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Dear Holly: I Love You, Period

5 months.

Dear Holly: I Love You, Period

Dear Holly,

In the routine of coming home from work each day and playing with you while Mommy makes dinner for our family, one of the things I catch myself saying is, “Daddy loves baby ‘cause baby’s soooo sweeeeet!”

And while it’s true that you are undeniably sweet, and everything I could ever hope for in a baby girl, I began overthinking my catch phrase; in an “if/then” format.

It’s not, I love you because you’re so sweet.

It’s, I love you, period.

While I do my best to love everyone, even those who may be perceived as frenemies, enemies, or people who are simply indifferent towards me, it’s different for you and it always will be.

You are my daughter. I love you in a way that I love no one else in this world. The way I love you is so special.

No one else can make me feel the way I do about you.

I felt it from the moment you were born on April 24th. I will never forget holding you for the first time.

It wasn’t that I simply had another kid now. Instead, it was the instant and euphoric understanding that for the rest of my life, I will be the loving father of a daughter.

I will be responsible for showing you what love looks like. I am honored to be the most influential example of what a man is, in your life.

That’s huge responsibility and I take it very seriously.

You will be loved. You will know every day you are loved. Yet at the same time, I will carefully balance giving you room to grow on your own.

I never realized until this year, 2016, how much I needed a daughter. You have already changed my life forever.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: Your Special Drawing about My Grandma’s Funeral (“My Fall Break Fun” Worksheet)

5 years, 11 months.

Dear Jack: Your Special Drawing about My Grandma’s Funeral

Dear Jack,

Mommy showed me a worksheet you completed last week, in which you described and illustrated what you did over the 4 day Columbus Day weekend. Immediately, I noticed the section you devoted to my Grandma’s funeral.

You clearly drew her casket, with the elaborate flowers that were on top, with one of the pews next to it. I am definitely impressed by the details you put it to that.

I know that when Nonna finds out about your drawing, she will especially appreciate the fact you remembered the flowers, because it was very important to Nonna that Grandma’s casket had beautiful and elaborate flowers on top of it.

You noticed those flowers enough to include them in your drawing. That’s amazing to me.

Throughout history, people have naturally created art to preserve images of things they value. You valued those flowers. You valued being there at my Grandma’s funeral.

You also drew Nonna and Papa’s house, and the pool next to it.

And apparently the road trip back to Tennessee was of value to you as well, since you made sure to document a picture of us driving back home, from Alabama where the funeral was.

Dear Jack: Your Special Drawing about My Grandma’s Funeral

I love how you did your best to spell:

“I with at my nons.” (I went to my Nonna’s.)

“Foonrul.” (Funeral.)

“My friz: Jack, Jine, Veru.” (My friends: Jack, Jenna, Vera.)

“I with hom.” (I went home.)

“I had fun.” (Correct.)

Since your school was out both Friday and Monday for Columbus Day, you went to the extended day program at your sister’s daycare.

You enjoyed being there so much! You were so excited to go back on Monday, having been there Friday. As your drawing indicates, you very much valued spending the day with your friends Jenna and Vera.

I will always value your artwork. It’s never just about your drawing skills. Instead, it’s about the stories your drawings tell.

Thanks for being so creative.

Love,

Daddy

Dear Jack: Your Special Drawing about My Grandma’s Funeral

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Dear Holly: You Slept through the Entire Night for the 1st Time in Your Life, after Day 5 of “The Cry It Out” Method

5 months.

Dear Holly: You Slept through the Entire Night for the 1st Time in Your Life, after Day 5 of “The Cry It Out” Method

Dear Holly,

Last night made the first time in your life in which you slept through the entire night, from 8:20 PM to 5:40 AM, without ever crying or waking up, whatsoever.

If you had, I would have known, since I had the baby monitor right next to me the whole night; as I have the past 4 nights as well. I myself went to bed at 10:30 PM, and was so surprised when my alarm woke me up a 5:20 AM and realized I had been asleep the whole time without having to get out of bed.

That also means Mommy got another great night of sleep, as she went to bed at 9:45 PM. And of course your brother Jack went to sleep the same time as you, and also slept all through the night; as he always has, since I successfully applied “The Cry It Out” Method on him 5 years ago.

Now that your body has officially adapted to remaining solidly asleep for an entire night, I am confident to believe this will be the norm for you from now on. Granted, I am prepared for the next few following days for you to possibly briefly wake up, but then to fall right back asleep.

But really, this should be it. No more of Mommy losing sleep by having to (illegitimately) feed you through the night.

I had been ready for months to go ahead and sleep train you; but between Mommy being psychologically ready (ultimately meaning she hadn’t yet reached to the combination of “fed up and exhausted”), and you getting sick, and us going on vacation for a week in San Diego, then to Alabama last weekend for my grandma’s funeral, the timing just wasn’t right.

But that all came to a head this week.

I very much appreciate Mommy trusting me to take over. I couldn’t have been successful without her agreeing to let me do what I am wired to do, which is what she is not wired to do.

She never once came upstairs to interrupt me in my craft, as you cried it out for up to 20 minutes at a time.

Clearly, Mommy is the feminine nurturer. And clearly, I am the masculine enforcer.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

5 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

Dear Jack,

Last weekend, our family traveled to my hometown of Fort Payne, Alabama so that we could attend the visitation and funeral for my Grandma; Delores “Lola” Gonzales Metallo.

Our family most recently visited her just a few of months ago in July, which made the 2nd time she was able to meet Holly.

Then the following month, while you were staying at Nonna and Papa’s house for a week of “summer camp,” you visited Grandma again.

I’m so glad you got to have that one last special visit with her. Nonna sent me this picture of the two of you, which she took with her phone:

“Special visit with Grandma. A sweet bond between a 5 1/2 yr old Great Grandson with his 81 yr old Great-Grandmother. Grandma had an old movie playing on her TV and Jack loved it. Grandma was soooo happy. She loved hearing about Jack but especially the movies he was getting to go see.”

But as of last Thursday morning, at age 81, she passed on to Heaven. No more pain or suffering for her.

One of the first things that came to mind when I heard this was the children’s Bible I read to you each night before you go to bed.

Grandma gave it to me as a Christmas gift in 1988, nearly 30 years ago. In the front of it, she wrote, “With all my love!”

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

Grandma was known for her love of dogs, her ability to perfectly iron a shirt, her obsession with possible upcoming bad weather, and her fascination with anything Biblical.

She undeniably had a great effect on me developing my faith in Jesus. I think it’s so cool that I get to teach you from the same Bible she gave me.

During the visitation the day before her funeral, I really enjoyed hearing the stories from people who I didn’t know well, but who knew stories about her that I never knew.

It was much more a time of celebration than it was a time of mourning. She lived a long, full life. She got to meet all 4 of her great-grandchildren before she passed, of which your the first.

I would not be who I am today if it weren’t for her influence on my life. She was there every birthday, every Thanksgiving, every Christmas, and every time our family got together; each year of my entire life.

Dear Jack: My Grandma is in Heaven Now

She meant a lot to me, obviously. And I know for a fact that she really loved you a lot.

We will see her again, though. This is not goodbye.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: Your Introduction to “The Cry It Out” Method (to Train You to Sleep through the Night)

5 months.

Dear Holly: Your Introduction to “The Cry It Out” Method to Train You to Sleep through the Night

Dear Holly,

This is a very special week for you. Mommy gave me the green light to have full jurisdiction in applying “The Cry It Out” Method to help you learn to sleep through the night.

I did this for your brother when he was 7 months old and now I am happy I get to “sleep train” you about a month and a half sooner than I did with him.

Mommy didn’t mind waking up twice a night to feed you for these past couple of months, but it transitioned into you waking up every couple of hours. I pointed out to her that you weren’t actually physically needing to eat. Instead, you needed to be re-calibrated to be able to sleep longer than 2 hours at a time and I was more than willing to assume the role.

Without much need to persuade her by this point, I presented Mommy with the plan that starting this week, I would sleep upstairs in the room next to yours, with the baby monitor right next to me, so I could wake up and supervise you “crying it out.” That way, Mommy could start getting full, uninterrupted nights of sleep again, while I wake up with you to help you learn to cry yourself back to sleep.

Here’s how it’s been going so far:

Night 1, Sunday: You went to bed around 9:30 PM and had your final feeding for the night. You woke up twice, both times for a duration of 20 minutes. Both times, I had to flip you over after you were exhausting yourself by crying on your stomach, while holding yourself up with your arms. The first time you started crying, you got your foot stuck in the bars of your crib. But after letting your cry for a few minutes that way, you revealed that you easily knew how to remove your leg from the bars yourself. From that point on, I knew not to fall for it.

Night 2, Monday: You went to bed around 9:00 PM and had your final feeding for the night. You only woke up once, this time for just 10 minutes. I had to flip you over on your back again- then you immediately went back to sleep.

Night 3, Tuesday: You went to bed around 8:00 PM and had your final feeding for the night. You only cried once, for 30 minutes inconsistently. However, you remained on your back the whole time, meaning this was the first time I didn’t having to flip you back over.

Night 4, Wednesday: You went to bed around 7:00 PM, though I fed you a full bottle at 10:00 PM; which was 3 hours after you fell asleep. Beginning at 2:00 AM, you mildly, inconstantly cried the first time for 30 minutes, then fell back to sleep on your own. Again, I didn’t have to flip you over. You did it yourself this time. Then again at 4:00 AM, you did the same thing for this time for only 10 minutes.

What my notes of this show is this: With each following night of me applying “The Cry It Out” Method on you, you have been A) falling asleep earlier, B) teaching yourself to either remain on your back or flip yourself back over yourself, and C) wake up happy with a slightly bigger appetite.

Clearly, this method is working for you. Through my supervision, you are teaching yourself to remain asleep through the night, like a child; as opposed to a newborn.

This means better rest for you and Mommy, and eventually me, once you eventually stop crying or waking up all together in the middle of the night.

I remember how 5 years ago when I applied this method to your brother, I was told by a few people that I was depriving your brother of love and assurance, to the point that he would be psychologically damaged from letting him cry it out.

Fortunately, your brother has grown into a well-balanced nearly 6 year-old Kindergartner. He was the first boy student in his class this school year to be awarded by his teacher, Student of the Month, in September.

So I am fully convinced that you will turn out just right, as well. This is a good thing for our family.

Love,

Daddy