People

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Party Like It’s 1999: My Ten Year Class Reunion (Fort Payne, AL)


Last week as I mentioned to people here in Nashville that my 10 Year High School Reunion was coming up on Saturday, I was surprised to hear more than a few respond with, “Well I’m not going to mine. Everybody I want to see or talk to from high school, I already do. Most of those people I didn’t like then, and so I know I won’t like ‘em now.” Not one tiny part of me can relate to that statement.

On the same token, there have been times when I have hyped up an upcoming event in my mind for weeks or months, only to find my high expectations were not met. Again, this was not at all the case.

Ultimately it comes down to the fact that the Fort Payne Class of ’99 is a special group of people. Yes, I am being bias.

If the definition of a true friend is someone you can be apart from for years and the next time you see them, you can just pick up where you left off last time, then I have more friends than I realized. Because that was the case with everyone that was there.

I saw how warmly my wife was accepted by everyone there. (It actually reminded me of when I introduced her to my family a few years ago.) How often an official introduction wasn’t even necessary. Just straight to conversation like an old friend. That sort of instant familiarity with a large group of strangers is rare.

Ten years can definitely change people in a way I hadn’t considered; by bringing them to a more similar place in life than they were in before. Kristin Bailey Gardner works in journalism, whereas I am jealous that she is. Kim Thomas Clowers married my 2nd cousin, meaning we’re related now related and see each other at family reunions. And the should-be action movie star Morten Maaegard, the foreign exchange student from Denmark our senior year, was in the same parts of Thailand as I was in 2004. (He actually flew in from Europe for our class reunion- that is impressive.)

When an event this big goes so right, I have to take a look at why. Aside from a bunch of cool 28 year-olds all truly wanting to be there, a lot of it had to do with the planning. Tabitha Thomas Greenwood found and followed a formula that was flawless. First, during the day, we met at the new city park. That was a way that those with children could bring them and have something for them to do as the adults caught up on life.

Then that night just us adults met at an old yet restored hotel and restaurant in the crafty/artsy neighboring town of Mentone. Our senior yearbook was placed on a table along with a memorial of the four we’ve lost since graduation: Grant Dobbs, Derek Hood, Brooke Craig, and Joey Kean.

It was like a big house where after dinner we could just walk around and hang out as the band played. That was the ideal casual environment that kept everyone comfortable and in good spirits.

I have heard of class reunions where people had to pay $100 just to get in. Ours was affordable, practical, fun, and perfectly planned. We could have met in the Santa Fe room at Western Sizzlin’ (or The Sizzler as it’s known in the rest of the country). But no, the Fort Payne class of ’99 does things right. We knew not to play around with something as monumental as our one and only 10 year reunion.

There definitely is a dream-like quality about seeing so many old friends again after so long. Like a blurry Vaseline-on-the-camera-lens kind of feel. And because so many truly looked the exact same as they did in high school, it was kinda like a dream where we all just appeared in the same place and the only thing that really changed was the time in between the last time we were all together.

Eleven year reunion, anyone?

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Funny Prayers: A Hedge of Protection and Traveling Mercies

Certain things I consistently pray for and receive. These are usually the things I take for granted, like travelling safely on a road trip. I often forget to thank God once I get back home safely. When I do finally remember, I often laugh because it reminds me of two hilarious cliché catch phrases that have shown up and become popular, especially in the last decade in modern Christian vocabulary. It goes something like this:

“Lord, we just pray that You will put a hedge of protection around us and bless us with traveling mercies…”

 

Hedge of protection and traveling mercies. Honkin’ hilarious.

When I think of the word “hedge”, I think of either a perfectly trimmed row of bushes in a yard or Marge Simpson’s hairdo. So why pray for a hedge? Wouldn’t a stone wall with barbed wire be a lot more efficient here? Who was the person that thought that a hedge would be a good thing to protect someone with? Throw him into a tank of sharks surrounded by a hedge and see if he changes his mind.

And traveling mercies. Sounds like a silvery pixie paste a person would have to spread over their body to make them invisible. Or candy. Like the Christian version of Reese’s Pieces.

 

Here is the way we shall pray for safe travel:

“Lord, we pray that You will surround us with an army of angels wearing laser shooting body armor while holding a chainsaw in one hand and a machine gun in the other, all while riding pterodactyls.”

Amen.

 

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Hungry Heart

For nine warm and comfortable months we float in a constant pampering. Then, suddenly, we see a bright light and feel cold air and hear loud noise for the first time. Introduction to life outside the womb is a culture-shock we never truly get over. We learn that by crying, our parents will come rushing over to give us whatever we want. As we learn to talk, we learn to lie to get our way. No one teaches us to do this. We already know how to find trouble.

There is something to be said about the fact we are wired to automatically do the wrong thing. Even as we mature into adults, we still engage in a struggle against selfishness; a selfishness which promotes self-destruction. Like being on a conveyor belt on track to a slow physical and spiritual suicide. It’s all around us. From as small an issue as naturally preferring pepperoni pizza and Coke and ice cream over grilled chicken and broccoli and yogurt, to as big as lusting after what our friends (or frenemies) bought with a credit card and allowing ourselves to go into debt because we let them set the new standard of what we need in life.

We want to believe that we are ultimately good. That’s why shows like Extreme Makeover: Home Edition are so popular. It makes us feel good to see people actually doing something selfless. It’s inspiring. And it makes us feel good to be selfless as well. We recognize subconsciously that loving our neighbors as ourselves is better than loving ourselves more than our neighbors. People are drawn to truth. But from Day #1 we are drawn to destruction as well.

A kid will naturally try to play in the street, run with scissors, touch a hot iron, and eat nothing but candy unless a more knowledgeable person steps in to save the child.

There is this romanticized idea that if we simply follow our hearts, then life will be good. Sometimes that is true. I followed my heart when I moved to Nashville, then met my wife a year later, and married her a year and half after that. Good thing I followed my heart.

But my heart also entices me to want to flip off everyone who annoys me on the interstate: I want to curse those who curse me, instead of hope and pray for their improvement which could break the vicious cycle. And I constantly want to make big purchases of things I don’t need, like a motorcycle: I can’t be satisfied no matter what I already have. Looking back at the history of the world, people have followed their hearts and it has led to tragedies as horrific as genocide, slavery, and war.

I’ve tried to imagine what it would be like if a baby was born into this world and never needed discipline. Impossible. It’s in our DNA to naturally fight against what will save us from destruction.

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Karaoke: Why the Heart of Rock & Roll is Still Beating

I love authentic Japanese karaoke machines that are made in China.

Last Saturday at my wife’s Christmas work party, they had karaoke going on down in the basement. I really had no intentions on participating, but when I realized that it rated the performance based on timing and pitch, I cut in line to be next. Putting my money where my mouth was from the first installment (http://wp.me/pxqBU-9u), I chose to sing “The Heart of Rock & Roll” by Huey Lewis and the News”.

It’s simply common sense that a karaoke machine advanced enough to grade a singer’s performance would also have decent quality music tracks. But the blips and bleeps of a Gameboy would have been better and easier to follow. All I could hear was a keyboard and fake drums. Not to mention the lyrics were a little off. The lyrics prompter said “now the old boy may be a bit off rhythm” instead of “may be barely breathing”.

I got a “67” out of 100.

The guy after me sang “Lean on Me”. Instead of “I’m right up the road, I’ll share your load”, the prompter read, “I’m a friend that’s kind of thorough”. I love authentic Japanese karaoke machines made in China.

Something that kept me distracted and laughing was the background images on the screen. I’m used to just white words over a blue screen. This one had actual video footage of completely random and unrelated things.

I just loved watching a mother duck and her ducklings eat bread crumbs at a park while my wife sang “Crazy” by Patsy Cline. And seeing an aquarium full of exotic and butt-ugly fish swim around while my wife’s boss sang “Jingle Bells”. And my favorite: While a 9 year-old boy sang “Eye of the Tiger”, we all watched footage of a lonely Japanese girl looking mopey at various venues: restaurants, lakes, and subways.

There’s just no wrong way to do karaoke. Because there’s not a right way.

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Last Minute Recipe for Your Christmas Work Party

I have recently been bombarded by co-workers and friends wanting to know my wife’s recipe for the world’s best last minute (or first minute) dessert. Words can’t describe the awesomeness. But obviously for the fact I have already forwarded the recipe to a network of people from work, then took the dessert to a Chipotle restaurant as a dessert when I hung out with some friends last and everyone around looked at us with envy, and then today my sister agreed that this recipe was just the thing she was looking for to make for her husband’s work party, there must be something to it. It’s a hit.

The name of it is “Chocolate Chip Cheeseball”. It requires no cooking. Just a few simple ingredients. It’s ideal for a group setting. And it’s fun to eat. Not just tastes awesome (which is a given), but it is literally fun to eat. That can’t be said about cake or pie.

All it really involves is spending about 15 or 20 minutes mixing the few ingredients in a bowl, then letting it sit in the fridge for a while. Then making it look cool by arranging the graham crackers.  No baking!

Plus, it’s a recipe that can easily be customized. It can become a Smores Cheeseball. Or a Peanut Butter Chocolate Cheeseball. Just add cool ingredients in addition to the recipe.

My wife just said to tell you to use chocolate graham crackers instead of the regular kind.  That’s not something they tell you in the recipe.

Enough hype already, just make it. You will become a famous culinary hero. Just don’t let ‘em know where you got the recipe. It’s top secret.  Here it is:

http://allrecipes.com/recipe/chocolate-chip-cheese-ball/detail.aspx