People

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Life’s Too Short: The Sad Truth that the Past is an Imaginary Place We Can Never Return To

 

About a year ago I was watching American Idol and Simon was interrogating one of the male contestants on why he wants to become a professional singer. The man explained he has a wife and a kid and he wants to be sure they’re taken care of financially. Simon asked the man again, “I get that, but WHY do you want to be a singer?” The man again explained it was because he has a wife and a kid… then Simon (who was obviously looking for an answer involving the man’s passion for music, etc.) cut him off with, “I get that, just sing for us.”

We focus so much on “right now”. Chances are, you’re never going to have enough money. Because once you do, you’re going to buy a bigger house or find a new way to get yourself in debt. Money is never enough.

 

Chances are, you’re never going to have enough time. America has set so much pressure on its people to be thin and in shape, yet it remains one of the most overweight countries in the world. We’re too busy to eat the right foods and to exercise, so instead of making time to be healthy, 74% of the population is overweight but carries the heavy burden of wanting to look like Jennifer Anniston or Brad Pitt, two people who are paid to make time to live healthy lifestyles. So obviously if we as a nation don’t have enough time to be healthy, we’re never going to have enough time.

Maybe I’m weird for not questioning the meaning life, but it’s never really been an issue for me. I’ve just always kind of known. I’ve understood since the age of six that this life is barely a speck of dust in comparison to the life after this. I’ve understood that God has blessed us with friends and family and we need to value them like the precious a gift they are. I’ve understood, more importantly, that God loves us and what it really comes down to our relationship with Him.  Even that goes back to loving people.

 

I subscribe to a magazine called Details. The thing I like most about it is its unique, random, and yet relevant articles. I realize as someone who earned a degree in English that quotes are only supposed to be a few lines, but for this I will cheat:

“…I climbed eagerly abroad this one-way rocket to Death in Adulthood and left the planet of my childhood forever in starry wake. I know this. My grandparents, my boyhood bedroom furniture… I will never see those or a million things again. And yet, lurking somewhere in the back of my mind is the unshakable, even foundational knowledge- for which certainty is too conscious a term- that at some unspecified future date, by unspecified means, I will return to those people and those locales. That I am going back. No, that’s false. The delusion is not really that I believe, or trust, that I will be returning one day to the planet of childhood…”
– an excerpt from “Time Bandits” by Michael Chabon

my Italian grandfather, Albert Metallo

Only a few weeks after I got married last July, my Italian grandfather died. He is the only one of my grandparents I have lost. Only second to my dad, he had the most influence on me as far as what it means to be a man. I know a lot of the reason I randomly talk to strangers in public is because of him. He always did it. I learned from him that much heaven can be found in spending hours working in a garden and then being able to enjoy the beauty of it. (Even though I don’t yet have a house with a yard.) It was because of his decision to move from Buffalo, NY to Fort Payne, AL in 1973 that I am alive. Otherwise my parents wouldn’t have met.

Like that article reminds me, all those weekends I spent at his house in the late ‘80’s and early ‘90’s as a kid are only now a memory. He would push me and my sister down the hill in his front yard in barrels. Then when we got too dizzy, he would get in the barrel and make us push him down the hill. We would do that for hours it seemed.

Then he would take us to Burger King for lunch. We would sit next to the window right by the drive-thru and he would make funny faces at the people waiting in the drive-thru. It was hilarious to see a man in his sixties being so goofy in public.

 

We would go back to his house and he would watch taped professional wrestling from the night before (WWF- Ric Flair, Randy Savage, Vince McMahon… the whole gang) and we would get out the toys (which were Styrofoam blocks). After about 15 minutes of my sister and me playing, and him watching wrestling, he pick up some of our Styrofoam blocks and throw them at our heads. Which would start an all out war in the living room. Then we would sneeze for 15 minutes afterwards from all the dust in the air from those blocks.

He had a bathroom closet full of nothing but bars of soap. And a freezer full of freezer-burnt TV dinners and ice cream bars, which were a treat to us. He wore a flannel shirt, navy pants, and black shoes no matter the occasion. Except for my sister’s wedding, which he wore a tux and sunglasses. He really looked like he was part of the mafia.

And all these strange and funny memories make up who he was to me. There is a major importance to “showing up to life”. He definitely did that. He was always there for every family get-together and would look for an excuse to visit our family, like bringing over a junky knick-knack he bought at a yard sale the weekend before. He knew what life was really about.

 

I was watching my favorite movie, Garden State, recently and though I’ve seen it probably at least ten times, I heard (and finally processed) what is one of the major themes of the movie:

“You know that point in your life when you realize that the house that you grew up in isn’t really your home anymore? All of the sudden even though you have some where you can put your stuff that idea of home is gone.
…It just sort of happens one day one day and it’s just gone. And you can never get it back. It’s like you get homesick for a place that doesn’t exist. I mean it’s like this rite of passage, you know. You won’t have this feeling again until you create a new idea of home for yourself, you know, for your kids, for the family you start, it’s like a cycle or something. I miss the idea of it. Maybe that’s all family really is. A group of people who miss the same imaginary place.” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Y2snCNXT2k

I’ll always have that sense of “home” when I think of my grandfather. I still have a lot of family and friends whom I still have that sense of home with. Despite whatever shortage of money or time, despite whatever amount of stress or chaos calls for, life is too short to worry. And if you feel you must worry, pray instead.

Classic song…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H6xMqo3wFxw

 

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Sitting at the Bar to Eat at Restaurants

Stress causes cancer. Avoid stress when possible.

I refuse to drive around the parking lot looking for a close spot. The times I have, it only made my blood pressure go up. It makes no sense that I make a point to exercise daily, yet I would deny my body the exercise of walking a few extra hundred feet from a further parking spot.

Another way I have found to make life more enjoyable is by not waiting 20 to 45 minutes to get a seat in a restaurant. Pretty much without exception, whenever my wife and I go out to a restaurant where tipping is involved, we ask to sit at the bar. So far, every time we were instantly seated. No waiting.

But it’s not just simply about not having to wait out in the cold for 25 minutes on a Saturday night. There is much entertainment value to be had by sitting at the bar to eat. We are people watchers. It’s somehow intriguing to watch the bartender make drinks and interact with everyone. And to observe the other people sitting at the bar. Often we are the only couple seated there.

The bar is often quieter than the rest of the restaurant. And less claustrophobic. The bartender, who is the waiter for people seated at the bar, is right there when we need him. All I have to do is just look up at him. Bartenders, by nature, are cooler and more laid back, and less annoying than waiters.

We’ve never actually ordered an alcoholic drink while eating dinner at the bar. And the bartender never cares. Because his tip from our $28 meal is much higher than if we would have just ordered drinks instead.

That’s something I don’t really understand. Why people buy beer and wine at restaurants. What a rip off. Plus a dollar per drink for a tip. No thanks.

Eat at the bar, not at the table. And enjoy a glass of wine or beer at home, not at the restaurant.

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The World’s History of Slavery: The Entanglement of the Oppressors and the Oppressed

There’s a problem with going back in time with modern warfare to kill bad guys: We as Americans ended up here because at least some of our ancestors somewhere down the line were oppressed by their own people. And the rest of our ancestors were those oppressors.

The borders of nations today were mostly determined by the greedy takeovers from more powerful countries in centuries past. Brutal wars were fought to determine how big or small a country would be today. Hundreds of years ago, there was more “forcible negotiation room” when it came to one kingdom wanting to take over another. Now, the world is civilized enough to more efficiently gang up against the Bad Guys.

Though my degree is in English, I started out as a History major. One of the reoccurring themes I learned was that most of the world’s older famous monuments, buildings, and man-made structures were built by slaves, indentured servants, or some type of forced labor. These landmarks that are beautiful and intriguing, but also made possible through awful means.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/New_Seven_Wonders_of_the_World
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seven_Wonders_of_the_Ancient_World

 

By people who were once average citizens of a country that was taken over by a stronger one, or by those who were poor or less fortunate in their position in society.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Slave_labor

Recently I have been fantasizing what it would be like to travel back to ancient, Medieval, and even more recently historic times with a modern army to annihilate the evil kings and tyrants and government leaders that abused their own people and neighboring countries. Tanks, machine guns, grenades, fighter jets. Blow away those corrupt enemies and their henchman. We would be indestructible against their sissy spears and torches.

Annoying irony waits ahead: Every evil nation (in the history of the world and present day) is made up of a corrupt government leader, his immediate supporters who seek shared power and protection through that leader, and the common folk who become enslaved or taken advantage of.

 

If I went back in time and destroyed any German, English, Mexican, Italian, Cherokee Indian, Greek, Dutch, or Irish men that were anywhere in my lineage, then I would probably disappear as well.

The slaves of Africa weren’t simply kidnapped by the Europeans; they were sold by the African nations themselves. The people with more political and social power took advantage of the poor and less fortunate, in essence turning them into endured servants, and over time, slaves. After hundreds of years of this process occurring within Africa, the sell of slaves became a profitable commodity outside the continent. Therefore, eventually the international slave trade began, peaking in the 1800’s.http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/African_slave_trade

And essentially every continent and country has done something similar. From Russia, to Japan, to Egypt, to India, just to name a few. Slavery was present in Biblical times and it is still very present today. Taking captive either their own people or another nation’s, or both.

 

The stronger take advantage of the weaker. The poor are must answer to the rich. The irony is where all of our ancestors end up in that mix.

Whether the war is outside a nation or within, the human race has this history fighting and enslaving itself. We are the products of those people.

Each person who is alive today has ancestors who were the oppressors AND the oppressed. If it weren’t for both types in our lineage, none of us would be here today. None of us can truly say that none of our ancestors were oppressors.

 

In a recent visit with one of my wife’s aunts, we learned that my wife’s great-grandmother was an indentured servant from Ireland. Without that happening, my wife wouldn’t be here. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indentured_servant)

In the likeness of LOST and Back to the Future, if we went back in time and wiped out all the Bad Guys (the oppressors), we could cease to exist, because we would be killing our own evil ancestors. Even though we saved our good ancestors in the process.

There will always be rich people living along with the poor, powerful and weak. Even the structure of our capitalist economy shows a vague parallel of indentured servitude.

 

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The Jewish Influence on American Entertainment

As we all know, the Jewish race has been persecuted throughout history. And that it is a complete understatement. While that is not news to anyone, there is an amazing fact that peripherally I always knew, but it wasn’t until this week it become obvious. An earth-shaking discovery like the ending of The Sixth Sense.

The discovery is that there was a major redemption for the Jewish people once they reached America. A people group that for so long had been cursed by the rest of the world now suddenly started to become famous and funny. The bottom line: It is dang near impossible to find a sitcom without a Jew.

 

Sure, there are the obvious Jewish sitcoms like Seinfeld and Friends. But then you find out that Bob Saget is Jewish and suddenly the head of the Full House-hold is not simply an all-American guy. And while so much emphasis was placed on how Italian that Tony Danza was on “Who’s the Boss?”, no one noticed the whole time that Judith “Light” Licht (“Angela Bower”) was Jewish. And all those Saturday mornings and weekday afternoons watching Saved by the Bell, sure enough both Jessie and Screech turned out to be Jewish too.

 

Below is a “tip of the iceberg” list of successful sitcoms and their Jewish member(s):

Growing Pains: Jeremy Miller (Ben Seaver)
Friends: Lisa Kudrow, David Schwimmer, Paul Rudd (Mike, Phoebe’s husband)
Mad About You: Paul Reiser, Helen Hunt
Seinfeld: Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfess
Taxi: Andy Kauffman, Judd Hirsch
Roseanne: Roseanne Barr, Sara Gilbert
Happy Days: Henry Winkler (The Fonz)
Everybody Loves Raymond: Doris Roberts, Brad “Garrett” Gerstenfeld
Three’s Company: Norman Fell (Mr. Roper)
Blossom: Mayim Bialik
Scrubs: Zack Braff
King of Queens: Jerry Stiller
Cheers: Rhea Pelman (Carla Tortelli)
All in the Family: Rob Reiner (Meathead)
The Wonder Years: Fred Savage (Kevin Arnold), Josh Saviano (Paul Pfeiffer)
The Cosby Show: Lisa Bonnet

Step By Step: Stacy Keenan

The Golden Girls: Bea Arthur, Estelle Getty

The Three Stooges: all of them

So I did manage to find a few exceptions. I felt proud of myself for that accomplishment. Until I realized who was the executive producer of those shows:

Step by Step, Family Matters: Miller-Boyett (consisting of Thomas L. Miller, who was Jewish)
The Simpsons: James L. Brooks (Jewish)
The Brady Bunch, Gilligan’s Island: Sherman Schwartz (Jewish)

 

In fact, the more I researched, the more I realized that basically all the original pioneer studios of Hollywood were started by Jewish people: Warner Bros., Paramount Pictures, Columbia Pictures, Samuel Goldwyn, and Universal MGM. So even if you don’t see a Jewish person on the screen, there is one behind the scenes, pulling the strings. Once I realized that the American sitcom is consumed by Jewish people, I basically just accepted the fact that Jews are the backbone to American entertainment as we know it:

Jerry Springer, Barbara Walters, Howie Mandel, Chelsea Handler, Joan Rivers, Bill Mayer, Jon Stewart, Mel Blanc, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Whoopi Goldberg, Seth Green, Paula Abdul, Rob Schneider, Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Jon Lovitz, Max Weinberg, Paul Shaffer, Paul Reuben (Pee Wee Herman), Natalie Portman, David Copperfield, Mel Brooks, Robert Downey, Jr., Bette Midler, Lenny Kravitz (who ironically married Lisa Bonet, who is also half Jewish, half African-American), Simon and Garfunkel, Bob Dylan, Pink, Billy Joel, Lisa Loeb, Harry Connick, Jr., Sasha Baron Coen (“Borat”), Harold Ramis (the nerdy Ghostbuster), Jon Lovitz, Jack Black, Billy Crystal, Rachel Bilson, Barbara Streisand, Corey Haim, Corey Feldman, Kirk Douglas, Rick Moranis, Zac Effron, Jeremy Piven, Seth Green, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Billy Joel, Joaquin Phoenix, Elizabeth Taylor, Jake Gyllenhaul, Mandy Moore, Richard Dreyfuss, Ben Stiller, Jeff Goldbloom, Rodney Dangerfield, Sammy Davis, Jr., Woody Allen, Jack Albertson (Grandpa from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), Mel Blanc, Gilbert Gottfried, Pete Yorn, Kiss members Gene Simmons (Chaim Wetz) and Paul Stanley (Stanley Eisen), the 4 main organizers of the original Woodstock, the man who owned the farm for Woodstock, the producer and sound mixer for Woodstock, Mark Zuckerberg (the creator of facebook), George Burns, Neil Diamond, and Stephen Speilberg.

 

Not to mention the most relevant movie director/writer/producer of this decade, Judd Apatow, who is responsible for Freaks and Geeks, Anchorman, The 40 Year Old Virgin, Talladega Nights, Superbad, Knocked Up, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Step Brothers, and Pineapple Express. Which sky-rocketed the careers of Paul Rudd, Jason Segal, and Seth Rogan, who are all Jewish.

So what? A lot of Jewish people work in entertainment.

But  Jews make up only 1.7% of the US population. There’s not that sort of massive representation from any other minority (or majority, for that matter). Asians make up 4.4% of the country’s population. How many Asian-American actors can you name? Compare that to Jewish actors.

It’s a given that if a person is successful in the American entertainment industry, then that person is beating the odds. In a market that’s so hard to crack, with such a high pay-off for those who do, Jewish people are the most successful.

I have a theory. The Bible has a reoccurring theme that the Jews are God’s chosen people. Jesus was born as a Jew. He preached to the Jews before he preached to any other people group. His followers and disciples did the same thing after Jesus died, came back and ascended to Heaven. The Bible also talks about the Jews being given a second chance to believe in Jesus at the end of the world.

 

America is basically the only country I know of that has openly accepted the Jews. We took them in from whatever country they were escaping from at the time, whether it was Germany, Russia, Poland, and gave them a new start. We knew, to some degree, what it was like to be religiously persecuted and that’s why we escaped the forced religion of England. We accepted the Jewish people when throughout the history of the world, no one else really has.

 

Definitely I realize that the economy is shaky and the future is unclear, but America is still the most powerful and most influential country in the world. This country has been blessed with not only abundant natural resources (which ultimately have a whole lot to do with a country’s economy) but also a general mindset of its people to work together and get the job done.

 

While I do believe a lot of that blessing is because, as a whole, we have always been a Christian nation, I can’t deny the importance in the role we play in regards to God’s chosen people. There are currently 5,393,000 Jews living in Israel, which is their homeland. And there are currently 5,275,000 Jews living in the United States. I did the math: We only have 118,000 less Jews living here than live in Israel. And because those are educated estimates, it’s very possible there are actually more Jews living in America than in Israel. In a way, it’s like America is becoming another Israel. (For the record, France has the 3rd largest number of Jews with just 490,00. So it’s apparent, the majority of Jewish people live Israel and America.)

Obviously God has blessed the Jewish people in America, in so many ways. And obviously God has blessed America in so many ways. Is that a coincidence? I have a tendency to over-think things, but really, what are the chances?

 

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Food Fast Companies Use Red And Yellow In Their Logos

Sometimes as an elementary school kid I would just simply luck out. An announcement would come over the brown loudspeaker in class to announce that in the afternoon in the auditorium we would be having a Snake Show. Maybe this is just a northern Alabama thing, I don’t know. But what I do know is the entire school got to skip Social Studies once a year to see The Snake Man share his crazy collection of snakes onstage.

Cobras, water moccasins, racers, and even a giant anaconda which he let a group of volunteers hold in a group effort. Every once in a while, he would purposely (“accidently”) let a snake slither off the display table onto the stage of the floor. And whenever that happened, a piercing scream filled the non air conditioned room as many of the girls (and boys) yelled in terror at the top of their lungs.

The Snake Man defined what it meant to have a backwoods country Southern accent, like the kind State Troopers have in Virginia. He had these old fashioned jokes that he thought were hilarious. And by the 4th grade, I had memorized his routine. When he pulled out the albino rattlesnake, he would always say: “The reason this snake is white is because of lack of pigment in his genes. Now I don’t mean blue jeans…” At the end of the show, he gave us all some tips on how to know which snakes were poisonous and which were not. And I will never forget this:

“Red and black, you can pet his back. Red and yella, will kill a fella.”

After the days of Snake Shows were done, I was part of DECA, a Marketing class and club in high school. I loved it. I was actually good at it. We had competitions and got to travel. In the class I learned some neat behind-the-scenes stuff about advertising. One of the things was this: Fast food restaurants usually only use two colors for their signs: Red and yellow.

A quick Wikipedia search of some of the meanings of these colors is interesting. Red: exit, energy, passion, love. Yellow: Slow, fun, happiness, friendship, hope. A person is driving along, sees the red and yellow sign, and subconsciously thinks, “I need to SLOW down and EXIT here, because I have a PASSIONATE LOVE for that food. It brings me HAPPINESS and HOPE, not to mention ENERGY. And Ronald McDonald is my FRIEND.”

It’s hard to find an exception to the red and yellow fast food sign rule. McDonald’s, Burger King, Hardees (Carl’s Jr.), Krystal, Sonic, In-N-Out Burger, Taco Bell, Arby’s, Wendy’s, Popeye’s, Pizza Hut, Bojangle’s. A Google image search will cease any doubts.

Red and yella will kill a fella. Applies to snakes and food.