parenting

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Dear Jack: Your Specific Decision to Draw Us Both the Same Size, What It Symbolizes

6 years, 5 months.

Dear Jack,

You brought home a drawing last week from school that shows two boys who are the same size; one with brown hair and the other with darker hair.

After I saw the drawing, you explained, “Daddy, that’s you and me in the picture.”

Obviously, that make my heart smile.

The weekend before, you and I had went exploring together, making the most of the couple hours of it wasn’t raining on that Sunday afternoon. So I imagine how our recent quality time together might have had some influence on you choosing to draw a picture of the two of us.

Then I noticed something peculiar about the drawing: You drew us both the same size.

You’re a very good artist. You know detail. You knew that to make the drawing true to scale, that I should have been bigger than you.

This is something you have proven in every other single drawing you have ever done: Mommy and I are typically drawn as about the same size as each other, and you are always draw yourself much smaller than us.

But instead, you made an artistic decision to deliberately draw you and me the same size.

I believe that is your subtle way of revealing how you process our relationship…

Sure, I’m the parent. I provide for your physical, psychological, and spiritual needs. I ultimately guide you and discipline you on a daily basis.

Yet still, you see us me as a friend, too. You know that I’m 29 and a half years older than you.

But when we’re hanging out and having fun together, I seem more to you like a 6 and a half year-old friend.

It wasn’t a careless mistake that you drew us the same size. That’s what I believe, at least.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: You Live Up to Your Middle Name, Joy

1 year.

Dear Holly,

Saturday morning our family drove a few miles down the street to Ms. Aimee’s place, for her to take your official 1 year-old photos. She was your brother’s preschool teacher when he was 4 years-old. It just so happens that her roommate, Ms. Michelle, was his teacher when he was 3 years-old. But neither of them had met you yet.

Actually, it was Ms. Aimee who helped us find the American Girl doll, which was your main birthday gift from us.

During the couple of hours we were there, both Ms. Aimee and Ms. Michelle couldn’t help but keep bringing up what a doll you are; that you literally look like a doll that has come to life; especially when someone sees you in person, as opposed to seeing a picture of you.

They also noticed how content and happy you are. You’re also expecting the best out of people and the best out of the situation. You go along with whatever we’re doing with a big smile on your face as if to say, “Oh, I’ve never done this before. This is going to be fun!”

Mommy and I didn’t give you the middle name Joy simply because we thought it was a cute name for a little girl. We chose it specifically because, as Mommy explains it, “When you think of a little girl with Joy in her name, how could she not be a delight to everyone around her?

For sure, nothing about your middle name is ironic. You are truly a joy to be around.

I love to spend time with you and take care of you, because I know you are a source of light and life.

Yeah, I have to admit: Mommy and I did a great job naming you Holly Joy.

Love,

Daddy

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This is 36: I Am Raising a Son who is a Different Boy than I Was

In hindsight, I now realize in some ways, I was a late bloomer. Back when I was a young boy, I was quiet. I lived in fear of anything outside my comfort zone. I didn’t have any self-esteem issues as a kid, but I really just didn’t care to peek outside of the box of what I already knew.

I remember how at the end of each school year that would pass, my teacher for that grade would tell my parents, “Nick has really come out of his shell this year…”

(And yes, that’s funny because my last name is Shell.)

Finally, by the time I got to 8th grade, I was out of my shell. When I graduated high school, I chose to go to college in Virginia, which was 8 hours away from where I grew up. And during those years, I chose to spend two summers on the other side of the world, teaching English in Thailand.

The way I see it, I was starting to make up for lost time. What things did I miss out on as a child because I was too… comfortable?

But now, I’m fundamentally attracted to what is outside of that same box I used to fear to peak out of. Like I recently said, I want to die as the most open-minded old man you know.

As for my son, he will not experience that same kind of character arc from his childhood to his adulthood. Because, he’s already there, when it comes to being eager to explore the world.

He’s not shy. He’s not quiet. He loves to experience and try new things.

I can easily spot some of the reasons he’s so much more mature than I was at his age.

For every year of his life, he’s traveled to California with my wife and me, to visit my wife’s side of the family. He “grew up in daycare” so he was socialized starting at 7 months old. Not to mention, he’s grown up in a major city. He’s used to the fast pace of Nashville.

I think what might help me understand why he and I are so much alike, despite the 29 and a half year age difference, is this:

He’s not the boy I was. He’s the boy I am now.

This is 36.

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Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2: Parental Review- Is It Kid Friendly? (No Spoilers)

Not all PG-13 rated movies are rated equally. While I had no reservations about my 6 year-old son seeing Jurassic World or Rogue One, I would not be okay with him seeing Suicide Squad or The Hunger Games or the Fast and Furious movies.

So where does Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 end up on this unpredictable gradient scale of PG-13 movies?

Ultimately, imagine combining the constant non-bloody fantasy violence of the Star Wars movies with the more mature plot lines of the Star Trek movies, mixed with the irreverence and casual profanity of the Shrek movies. Put that in a blender, and that’s the PG-13 essence of Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2.

I say this because Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 is sprinkled with nearly every major “bad word” there is, except for those two classic biggies: “g.d.” and the “f-word.”

Perhaps there is a paradox in that if a child recognizes “bad words” when he or she hears them, and knows them to be “bad”, then the movie instantly becomes inappropriate, to a certain degree. But if a child doesn’t know the word, and doesn’t know it to be taboo, I would argue that ignorance might be bliss.

Likewise, the same could be said about the movie’s sci-fi plot line, which revolves around a god who makes his purpose to interbreed with one willing member of every other species he can, in an attempt to produce offspring who share his same powers.

Granted, this is a Disney movie- and I’ve noticed Disney specifically avoids any obvious sexual dialogue or situations in their Marvel movies.  I do feel it’s quite possible that this seemingly mature plot line could easily fly over the heads of many younger children.

It’s likely the language in this movie, which contains “guy humor” and poop jokes throughout, that would question most conservative parents about letting their child see this movie.

My job is not to be responsible for telling parents whether Guardians of the Galaxy, Vol. 2 is appropriate for their children to see.

Instead, I simply want to provide the basic information to guide you making this decision for your child.

Do what you feel is right, based on the information I have provided today. I don’t judge you either way.

Obviously.

 

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This is 36: Our Living Room has become a Children’s Playroom… but It Doesn’t Matter because We Rarely Have Guests Over Anyway

It could just be my perception of reality, but I feel like it used to be that people would actually visit together at each other’s homes: “We’ve got company coming over this afternoon… time to clean up the house!”

These days, if you get invited over to someone’s house, you undeniably have to ask yourself a very important question, “What modern day pyramid scheme am I being invited to join?”

As far as inviting people over to our house, my wife and I both work full-time; both of us commute about 2 hours round trip Monday through Friday. Saturdays are consumed with buying groceries and going to birthday parties. And Sunday is for church, cleaning the house, and attempting to chill out as a family.

The thought of preparing our house for guests, on top of that? I’m sure my family is not alone in feeling this way.

I can say that because, for the friends who we do hang out with on a regular basis, we rarely visit at each other’s house. It’s easier just to meet up somewhere in the middle, where there’s something for all our kids to do.

Therefore, it’s no bother that for the next several years, our classy living room will be occupied with pink strollers and American Girl dolls; as well as dinosaurs, Legos, and Pokemon paraphernalia; thanks to a 1 year-old little girl and a soon-to-be Kindergarten graduate.

The funny thing is, we have a bonus room upstairs that could easily be “the playroom”. But it’s not central to where the action is: The kitchen is the epicenter of our home and the kitchen is adjoined to the living room, which has now used as a playroom, more than a living room.

I guess playing equates with living when only half of the 4 members of the household are adults.

Even in the rare event we did have guests over, our living room converted into a playroom would simply be… expected. Because this is the norm.

This is 36.