Weeks after the fact, I’m still partly in denial about Robin Williams’ death. When an entertainer who was always part of the backdrop of your childhood passes away, it’s like losing a constant. (Reference to the 77th episode of Lost.)
It’s almost like you subconsciously think to yourself, “He can’t be dead. If he’s dead, am I dead too?”
Five years ago, around the time of my 10th year class reunion, three legendary American entertainers passed away: Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon.
I’m not at all a superstitious kind of guy, but for the sake of argument, let’s assume it was real…
Robin Williams a few weeks ago, Joan Rivers today… who’s next? Could we predict it?
I am going to attempt to jinx the next celebrity death: Jay Leno.
Here’s what he has in common with both Robin Williams and Joan Rivers:
They all 3 are/were legendary American comedians who played themselves in guest starring roles in Louis CK’s FX show, Louie.
Louie, by the way, is surprisingly one of the few TV shows I enjoy. As dark as it is, I appreciate many of his takes on parenthood. I love his words of wisdom to his young daughter in the episode, “Pregnant”:
“The only time you look in your neighbor’s bowl is to make sure that they have enough. You don’t look in your neighbor’s bowl to see if you have as much as them.”
I want to be wrong about my theory. That’s why I’m going public with my theory. I’m not taking death lightly- I just would have be too weirded out if Jay Leno truly was the 3rd celebrity death and I only privately predicted it.
Now, here’s to being wrong… here’s to jinxing the “Celebrity Deaths Come In Threes” theory.
This letter was supposed to be a funny one about how I’m a typical dad in the way I hide your toys when you refuse to put them away when I ask you to.
But seeing that this is my last letter of 2013, I want it to have a more retrospective perspective.
So I’ll save my originally intended programming for next week and/or next year.
Instead, I can’t help but think of what this year, 2013, has taught me on this gloomy and rainy December night; letting this all soak in.
It’s been an interesting year for me in that it’s been like a dichotomy.
Three months into the year, I became a (new wave) vegan, which proved to take an epic psychosocial toll on me; yet physically and psychologically, I’ve never been healthier, and more at peace and in a state of gratitude.
(I have even sworn off caffeine for the rest of my life, as well; because I see it as the most unregulated addictive stimulant in the world.)
One of my favorite bands ever, Third Eye Blind, sings one of my favorite songs ever, “Motorcycle Drive By.” My favorite line of it serves as a bit of a motto to describe the private challenges I’ve dealt with inside my brain this year:
“And there’s this burning like there’s never been/And I’ve never been so alone/And I’ve never been so alive”
Before it sounds like I’m throwing myself a pity party, let me just clarify. I’m not alone. I have you and Mommy. I have family. I have friends. I have plenty of meaning in my life.
I have joy!
But there’s an undeniable disconnect that I suddenly became aware of during the weeks following my denying of animal products for nutritional sustenance. It was like cutting myself off from the rest of the world. I by default ostracized myself from what is normal in society. After all, I no longer participate in that historical human shared experience.
Then a few months later, for all practical purposes, I did something similar when I “quit” Facebook.
I went from spending a minimum of 30 minutes to 60 minutes a day scrolling through my Facebook feed, commenting and corresponding, and accidently instigating polarizing conversations based on my opinions that half my friends agreed with, while the other half didn’t.
Plus, I confused a lot of people whenever I used sarcasm.
So since June, I have made a conscious effort to spend only 30 to 60 seconds (!) a day on Facebook. Perhaps, in a sense, it’s selfish to my Facebook friends, but for this 2nd half of the year, the only news on Facebook I have known about is what shows up at the very top of my news feed; which is what the free market of my 960 Faceook friends decided was the most relevant that day.
It explains that, based on studies, “People who tend to use Facebook the most tend to have more narcissistic personalities or insecure personalites.”
That’s a weird thought… to be both narcissitic and insecure.
Well, in theory, that was me for the first half of the year.
No question- the second half of the year, sans Facebook dependance, was by far the better half of the year for me. I have simply been happier.
I have had time to focus on what really matters: you and Mommy. Being a dad and being a husband.
Without the two of you, who am I?
Just a bearded dude in a medium-sized funny t-shirt.
As for Facebook, I am now merely a lifesize cardboard cutout who smiles and waves, but ultimately, has no personal opinions.
Because like the idea of free speech, the “social factor” of social media is an illusion.
Anything I say or post in social media could come back to haunt me in my future career, and I’ve skated pretty close on that fine line this year.
But I’ve taken that extra 30 to 60 minutes a day that I used to spend trying to be clever on Facebook and Twitter, and instead use it on you and Mommy.
Here’s to 2014- the most realistic, unnarcissitic, most secure year I’ve never known- full of art and meaning.
So let me catch you up… back in July I was invited to the Sienna AdVANtures Tour in Las Vegas where everyday dads like me were asked to test out the 2013 Toyota Sienna and all its new features.
Hey, I’ve never been to Vegas… I would have loved to have gone; except the dates interfered with our family vacation in Sacramento.
However, I think it all worked out all right, because… we get to test drive the Sienna for a whole week, 3 days of which will include our family’s road trip from Nashville to Lousville with my side of the family.
Yes, there will be 8 of us, but there will be enough seats for me to be able to shuttle us around Louisville, KY. The zoo is our special stop!
Needless to say, you’ve been loving getting to cruise to school in a minivan.
The concept of “the ceiling window” (moonroof) is something totally foreign to you; as well as the huge window next to you so you can look rare sights… like the pink flatbed truck we saw and the three hot air balloons, which were landing dangerously close to the Interstate.
We even got to see 3 deer crossing the road on the way home the first day.
That’s what you’ve enjoyed the most so far about the van; getting a great view of what’s going on as we drive.
And there are a couple of other things I’ve enjoyed watching you be fascinated by, too…
Like being able to see what’s behind us with the integrated backup camera that automatically replaces the GPS whenever the vehicle is in reverse. You were confused by how I got things to appear on there, so I got Mommy to wave at you for a few seconds, while I obviously kept my foot on the brake, for the quick demonstration.
That cleared things up a little; but then you asked to watch her on there the next morning after she had left for work.
And you think’s really cool being able to open the sliding doors by pressing a button.
As for me, I have found the blind spot monitor to be especially snazzy. This little orange light pops up on the outer side of the rearview mirrors whenever another vehicle is passing me or trying to get by.
Now that we’ve tested it out for a few days, we get to leave in the morning for our family road trip, minivan style.
What an interesting time for this to happen, considering that for the past two weeks we’ve watched your new favorite movie, Chitty Chitty Bang Bang, a minimum of 23 times now.
You are totally enthralled by the thought of such a magical car.
I think, in your mind, the van we get to have for our Louisville road trip is our real life version of a Chitty Chitty Bang Bang car.
In other words, you’re a fan of the minivan! I’ll write more about our family road trip as the adventure begins.
Here’s a picture of you at the Nashville Zoo last Friday night during an animal show where you saw and learned about the Clouded Leopard.
You were lucky- Mommy and I let you stay up an hour past your bed time that night!
It was quite the spectacle for a 2 and a half year-old boy to witness, though that might not have been obvious to anyone sitting near us.
Seriously, check out the look on your face.
To me, you appear in this photo to be extremely bored or at least slightly sedated, as you munch on your goldfish crackers.
However, this is simply how you look when you are learning.
You have taught me that when you have that glazed-over look on your face and remain silent, you couldn’t be any more in tune with what’s going on. That’s simply you taking it all in.
About six months ago, I took you by the reptile aquarium/pet store near our house. You were expressionless the whole time.
Yet even now, when we drive by that place, you ask to go back to see the lizards and snakes.
Though you never look excited when I let you watch your favorite shows on Netflix, like All About Monster Trucks with Hard Hat Harry, you never smile… just that glazed-over stare.
Then, an hour later, you’ll be playing on the floor, imitating the monster truck mayhem you absorbed earlier.
So I’m no longer fooled into thinking you’re not learning or at least being entertained. I know you’re totally paying attention and anything I do or say during that time may and will be used against me.
Sure, you’ll smile and laugh while you play; when you’re the one creating. But you respect the process of being presented with education (and entertainment) so much, you take it extremely seriously.
I now wrap up the year 2012 with a noteworthy milestone in your life: Mommy and I just tucked you in for the night, for the first time… in your “big boy bed.”
No more crib for you. You have graduated into the day bed version.
Look how proud you are in this picture!
At long last, you are now sleeping like a 2 year-old, not a baby.
Son, tonight was your Bed Mitzvah.
This change in your life also is aligned with your parents’ more deliberate focus on helping your become potty trained.
Yesterday at T. J. Maxx, Mommy and I bought you 3 metal Chuggington trains. We explained to you that for the next 3 times you go pee-pee on the potty, you get to open a new train. (Sure, it’s an unavoidable pun: We’re potty training you.)
As an added bonus, you have recently received a surprisingly relevant gift last week that helps you sleep easier for your naps… a Thor indoor play tent.
It’s random because you have no idea who Thor is yet. You call it your tunnel.
“I can sleep in my tunnel?”
While attempting to get you to go to sleep for your afternoon naps on the weekends has always been a struggle, this new “tunnel” of yours is a pretty cool thing.
It has a side door which I pop my head in to read you a quick story. You never seem to mind when I slip out the door afterwords. Two hours later, you wake up and you’re ready to play again.
I just wish we would have known the wonders of a tunnel sooner!
So between your new “big boy bed” and your “tunnel,” I’d say things are pretty exciting in the world of sleeping, for you.
To this day, whenever Mommy and I ask you if you’re ready to go to sleep, as we can clearly see you are, you’ve never said yes.
Here’s to my wishful thinking that might change now that you’ve had your Bed Mitzvah…
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