People

5 Comments Posted on People, Spirituality, Storytelling, Uncategorized

PLEASE OFFEND ME! My Identity Protective Cognition Makes It Impossible (A Lesson on Emotional Intelligence)

I am inviting the entire world to attempt to offend me or hurt my feelings. You can attack my appearance, my personal beliefs (like religion, politics, or my crazy vegan lifestyle), or you can even question my motives for doing this in the first place.

You can accuse me of being conceited, as some might say it would take an arrogant person to claim no other person has the power of his emotions to offend him.

But I would actually submit the opposite…

I propose that pride is the root of being offended. I have learned that most people, by default, think this about themselves:

“I’m a good person.”

Therefore, a “good person” deserves (that’s a dangerous word!) to be treated better; to be treated with more respect.

So when another person comes along and implies that “good person” is not as good as they think they are in their own mind, it is an attack against their identity.

Let’s talk about Identity Protective Cognition for a moment.

It’s the concept that when a person has an idea or belief that is so well-rooted in their identity, any information that someone hurls against them will only reinforce that person’s preexisting beliefs.

So whereas the default for most people is, “I’m a good person, therefore, my identity as a good person can constantly be under attack; from anyone to strangers on the highway to my spouse…”, my identity is different:

“I’m not a good person. I’m a flawed person who is aware I’ll ultimately never please everybody on a daily basis. But I’m confident in my identity in knowing that I will always disappoint someone no matter how hard I try.”

Imagine if that were your identity.

Not to mention, I have Identity Protective Cognition on the belief that I fundamentally can not be offended and that no one can hurt my feelings.

Therefore, anyone who even tries to offend me will only reinforce what I already believe:

No one controls my own emotions but me.

But please, try. I beg you.

It will only prove my theory to everyone else reading this today.

I believe Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: ”

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

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Dear Jack: Listening is Just Harder to Do When You’re a 1st Grader

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

Just a few weeks ago during Parent-Teacher Orientation, your teacher was very specific in reminding us parents that our child’s ability to listen to instructions at home will reflect how the child listens in the classroom.

Sure enough, I’ve been noticing since you’ve started 1st grade, it’s like it’s been fundamentally more challenging these days for you to listen to, and then follow, simple instructions.

“Jack, please don’t touch your sister while she’s trying to walk. Just give her space.”

Ten seconds later…

“Jack, I just got finished telling you not to touch her- and that’s the first thing you did. Now she fell down on the hardwood floor…”

Your response: “Oh, sorry! Sorry, Daddy. I forgot.”

I don’t blame for you for your impulses as an almost 7 year-old. I have to imagine that while the wiring in your brain has caused you to comprehend read and math skills like never before, the trade-off is that it’s difficult for you to follow through after hearing simple, specific instructions.

Yet still, I’m your parent. I have to hold you accountable. I have to teach and motivate you to listen to instructions the first time.

So let’s just say it’s never been more challenging for you to be able to watch or play anything on the Kindle. You have to earn that right on a daily basis.

Right now it’s especially difficult for you because you sincerely want to play with your sister and help her… but because she’s so quick to wobble as she’s still getting the hang of walking, your attempt to play and help often leads to her falling down; and in the process, it actually prohibits her being able to get practice.

You just want to help, I know.  You’ll eventually learn the right balance between helping her and knocking her down.

Until then, it’s just going to be a challenge as you learn to listen, as a 1st grader.

Love,

Daddy

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All Set’s Top 5 House Cleaning Tips for Busy Parents

1. Integrate Organization into the Décor

We know that laundry baskets, plastic tubs and other organizational fixtures can often ruin the look of a well-designed room. You know what’s even worse for the look and feel of your home? Clutter. Limit the clutter before it starts accumulating by making your home an organizational paradise. Keep a bin by the door for shoes, add more shelving than you need to accommodate toys and books, and strategically place bins around the house where loose items tend to accumulate. As an added bonus, tasks like vacuuming and wiping down counters are a lot quicker when you do not have to clear a path through the clutter.

2. Involve the Entire Family

Cleaning the house should never be one person’s job nor should it fall entirely on the parents. Many younger children will enjoy cleaning if it’s turned into a game. Next time you are cleaning, play house and ask the kids to help, throw on some music and have a silly cleaning dance party or turn cleaning into a race. If you have teenagers, then cleaning can either be a part of their household responsibilities or the basis for a reward or allowance. When the entire family chips in, cleaning gets done faster and everyone gets to enjoy more downtime together.

3. Invest in the Right Tools

The next time you find yourself struggling to clean up a mess, take a step back and ask yourself whether there is a cleaning supply that you need to add to your collection. Having the right tools can cut the time of each cleaning task down substantially. When you think about how repetitive cleaning tasks are, saving 10 minutes on a task each time really adds up over the years. We recommend starting with a quality vacuum cleaner, a Swiffer wet jet, a range of surface cleaners for the materials in your home, a good scrubbing brush and some micro fiber cloths.

4. Relearn to Clean with Google

Think about how many times in your life you have picked up a new cleaning tip from a parent, roommate or neighbor. These little tips and tricks can go a long way towards speeding up the cleaning process and luckily for us, we live in 2017 and have an entire internet’s worth of cleaning hacks at our disposal. The next time you are tackling a time consuming cleaning project, take 30 seconds to google tips, tricks and hacks that my help with that project. It’s amazing how many resources are available on the internet (including the All Set Blog) with tons of great ideas for how to make cleaning as efficient as possible.

5. Do a Full Clean-Out Once Per Season

We know how tough it can be for busy parents to stay on top of regular cleaning which is why we recommend setting a less ambitious goal of deep cleaning the house once every season. This way even when your life is at its most hectic, you know it hasn’t been more than 3 months since some of the easier to skip cleaning tasks were completed. Seasonal cleanings go a long way towards maintaining a healthy environment and keeping your home in good shape too. One deep cleaning pro tip we recommend is to throw away as many items in your home as possible. Seasonal cleanings are the best time to ask yourself whether you really will ever wear those shoes again or if you need 30 souvenir coffee cups for 2 coffee drinkers. Cleaning out this excess junk can go a long way towards keeping your home organized for longer between cleanings.

As a bonus tip, we wouldn’t be a cleaning company unless we recommended crossing cleaning off your to-do list entirely by hiring a professional house cleaner. If you happen to be in the market for a Boston House Cleaner or a San Francisco Cleaning Service, check out All Set and we would love to help you take back your weekends from your to-do list.

DISCLOSURE LANGUAGE

All Set partnered with bloggers such as me, to advertise their service. I received compensation for my time. Consumers and bloggers are free to form their own opinions and share them in their own words. These policies align with WOMMA Ethics Code, FTC guidelines and social media engagement recommendations.

Photo credit: Pexels.com

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Dear Jack: Strutting Your Stuff During Our Family’s Walk at the Park on Kennedy Trail in Boone, North Carolina

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

On Sunday, the sunniest day of our family’s fall “Road Trip to the Boonies” in the 2017 Toyota Sienna, your Uncle Tom suggested we all leave the cabin and talk a walk in a nearby park. So we made our way down the mountain and ended up on Kennedy Trail.

Once we all got moving on the path, I immediately thought back to when I was packing the Sienna when I asked myself, “Should I pack the double-stroller and my skateboard?” I easily had room to pack them, in addition to our luggage.

I am known in our neighborhood in Spring Hill, Tennessee for being the 36 year-old dad who skateboards while pushing his 2 kids in the stroller. But I figured the chances of needing a double-stroller and skateboard with staying up in a cabin at the top of a mountain in Boone, North Carolina were quite unlikely.

Oh well, I was wrong. This park would have been perfect for me to do that, as skateboarding college kids were everywhere.

It was fine though, because earlier that morning, your cousin Taylore and I had ran for 25 minutes going down then back up the mountain our cabin was on.

So instead of wearing out my calves anymore that day, I spent most of that 90 minutes working out my arms and back, as I served as your sister’s human chariot.

Meanwhile, you enjoyed being the default leader of the 12 of us, as you ran ahead, looking for cool stuff; like a giant caterpillar.

It became apparent to Mommy and me just how grown up and independent our little boy had become. You were just out there being a boy.

Jumping, climbing, getting sweaty. Having Mommy and me tell you to stop throwing rocks.

I was able to catch a glimpse of you as a preteen. You just seemed like a cool dude, like in that Violent Femme’s song from 1983: “When I go walkin’, I strut my stuff…”

Thanks to Uncle Tom suggested our visit to the park, a dozen people had a great time. While the cabin was awesome, it was good to take advantage of a nice day down in the valley.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: You Assume All Other Adults are Nurses and Doctors Wanting to Give You a Shot?

1 year, 4 months.

Dear Holly,

As our family met up with some of Mommy’s family for Labor Day Weekend in a cabin in Boone, North Carolina for our fall “Road Trip to the Boonies” in the 2017 Toyota Sienna, you were definitely the youngest there.

Your cousin Lucy, the 2nd youngest, was especially intrigued by who she only referred to as “Baby Holly.” It was funny every time I heard her call you Baby Holly because it sounded so much like Buddy Holly.

Lucy, in her undeniably kindness, didn’t hesitate to let you play with her Puppy Surprise dolls. All it took was watching Lucy demonstrate how the mommy gives birth to her tiny puppies, just one time, and you were fascinated.

Needless to say, you adopted the 3 puppies whenever Lucy wasn’t around.

So I guess this means you’ll be needing a Puppy Surprise for Christmas…

You also bonded with Lucy over a game of cards, as well. I’m not sure what the rules of the Spongebob Squarepants card game were, but based on your confidence level in how you dealt and held the cards, I’d say you knew what you were doing.

I enjoyed watching you play cards in business mode, meanwhile your cousin Lucy and Brother Jack played next to you. I think in your mind, you were playing with the big kids.

It was good seeing you socialize, though most of the time in the cabin with everyone, you had to be with either Mommy or me.

But as you get older, and as we meet up with your cousins and aunts and uncles in years to come, it will be fun to see you open up to everyone more.

While your Brother Jack never met a stranger, you’re the opposite. If it’s not Mommy or me, you treat most other adults with the distrust you have to nurses and nurses; assuming everyone is trying to hold you, only so they can give you a shot.

You especially had your Aunt Jenny tagged this way in your mind. Apparently, she must really remind you of one of your nurses.

I held you in my arms, and as Aunt Jenny smiled and said, “Hi Holly,” she reached out to touch you arm. Before she even could even touch you, you immediately tucked your little arm under mine, so Aunt Jenny couldn’t get you.

Yeah, you’ll eventually grow out of this stage.

Love,

Daddy