to The Ugly Truth).  But Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan do.

After enough corny romantic comedies, we men got the point:  Romantic comedies are no longer for couples- they’re for single women.  So we avoid them and instead run to R-rated comedies featuring funny Jewish lead comedians like Paul Rudd and Jason Segal (Manspeak, Volume 7: Bromance).

The concept of romance in movies has become polarized.  Women watch chick flicks and men watch bromantic comedy.  Ironic.

As for romantic dramas these days, Nicholas Sparks pretty much has the monopoly on that: A Walk to Remember, The Notebook, The Last Song, Nights in Rodanthe.

Someone tragically dies.  A disapproving mother.  A Southern setting.  Got it.

So what can we say about remaking ‘80’s movies?  Some of them, many of them, most of them, need to stay where they belong- in the ‘80’s and in our fond memories.  But the ones that made us laugh, while freaking us out, while being drenched in sci-fi, well, we want more of those.  And the ones that were truly romantic, catering to both men and women, we want more of those.

We’ll always have a love/hate relationship with the Eighties.

1 Comment Posted on Recaps, Uncategorized

LOST Recap: Season 6- The Kwon Kid

No, you didn’t miss a new episode of LOST last night.  But at 3:10 AM, I woke up with a minor revelation.

A lady who is interested in buying our house is coming over tonight.  Based on her name Jenny Sun (sounds a lot like Jin and Sun from LOST), I would say she’s Korean.  I also went to bed thinking about how bummed I was that it was a LOST rerun last night.

Sometimes in the moment right before I wake up, I have an interesting thought.  Last night was one of them.  I was thinking how I know I’m going to be frustrated when LOST ends because there will be questions never answered, especially from the first couple of seasons.

Like why did all the pregnant women on the island have miscarriages?

At this point, it’s safe to assume because of the strong magnetic force the island has.  It’s safe to assume that the Kwan Kid would not have survived until pregnancy, but in an act of fate, Sun escaped the island and her baby was born in Korea, safely.

However, Jin and Sun were definitely having marital problems during the months right before they crashed on the island.  But in addition to all the island’s many miraculous traits, the island is also an aphrodisiac.  Because ultimately, Jin and Sun got busy in their tent.

And don’t forget that Jin is sterile except for when he is on the island…

So in a way, Jin and Sun were chosen to come to the island.  If nothing else, simply to procreate, yielding the chosen Kwan.

This kid is special.  Chosen.  Chosen by the island for a greater purpose.

It took a lot to get her parents there so that she could be conceived.  It took even more for her actually to be born.

What I can’t predict is whether or not Jin and Sun will die once the Kwon Kid makes it to the island.  Will the island be finished with Jin and Sun then?  Hopefully not.

Now, let’s find out in next week’s episode my predictions are true.

5 Comments Posted on People, Spirituality, Uncategorized

Emotionally Charged Words: Why Certain Words are Taboo Curse Words and Others Are Not

Some words are just too dang dramatic.

Though as a human it can be difficult, with enough effort, it is possible for me to examine a word of the English language that is shrouded in controversy, taboo, and offensiveness and see past its reputation.  Because at the end of the day, cuss words, vain religious exclamations, and even ethnic/sexist slurs are simply just words.  With a whole lot of emotion attached to them.

And that changes everything.

People can refer to themselves or their friends as an ethnic or sexist slur if they themselves are the specific ethnicity or gender that the slur refers to.  But it’s a different story when it comes from someone outside the circle.  Why?  Because whatever word that comes to mind right now that I may be referring to has a lot of emotion behind it.  Not just years of emotion, or even decades, but often centuries.

Emotions born out of unfair judgment, preconceived ideas, assumed inequality, and disrespect.  Everything that is not Christian.  Everything that is instead demonic and hellish.

But on a much lesser scale are the everyday PG rated words.  Ones that have become so common they’ve lost their edge.  The first time the word “sucks” was used as a degrading adjective (instead of a common verb) on cable TV and not censored was in 1983 on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.  That was quite a big deal back then.

Now it’s 27 years later and I personally know a Christian author who is using that word in the title of his book.  A book that will be sold in Lifeway Christian stores.  People aren’t offended by the word anymore.  Not even Baptists.  But if this were 1977, that book would be having a different title.

Some emotionally charged words lose their emotion.  While others don’t.  But to ignore the current status of their offensiveness is a foolish thing to do.

I’m not good at gray areas.  Everything to me has to be formulated in black and white, cut and dry.  Otherwise, I stay out of it.  That’s part of the reason that #4 of my writing code (as revealed in Being Down to Earth, Yet Never Really Touching the Ground ) is “avoid profanity”.  Which words do I say, which words do I not say?…  I’d rather just not play in that sandbox altogether.

However, in November 2009 back before I had materialized my writing code, I wrote a series called You Just Cussed that explored the history and social acceptance boundaries of profanity.  Something I’m very intrigued by.

To avoid seeming corny, I didn’t censor any of the profanities; which in the process of quoting and explaining them all, there were more than I bothered to count.  I wanted to help strip these words down to better understand why we find them at all offensive.

But I never advertised the series.  It never showed up on a facebook link.  No one was notified through e-mail when it was published.  I was just testing it out.  So only everyday readers who happened to look at the “recent posts” panel would have even seen it.

It just never felt right, somehow.  So after about a week, I removed the series from my site.

The battle in my head: Coming across as cheesy by censoring the profanity vs. coming across as offensive by leaving all the words as they were in an effort to explain.

But now that I’ve got my writing code established, I feel at ease.  I shall officially publish the series.  Mostly censored.

Because I would rather stay true to my writing code than try to be as specific and literal as I have to be.

In the likeness of the way that Growing Pains created a springboard for Just the Ten of Us and how Perfect Strangers yielded Family Matters, I shall now use this post about emotionally charged words to officially introduce my new 6 part series, You Just Cussed.  Back from the archives and all cleaned up.

You Just Cussed: 1/6

You Just Cussed: 2/6

You Just Cussed: 3/6

You Just Cussed: 4/6

You Just Cussed: 5/6

You Just Cussed: 6/6

10 Comments Posted on Health, People, Uncategorized

dad from day one: As Long as the Baby’s Healthy

Eleven weeks.

In the history of expecting parents being asked, “What are you hoping for- a boy or a girl?” the token answer is, “We’d kinda like a (gives preference), but really, as long as the baby’s healthy”.  And sometimes the word “normal” is added on to that sentence as well.  Healthy and normal.

But what if it’s not?  What if the baby isn’t healthy?  Or normal?

A few weeks ago for my wife’s 2nd appointment, we were quite unhappy with the way the nurses and office staff handled the whole process.  They didn’t explain what they were doing; they just take a lot of blood and at the end, said, “That’ll be $492.”

And then they assumed we also would want to do the test for Down’s Syndrome, which is an extra $400.  I understand that there are people out there who would try to sue their doctor for not telling them their unborn child has Down Syndrome.  I understand it’s a legal issue.  But the way there was this unspoken assumption that we would have an abortion if the child had Down’s Syndrome… really, really rubbed me the wrong way.  It was a very impersonal process.

Tomorrow we have another appointment. With a new doctor.  One that others have assured us will treat us like expectant parents.

Whatever state of health or normalcy this child is in, I am overly aware that this human life is a gift from God, a gift we are responsible for.  A gift, that we know, isn’t promised to arrive.  Part of being an expectant parent is knowing that something could go wrong and praying everyday that it doesn’t.  But still, if our child is born sub-par to medical standards, this is still the child God gave us.

By thinking these “what if?” thoughts out loud, it doesn’t jinx or bring upon a certain situation either way.  But I do feel a need to prepare myself for the both the best and the worst.

It’s seems a reoccurring theme in parenthood is the “not knowing”.  Saturated in hoping and praying.

http://www.lifeissues.org/ultrasound/11weeks.htm

All pictures with the “JHP” logo were taken by Joe Hendricks Photography:

Blog- www.photojoeblog.com

Website- www.joehendricks.com