parenting

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I’m Not a Good Person. I’m Not a Hard Worker. I’m Not Special.

Being born in 1981, my childhood was fully infused with an overdose of the teachings of the Care Bears and The Get Along Gang. I’m referring to that mantra that all adults (and Smurfs) seemed to further convince us of, during that Ecto Cooler drenched decade:

You are special. You can do anything you put your mind to.

You become anything if you truly belief in yourself.

And then I graduated college and got a real job. And then I got married. And then I had kids.

Responsibilities and reality started kicking in, and gradually, I felt less and less special. Less of the good person I always believed I was. Less of the hard worker I assumed I was. And just not quite as special.

Yeah, all that Lucky Charms marshallowy goodness talk… turns out it was all fluff.

The real world doesn’t work that way. The real world wasn’t as easy to win over as I expected it to be.

Instead, I actually have to prove myself on a daily basis to compete with the free market, even if that struggle is not obvious in my weekly highlight reel on Facebook.

The real world doesn’t care if I think I’m a good person, a hard worker, or special.

What does it even mean to be a “good person”? Compared to whom? Compared to the people who are better or worse than me at certain things? Compared to an ax murder or compared to a missionary in a 3rd world country?

What does it even mean to be a “hard worker”? Compared to whom? Compared to everyone who shows up to work and does their job too?

What does it been to be “special”? Even as a kid, I started realizing that if everyone is special, then by default, we fundamentally cannot all be special.

Instead, here’s the truth that I officially had taught myself by age 34; when life finally started making more sense to me:

It’s not about being a good person, a hard worker, or special. Because all of those things are just relative to everyone else around us.

And if I live my life thinking that I truly am a good person, a hard worker, and special, then ultimately, I’m more likely to believe that I deserve things in life.

That is one toxic word.

Deserve.

It’s always a red flag when I hear someone say it now.

A person who thinks they deserve something is going to feel entitled. When they don’t get those things they think they deserve, they will become disappointed. And when they become disappointed, they will blame other people; not themselves. And when they blame other people, society just isn’t going to take that “victim” seriously.

In the end, the victim creates a reputation and lifestyle that causes them to miss out on opportunities than others are now given instead.

Because what it’s really about is being the most dependable and available person. Not the good person, not the hard worker, not the special person.

What it’s really about the person who’s willing to do those tasks that no one else is able or willing to do.

It’s really about being the creative person who’s willing to take risks and introduce more efficient and effective ideas.

So yes, it’s true.

I’m not a good person. I’m not a hard worker. I’m not special.

And I use that to my advantage.

 

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Dear Jack: You and Papa Watched Your Sister Ride in the Saddest Parade Ever

6 years, 7 months.

Dear Jack,

This past weekend as Nonna and Papa were in town from Alabama, you took advantage of spending all the time you could with Papa, as the two of you have always been on the same creative (and often physically active) wavelength. You spent hours with Papa at the kitchen table, working on arts and crafts.

One of those crafts included the two of you co-writing your own version of the book, Mr. Nobody, by Roger Hargreaves.

While taking a break from all your hard work, you both sat down in the gray sofa chair in the living room. I was on the floor with your sister, who wasn’t quite tired enough for a nap, nor energetic enough to laugh or even smile while we played.

She used her special Super Mario jump sound to communicate to me that she wanted to ride the zebra scooter. So I helped her up into the saddle and slowly began pushing her across the carpet.

I announced, “Hey everyone, Holly’s in a parade! Here she comes!”

But the look on her face indicated that she was way too sad to be in a parade. As she made her way across the living room, I kindly whispered, “Wave, Holly! You’re in a parade. Everyone’s here to see you!”

Yet still, just a sad little face was all she could muster up. I started feeling sad too at that point, as I thought of her as a poor little melancholy clown.

You and Papa obviously found humor in it: to see such a tired and confused looking, yet cute little girl as the sole member of a parade.

After the parade ended, you and Papa went from resting, to wrestling, to rolling.

It was sort of like the post-parade event.

Love,

Daddy

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Dear Holly: I am Training Your Brother How to Teach You, Not Taunt You

1 year, 2 months.

Dear Holly,

You are a very gracious little sister, that’s for sure. For the past several weeks, I have been patiently (?) teaching your brother what exactly it means to gently play with his 1 year-old sibling.

Your brother is 6 and half years-old; he’ll be starting 1st grade a month from now. In his mind, you’re his peer. In his mind, he can play with you the same way he plays with other boys his age. In his mind, you’re not a fraction of his size.

For now, I pretty much have to have a “just don’t touch your sister” rule for him, because he has this habit of either knocking you down, or carrying  you from one side of the room to room but that literally dropping you on the floor.

I’ve also been explaining to him how he’s not competing with you. He has this habit of wanting to play with whatever toy you’re playing with, yet the moment you stop playing with it and he finally gets it, he then wants to new toy you’re playing with.

It’s a cycle of him constantly wanting whatever toy you have.

This week I specifically trained him on his role: to teach his little sister on to do things.

That way, there’s no need for him to want your toy, but instead, to play with you by showing you how to play with it, without taking the toy away from you.

He’ll eventually mellow out and transition into his role.

With all that being said, most of the time, it’s not an issue.

Instead, it’s very clear he loves and adores you.

A few weeks I came home to see you playing with a homemade miniature Pokemon-themed basketball goal and basket. Your brother had made it just for you!

Love,

Daddy

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Breaking News: “Manliest Vegan on the Internet” Rides Skateboard to Target for Carrot Juice; Refuses to See Himself as a Hero

It was a lazy Saturday afternoon in Spring Hill, Tennessee when Nick Shell, 36, drove his family in a 2017 Toyota 4Runner to the local “weigh and pay” frozen yogurt shop, Sweet Cece’s; after his wife suggested it would be fun.

Joined by his parents who were visiting for the weekend, he carried in his 1 year-old daughter as his 6 and a half year-old son ran ahead. As the Shell family walked to the back of the shop, deciding which flavor they each were in the mood for, Nick noticed that unlike any other time he had ever been to Sweet Cece’s, the dairy-free option was temporarily unavailable.

He kept this information to himself, though his wife soon took notice, asking him, “Oh no, are they out of the watermelon sorbet for you?”

Allowing his entire family to get their own frozen treats, he waited until after everyone was settled in at the table before he whispered to his wife, “I’ll be right back. I’ll just go pick up something at Super Target across the street.”

He pulled open the hatch door of the 4Runner, where he had been keeping his skateboard for just an event such as this. Within minutes, he found himself at the Super Target entrance.

His family, back at Sweet Cece’s, were not even halfway through their treats, when he returned with a bottle of Bolthouse Farms 100% carrot juice in hand.

“My name in Greek means victorious. I find a way to be victorious in everything I do. I will not allow myself to be a victim. So when I saw that Sweet Cece’s was temporarily out of my vegan option, it did not affect me emotionally. Instead, I saw it as the perfect opportunity to use my skateboard and catch up on some Vitamin A from carrot juice. Some might even refer to me as a hero, but I refuse to see myself that way. I’m just a regular guy who did what any decent manly vegan would do in that instance,” Shell strangely explained.

After clarifying to him that no one was referring to him as a hero, Nick Shell then continued to speak about the incident, but I had to sort of tune him out. He kept referring to himself as “the manliest vegan on the Internet,” even though in the same breath, he admitted no one has ever questioned him on that title.

If you see him in public, it’s best you just smile and nod, while slowly walking away, backwards.

Otherwise, he may offer to let you take a selfie with him for your Instagram account, as he pressures you into tagging it:

#themanliestveganontheinternet

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2017 Toyota 4Runner 3rd Seat Space and Car Seat Placement (Videos Included)

This past weekend while my parents were in town, everyone was able to comfortably ride in the 2017 Toyota 4Runner: that’s 4 adults and 2 kids- we even had room for one more person!

I drove, my wife sat shotgun, our daughter sat behind me, my mom sat next to her (with an empty seat between), and then in the 3rd row seat, there was our son and my 5’ 11” dad.

So to be clear, there are 2 seats in the front row, 3 in the 2nd row, and 2 in the back; which totals 7 seats.

If you had to, you could actually fit 4 kids’ car seats in the 2017 Toyota 4Runner; parents up front, younger kids in the 2nd row, and older kids in the 3rd row.

Let’s talk a little bit more about the space in the 3rd row. I’m 5’ 9” and my dad is 2 inches taller than me. We both, at times, rode in the 3rd row seat.

 

We were just riding around town so it wasn’t a big deal. But obviously, it’s not something an average-sized full grown adult would want to do for a long ride-trip.

It’s that paradox where if I sat up straight in the 3rd row seat, I would have to sort of tilt my head forward, but if I slouched down in the seat, my knees would hit the back of the 2nd row seat.

 

However, I would imagine that for a long road trip, the largest riders would likely also most likely be the ones driving or riding shotgun to begin with.

Obviously though, a 5’ 2” female adult would likely have no issues whatsoever fitting in the 3rd row seat.

 

I am so grateful that I just happened to have the 2017 Toyota 4Runner the weekend my parents were in town. It was no problem hauling everyone around in it.

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