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1 Comment Posted on fatherhood, funny, parenting, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Holly: Your Monster Feet Slippers

1 year, 5 months.   

Dear Holly,

Grandma got you some fun bedtime slippers to wear with your pajamas. They turn your cute little feet into huge monster feet!

For the past couple of weeks, Mommy has been trying to get you wear them while she reads you a bedtime story. You have been quite skeptical, only leaving them on for a few seconds each night.

But perhaps that is changing, now that you are really getting into shoes. Even when we’re not about to go outside, you still walk over to the closet and insist on picking out a pair of shoes for me to help put on you.

It’s a normal thing for you to be playing with your toys in the living room, while wearing your pink Nike running shoes; not because you need them, but because you are a shoes girl!

I think in your mind, you’re not fully dressed until you are wearing shoes, even if you’re just hanging out at the house with us.

You are forming your identity. It’s becoming obvious that shoes are a part of who you are.

So, even if the “shoes” are actually funny monster feet during your bedtime story… you are recognizing, they are still shoes!

This past weekend you decided to go public with your monster shoes. And by public, I mean that you decided to walk out of your bedroom during story time and show your brother and me.

I’m not quite sure if you fully realize that the monster shoes are meant to be silly, but as you strolled around upstairs in them, you proudly showed them off.

Your fashion show was met by us praising you for how cute you looked in them.

Yeah, you are going to be a shoes girl… even if they turn you into a fury monster!

Love,

Daddy

1 Comment Posted on fatherhood, funny, marriage, People, Storytelling, Uncategorized

Dear Jack: Your Semi-Biographical (?) Portraits of Your Family Members

6 years, 10 months.

Dear Jack,

Sunday evening as Mommy was preparing dinner as I was helping Holly play with her toys, you snuck away to the kitchen table. You eventually surfaced to hand-deliver drawings to the three of us.

You had drawn a picture for Mommy, for Holly, and for me. I immediately saw some inspiration from Pokemon characters mixed with the Mr. Man book characters.

The one you gave you sister showed a cute little person with a pink crown.

The one you gave Mommy showed a person crying.

And the one you gave me showed a person so mad that his hair was on fire and smoke was coming out of ears.

Naturally, I immediately asked you, after thanking you for giving them to us, “Are these pictures of us?”
You insisted they weren’t. But I am thinking there’s a little bit of a Freudian slip in there…

I can easily understand how you wanted to show your acceptance of your sister as the sweet little girl she is.

As for Mommy’s character crying, as she’s just not one to cry, perhaps it symbolizes her need for my emotional support from me; as the husband and father. On a daily basis, you subconsciously observe me carefully listening to Mommy unpack her thoughts from the day.

Whereas for me, I typically don’t have much to say about my day when I get home. Instead, there are times when I walk through the front door after working all day and driving an hour to get home, to find that you and your sister are restless, tired, and hungry.

That puts me into a position where I am managing two young kids while Mommy tries to get dinner made.

So while I would love to be as care-free as Jack Johnson all the time, perhaps by default, I ultimately adopt the character of the mad and angry boss.

Again, I could be looking way too much into why you decided to draw these pictures for us, individually; then directly hand them to us.

You’re a clever kid who has a healthy sense of awareness. I think you made this drawings as a way of categorizing the members of your family.

Love,

Daddy

5 Comments Posted on People, Spirituality, Storytelling, Uncategorized

PLEASE OFFEND ME! My Identity Protective Cognition Makes It Impossible (A Lesson on Emotional Intelligence)

I am inviting the entire world to attempt to offend me or hurt my feelings. You can attack my appearance, my personal beliefs (like religion, politics, or my crazy vegan lifestyle), or you can even question my motives for doing this in the first place.

You can accuse me of being conceited, as some might say it would take an arrogant person to claim no other person has the power of his emotions to offend him.

But I would actually submit the opposite…

I propose that pride is the root of being offended. I have learned that most people, by default, think this about themselves:

“I’m a good person.”

Therefore, a “good person” deserves (that’s a dangerous word!) to be treated better; to be treated with more respect.

So when another person comes along and implies that “good person” is not as good as they think they are in their own mind, it is an attack against their identity.

Let’s talk about Identity Protective Cognition for a moment.

It’s the concept that when a person has an idea or belief that is so well-rooted in their identity, any information that someone hurls against them will only reinforce that person’s preexisting beliefs.

So whereas the default for most people is, “I’m a good person, therefore, my identity as a good person can constantly be under attack; from anyone to strangers on the highway to my spouse…”, my identity is different:

“I’m not a good person. I’m a flawed person who is aware I’ll ultimately never please everybody on a daily basis. But I’m confident in my identity in knowing that I will always disappoint someone no matter how hard I try.”

Imagine if that were your identity.

Not to mention, I have Identity Protective Cognition on the belief that I fundamentally can not be offended and that no one can hurt my feelings.

Therefore, anyone who even tries to offend me will only reinforce what I already believe:

No one controls my own emotions but me.

But please, try. I beg you.

It will only prove my theory to everyone else reading this today.

I believe Eleanor Roosevelt said it best: ”

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.”

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Dear Jack: Listening is Just Harder to Do When You’re a 1st Grader

6 years, 9 months.

Dear Jack,

Just a few weeks ago during Parent-Teacher Orientation, your teacher was very specific in reminding us parents that our child’s ability to listen to instructions at home will reflect how the child listens in the classroom.

Sure enough, I’ve been noticing since you’ve started 1st grade, it’s like it’s been fundamentally more challenging these days for you to listen to, and then follow, simple instructions.

“Jack, please don’t touch your sister while she’s trying to walk. Just give her space.”

Ten seconds later…

“Jack, I just got finished telling you not to touch her- and that’s the first thing you did. Now she fell down on the hardwood floor…”

Your response: “Oh, sorry! Sorry, Daddy. I forgot.”

I don’t blame for you for your impulses as an almost 7 year-old. I have to imagine that while the wiring in your brain has caused you to comprehend read and math skills like never before, the trade-off is that it’s difficult for you to follow through after hearing simple, specific instructions.

Yet still, I’m your parent. I have to hold you accountable. I have to teach and motivate you to listen to instructions the first time.

So let’s just say it’s never been more challenging for you to be able to watch or play anything on the Kindle. You have to earn that right on a daily basis.

Right now it’s especially difficult for you because you sincerely want to play with your sister and help her… but because she’s so quick to wobble as she’s still getting the hang of walking, your attempt to play and help often leads to her falling down; and in the process, it actually prohibits her being able to get practice.

You just want to help, I know.  You’ll eventually learn the right balance between helping her and knocking her down.

Until then, it’s just going to be a challenge as you learn to listen, as a 1st grader.

Love,

Daddy

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All Set’s Top 5 House Cleaning Tips for Busy Parents

1. Integrate Organization into the Décor

We know that laundry baskets, plastic tubs and other organizational fixtures can often ruin the look of a well-designed room. You know what’s even worse for the look and feel of your home? Clutter. Limit the clutter before it starts accumulating by making your home an organizational paradise. Keep a bin by the door for shoes, add more shelving than you need to accommodate toys and books, and strategically place bins around the house where loose items tend to accumulate. As an added bonus, tasks like vacuuming and wiping down counters are a lot quicker when you do not have to clear a path through the clutter.

2. Involve the Entire Family

Cleaning the house should never be one person’s job nor should it fall entirely on the parents. Many younger children will enjoy cleaning if it’s turned into a game. Next time you are cleaning, play house and ask the kids to help, throw on some music and have a silly cleaning dance party or turn cleaning into a race. If you have teenagers, then cleaning can either be a part of their household responsibilities or the basis for a reward or allowance. When the entire family chips in, cleaning gets done faster and everyone gets to enjoy more downtime together.

3. Invest in the Right Tools

The next time you find yourself struggling to clean up a mess, take a step back and ask yourself whether there is a cleaning supply that you need to add to your collection. Having the right tools can cut the time of each cleaning task down substantially. When you think about how repetitive cleaning tasks are, saving 10 minutes on a task each time really adds up over the years. We recommend starting with a quality vacuum cleaner, a Swiffer wet jet, a range of surface cleaners for the materials in your home, a good scrubbing brush and some micro fiber cloths.

4. Relearn to Clean with Google

Think about how many times in your life you have picked up a new cleaning tip from a parent, roommate or neighbor. These little tips and tricks can go a long way towards speeding up the cleaning process and luckily for us, we live in 2017 and have an entire internet’s worth of cleaning hacks at our disposal. The next time you are tackling a time consuming cleaning project, take 30 seconds to google tips, tricks and hacks that my help with that project. It’s amazing how many resources are available on the internet (including the All Set Blog) with tons of great ideas for how to make cleaning as efficient as possible.

5. Do a Full Clean-Out Once Per Season

We know how tough it can be for busy parents to stay on top of regular cleaning which is why we recommend setting a less ambitious goal of deep cleaning the house once every season. This way even when your life is at its most hectic, you know it hasn’t been more than 3 months since some of the easier to skip cleaning tasks were completed. Seasonal cleanings go a long way towards maintaining a healthy environment and keeping your home in good shape too. One deep cleaning pro tip we recommend is to throw away as many items in your home as possible. Seasonal cleanings are the best time to ask yourself whether you really will ever wear those shoes again or if you need 30 souvenir coffee cups for 2 coffee drinkers. Cleaning out this excess junk can go a long way towards keeping your home organized for longer between cleanings.

As a bonus tip, we wouldn’t be a cleaning company unless we recommended crossing cleaning off your to-do list entirely by hiring a professional house cleaner. If you happen to be in the market for a Boston House Cleaner or a San Francisco Cleaning Service, check out All Set and we would love to help you take back your weekends from your to-do list.

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