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Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 2)

October 4, 2012 at 9:56 pm , by 

This is the continuation of Oh Wait… Are We Helicopter Parents? (Part 1)…

We live in a townhouse with a staircase leading up to our son’s room. A while back we used to talk about getting a “baby gate” to keep Jack from crawling up the stairs or falling down them.

But looking back now, we just haven’t got around to it, and I figured out why:

My wife and I have this default policy that we never let Jack wander into the next room without us.

But as little as he actually gets to see us, he doesn’t want to be in a room alone anyway.

So anytime Jack wants to climb up the stairs, one of us is right there with him, ready to brace his fall if he stumbles.

Sure, we let him run around free, outside. But only in a park, and we’re casually chasing him. Or in a racquetball court.

We love to see Jack explore the free world, as long as we’re right there with him the whole time.

I’ll say this: My parents were definitely not helicopter parents. Mainly because back in 1983 when I was Jack’s age, I wasn’t curious enough to try to stick car keys into an electrical socket.

That’s not to say Jack doesn’t know the concept of danger or has no real concept of boundaries, because he completely does.

But maybe he’s just a more curious kid than I ever was, and as his parent, I am overly aware of this.

Are my wife and I helicopter parents? I don’t know.

I’ll let you decide, based on what you’ve read about our style. I suppose it takes a third party to decide that.

But really, what does it take to qualify someone as a helicopter parent, anyway?

It’s not like Jeff Foxworthy has a joke series called “You might be a helicopter parent if…”.

That’s where you come in.

I would love your feedback on helping me get some good stereotypes, I mean, examples, of helicopter parents.

In fact, I think it would be pretty cool to write an article called “7 Token Signs You’re A Helicopter Parent.”

Okay, go…

 

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What’s Your Parenting Product Differentiation?

October 1, 2012 at 9:09 pm , by 

22 months.

What is that one fixation you have as a parent that you hope sets your child (your product) apart in a good way?

I’ve noticed that in my conversations and dealings with fellow parents of toddlers, we all seem to have some unique element regarding how we raise our kids, and therefore, have a certain expectation of how they will perform on their own.

For example, some parents are proud of the fact their child is advanced physically, being able to walk, run, and spin themselves dizzy before other toddlers of the same age can.

There are others who have been faithful to teach their child sign language since infancy, meaning that their toddler today has a more impressive vocabulary than the average Brayden or Avery out there.

I recently realized what my wife and I care most about when it comes to our 22 month-old son. Actually, two things: that he doesn’t have a snotty nose and that he’s not a brat.

The phrase “snot-nosed brat” is a familiar term in our society, with good reason.

Part of it is caused by parents making empty, theatrical threats of discipline, then not following through with them on their child. That’s one of my parenting pet peeves.

Our son Jack knows that if we say we are going to do something, then we are good on our word. We want to set a good example of integrity in our communication with him.

Time out means time out. No story before bedtime tonight means no story before bedtime tonight. “No applesauce until you finish your rice and beans” means… ah, well, you know the rest.

While it’s extremely important to my wife and me that our son has good manners and is well behaved, we also care a great bit about his hygiene, as we ourselves are pretty obsessed with being clean.

I guarantee you that you will never see Jack with a runny nose, as long as he is in our presence. His parental clean-up crew is there to swoop in with a wet Kleenex at any given moment.

At least, that’s what I would like to guarantee you.

As parents, we all inevitably focus on certain strengths in our child that outweigh perceived weaknesses; whether those perceived weaknesses are in our own minds or in American society’s collective expectations.

So while Jack may never be the most athletically, intellectually, or socially advanced, we definitely aim for him to have the driest nose and the most respectful attitude.

At least we can have that much.

We hope.

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Fake Sympathy For My Son’s Fake Whining

September 21, 2012 at 10:39 pm , by 

22 months.

Last month I saw this Garfield comic that happened to perfectly summarize how I think my toddler son tends to see life. (I now have it cut out and taped up near Jack’s pictures on my cubicle wall at work.)

This concept most applies to our car rides to and from Jack’s day care and my office, 5 days a week.

Jack wants to be entertained, so I keep around a toddler’s survival kit: A book, a toy truck, and a stuffed animal.

After half of the car ride, what does he do? He “accidently” drops any of the above items.

That’s always annoying. Try explaining to your toddler that you can’t sacrifice safely driving to turn around and attempt to pick up his “fallen” stuffed giraffe.

It doesn’t work. Dang logic.

But when he’s not trying to engage me by him losing reach of his toys, he’s instead “hurting” himself with them.

Yesterday Jack kept accidently dropping his two Thomas the Train toys into his knees, making sure I heard his fake whine: “Eh, heh heh…”.

You always instantly know when your kid is faking being hurt, right?

So each time I hear a fake whine, I reply with an equally fake “Ahhhhwwwhhh!”

What’s funny is that it didn’t take him long at all to realize I wasn’t being serious either.

So each time each hears my faux sympathy, now his response is, “No. No. N-n-n-no!”

He wants to be sure I know that he knows.

And then what does he do right after? He repeats the cycle with another “Eh, heh heh.”

Until he has the attention span for a handheld video game, my son is stuck with pretending to drop toys and/or pretending to get hurt by those same toys.

The world exists for his amusement. I wish car rides could be the intermission.

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Making New Friends As A Married Couple With A Kid

September 18, 2012 at 11:42 pm , by 

22 months.

I don’t know why, but over the past couple of months, my wife and I seem to have been making new friends, in addition to our old ones.

Are we suddenly cooler than we were before?

Maybe it’s because our son is a little bit more independent now, so we can be a little bit more free spirited and outgoing; therefore attracting new people into our lives with a newfound positive energy.

Some of these new friends are like us- married with a kid. That’s natural and it makes sense that we would want to get to know each other better.

But also added to our list of new cell phone contacts are married couples who don’t have kids; or who are even single.

It’s a very interesting process to become friends with someone new at this point in my life; when it doesn’t involve my kid.

I’m sort of rusty on how this “making friends” thing works; especially since now it involves texting and Facebook messages more than it does phone conversations.

There’s like this unintended game of “I’m not stalking you” that you have to play with the person, at first.

They text you first: You get a point.

You send them a Facebook friend request: They get a point.

Basically, you’re trying not to be the one who creeps the other one out.

After a few rounds, if neither of you has weirded the other out, then it’s official: You’re real friends!

I think the most challenging part of making new friends these days is trying to make plans with them via text messages.

The art of discussion is dumbed down to caveman talk to where you can’t really offer up a hang-out plan then decide against it without sounding like a flake.

It’s not like you have the space in the text message to thoroughly explain the cons you instantly realized about the plan you just suggested.

But I’m up for the challenge. If people want to legitimately be my real life friend, whether they have a kid or not, I will do my darndest not to creep them out or be too vague like a hipster.

I would say, “I’ll just be me and if they don’t like it, then they’re not really my friend.”

However, I’ve learned that “be yourself” is the worst advice you can give some people.

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What Are Your Biggest Parent Peeves?

June 2, 2012 at 7:08 pm , by 

A year and a half.

What things do you see other parents do that annoy you, even though they shouldn’t? Plus, what things should bother you, enough to speak up against them?

I have a few “parent peeves” that come to mind…

Like hearing another parent making empty threats of discipline to their obviously undisciplined kid:

“Preston, I’m never gonna take you out in public again. You’re gettin’ a butt whoopin’ when you get home and Santa Clause isn’t gonna visit you this Christmas!”

Or watching a parent give their toddler a 24 ounce caffeinated soda.

My biggest one is medicating a toddler for ADHD or hyperactivity. But I’ve already preached my sermon on that one…

When should these things bother us as compared to when it’s none of our business? How do we know it’s our responsibility to butt in and try to do something about it?

Recently I asked whether we should really care what other parents think about us. Well today, I’m asking why (and when) we should care how other parents do their job.

To help answer these questions, I have designed a system for figuring that out and I want to share it with you today:

Superficial disagreement- A difference of petty opinion or personal preference. Action required: Think to self, “Hmm… that’s weird. That’s not how I would do it.”

Personal disagreement- A difference of opinion so strong it offends you. Action required: Write a Facebook status update or blog entry generically dissin’ it.

Moral disagreement- A difference of moral viewpoint. Action required: Personally confront the parent or the authorities.

I think all parent peeves fall into one of those 3 categories and it’s a matter of sorting out which action should follow on our behalf.

To demonstrate, I’ll throw you a few examples:

A parent calls their kid an idiot in the school parking lot.

A parent slaps their kid on their face at the park.

A parent lets their kids run around and play loudly in the department store.

A parent uses the “cry it out” method on their 4 month-old.

A parent lets their now 3 year-old sleep in the bed every single night with them.

You get the idea. What’s interesting is that I’m pretty sure there are parents to defend either side of each of those examples.

So ultimately, it comes to a case of good old-fashioned relative morality.

Yes, I’ve had people defend the one of slapping their kid on the face. I was told that internationally it’s not a big deal.

Your turn. What are your biggest parent peeves?