Kama Sutra For Parents of Young Children

February 14, 2012 at 6:56 pm , by 

14 months.

Just in time for the spirit of Valentine’s Day, I found this helpful illustration of Kama Sutra for us parents with small kids.

Through Facebook, I found it on another daddy blog, called How To Be A Dad. The clever artist behind this picture is Andy Herald.

By now, despite my purposely misleading title, it’s obvious the “Kama Sutra” positions I’m referring to are the hilarious sleeping positions that two parents and a baby end up in when they all share a bed. My personal favorite is “Jazz Hands.”

Back before our son was born, my wife and I fully intended to let our son Jack sleep in the bed with us, but it just never really mutually caught on. Thank God.

What was I thinking?!

For the first several months he slept in his Pack-N-Play next to our bed. Then at 7 months old, I trained him to sleep through the night, in his own bed. (Yes, I’m very proud of myself for that.)

I love my son.

Without hesitation, I would die for him. But I wouldn’t let him sleep in the bed with my wife and I at this point.

It works for a lot of parents. And I honor and respect them doing what works for them.

Here’s the thing: I simply don’t care what other parents do. I have enough to keep me busy.

Sure, I offer up plenty of parenting advice here on The Dadabase, but that’s all it is: advice for parents who are like-minded or at least open-minded in regards to my way of parenting. It doesn’t mean I’m right. It just means I found what works for me and my kid.

Every child is different. And that scares me, because if  (big word) my wife and I end up having another kid, I hate the thought that he or she may not be the kind that will sleep through the night in a separate room and bed down the hall.

I would like to think that my son’s trained sleeping routine is simply because of my deliberate efforts, but what if I’m simply lucky and/or wrong?

In the likeness of Cesar Milan being able to train dogs to make him a 7 course dinner while polishing his shoes and trimming his goatee, I want to believe that I can train any child of mine to sleep through the night in a separate bed.

Only time will tell if I’m right.

Man… I hope I’m right.

*I invite you to check more hilarious illustrations like the one featured here, as well as really cool blog posts about fatherhood, by going to How To Be A Dad. They’re on Twitter too; they have like 85,000 followers!  @HowToBeADad

 

Is It A Bad Idea To Drive Your Kid Around For Nap Time?

February 9, 2012 at 9:27 pm , by 

14 months.

Up until last weekend, I wasn’t okay with the idea of Jack becoming dependent on my driving him around in the car in order to get him to sleep.

Though I trained him to sleep through the night at 7 months, he has continued to put up a fight when it comes to daytime naps.

Given that I’m pretty sure I’ve developed a bit of Carpal Tunnel in my left hand from toting him around, I realize the need to give my wrist a rest whenever I can.

So I’m not one of those dads, like this guy I work with, Greg, who will spend hours at a time rocking his son to sleep and keeping him asleep.

Maybe I’m French or something, but I don’t want my son to become physically dependent on me for his naps.

So I figured if I have to choose between him being dependent on me doing something in order to sleep, I’d rather it be of me driving him around the neighborhood. It’s a win-win-win situation.

Jack fell asleep within 10 minutes of riding in his car seat as I listened to the jazz station on the radio. Then, once I heard him snoring, I pulled the car into a parking spot, turned off the engine and kept the radio on.

That’s when I pulled out the current book I was reading. It was Jon Acuff’s Quitter; which between the 4 naps on Saturday and Sunday, allowed me to basically finish the thing cover to cover.

Meanwhile, my wife was able to get some housework done and eventually got some chill-out time; which she spent watching House Hunters on her laptop.

So to answer the question I asked in the title of this… no. Not only is it notbad, it’s good. Really good.

Jack gets a nap. I get to read a book while listening to jazz. My wife gets time to catch up on things, including rest.

I always appreciate our time together as a family. But it’s also important that we all have time to do our own things separately. Win-win-win.

 

What We Can Learn (and Disregard) From French Parents

February 7, 2012 at 9:30 pm , by 

14 months.

There is a lot of buzz going on right now about a book called Bringing Up Bebe, by Pamela Druckerman, insinuating that the French are better than us Americans at being parents.

My question isn’t whether or not the French are better at raising kids, because not only is “better” a relative term, but it is also pretty generic.

So instead, I’m willing to learn, in what ways the French are perceived as better than we are at parenting. On the flip side, how are Americans better at it?

To educate myself on the subject, I read a blog post written by Paige Bradley Frost, an American woman raising her children in Paris. She shares:

“We therefore define ‘good parenting’ in vastly different ways. A ‘good mother’ in the U.S. (a virtually unattainable state of grace) is, by definition, a deeply involved and engaged mother. A sit-on-the-floor, clap your hands, dig in the sandbox, finger painting kind of gal.”

She goes on to explain that our self-sacrificing, American version of parenting is considered to be “absurd” by the French, who are more structured and less hands-on in raising their children.

From what I am gathering, it appears we as Americans would view the French as cold, militant parents whose children are well-behaved yet practically unloved. Meanwhile, the French view American parents as overly involved to the point our kids don’t respect our authority as they should.

This excerpt is taken from the book description for Bringing Up Bebe:

“…The French children Druckerman knows sleep through the night at two or three months old while those of her American friends take a year or more. French kids eat well-rounded meals that are more likely to include braised leeks than chicken nuggets. And while her American friends spend their visits resolving spats between their kids, her French friends sip coffee while the kids play.”

Based on my experience as an American dad who is extremely observant of what other parents say on Facebook and in parenting blog comments, I would say that most American parents truly desire a balance between the two stereotypes.

We don’t want to be “that parent” who lets their kid run around crazy inside a TJ Maxx, tossing out empty threats of discipline but never following through.

Nor do we want to be uninvolved and apathetic in our children’s personal interests, forcing them to take piano lessons and making all their decisions for them.

I don’t want to be a stereotypical parent, whether it’s French or American. But I do want the best of both worlds in parenting: structured and disciplined yet affectionate and open to my child’s individuality.

As a stereotypical young American who believes I can do anything I put my heart in, I believe I can live in this mythical middle ground.

This Dad’s Love/Hate Relationship with American Pop Culture

February 3, 2012 at 6:34 am , by 

14 months.

It’s amazing how much I don’t care about celebrities, yet I can tell you that Lady Gaga’s real name is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta, that Russell Brand is 6′ 1″, that John Mayer is half Jewish, and that Beyonce is from Texas.

I don’t want to know how many girls Ashton Kutcher cheated on Demi Moore with or who Jennifer Aniston is currently dating.

Yet by proximity, I sort of do know these things because I am somehow constantly in the Thirty Mile Zone, exposed to the essence of all this useless knowledge about famous people.

Funny enough, the 2nd most popular article last month I wrote was the one talking about how I will not be watchingThe Bachelor with Ben Flajnik.

We all know that school teachers are some of the hardest working people in America, yet their earned income doesn’t support this concept. Meanwhile, the sports stars, actors, and artists we worship get paid by the millions.

The irony here is that while our government is ultimately responsible for paying our school teachers so relatively little, we as a society decide that athletes, actors, and musicians are worth the money they earn when we pay to be entertained by them.

I would love to believe I honestly don’t get all caught up in celebrity hype. Yet I think back to a few years ago when I happened to be at Whole Foods while Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were having lunch there.

Where was I? Along with others who were trying to inconspicuously take a picture of them with their cell phones. But the picture was “for my wife.” She’s a big Country music fan…

That event showed me that I was still willing to contribute to the habit of A) worshipping famous people and B) degrading them to spectacles, rather than just another married couple that  happened to be eating lunch that day in an organic grocery store.

I’m not okay with worshipping rich and famous people.

Instead, I want to sincerely honor, both inwardly and outwardly, the people in the world who are great examples to us all. Not the people who have become millionaires by entertaining the world, but instead, the people who best demonstrate what it means to love your neighbor as yourself.

As a dad, I want my son to see that it’s the non-famous people in our lives who are most important.

It’s the people who don’t simply entertain us, but the ones who also motivate us and challenge us to become better human beings. The ones who give us direction. The ones who love us unconditionally. The ones we can never truly impress or disappoint.

Sounds like right now I’m describing the way I feel about my son. I am, actually.

The Myth That Vegetarians Don’t Get Enough Protein

January 12, 2012 at 9:40 pm , by 

13 months.

When you officially go vegetarian, the #1 response you will get from most people is, “Well, just make sure you’re getting enough protein.” I feel like it’s subconsciously assumed that vegetarians are just a few steps away from having an eating disorder.

Prepare for me to rock your world. (As if I don’t always.) The reasons people eat meat are because they like it and it’s convenient. People do not eat meat because their bodies need the protein. For any person with access to a grocery store or market that sells veggies and beans, meat is nutritionally unnecessary.

After all, I accidentally became a vegetarian. Throughout the years, as I learned more and more how to eat properly by cutting out foods with the word “high-fructose corn syrup” in them and started eating fresh fruits, veggies, and whole grains in every meal, I finally woke up and realized, “Hey, I don’t want even want meat. Why am I eating this?”

The reason was because I was already getting enough protein from everything else in my meals: in beans, whole grains, nuts, seeds, and green vegetables.

According to the fascinating documentary, Forks Over Knives, which features people who reversed their cancer and Diabetes by switching to a plant-based diet, even the vegetable with the least amount of a protein, the potato, still provides the minimal amount of necessary protein.

Twenty years ago from this very minute, I was probably at Burger King with my family, who was impressed that a skinny little 10 year-old boy like me could so easy down a Double Whopper combo meal. My catch-phrase back then was, “Meat. I gotta have more meat.”

How ironic that two decades later A) I’m a vegetarian and B) I’m never hungry after eating meatless meals.

Forks Over Knives also explains how 500 calories of vegetarian food triggers the mind and body that a person is full, both quicker and longer, than 500 calories of animal based food. Therefore, the more animal-based and processed a meal is, the more necessary it becomes to overeat in order to feel full.

Vegetarianism is considered an alternative lifestyle. But the way I see it, eating meat is the actual alternative lifestyle.

Take a fun look back to the book of Genesis in the Bible. It starts out with God telling people to eat plants and herbs. From Adam until Noah, 20 generations later, there is no mention of anyone eating animals. Then after the Flood wrecked the Earth, God allows people to start eating certain animals (not pork or shellfish.) Why? Out of necessity.

In this new version of Earth where it rained now, where Pangea had been torn apart, where peoples’ lifetimes shortened from centuries to less than a century, for many people it would become necessary, at times, for them to survive off the protein of slaughtered animals. It was scientifically a new environment; they had to adapt.

But here we are now in 2012. It’s never been easier to have access to fresh produce and whole grains. We don’t have to rely on the alternative lifestyle of eating meat.

Instead, we eat meat because it’s easy, familiar, and fun. We like it. But we don’t need it, nutritionally if we get our protein from the right places to begin with.

It’s simply a myth that vegetarians don’t get enough protein. Pretty weird, huh?

If you would like to personally ask me any questions about converting to vegetarianism, feel free to email me at nickshell1983@hotmail. Or simply check out this article I wrote a few weeks ago: Healthy Parents: 5 Steps to Planning Vegetarian Meals. Trust me, if you’re attempting to go vegetarian but aren’t “feeling full,” it means you’re doing it wrong. I’ll help.

Image: “Hamburger isolated on white,” via Shutterstock.